Tammana' s message prompt me to start this discussion. Please share you experience of intercaste marriage. I wanted to start it with me because i also fall in that category but will be leaving for the day very soon. So will post mine at some other point of time.
Wish u all a nice weekend.
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Hi Friends,
Tammana' s message prompt me to start this discussion. Please share you experience of intercaste marriage. I wanted to start it with me because i also fall in that category but will be leaving for the day very soon. So will post mine at some other point of time.
Wish u all a nice weekend.
Purvi replied. I personally feel like caste difference makes no sense in a married life. Main thing that' s required is a chemistry between two individuals. MILS, SILs, etc come to your life, but main thing is your bond with your hubby. And what all cultures or religions teach? Peace, being honest, not to hurt anyone and good values only, right? Why can' t we adopt good things from all cultures and all religions? There are some cultures that are conservative, but why can' t we ignore bad points and take positive from it? And why girl is expected to leave the values she learned from her parents? You can always continue what you were taught and learn new (if you want to) from your husband' s family, right?
In this era, does it really matter? Infact, I think if you are from different caste, it will be beneficial to kids as they learn more from both mother and father. Can speak more languages too. Also, gentically, kids are smarter in intercaste marriages. If are from same caste, but don' t get along at all and fight like anything, does it really build a good family?
I have seen an intercaste marriage in my family, and they both are really very happy with each other. Again, we don' t live in joint family and are in U.S., so I think makes a big difference.
Purvi
choubeys replied. Hi Manee,
You have selected a debatable topic and indeed a very good one to discuss…
Well what I opine is there is still some fear and prejudices exist in the society and within yourself if you chose to marry in a different culture or say caste … every society has some predefined norms and terms exclusively associated to them.. though very rare or does not matter in the metros still in small town and villages casteism is alive in all forms
… you can gauge the same by my example in my hubby’s village they have separate sector for Brahmins and altogether separate sector for scheduled castes… sc are not allowed in the temples , in the brahmin’s areas even in 21st century … can you imagine Society has not changed even after freedom and so much awareness … Brahmins still feel superior to any body may be due to some complexes or something like that they feel high even by living in penury … though in educated and urban sectors these things are changing slowly slowly
Love marriage and that is in different caste is not digested by the so called society guards and they will always keep a sharp eye on you ….
I just want to ask you will you be happy if your son/daughter marry to a low caste girl/boy…. For me I have no objection as long as they are compatible to each other and most importantly happy with each other
Secondly why girl has to sacrifice so much
That’s what I feel,
Tamanna
Saheli replied. I am an example of a successful intercaste marriage. I would give the credit to our mutual compatibility and understanding. My hubby is strong and supportive. When it comes to pointing to my another culture, he knows when to keep quiet and when to defend his wife.
He respects my culture, and I respect his.
A number of things had to be sacrificed and compromised for the success, and I can say most of the sacrifices/compromises (related to difference in cultures) were done by me. I miss my culture, the roots go too deep. But when I had accepted him, I accepted and adopted everything in his culture and changed my life to match the way they are. Ego should be kept out.
I also faced criticism and taunts from relatives, MIL. Still face. But I tell myself one thing. I am proud of where I
am coming from and I dont need to prove that to anybody, nor anybody' s criticism and do any harm to my culture.
One lesson learnt. Success probability of an intercaste wedding increases when the girl comes from \" comparatively\" more conservative society and weds to a \" comparatively\" a more open minded society. I do not want to offend any culture ... but to explain this in simple terms .. a girl who has lived in a family wearing jeans and skirts now goes to a joint family and has to wear only suits/sarees or pallu over the head ...
you know what I mean.
Unless the girl has to stay alone with boy .. the couple should remember that they are not just marrying each other but also marrying families and cultures and should consider and discuss points in extreme details before jumping to decisions.
Ritika replied. My experience - marry a guy you love and get along with. Caste and sub caste etc are immaterial and incidental. Best possible advise - stay alone with your hubby for at least the first 2 years. This gives time for your relationship develop and strengthen.
