Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I am married and have a male baby 14 months old. I am a software engineer and my husband in regional sales manager. I had been to US 3 months after my marraige. On return my husband and in-laws expected me to give all my earnings to them. But i had developed a insecurity and invested it in buying a car. THis arroused lot of problems. My husband and in-laws made petty problems very big. I became pregnant and when i was aroung 5 months carrying he forced me to resign my job and take care of his mother. His earning was just enough for the monthly installments for all his loans.

I delivered the baby on C-Section. He forced me to come to in-laws place in 3 months. They did a big quarrell with my parents. My parents agreed to send me in 5 months. He never came to see the baby. He and his parents had see my baby when he was 28 days old. He fought with me every night over the phone. I used to feed my baby with tears. I was unable to concentracte of my baby.

One fine day i decided not to talk with him and take of my baby well. I did not go back to his house also. He filled conjugal rights in the family court. This went on for 5 months. I also saw his registration on a matrimonial site for second marraige.

I have enought salary to take care of myself and baby and i am only child for my parents. After deep thoughts, i decided i will live with him for the sake of my baby. I went back to him last month. Now we have no grip of a happy married life. he lives just for the sake of living. he is not close to me nor the baby.

His parents don't interfere directly with me but he is a puppet in the hands of his mother. He would say whatever his mother tells him without a second thought.

Somtimes i think let me end this married life. Let me not spoil my future. I am not sure if i will be selfish and not thinking of the baby's need for a father.

I need your valuable suggestions. SANYASINI replied. Hi Gigi,
Please Let me know the Age of you and your hubby. So far going through your problems, All started with money matters. When was your marriage ? Howmany months later you become pregnant ? I cant find a correct reason unless I know your entire sotries. I mean urs and ur hubbies financial conditions before marriage and how its affected after. Okey. I like to remind one thing, You had made the mistake. Since he is your hubby and if he needs your money you had to give him. You had to be obidient in all aspects and it doesnt mean that you had to get some tortures. Ok. Man always may have there on ego and someone have more. Here for last few months you said your hubby not come to see or ur child, Tell me one thing, during this time how many times you tried to talk with him or to see him ? Before planning a kid you had to understand well about ur hubbies like and dislike. ITS A FACT, \";AFTER MARRIAGE, FOR FEW YEARS OR MONTHS, HUSBAND AND WIFE MAY GET DOUBTS ON EACH IN INSIDE THEIR MIND\"; but noone will reveal it. It will take few years to get tiedup trust. You think today, since the marriage, Have ever been obident, trusted to your husband ? I believe you have the habit of ARGUMENTS. Arguments make man mad. If you have the habit of arguments avoid it from right now. Take 25 Times PRANAYAMA Daily for 5 days and later you start conversation with ur hubby.

Gud Luk
rekha replied. Gigi if the baby and father shares a good relation then its worth for ur sacrifice ,if he doesnt then there is no point in staying together and it will have negative impact on your baby too. Its not a worth taking risk or sacrifice. U better find a job when u feel its enough just let him go and ultimately ur the right person to take a call. rammi replied. Hi
These kind of husbands are very common in India. I dont think there are no faults from your side and dont need to compramise for each and every small things. When your marriage is not working out there is no meaning in staying together. If it all he loves kid it makes little sense to stay together. without anything why do you want to spoil your life? being a software engeneer you cant concentrate on work as well. i strongly feel u better come out of bad relationship and start a fresh life with the kid. always u can go for second marriage if you wish. if you dont decide it now it will be very difficult when your kid grows up. now you have age, job, probably good salary. This is my personal opinion and decision is always yours.
good luck. dias replied. Hi Gigi,
I understand ur feelings dear!

Sometimes these guy's paretns make silly things to a bigg issue,I dont understnd onething...Being that old, after n'joying their entire life they want their son to serve them to the extent that he should leave his wife and sacrifice his life in satisfieng them to feel secured towards SON.

After all ,woman's life will be spared to his gratitude towards his parents...Y can't a hubby realise who is not at fault?!

I know how he might have inflenced with their words that he came to c his own baby after 28days with his anger towards u?!

I can't advice you to separate ,dear!
But pl try to live one more year like this...while trying positive options to change him...If nothing works out in one or two years.. Jsut find ur way!

But tell me one thing,what main causes r there to fight with u or take u their home early after delivery? dont they beleive in ur parents ?
I have seen friends inlaws not believing girl's parents adn havin unnecessary hatred towards them?
Is ur problem relates to that?
Or sheer financial matters ruling and causing quarrels?

Anway Gigi,Take your own decision only after trying all the possible ways to make ur married life happier .Then if everything fails,nothing to feel guillty for leaving him.Because u did ur best. And oneday even if ur son ask u ,u'll have strong answer in what u did!Hope you understand!

I know its hard living a life where we r getting neglected and feeling lonely though living with all...! shreya replied. First and foremost I agree with \";hhh\";.
Second of all you have tried your best.But whenever you feel you've had enough ,plzzzz do not feel guilty for what you have done.

I would say try to stick around but at the same time try to collect facts for you where if ever(GOD FORBID) you feel the need to get out of the marriage ,you have sufficient proof of having the baby with you.

Try to work things out.If possible give some more attempts by going to the counsellor.

But if nothing works out you will have to take the right decision.Nobody can understant your situation as well as you do,believe me.Only you will know the magnanimity of the problem you face.But whatever decision you take,if you feel its better to go out of the marriage do it with dignity,don't ever look down on yourself.It will be better for the overall growth of the baby and yourself.

May everything sort out b/w th etwo of you.And may ur hubby come to his senses.

Above all hope you are safe and may god be with you dear. hhh replied. when he was not interested to see his own child until he was 28days old being in the same country, and even after u returned when he is not interested in his kid, how can u expect him to be a good , ideal dad atleast if not a husband. i feel u should think of separation if he is not intersted in his kid, but actually being a responsible person he has to give importance to u and ur kid......... when he does not understand this i feel there is no point in staying in this marriage