Relationships  Discussion Forum

actually i was coming to what sonu asked u about ur personal. life..my god...we both wtn thru same thing...specially those 6 months of mrrd life...
u know my husband is a year younger to me ..we came to know about htis much later ...anyways it hardly makes nay diff...my husband is very honest in natuer he will never lie or hide anything from nay1 ..i had told him not to tell at hoem first convince them then tell them ...about diff..but he told them ...to that my mil had said..see ur wife will never get pregnant coz she is elder to u..n all her life she iwll dominate u ..bla bla...
to her horor..i become preg in 2 months after mrrg...that shattered all her dreams...actually both my parents n in laws were trying to break our mrrg ..my mother too...my mil thought if she harssed me i will run away to my parents...n my parents too tought of getting me mrrd to some1 else after getting divorce from my husband...can u imagine what diff i went thru coz i had no one to discuss my probs with ..i was all alone...
my news of preg was shock of life to my parents as well as mil...
i rmbr whn i frst went for sonography my mil spread this news to every1 that the baby is abnormal...is phisycally handicap...i dont know whn she got mbbs degree...
daily i use to cry cry n cry....hats off to u what u did by keeping hphone on speaker ..i never did like this ..myhusband only kept an eye on me n mil..n he himself found on his own ...from that time touchwood he is with me...
and one mroe thing u hv completeed 6 years that is y u are so strong n smart now...no wonder...
i can imagine u too hv leart hard way how to handle mil....intially as i said i use to get angry on my husband n wudnt talk to him prop..but now even i do the same thing...i talk to him normally ..n he only makes up now with me..eve though its my fault...i am repenting for letting my those days of newly mrrd life in this mess...
my fil was against stying with us he had infact left the house (their house)...n stopepd talking to my mil..he was like let them live threir life...let them be happy ..they said we will leave whn u come back from honeymoon...after coming abck from hoeney moon they were in process of shiftting back(though it was a very very slow process if they wanted they wud hv left in one day)...by the time my news of preg came...my mil' s devil nature starteed working ...she thought wht the hell this hoond? now if she gets baby muy son will be totally in her hands..u know men hv that feeling that my wife my children if he gets that then i am gone...on the pretex of taking care of me during my preg they stayed back...after pregnany how will i take care of my baby alone....its now 2 years now ...v r looking 4 house but till she is alive this wont happen she want us to take 4bhk house which is not at all possible financially...we hv good income but just not possible to buy4bhk ...atleast in this life u can say ...all of a sudeen she has got htis idea of satying in joint family... Ritika replied. Hi gg,

Your MIL seems a real mess. :) Seriously, I don' t think your other BIL' s (do you have any more unmarried ones?) will stay together later on...its tough for so many people to stay together with someone as volatile as yr MIL...

And yeah, 6 yrs of marital life has given me some idea of how to deal with my MIL. The biggest lesson I' ve learned is that even though she might want to control me, it is upto me whether I let her do so or not.

Another thing that helped me was that I had been living independently for a while before I got married. Living alone can teach you a lot about yourself (and takes away the fear of being alone that forces so many women to stay in bad marriages) and being financially independent can be a great confidence booster. And it also gives you the courage to say \" No\" or \" I don' t need this in my life\" (and MEAN it) when yr in laws try to abuse you.

About yr MIL giving unwarranted medical advice is so funny.. :) Even my MIL told me (early in the pregnancy) that during delivery, even if the doctor wants to do a C-section, not to go for it. In her own words (said in a kadak tone) \" thoda mehnet kiya karo...zyada aaram karne ki koi zaroorat nahi hai..(yeah, like I have 5 maids here to do household and office work here..:) ) aur delivery mein dard zyada bhi hoga to bardasht kar lena..but C-section kisi halat mein mat karwana. It is not good for the baby.\" I also gave an equally cold reply \" C-section medical necessity ki wajah se hota hai. It is NOT a question of just bearing more pain. It happens because of the breech position of the baby. And I' m going to go for it if my doc tells me too. Period.\"

God!

Anyways, if you and your SIL really want to move out, you guys will find a way. :) She is just one woman. A drama queen yes, but at the end of the day, when you get more kids, and yr SIL' s get more kids and the house iwll keep getting smaller and smaller..and tempers will keep rising and rising...then nobody will care WHAT yr MIL wants. It will be what is good enough for everybody.

My dad is big on family and taking care of younger siblings and parents but even he says that when you grow older, it is time to keep your finances separate. Because when you start mixing finances from different families together, it is a sure shot recipe for disaster.

Incidentally why can' t your hubby and you tell everybody that you are planning to buy a small house as that is all you can afford and it will be a good investment also in today' s rising real estate prices in India. Tell it to everybody like it is a done decision and you are informing them. Don' t ask for anybody' s permission. If anybody says anything about joint family..then just laugh and say \" oh, anyways we' ll be here only all our free time..don' t you worry\" etc etc...and then change the subject.

