Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi, I got married four years ago and came to the US to live with my husband and inlaws. My inlaws are good to me but my MIL is kinda bossy and wants me to do things as she wants. I hate her bossy nature.she tell me how to take care of my husband who is her only child. she scolds me if she thinks i am not taking enuf good care of her son. I work and often run to work to be left alone by my family. My husband never understands this and does not want to separate with his parents. i have started feeling sad in my everyday life because i cannot live as i want to. i think it is really bothering me. my husband is otherwise an understanding person. whenever we go out for a vacation his parents accompany us and we have no privacy as such even if we want to go out for lunch/dinner etc. its me who always wishes to spend time withmy hubby alone and he never wishes so and always enjoys his time with his parents. i am tired of explaining to him that this marriage needs to be worked on and we should do things together so as to enjoy each others company. sometimes i feel i should just rent an apartment and live on my own as he wont accompany me there. i dont have kids. what should i do.? is this enuf ground to end a marriage? or should i just live alone in an apartment. pl help. i am frustrated. friend replied. help priya,
It depends on ur nature & Attitude ... If u r friendly and can adjust to situations and go with times.... U can follow malini' s advice.This is good for all and everyone get in to good atmosphere.


If u cant accept ur inlaws ...And, If U just PRETEND to be concerned at inlaws BUT deep inside,if u wish their seperation.... U can never win ur hubby' s love and u remain to be same depressed forever...So, u just can live in an other appartment.

But, Can u follow an other option ....Read carefully ...

See priya,Their bond is strong and share this bond with broad thoughts. Dont feel ur hubby alone as a close member to u... feel them as family members and Start n' joying their presence as u would n' joy ur parents presence.This is a good option also, u would gain these advantages...

Pl read carefully...
When u start sahring bond with them and actively start planning outing with them, ur hubby definitely notices change. And ,when u r out dont show any interest in ur hubby. Just relax with ur mil and dont much show care on hubby..(NONE SHOULD NOTICE IT )! just behave casual. It' s possible only when u stop craving for his presence. So,In this process, slowly, ur hubby gets a secured feeling that u r a part of his family and u can take good care of his parents.Yes, then he' ll be dragged towards u.... And when u show less intimacy , he' ll start craving for ur intimacy. U have 90% chances of this progress. If not, Just leave him and by then, u' ll be habituated to a fact that they r must when u go out. Ok, let them be...
Tackle ur problem this way and u can be peaceful.


My sincere advice is NOT to invite baby into ur life. First,u have to work on him . If u cant get adjusted to facts, One day, U' ll be frustrated with husband and life... Then u' ll not have any option to come out of this meaning less life where u can' t gain any specific intrest of ur hubby. Just telling because , for poor reasons( I' m not upto his expectations in households,)my hubby doesnt show much intrest in me...and I' m loosing love towards him , ofcourse, cant come out of life, because my baby need him. After all, he is a good son to his parents, Also, good dad to my baby. In my case, he cant be good husband. Also, he has no intension to be. So I juts gave up my feelings for him.but living for baby.So requesting u not to commit mistake by bringing a baby to this uncertain loving bond.

But, ur problem has no weight to leave him. u have chances to see change in him.Only one thumb rule....IF U SHOW OVER INTREST IN HIM,HE' LL BE DRAGGED AWAY. IF U STOP CRAVING FOR HIS PRESENCE, HE' LL GET ATTRACTED TO U... all the best! gg replied. i absolutely agree with malini on the advice she gv about baby...this is the only solution..u hv coz ur husband will never leave ur parents...my hubsna too is very nice..but the only prob he too loves to spend time with his parents...i am ready to spend time with his fil ..but my mil is too irritaing...she has only one aim in life...praise herself non stop....n taunt me non stop...
she will never praise u...right now she shouts at u..for not taking care of her son...but the day u learn to care like her..u get confi..she will take out one one ...small..faults in u....
pls dont waste time in trying to win her...no use...gv her baby that will keep herbusy...

i too go thru sme prob..soemitmes even i get depressd with my husbands behaviour ...even i feel he is not interested in me...i hv done everything ..faught with him,...tried to be nice with him...no use....
this is the only prob i hv with my husband.... Malini replied. I can understand the stress that you are going through, especially when you are far away from your (parents) family.

When getting married with a only child you must be prepared to take up challenges like these.

You must understand that before you go into the family there were only 3 of them spent years together, so am not surprised about the fact that your inlaws and your husband is very close. I think your MIL wants you to take care of her only son the way she did, when you didn' t meet her expectations she gets angry and scolds you.

I would advice you build a good relationship with your MIL. No harm give in sometimes and try to buy her heart. Get her surprise gift, cook something that she likes. Discuss with you husband like sending your inlaws for a paid trip. make sure that you give an impression to your husband that you are suggesting this upon concern and due interest towards his parents. Try not to always complaint about his parents and discuss about going separate, this will give impression to your husband that you don' t like them. Give impression to your husband that you are showing concern towards his parents.

After you get a good place in their heart, then you can tell your husband about going out together just both of you etc etc....

You have mentioned that you don' t have a baby yet. I believe once you have a baby then it will divert your MIL' s attention to the grandchild and she would disturb you less.

Sometimes we have to play smart to save our marriage life. Am sure your parents too will not like you to be separated from your husband.

Good luck!