Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi All,

I have a wired problem. My life seems to be really good. I have a 10 months old son and live in a joint family with my husband, mil, bil and his wife. All of them are really good. We have a good understanding between all of us. Yet most of the time I feel lonely. I feel that my mil prefers my co-sis more than me. And I also feel that my husband wants to spend more time with them than with me and the kid.

I really dont know why this is hapening to me? I mean when everything seems fine, I start getting depressed. And i get all these thoughts in my head and then I get angry and start an argument with my husband. And then everything is spoilt. The mood, the atmosphere at home. Then I feel bad and sulk about it. I cant seem to control my temper at all.

Friends please help me understand why all this is happening? I dont want to get angry but it so happens that i realise it after the anger subsides.... Friends I need help... Please please help me.
Miriam replied. Dear Depressed,

First of all, do try to analyze why you feel the way you do. Is there some underlying issue that hasn' t been addressed, are you facing any physical and/or sexual difficulties. Have their been any sad events like a difficulty/accident/death in your or your husband' s family? Are these issues you are not able to share with your husband?

From your message it seems that your family is overall quite alright.

It is possible that you and your husband have sunk into a vicious cycle that needs breaking:
you feel depressed/angry, so you argue with your husband over trivial matters, so your husband withdraws from your company and spends time with others, which hurts you even more...and so again you erupt...and so on.

First of all, you must accept yourself and try to do things that make you happy. Don' t worry about the fact that your MIL prefers your SIL. That' s ok. What is important is that you seek outside your in-laws for happiness also.

Join a hobby class or an excercise class to engage in a new activity and meet new people. Meet a friend for a walk, or take cooking lessons with her. Try something creative. Perhaps you can freelance or work part-time so that you can get out of the house.

As you start having a life that doesn' t just revolve around the family, you will start to feel happier in your own right.
As you start sharing these happy feelings with your husband, the communication between the two of you will improve and you will be able to share your feelings together. That will allow you to see that you are not truly lonely.

Try also to create fun time with your husband - a movie, a dinner out, a date. Definitely express to him in a calm manner that as a couple you both also need your own time and space. Then try to make sure that you enjoy that time together - don' t bring up contentious issues on your \" date\" .

All this should certainly help!