Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi Friends,

I have written about my problem earlier too but now it is high time. I am in dilemma about the on going situation at my home. Please read my post dated 23.08.2007. We had a showdown on Sunday and my MIL badmouthed in front of my relatives and hubby. Even at one point of time I thought of committing suicide as my hubby said “ my kids would be better without me “ in front of MIL.

The problem started in the morning my hubby asked to cook omlette without letting MIL know anything …they are orthodox Brahmins and no cooking of egg etc in our home . I closed the door of my kitchen and did the same and we all had bread omlette breakfast . she came to know somehow and started shouting like a mad woman bla blah blah she said we are Brahmins and this girl has ruined our dharma . Further she said that I have purchased her son otherwise he would have never married to me. I felt so bad . How could she speak so cheap. Though as a matter of fact I never wanted to marry my hubby but as he loved me deeply and was really nice I decided to do so . He persuaded me to get married I did not . He was nothing when I married me ..Jobless, thin nothing . he got the job because of my sincere efforts .

My hubby is the best human being but gets carried away by listening to all nonsense. He hates all this cat fight and shouted at me to shut up and go away from the home..though unintentionally . that hurt me the most he has never spoken in that tone and because of my in laws he said my kids would be better if I die . thing that hurt me the much . my son hit my MIL with bat as she was shouting at me and she got more furious and ran to hit him back .

Now I am not communicating to them since Sunday as I am feeling so sad and hurt. I have told my hubby to send them back as I want peace at my home and good relationship with him. My hubby only called upon my in laws to stay with us to take care of kids when are away at work. They want to stay at their native place with my cosis who is of their caste and choice. What should I do I hate to see tension at my home after attending full day job and most importantly how to save relationship with my hubby . He respects his parents and can never reply them back. Should I send my kids to crèche, my daughter is one year old only and son is 3 years old.
Another thing that bothers me my hubby does not save any money and spends lavishly at them but they rarely appreciate.
Tamanna
Tamanna replied. Hey Dddd,

As advised I did not say sorry . had a nice wkend with hubby enjoyed movie just two of us away from all worries .

Main problem is whole day she watches TV and starts imagine the things on the contrary I do not pay attention all that non sense and likes to spends quality time with hubby and kids. Both my MIL and SIL are pathetic cooks and I am really good in cooking.

I have told my hubby that ask MIL to knit sweater . He did the same and she said no wool no silai . I rushed to the market and brought wool and silai for her . So since Saturday she is busy in knitting sweater for my daughter and quite busy. Telling everyone that she is so busy has no time to eat food or watch TV , she seems content . My hubby praised her that she has chosen such a good colour and doing fine job ghar ke sweater bahut warm hote hein doll would look like a real doll in the sweater .

Take care , will update soon .
Tamanna


Tamanna replied. Hi ,
You people are so kind and always advice the best . i wanted to say sorry to my MIL but restained as everyone else and Namita adviced not to say so . Further, i discussed the matter with my sis and she also said the same thing NO SORRY sweet heart otherwise you may regret your decision later. I do not know but I want him to be happy and for that matter I am ready to bow my head. Now I am reconsidering my decision.

Well my husband wants to stay in joint family so that we can take good care of my in laws. My FIL is diabetic and heart patient too so lots of medicines, tests every month, which they can not manage at their own no mediclaim, no insurance, no reimbursement We 100% financed their operations angioplasty( two medicated stents- imagine the cost 3lacs) of FIL and eye operation of MIL as they had no health insurance. Still they are not happy. My hubby wants to take care of them in old age which is the best thing if they behave normally my demands are not exorbitant but very simple and straight . They should behave normally and enjoy with the kids.

Honestly I love when they giggle/play with kids , teach them stories and enjoy here but on the contrary they feel miserable and always on nagging spree. They say no good company here and they are upset with the way people live in metros. They are also correct as they have spent whole life in a big big joint family in a very small town where Bahu means parde wali, dressed up in saree bindi sindoor , bichhiya, meher something like that . Whereas I wear suits only and saree only on occasions I have short hair which she always despised unlike cosis. They are reluctant to sit in car when I drive them to hospital .

They have their age old traditions, prejudices but time has changed and they have to change accordingly. My FIL is fine but MIL is blunt, shrewd, shouting and always unhappy.

So overall same scenario every where . sonu replied. hi

i dont blame u for not talking to them i would do the same....my dh is the same he does not like confrontation so does not say anything but when i speak it looks like that i am the one with a big mouth and winding up my dh...but if i dont speak up then no one will so u have to protect urself.
At the end of the day what u eat and what u do is ur personal affair why does ur mil want to dominate that.
Yes send ur kids to creche i do the same...my mil lives 2 hours away and now son is 16 months old but till this day she has never said that iw ill look after him for anything so now i put my baby in a creche and go to work at least that way i am not under any obligation from anyone and no one can tell me that i looked after ur son.
I thnk ur dh was out of order to speak to u like that. u should speak to him in private and tell him that u wll not tolerate being told off infront of ur inlaws and if he has something to say then tell u when u guys are alone and do not tolerate such words from him.
when u husband is away then tell ur mil that it was ur son who wanted to eat eggs so next time he eats and i cook for him dont tell me off and make a drama but tell ur son off...and if she complains to ur dh then jsut say u did not say anything..play their own game...i know its not nice but if u can beat them then u have to join them.
its tough at first as i found it hard but now i just speak my mind and do not tolerate...if my dh cant speak when they are wrong then im sorry i have to do it as i am not a door mat and will not tolerate.
i also had a confrontation with my mil and she happily denied and lied about everything and after that she does not call me or speak to me anymore unless seh has too....so that is good...she is in the wrong and untnil she does not acknowledge her faults i will not bend down. i dont want a sorry but to say u have done things is not a big thing.
be brave and stand up for urself. until then take care and let us know how u get on
sr replied. If you can afford it.. you' re better off sending your kids to a creche then leaving them with a mad woman... who knows what they may learn off her in your absence.
And make them aware that its your husbands demands that you are fullfilling by making eggs.. I had a similar problem.. when I made omeleet emy MIL used to run around like a hen on heat.. but my husband used to shut her up. And carry on making eggs etc.. anything to get her out of there.. you cannot leave like this.. what do they think you are?? Their slave that you work all day at work then come home to quarrels in the evening.. at the same time taking care of their needs, expenses etc?? Let them go live with your co-sil and see how long she can tolerate them for. It' sll teach them a lesson. gg replied. y ddnt u tell them u made eggs for her son?
btw all hsubands are good withot in laws...this is a very bad natures law...lol...n ignore all this...whtever happends happens for the best anyways u knew it if htey come to know this will happen..n it happnd . n ur husband had egg...u made him happy...4get it