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after reading priya' s prob i felt like discussing htis with u all...
i dont hv any prob with my in laws ...n husband...except for mil..n my husbands love for his family ..i too love them...but he loves spending time with them ..n this is all the time...
we had fight this weekend ..my husband is alwyas busy with his work he hardly gets any time during weekdays...only time we get is sat n sun..n weekdays even i am busy or say tired to even make love...or even talk to him...( i cant help discussing my prob so deeply with u all)...
i can understand he too misses his famly but he should try to gv equal importance to mee too...
i am also his wife...i am his family...
i do everything for his family ...i hv never done it for my parents so much..
suppose we plan for movie ..u know jsut b4 going to bookk tickets he will say he is buying tickets for entier 14 people...otherwise b4 that plan will be btwn us..only we too going 2gether..but last moment he will drag eveyr1..same fro lunch...or dinner...imagine taking everybody ..ofr lunch...its been such a long time we hv not gone anywhr...only option leaves with me is go out of town on weekends...after march i went out with my husband last month...out of bambay ..for weekend...but all the tiem i cant afford to take him out...
not possible everyweek end..
i hv tried to speak to him ..make him understand..he gv me big huge lecture...my parents hv done so much for me...whn they went out they always took me out with them they never left me n my brothers..home ...how can i leave themn n take my wife out in front of them?
this is the lecture my mil too gvs whn we leave the house to go out...look at children ...in 2 dAYs mrrg they hav e 4 gotten their parents ....bla bla....
every parents take their chidlren out..even whn i go twith my husband i never leave my dauhgter at home...what a big deal?
but after my daughter gets mrrd i cant telll her to take my husband n me for lunch with her boyfriend for husband???
is there any way out?
can any1 help me?
i miss the time we spent all the time...i think about past...i don tknwo how to explain my hsuband... Namita replied. i have also posted for u in Role of IL' s Namita replied. i agree with Ritika abt. taking SIL' s help but keep in mind what \" Friend said\" ... i also agreed with suhani ...
gg replied. thanks to all of u for brilliant ideas..i will let u know whn i practically use them...n the reaction obviuosly of my mil suhani replied. mine is also same case. one MIL and BIL. wherever we go we have to ask her and she will never deny.. but my hubby is supportive. we go out for lunches so that it does not come into family' s eyes. or we take half day leave and go to watch movies etc... i think on starters level you can just suggest him to tske half day leave any friday so that atleast you can spend some time with him... friend replied. hi gg, I realy n' joyed ur description on MIL' s eating session AT home Vs restaurant AND Veg Vs NonVeg!!

LOL!

Just now, I read ur opinion on importance of showing care on ur hubby in \" how many..\" thread. So , cant advise u what I advised to helppriya in prev post.

As Ritika advised, U can take Co-sisters help but I dont believe, Announcing wiht mil that U r not getting privacy.There is a chance she can take advantage of this point .And indirectly u r giving hint that... On this issue u and hubby r not matching. She' ll definitely take and mould to her view and mght create new problems like ...She might complain to ur hubby and get in to tears (as ur hubby still melt to her tears) he might get hurt when he knows u r making ur opinion public (especially he already knows that u dont like them accompanying ,so believes that u said with his mother) ....this way, U loose chances of change in him ,,,She might make him more stubborn in this outing issue.
Never tell her what r ur likes and dislikes! Cunning ladies juts get advatantage over what we tell them.

gg replied. let me tell u one thing about my husband he gvs me lecture on parents..but he himself went against his parents wishes to get mrrd to me...he is the same guy...even i dont belive... Ritika replied. Hi gg,

These are the negatives of being in a joint family. People don' t let you have any privacy.

You could maybe talk to your SIL about it. The next time when your hubby starts asking everybody around for going to a movie or dinner, she can say in a mischievous manner, that no, this time nobody will go...at least ek baar to hum aap logon ko akele chod de...

And then you also reciprocate the same way to her.

I think in one of the messages you said that she is pregnant...so tell your husband that its important that she is happy always (for the baby' s sake)and spends time alone with her husband...that way he' ll get the message that a little bit of couple time is important in every marriage.

Oh, and when he starts off on how much his parents have done for him and never left him alone...tell him that you also do not include your parents in everything. And are staying away from them. Does the fact that they raised you and did everything for you mean that you should continue to live with them and away from your husband?

And also ask him how would he feel if his grandparents went everywhere with his mom and dad and never gave them any time alone as husband and wife.

btw, what does he say when you tell him that you two are also following the lead that every parent does..i.e. are not leaving your daughter alone at home? Just curious.

As for your MIL, you can start playing her own game. Since the rest of the joint family is very nice (as you have said before)..start cribbing every now and then (in front of everybody and loudly) that your husband never spends any time alone with you..he' s so busy. etc etc. You wish you could go out for at least one lunch with him...and then announce in front of everybody that you are planning to take him out for lunch next Saturday..and ask everyone to make sure that your husband does not do any bahana. If your MIL starts her lecture, then just tell her that \" maa baap ko kaun bhool sakta hai..lekin pati patni ke beech bhi to koi rishta hota hai\" .

When you start speaking up, I' m sure your husband' s comfort zone will go away..and he' ll be forced to do something about your feelings.

Tell him that there should be a family time (where everybody goes out) and there should be some couple time too. Write him an email, send him some article in which the importance of these things is emphasized.

Ritika
sr replied. Shame on these people.

How can he invite them?
Next time he wants to make love to you... ask him is he sure he does not want to invite his entire family to take part in it too???

Sometimes you have to say these things to such people.
And also be firm to your inlaws that you are not getting any space etc and to back off and leave you two alone. charu replied. Iam facing the same problem but its only my mom in law and not so many people
he always thinks any possible way to include her with us and i always i have this tension in my mind whether she will accompany us in the last moment
i cannot say directly to him as its sounds mean and he may take it otherwise
so sometimes i make some excuse and dont go.finally nobody goes
but everytime its sick to think about the same thing
better we try to happy with job of ours
than going out with them
bcoz the more we beg them they take more advantage nits replied. Hi GG
Ask your husband, did your inlaws took their parents when they went out?
The resposiblites of parents and children are different.
things our patents did for us we do that for our children not our parents...
its absurd of ur husband and ur Mil to think of it that way...