Take care and I hope yr MIL realizes yr true worth soon..and stops making a cake of herself every time she opens her mouth. :) Namita replied. bt ur MIL is asking u to buy 4BHK ... rest of the brothers are there .... n i suggest u t buy atleast 1 room kitchen never mind even if it is nearby ur current house ... u can tell her atleast 1 RK will help in future when others will get married then have children ... atleast as storage room ... in this way u can convince her and then take loan in ur Husbands name, tell her u r not eligible for loan and he needs to save tax .... this way atleast ur money vl b utilised instead of going in her hand and u vl hve flat of ur own, which vl b helpful in futre namita replied. u r simply gr8 .... i dnt undrstnd, y do people harrss others? .. y dnt they let others live peacefully .... i have seen that u believe in God, me too ... i have total faith in God and his doings .... i told my MIL that HE is there to watch everything going around so i dnt need to give any explaination ... bt y is God making us face such prob' s ...

gg, u know, i know a girl ..... she dnt do anything at home .... even in office she behaves selfish,bt people take her lightly, most of them support her or ignore her ..... she shows herself as if she is innocent n talk and do things in innocent way, bt i know she is very smart .... when she got child she never use to wake up her child b4 leaving for office, her idea was y shud i do things, if he wakes up then i have to feed him something, bath him etc. etc. .... let him get up after i go ... n then she use to tell her MIL that i dont wake up my child for u, otherwise he vl cry seeing me going for office and u only have to handle him for whole day ... so to make ur efforts less i dnt wake him ... she dnt cook food at all, she hve all reasons for that ..... she literally dnt do any work, n if MIL or hubby says she gives such silly reasons ... bt at the end she is very very happy then all of us

do u think she is doing good ... nt helping her MIL .... she says wht is gr8 in cooking ... let my MIL do she dnt hve any other work jsut sitting home ideal she will b bored so i dnt cook, cooking atleast passes her time otherwise she vl b bored ... from starting she shows tht I WORK, I EARN, she shows as if she is doing lot

i dnt undrstnd .... her MIL-FIL still dnt say anything to her, her hubby dnt say anything ... then wht hve v done wrong ..... v r doing everything at home bt still v r blammed

my question is \" WHY IS GOD MAKING US FACE ALL THIS\" ? gg replied. i know we earn well..but we cant buy a huge house atleast in the city like mymbai its jsut not posssible..it will atleast cost us 50l to 60l minimum...all our life we will be clearing that loan amount in the ean we will get on ly 1 stupid house ..what about childrens edu...theri mrrg...?.only for my mil..the moemnt we zero on some house she will start crying...she will fall sick...she has 4 fixed illness ...heart attack, breathlessness...giddinesss....n shivering...n then that my so n is going bla bla...i did everything me n my husband did everything to buy our own house but it just ddnt happen..right now my sil is trying ..2day i hppnd to speak to her..i think all that josh is going alway from her too of buying a house...we hv good spacious house but not at all enough for 14 people ...coz 2 rooms are ocuupid by 2 coupls..(me n my sil) remains hall ..which is quite small...4 remaining 10 poepl still they dont want us to buy another ...house...n btw we live in rented house...my fil has his own house which on my mil' s brain is given on rent ...still u whtever my bro n my husband earns goes straitght in my mil s hands..if u dont gv her she will bring entire sky...galaxy down on earth...sitll u come at my place she will cry b4 u...that her sons dont gv her single money....n all her son knows that ...even my one more bil is earning well ..his earning to goes to her...
she is scared actually if we buy a house naturally we dont hv money but we can afoord with good jobs in hand...we will take loan..but hten that money wont go in her hands..
whatever harsssment i went thru was coz of this ..the moment i came back from honeymoon she asked me for my salary which i srtaingt away refused to gv..my husband doesnt even keep 1 ruppee in his account n gvs entier money to my mil..same with my 2 bil...what about my future ...what about my dauhgters futuer if i gv her everything..do u think a cunning woman like her will help me in need...she is so selfish so greedy...u know she takes care of mydauhgter well just to show her son ...otherwise do u think she loves my daughter no way...
i am again repeating ..i hv no love..respect...for this woman..i hate hate n hate her...
n dont feel bad ..there is nothing perosnal btwn all of us..even though we are strangers...infact i feel better discussing all this...
now the moral of story is ...we both my sil n i are waiting for the day we will hv our own house...this is a dream i odnt know how it will come true..only lord ganesh can help us...
or my wish is hope both my younger bil get mrrd...n she gets dil...worse then my sil... Namita replied. u r a brave girl n ofcouse i think tht u got a good husband bcoz of whome u got courrage to face this ... u have faced so much .... tell me one thing gg, why are u n ur SIL staying in Joint family when all of u r working ... 14 people are too much ... y dnt u tke small house nearby ur current house n stay there .... i think u r in bombay, is ur current house so big to accomodate 14 people? .... just curious to know abt. it .... sorry if u feel that i m being tooo personal .... n i had askd u to invite ur SIL to this board ... b jst be careful, in case if u r sharing something personal then i shud not b a prob. to u ... think abt. it n tell her ... otherwise we all are happy with each other :)