Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi i m new on this board and as everyone here,i have the same issue i.e. inlaws and that too MIL. My story is that my MIL is a widow and very possessive of her sons. I m lucky to have a very understanding hubby who doesn' t fall in her trap. Now the problem is tht she s diagnosed with diabetes and doing all emotional dramas.wht shd i do? sweety replied. First of all your luckyy your husband is well informed of the dramas. This helps a lot. But remember that if you are from Indian background, most people do not understand the need for consultation and therapy for behavior problems.
Yes, even if you want to hear that you are right and she is wrong, it is a big behavior problem. After loosing a person you were dependent on many Indian widows feel the need to hold on to there last hope of care. remember her education level is probably very minimal and she probably depended on her husband for her care.
Today, all she has is her son (I am not sure if she has more sons or not) but your husband is where her comfort facotr is.
As far as the drama is concerned, she definitly feels the need to use any excuse to assure her care. Diabetes is her weapon, she will use this to keep reminding you and your husband that you must care for her.
Now as far as solving the problem is concerned, you have to ignore most of the drama but when you see she is really lonely, little things like...
\" mom, please don' t eat that its not good for your health\"
\" mom, lets go mall walking or to the marketplace\"
\" let me take you to the temple\"
\" Hey. why don' t you,me and your son go out for dinner today\"

Don' t do this all the time, as a couple you need personal space too but making her feel that YOU want her around will make her feel less threatened.
In addition, talk to your husband about these feelings she must feel so that you know how to deal with the drama instead of being pulled into it. This understanding on your part will make your husband respect you even more.

I hope this helps, its not the conventional way to deal with the infamous Indian Saas but its worthh trying, remember they don' t believe in therapy or expressing there feelings.

I hope this helps...Best of Luck! suhani replied. hi happysoul,

the only solution is ignore, ignore and ignore. just keep on doing your work and dont ever try to defend yourself. because what i have seen in my one year, what ever i do, whatever i say she wont believe, so why to bother myself now with her drama. my hubby also sees all this how she behaves with me, but can' t do anything being a dutiful son. still keeps on harrasing him because of me. so first of all accept that you dont have good MIL and she wont be good even if you die working for her. What i ahve started thinking is, just think if she was not there who would look after my kids when i go to office. although she keeps on reminding each day what all trouble she is taking. just do what you want to do and what you think is best possible to avoid any confrontation directly. just turn a deaf ear. i know my MIL will never let me enjoy my marital life, because she always wants her son to be with her and if he is not there she will keep on creating drama. so what to do.. its life.. just try to live your life happily. dont bother, she is not worth of being bothered. Vineeta replied. Just dont bother.Even my MIL is the same.She is perfectly alright with neighbours,relatives and her party friends but the moment she comes in front of me all the drama starts.My husband is mostly on tours so he hasnt seen much of these scenes so he thinks its real but i know exactly what the fact is.She has got no medical problem at all still she would act as if she is fainting when I take her to doctor it is seen that she has no problem at all probably it is gas due to overeating and mind you this is what the doctors say.All her tests are normal at the age of 81,still she says MERI TABIYAT BAHUT KHARAB HAI.She would tell all her friends that she had an attack or marte marte bachi main aaj later in evening she is willing to attend a family function no matter how far it is held or how late we would get back.So my dear friend from my experience I would suggest JUST IGNORE or else she would take you for a ride.Take care do let me know what you did next gg replied. no one can help u ..coz we all are going thru same prob..of dramas...
do ur best ....but when u cnat do soemthing...learn to say no..thats it... happysoul replied. no one to help me?