When there are other people (specially hostile to you) staying with you at the beginning of yr marriage, the fragile relationship can be irreparably harmed.
Of course your mileage might vary (i.e. yr opinion might be different).
:)
Priya replied. I am Gujarati and my husband is Punjabi. I had love marriage two years ago. I am workingwoman and have almost a year old son. I used to stay in joint family with my MIL, FIL, BIL and his wife in USA. Two years of my marriage life, I struggled a lot with my husband’s family. They are all against of our marriage. They didn' t change their behavior even after we got married. During that time I think I lost good relationship with my husband. However, I tried to compromise a lot and he noticed it couple of times. Finally, We moved out and leaving separately from last four weeks. I feel that the person I loved he is back in my life again.
Overall, I think it is not a good idea to get married when parents are not agree with your decision. If you really want to do it then prepare your self with lost of adjustment. I think husband has to suffer a lot, as he can' t say anything to his parents or his wife. In this struggle couple lose their love bond with each other.
Inter cast marriage require lost of respect and understanding from whole family for each other. I remember, I always felt hurt when my in-laws said something bad about my culture, tradition or even food. They never help me understand their culture or teach me something either.
2007-08-29
#1
Name: Purvi Subject: why does it matter?
I personally feel like caste difference makes no sense in a married life. Main thing that' s required is a chemistry between two individuals. MILS, SILs, etc come to your life, but main thing is your bond with your hubby. And what all cultures or religions teach? Peace, being honest, not to hurt anyone and good values only, right? Why can' t we adopt good things from all cultures and all religions? There are some cultures that are conservative, but why can' t we ignore bad points and take positive from it? And why girl is expected to leave the values she learned from her parents? You can always continue what you were taught and learn new (if you want to) from your husband' s family, right?
In this era, does it really matter? Infact, I think if you are from different caste, it will be beneficial to kids as they learn more from both mother and father. Can speak more languages too. Also, gentically, kids are smarter in intercaste marriages. If are from same caste, but don' t get along at all and fight like anything, does it really build a good family?
I have seen an intercaste marriage in my family, and they both are really very happy with each other. Again, we don' t live in joint family and are in U.S., so I think makes a big difference.
Purvi
2007-08-25
#2
Name: choubeys Subject: well i agree to some extent
Hi Manee,
You have selected a debatable topic and indeed a very good one to discuss…
Well what I opine is there is still some fear and prejudices exist in the society and within yourself if you chose to marry in a different culture or say caste … every society has some predefined norms and terms exclusively associated to them.. though very rare or does not matter in the metros still in small town and villages casteism is alive in all forms
… you can gauge the same by my example in my hubby’s village they have separate sector for Brahmins and altogether separate sector for scheduled castes… sc are not allowed in the temples , in the brahmin’s areas even in 21st century … can you imagine Society has not changed even after freedom and so much awareness … Brahmins still feel superior to any body may be due to some complexes or something like that they feel high even by living in penury … though in educated and urban sectors these things are changing slowly slowly
Love marriage and that is in different caste is not digested by the so called society guards and they will always keep a sharp eye on you ….
I just want to ask you will you be happy if your son/daughter marry to a low caste girl/boy…. For me I have no objection as long as they are compatible to each other and most importantly happy with each other
Secondly why girl has to sacrifice so much
That’s what I feel,
Tamanna
2007-08-25
#3
Name: Saheli Subject: re:
I am an example of a successful intercaste marriage. I would give the credit to our mutual compatibility and understanding. My hubby is strong and supportive. When it comes to pointing to my another culture, he knows when to keep quiet and when to defend his wife.
He respects my culture, and I respect his.
A number of things had to be sacrificed and compromised for the success, and I can say most of the sacrifices/compromises (related to difference in cultures) were done by me. I miss my culture, the roots go too deep. But when I had accepted him, I accepted and adopted everything in his culture and changed my life to match the way they are. Ego should be kept out.
