Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi girls,

I have some problem with MIL.Plz suggest some solution.I am married for 2&1/2 yrs now and don' t have child yet.I have been seeing the doctor and so far all tests are without problem and we are in the progress.Now my MIL is giving so much trouble to me when I have enough trouble without her.

Its a bit too personal & lengthy.... too.I was married just 10 days after my exams and was very innocent & never thought my MIL wud be such a monster.She asked some questions about my periods date in a few days after marriage & I didn' t have the guts then to not answer.So i told her.She is a homeopathy doctor and she gave some tablets to me & I am fool and i ate it.Every month for almost 6 months she gave me that telling it is good for conceiving.I merely ate it and didn' t care to tell abt it to DH or my mom(' coz i never even thought abt she wud harm me).Then my so far regular 28 days cycle started to delay 2 days each cycle.Every month,from marriage she used to call on the morning when my period is due and enquire .If i say i haven' t got my periods then she ' ll say my periods are irregular(even for a day or 2 delay she says that) and in around 6 months after marriage my hubby revealed that he discusses sexual positions with his mom.I cudn' t put up with that.I cried so much.I started preotesting against her tablets telling i won' t take any more and i was forced and given the tablets.Till then she was soft spoken and nice to me.After this happened i went to an allopathy doctor and solved this delayed period issue and till date it is normal.But after this i never took any tablets she gave me.But after this my MIL just hates me, but clearly hides it from hubby.She made hubby stop talking with me.My hubby didn' t talk a word to me for one month.She made me say sorry to her,to her hubby and that arrogant daughter of theirs and again during our house warming ceremony she made me fall in everybody' s feet,telling that i don' t have a child.And now she does all humiliation in the form of performing poojas.And where ever we go (to any wedding or to any relatives,she keeps telling that i don' t have a child and i refuse her medical help).Also in the name of poojas she' s making us go to her place on hubby' s B' day or wedding day and no celebrations only poojas from morning till evening and she' s making me fast & take bath in this sea, that well and everything.I already feel depressed as i am not having a child and her humiliations in the name of poojas sits on top of it all.Just feel like dying.Hubby is not supportive too.I wanted to stop her from knowing whatever medications we take & most of all my period dates.She asks everything from hubby.Recently i was shocked to know that my hubby is getting medicines from her and keeping it in his office and is eating.I caught him when he was discussing this with MIL thro phone and he is agreeing.


Now he is giving 25 of his salary to his parents(His father calculated this amount after seeing the monthly accounts i wrote and he saw this amount was remaining and asked everything).Though my husband clearly realizes that we want that money for our use he for some reason wudn' t stop giving them money.FIL,MIL,SIL(unmarried) or earning great amounts.Believe me they r all in good positions.But have always been stingy.I am afraid my MIL doesn' t want me to get a child though she acts otherwise to her son.That is because he might not be able to give them money if he has to spend on his kid.Often i feel frustated and want to walk out of this marriage.But then i am in the midst of these fertility tests and everything.I don' t want to waste time by fighting with him.

I am sorry for this lengthy message.I am planning to leave my husband once i conceive.But until then this humiliation is painful.All i want is some ways to keep my spirit up & deal with my MIL.Both FIL & SIL insults me but MIL is the one who creates trouble in relationship with my husband.Plz someone say some solution so that i ' ll be sane until i get pregnant get away from this place.

Ananymous replied. Hi all

I have finally decided and left my hubby.It' s painful.Searching for a job now.Thank God I am not conceived.Thanks to u all. Miriam replied. Dear Anonymous,

I am truly shocked to hear your story. Please rethink your decision to conceive and then leave your husband.

Your husband is truly unsupportive, and not mature enough to be in a marriage. As for your in-laws, the less said the better.

Please walk out! This is an emotionally, and physically abusive relationship.

If you leave now, you will be able to eventually enter a mature,healthy relationship with a man who can support you. Only then should you think of having a child.

Bringing a child into the world, without the emotional and physical resources to support it will be a terrible irresponsibility to your own baby. DO NOT DO THIS!!

I wish you strength, and luck. Saheli replied. Hi Anonymous,

Did you also post this problem long back? I remember reading something like that at that time.

I dont know how to put my thoughts after reading your post, but I will try. Please do not mind if it has a pinch of salt, but I will try to be stright and true from my side.

You seem to obsessed with the thought of having a child. That thing seems to have captured your mind as of now, and I dont know what you really want to achieve by doing that.

Your mil' s medicines story, your sil' s behavior, hubby' s attitude ... all this seems to have made a deep impact on your mind.
Do you want to kind of prove it to them that you are not what they are saying .... and you too can conceive?

Or is it that after having a child you want to leave them to teach them a lesson or something like that?

Or you are proving it to yourself?
Is this war-in-mind with inlaws or with yourself?

Please sit back and think about it, why you want to do that.

I hope you understand what having a child means. I hope you understand the responsibility. And most importantly, I hope you understand the need of both parents for a child. Irrespective of how the father is, the child will always want to be with him. I hope I am wrong in assuming you have not given this a serious thought and you are not aware of what all these things really mean.

Have you discussed these problems with your parents? Have you told tham what you want to do (conceive and then leave)? Please do not take such decisions without consulting someone elder and trustworthy like mom/dad.

It is not that easy to bring up a child alone, also work and earn. At some time, you will feel the need of partner, and so will your hubby.

If you dont want to live with him or that family, you can move on, get re-married to a nice man, and have a child.

Talk to parents, and/or a counsellor, and discuss your physical problems as well as family issues.

And stop feeling so bad for not being able to conceive. Stop paying attention to them. They know you feel bad so they try to hurt you more. Once they know it doesnt affect you, they will stop.

Having a child is not first thing. Infact, I see that there are other serious issues that you need to address first before having a child.

Please think about these basic things of baby and separation decision ... and then you can discuss about the fmaily issues.

Please keep us posted.
riya replied. I m so sorry to hear abt ur situation.
but what does ur plans of leaving hubby once u conceive means? if u want to leave him why do u want want a child out of him ?