Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi all...I m female age 24 i'v completed my information systems engineering last year with being amongst top 20 n so i got a very good job in a well reputed company whr i'v been workin for the last 9 months...
I am actually engaged from 1 n a half year n my husband to be is a buss man he has a job as well n he is as qualified as me n he is 5 years older than me n v r goin to get married next year..
prob is the kind of work i hav i hav to travel often like atlest after 2 or 3 months i hav to go abroad or even in country when i had my 1st visit i dint seek permission frm my fiancee and that he mind alot as had i consulted him b4 he would never let me go this he told me after my arrival from china it waz a 5 days visit..
i had an argument with him but he says that he just doesnt want me to travel outside this way i mean fr company's work n when i realised him that its my job i hav to obey otherwise i hav no choice left he says quit the job then...
i love him so much...n i finally decided to quit the job b4 weddin but the porb now is this when my family came to know abt it they are very very against of what i'v decided...n sayin its so foolish of me...when i told my fiance what my folks say..he says u hav to live with me then take care of what i say n let them say whateva they say...at times i get very worried of whts goin to happen n this i think so much when v hav little arguments or resentments...
in my company everybody praises me ...
he too realise that i m quite deligent but on this point he says he wont let me go out ....
i need suggestions frm women who r educated and married ...what shd i do at this point of time ??? Rani replied. Hi Pretty!
I am also in the same situation.But the reality of the life is sacrifice is in the destiny of ladies only. You won't be able to continue your job which involves lot of travelling after marriage. Infact after Kids it will be impossible.
In my opinion, wise decision will be find a job of your choice but which shouldn't invlolve travelling.If travelling will be there you won't be able to give time to your house, family members..& slowly you yourself will start feeling guilty.
So, to avoid all the problems & save your career find another job which doesn't require any travelling.

Rani replied. Hi Pretty!
I am also in the same situation.But the reality of the life is sacrifice is in the destiny of ladies only. You won't be able to continue your job which involves lot of travelling after marriage. Infact after Kids it will be impossible.
In my opinion, wise decision will be find a job of your choice but which shouldn't invlolve travelling.If travelling will be there you won't be able to give time to your house, family members..& slowly you yourself will start feeling guilty.
So, to avoid all the problems & save your career find another job which doesn't require any travelling.

Rani replied. Hi Pretty!
I am also in the same situation.But the reality of the life is sacrifice is in the destiny of ladies only. You won't be able to continue your job which involves lot of travelling after marriage. Infact after Kids it will be impossible.
In my opinion, wise decision will be find a job of your choice but which shouldn't invlolve travelling.If travelling will be there you won't be able to give time to your house, family members..& slowly you yourself will start feeling guilty.
So, to avoid all the problems & save your career find another job which doesn't require any travelling.

S M replied. Don't get caught b/w pleasing your parents and husband.

Do what your heart tells you to do.

Just a thought ,ask your hubby why he does not want you to work.Whenever he is in a good mood.

Tell him at the start,if it would be ok to ask him a doubt that you have ,b'coz its just b'coz you want to know and not to fight or anything,just to know.And then go ahead.

Hope this works for you.!!!!

S M replied. First and foremost forget about what other people want from you ,what do you want to do.

Do you want to work???

If your answer is yes then is there a possibility of getting a job where you don't have to travel a lot and travel abroad esp.

If that is fine with your husband do that ,I mean find a job where you won't have to travel a lot and this gives you the satisfaction of being independent and financially secure on your own and at the same time your husband does not have any problem.

All the best. s replied. First, I apologize for posting since I am a man and you want replies only from women.

But I can understand your fiance's concerns. It takes a lot of commitment and understanding to course through such long periods of separation successfully. A lot of marriages have broken down because of distance. Intimacy wanes and one or both partners develop affairs quite often. Not to say that it is inevitable, but the odds are not as small as one would wish (unfortunately). The maxim 'out of sight, out of mind\"; is there for a good reason.

Even if he is not insecure, he might still want you around on a daily basis if he is fond of you. By choosing travel over his companionship, you might inadvertently give him the impression that you are more worried about your career than him.

Is it not possible for you to shift positions or find another job which is as challenging but which doesn't require you to travel as much? I am sure that if you look around, you might find such opportunities. That way you keep both your relationship and your career intact. shimona replied. i think this guy has it all wrong...wud he agree if u objected to his travelling for business? would he change his line of business just because u do not like his travelling? why shud u leave a good job that u have worked hard to get just becuse he is uncomfortable with your travelling? does he not trust you enough? you are an educated and smart woman and you can take care of yourself anywhere you go. if you give up your job because of his insecurities then i think that will be a very wrong decision.
if he loves and respects you then i think he shud realize that what he is asking for is wrong and unreasonable. your family is right...it might look all rosy right now but with time u will realize how important it is to keep your independence, financial and emotional too.
if right at the start of the relationship he is treating you unequally, then what happens later on in therelationship is for anybody to guess.....beware.....dont lose your independence for anything....