Hi All,
I'm a regular visitor of this site. WHenever I'm depressed I read a few of the messages posted here and come to know that there are a million poeple who are in a far more bad situation than me.
With that said, i've a problem too. Its my husband's strange habit. Whenever he gets mad he abuses me calling me a bitch and says \"; your mother is a bitch\";, did you know that?' I get very hurt and depressed by these comments. Ofcourse lot of times I provoke him by talking back, because these comments make me so mad, but never have I uttered such filthy words in my entire life. Even growong up i never used to say one bad word. After he gets back to normal he feels bad and says he's sorry, but the next time when he gets extremely mad he does the same thing. Though I tell him its ok when he says sorry, I only do this superficially for the sake of my family and children.Inside i'm deeply hurt and depressed. Me and my mom are very close and I love her very much and he's aware of this.
Then why is he behaving this way? How do i put and end to this?
I really want to change this habit of his. How do I do that? He says when he gets mad he gets so mad he does'nt know what he's talking.
What should I do to stop this abusive behavior of his?
Friends please help!!!!
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Hi All,
I'm a regular visitor of this site. WHenever I'm depressed I read a few of the messages posted here and come to know that there are a million poeple who are in a far more bad situation than me.
With that said, i've a problem too. Its my husband's strange habit. Whenever he gets mad he abuses me calling me a bitch and says \"; your mother is a bitch\";, did you know that?' I get very hurt and depressed by these comments. Ofcourse lot of times I provoke him by talking back, because these comments make me so mad, but never have I uttered such filthy words in my entire life. Even growong up i never used to say one bad word. After he gets back to normal he feels bad and says he's sorry, but the next time when he gets extremely mad he does the same thing. Though I tell him its ok when he says sorry, I only do this superficially for the sake of my family and children.Inside i'm deeply hurt and depressed. Me and my mom are very close and I love her very much and he's aware of this.
Then why is he behaving this way? How do i put and end to this?
I really want to change this habit of his. How do I do that? He says when he gets mad he gets so mad he does'nt know what he's talking.
What should I do to stop this abusive behavior of his?
Friends please help!!!!
swati replied. Hi dear,
I know how it hurts...
Because My hubby used to loose control in getting mad and used to say such filthy words only to me (not my mother) .But I cud't even bear it because my brought-up was very dignified and systematic.Not that his mother didnt bring up with good values...she is a good mother that my hubby never had any bad habit (even does like chewing betelnut or chewing gum) but donno y he has this habit of scolding in such a mean way ..
I used to feel similar like you and I did the same way 'UU' said...
Yes ,Though it was harsh ,I used to do it...And now totally he forgot those words...It happened all in last month.
Guess , what I said him...
When he comes down with anger he used to laught -it off ,if I cried to hear those words...He simply used to say,\";Dear,I'll loose myself as I'm short tempered ...dont care for those ...those doesn't come from heart but only frm mouth...etc\";
Then I stated saying as my baby is just learning first words...she'd definitely call me with THAT SAME WORD \"; in front of ALL .Then everybody know how we talk in our home...SO really that idea scared him and not even uttering in front of her...
ALso ,I asked ,If u love ur mom and sis similar u love me...Then y don't u call them so?! ..He used to say \";I have only rights on you and u r younger whereas they r elders...\";
Then I said ok, then ur dater is also younger to u...So,U r gonna call her some day in similar way,when u gets mad ,right?
Then he simply he scared of that idea and hardly cud forget it...Now two days back, he was asking me whether I noticed that he has changed...
I too expressed happy for it.
So ,Depressed,just keep telling him ur kids gonna call those to u someday infront of all his friends and family..So he'll put a stop it...Or say him ,if he call ur mother so...definetily u would say the same to ur MIL ...not in a fighting way...only in kidding way...u say it...He'll feel how it hurts
adithya replied. consult homeopathi physician
uu replied. hi friend
i can understand the situation u r going through..wat i can suggest u that u make it very much clear 2 ur husband abt ur feelings and make him realise that when ur kids will grow up even they will behave the same..and quite possible they will say the same words to him..b'coz the childs first school is his home and parents r the first teacher...so make him understand that he should now behave like a responsible husband as well as as a resposible father..and he can't simply get away by saying i become mad and i say all these ...if he becomes that mad then y not his own mother y only he becomes mad 4 u and ur mother...sorry if i have been a bit harsh in my words..but i seriously wanna help u ...anyways at the same time i would also like 2 say u that don't fight...explain him make him understand...plz if possible improve him at right time..i will pray 4 u
regards
uu
2006-04-26
#1
Name: swati Subject: hi depressed,
Hi dear,
I know how it hurts...