I also faced criticism and taunts from relatives, MIL. Still face. But I tell myself one thing. I am proud of where I
am coming from and I dont need to prove that to anybody, nor anybody' s criticism and do any harm to my culture.
One lesson learnt. Success probability of an intercaste wedding increases when the girl comes from \" comparatively\" more conservative society and weds to a \" comparatively\" a more open minded society. I do not want to offend any culture ... but to explain this in simple terms .. a girl who has lived in a family wearing jeans and skirts now goes to a joint family and has to wear only suits/sarees or pallu over the head ...
you know what I mean.
Unless the girl has to stay alone with boy .. the couple should remember that they are not just marrying each other but also marrying families and cultures and should consider and discuss points in extreme details before jumping to decisions.
2007-08-25
#4
Name: Ritika Subject: Re:
My experience - marry a guy you love and get along with. Caste and sub caste etc are immaterial and incidental. Best possible advise - stay alone with your hubby for at least the first 2 years. This gives time for your relationship develop and strengthen.
When there are other people (specially hostile to you) staying with you at the beginning of yr marriage, the fragile relationship can be irreparably harmed.
Of course your mileage might vary (i.e. yr opinion might be different).
:)
2007-08-25
#5
Name: Priya Subject: Good/Bad
I am Gujarati and my husband is Punjabi. I had love marriage two years ago. I am workingwoman and have almost a year old son. I used to stay in joint family with my MIL, FIL, BIL and his wife in USA. Two years of my marriage life, I struggled a lot with my husband’s family. They are all against of our marriage. They didn' t change their behavior even after we got married. During that time I think I lost good relationship with my husband. However, I tried to compromise a lot and he noticed it couple of times. Finally, We moved out and leaving separately from last four weeks. I feel that the person I loved he is back in my life again.
Overall, I think it is not a good idea to get married when parents are not agree with your decision. If you really want to do it then prepare your self with lost of adjustment. I think husband has to suffer a lot, as he can' t say anything to his parents or his wife. In this struggle couple lose their love bond with each other.
Inter cast marriage require lost of respect and understanding from whole family for each other. I remember, I always felt hurt when my in-laws said something bad about my culture, tradition or even food. They never help me understand their culture or teach me something either.
2007-10-17
#6
Name: Riya Subject: Love Marrige & Parents
Hi all,
I need your help dears. In my case I have no problem from my would be Inlaws and sils. They are really nice from their hearts. But the problem is due to only caste problem my parents are not being agree for our relationship. Every body in my home and his home are tensed now. my parents want I will say no to him and after 6 months or 1 year i will forget all this but really my heart is not ready to say this. I love my parents respect them from bottom of my heart but he is the one who is my life. he knows this from starting that may be my parents will not get agree but he is trying with me from last 1.5 years. In every step he is with me, he never told me to give up always tell me to try.They are your parents. They will not do anything wrong with you and we were trying but now we have got a totally no from them. My parents are educated understand what i want but still not allowing us. I too love them respect them and never want that anybody will insult them.
Now I am at the point where one side is of my parents and one side of my love. and I am in a deep confusion what to do? If I choose anyone of them one will will get leave from me. In my whole live I feel guilty, this is certain. This is really a bad situation for me.
Please dears help me. I am really worried. :(
2007-09-14
#7
Name: A friend Subject: comment
HI priya & all,
its not a problem with love marriage or intercast marriage. because same problem can be arise in arranged marriage in same cast also like in my case
i have been married since 10 years so its not like short experince. even though we r from same cast and it was arranged marriage by inlaws i still face lots of problem with inlaws.
soetimes it depends on the life they spent in their past & they always compare. & it could be diffrent upbringing & family values. but mainly it is individual´ s nature. because my hubby & his siter had same parents teaching them similar things during their upbriging, still they both r way apart in nature & way of leaving.
fortunately me and my hubby understands eachother very well & support each other in every matter.
Even though i have problem with my FIL & MIL i can still cope up with that & handle them if it was not for my unmarried elder sil with very wied nature leaving with us.
sorry for the long post.
rst of the story some other time.
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