Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi all,
I had a unhappy child life, no love from my father. my father never loved my mother. she stayed with my father for the sake of my 3 sisters, youngest brother and me. she took the insults,abuses phyiscally and emotional. now she she is a paralised patient, a bit of depression. still living with my father. still suffering.
now me, trying to seek for fatherly love from other men. was only cheated and heart broken.
Four years back i got married. before marriage my husband said he loved me. we got married. i tried to please him in every way i can. but nothing seems to please him. and many times he told me that he hates me. made a big mistake. and insults me with such hurtful words. i tried to talk to him. all he says is rule. i cant take anymore of his shit. if i stay with him any longer i will get insane. i am not going to be a fool like my mother. sacrificed her life for her family. i want to live life. i am no christ. i am human.
now, my problem is i have a daughter who is 20 months. i am non working mom. he does not want me to work cause she will get inglected. so as u know, she is very attached to me. my so called husband is a business man, has only little time to spend with her. and we live abroad. no other family member she knows. her life surrounds me. i am her world as of now.
i made up my mind i want out of this marriage.
but she needs a father too. she loves him. i dont want to mess up her life.
i have 3 plans on my mind. plse tell me which one is the best one.
1. stay in the same roof. but have nothing to do with each other. pretend marriage. like mutual understanding. he can have another woman. have his own life.

2. seperate, but live in the same city. allow daughter and father to meet up. but my daughter stays with me permanently.

3. just leave both father and daughter. go off far away. in time she will heal and have a mother. becoz definitely he will marry again. u think she will be able to forget me and carry on.

please give me ur suggestion. which will work out for me and save my daughter too. i am eagerly waiting.

Thank u for listening. Preeti replied. Hi,

Why would think of leaving your daughter...shes small...she needs her mom. My dad was sameway with my mom. She almost died because she was suffering from his abuse. See your whole life you have seen your father hurt your mom. In your mind this is the only relationship you know. When we grow up then we think that is how we should be treated by our husbands but YOU CAN CHANGE THAT. Your daughter will also see this and she will let her husband treat her bad. You dont want that. Talk nicely once with your husband and ask why he hates you so much. He must have loved you sometime in the marriage...right? Ask him what has changed? If he wants to stay married to you then tell him that you both will have to see a marriage councellor for help. If he doesn't want to go for help than for the sake of your daughter you have to leave him. Take her wherever you go. This type of abuse for her to see is bad for her too see. You have brought her into this world...to give her happiness not sadness.

I will pray for you both.

Preeti Unhappy woman replied. hi
thanks for all ur thoughts. well, as all said i will have to be patient and play smart for now. get a decent job. get things secured for my daugther and me. surely it will kill most of me to leave my precious angel. but on the other hand i dont want her to lose out on fatherly love and protection. a part of me is distroyed becoz i did not get love from my father. i dont want to take that away from her. i know a part of her will be distroyed. he is important part of her life. i dont know why God is allowing this to happen to me. All i wanted for a loving husband and children of my own. U know, i dont care about riches and money. but thats what God has given me. hmmmmm...... God has a real funny way of showing is love and that he cares for us. He is watching over us. One thing for sure i will watch my life go down in hell like my mum.
ok, tell me one thing. since i will earn much lesser than him. will i be able to get custody of my daugther. can he file to take legal custody. if i file for a divorce, cant i ask for child support from him. please advise. suma replied. Hi dear,
First of all stop calling ur self an unhappy women.If u wl pity ur self then u cant come out of it subconsiciously.
To some extent i agree with Your Friends comments.............(i dont have ahistory like urs)but my life has been very similiar to that of my mother n grand mother.Strange!!!
But pls dont leave ur daughter she is ur responsibility as much as his...........u wanted to have a baby.......so god gave u one now just bcoz ur life has nt been good to u u r abandoning her.........i m sure she must have been ur source of happiness a lot of time.......
U r her only source of happiness n faith..........if u r not going to b with her........she may suffer more than u did.Do U want ur angel to do so???
Besides i m sure she wl continue to b ur source of happiness n ur strenght for ur future life.
Pledge for ur self that u want abetter life for ur self n ur daughter n find some way out.........untill n unless u find away out(decentjob) pls dont go out of this relationship.
N look to ur relationship again too is it poss that on subconsicious level u r taking u r seeing ur father in ur husband..........
Or expecting too much from ur husband.
i have a strange observation from my life that if we go on pitying on ourself we can never rise above it.It stays on the back of ur mind n never leaves u......or u can say u just go on saying that u want to come out of it but never r able to do so.
I believe in energies.........so i suggest that u b with people with positive view towards life(as u tend to pick their energies from people around u)Dont b with people u dont understand u or citicise u.But dont b with people who empthise with u but r weak to move........n remember u r passing ur energies to ur daughter too so stay happy with her(kids tends to pick energies faster.......especially from people they r close)
Think positive ,Start with pranayam,meditation n yoga.
I m sure u wl find ur way.Tell us ur education.
Rani replied. Hi,
See if you are an indpendent women you can take away your daugther along with you & can leave youe husband immediately.
But the thing is you are not working , & i don;t think your parents are also in the position to take ur & ur daughters responsibility. So, Before making any decision, first think how you will manage alone all the expenditures, rent etc alone..

In my opinion till the time you are independent, chose the first option. Stay in the same house but don't allow him to get married again till the time u are there & don't even let him know what's in ur mind...DO things according to your plan...Search forh a suitable job, Or if you need to join some professional course then do that also. In that way, U will slowly slowly develop yourself to be independent. Tolerate him till the time you get the feeling that U canu live alone & can take care of your daughter. Perhaps by the time his nature also get change. If not, then at that time you can leave him.
Take Wise decision. Your Friend replied. Hi!
I am a psychologist and i know for a fact that girls follow the patterns of their mother. YOu have unconciously chosen a man like your father. HE is doing the same thing to you that your father did to your mother. Do you wnat your daughter to suffer the same fate?
Please trust me and move out and TAKE YOUR CHILD ALONG. liek you said he will marry againa nd get another wife and family. there is no gurantee that the new wife will treate your daughter well. Get out of this relationship and get yourself a job and live an independent and mature life. Help your daughter understand that she doesn't have to take shit from any one. Help her to heal and grow into a mature individual.
Go for professional coundelling if you can and that will help you look at the whole situation objectively.
Men of this nature follow a pattern. He is not for you. Your Friend replied. Hi!
I am a psychologist and i know for a fact that girls follow the patterns of their mother. YOu have unconciously chosen a man like your father. HE is doing the same thing to you that your father did to your mother. Do you wnat your daughter to suffer the same fate?
Please trust me and move out and TAKE YOUR CHILD ALONG. liek you said he will marry againa nd get another wife and family. there is no gurantee that the new wife will treate your daughter well. Get out of this relationship and get yourself a job and live an independent and mature life. Help your daughter understand that she doesn't have to take shit from any one. Help her to heal and grow into a mature individual.
Go for professional coundelling if you can and that will help you look at the whole situation objectively.
Men of this nature follow a pattern. He is not for you.