Because My hubby used to loose control in getting mad and used to say such filthy words only to me (not my mother) .But I cud't even bear it because my brought-up was very dignified and systematic.Not that his mother didnt bring up with good values...she is a good mother that my hubby never had any bad habit (even does like chewing betelnut or chewing gum) but donno y he has this habit of scolding in such a mean way ..
I used to feel similar like you and I did the same way 'UU' said...
Yes ,Though it was harsh ,I used to do it...And now totally he forgot those words...It happened all in last month.
Guess , what I said him...
When he comes down with anger he used to laught -it off ,if I cried to hear those words...He simply used to say,\";Dear,I'll loose myself as I'm short tempered ...dont care for those ...those doesn't come from heart but only frm mouth...etc\";
Then I stated saying as my baby is just learning first words...she'd definitely call me with THAT SAME WORD \"; in front of ALL .Then everybody know how we talk in our home...SO really that idea scared him and not even uttering in front of her...
ALso ,I asked ,If u love ur mom and sis similar u love me...Then y don't u call them so?! ..He used to say \";I have only rights on you and u r younger whereas they r elders...\";
Then I said ok, then ur dater is also younger to u...So,U r gonna call her some day in similar way,when u gets mad ,right?
Then he simply he scared of that idea and hardly cud forget it...Now two days back, he was asking me whether I noticed that he has changed...
I too expressed happy for it.
So ,Depressed,just keep telling him ur kids gonna call those to u someday infront of all his friends and family..So he'll put a stop it...Or say him ,if he call ur mother so...definetily u would say the same to ur MIL ...not in a fighting way...only in kidding way...u say it...He'll feel how it hurts
2006-04-28
#2
Name: depressed Subject: thanks swati
dear swati,
thanks for your prompt reply. even jokingly if i tell him the same thing like how you'll feel if somebody says that to you then he'll start abusing me physically as its happened before.
i cant tell this to anyone, and inside i'm dying everyday. i'm a working mom in the US.
if i tell a few of these problems to my mom without telling her how my husband calls her, she advices me that i need to learn not to talk back to him or provoke him as now i've kids. she says its all about your kids and not you anymore, you've to live with him until the kids are atleast 5 years old and they should tell you that they rather live with you. until then you've to put up with this for the sake of your children.
sometimes i feel like killing myself.
thanks for all your suggestions swati, i'lll try it out
2006-04-26
#3
Name: adithya Subject: nn
consult homeopathi physician
2006-04-25
#4
Name: uu Subject: sorry 2 hear this
hi friend
i can understand the situation u r going through..wat i can suggest u that u make it very much clear 2 ur husband abt ur feelings and make him realise that when ur kids will grow up even they will behave the same..and quite possible they will say the same words to him..b'coz the childs first school is his home and parents r the first teacher...so make him understand that he should now behave like a responsible husband as well as as a resposible father..and he can't simply get away by saying i become mad and i say all these ...if he becomes that mad then y not his own mother y only he becomes mad 4 u and ur mother...sorry if i have been a bit harsh in my words..but i seriously wanna help u ...anyways at the same time i would also like 2 say u that don't fight...explain him make him understand...plz if possible improve him at right time..i will pray 4 u
regards
uu
2006-04-28
#5
Name: depressed Subject: thanks uu
dear uu,
thanks for your prompt reply. i guess i've to put up with this until my kids are atleast5 yrs. if i utter one word abt his mom then he'll physically abuse me as he's done before.
i guess i've to live for the sake of my kids otherwise there's not a time when i feel like killing myself
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& Answers to Topic : Strange Habit
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hi depressed,
Name: depressed
thanks swati
sorry 2 hear this
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