Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi friends,
I' m same one who posted that lengthy \" pl participate discussion\" about my hubby who soesnt like to roam anywhere or gift anything

Someone said \" atleast u dont have inlaws problem\" in their reply. Then I didnt want to focus on this another issue too so kept quite not to distract the actual topic.

I have probs from inlaws too. My inlaws r too pocessive and my mil is the one can break bonds easily with her one or two words. They live in differentplace and that town is peaceful. Yes, I accept/ But my hubby love to spend everyweekedn there and he doesnt like to spend here. Once when my mil taunted me he understood my position and didnt go for consequent 3weekends. She cried while calling him thta she miss him alot, and when we went next weekend , she showed extra pamperings and again turned back to herself. So he melt down and daily 3calls to them is must and weekend visit is must like previous. We have chance of going abroad, and I' m waiting for it. But now, I am loosing all love for him. I try to find roots of problem but he says if he goes abroad he cant visit them so he wnt to spend total time for them . I can go to my parents place, but my absence there create lotof quarrels btwn us. If not quarrels soem thing else make both of our herts far from eachother' s . YEs, Always she cooks up stories and he believes in them. Even I expressed the same with him, He said he' ll not change and he promised he' ll not listen to her. But this weekend after 3months I went my parents home and he alone went his place and came back and doing extras ...This time I decided to keep myself happy and him too. Because If I always show my unhappiness ,he' ll turn to them more and more. ...But morning I was cool and he called his mother for second time and talking like just newly married couple (Child talk..WHATH AL U DHUING, MOOMMY, ...sHE SAYS \" hEY(long hey), U TheLL ME, WHATH AL U DHUING , YES ,this is not foreign language ,I WROTE IN ENGLISH only ,BUT THEIR TALKING IS THAT Way..pL TELL ME CAN ANY GIRL TOLERATE THIS TYPWE OF EXTRAS? ) Even my hubby touch her back and hug with both hands when he sleeps in lap and these shows irritate me.

I loose my temper when he always talk about them and utters daily a5 or 6times that .Soem jadoo is there in his hometown and her presence and if he doesnt go there, he doesnt get the strength to work for next 5days.

How can I avoid it. If I tell some fever and stop the trip, he become moody and reminds me manytimes he missed a nice weekend. I do same dishes what his mther does and I make home like heaven for him and even when we were abroad, he used to like staying at home weekends for noon-romance. But in india, He behave differently. I know they emotionally balckmail him even if he doesnt go for one weekendand if he miss to call any day.
They behave nice to me but I know they always pick my some of innocent words and tell him different way. Lately he realised it, but however, if he goes there once , he believe in them totally and I am unable to love him completely.

I know my hatredness increases distance btwn us, but what can I do? This behaviour is inherited form my FIL .FIL uised to beat his wife (mil) while listening to his mom. Atleast my hubby stopped keeping her words in mind.
But he n' joy there. and whatever mistaches commited by them r just nothing for him. They r very cunning and always try to cut the bonds bwn my parents and him. I told him many times to be balanced not to be extra... But he takes me wrong.what shd I do? I' m just tired of their constant intereference. I feel like leaving him for them. But cant do becasue he is a good father.. and I have no intwension to leave him and live. If that happens, I' ll prefer suicide but not divorce. What shd I do?

How can I live with a hubby whose Heart always roam with his mom and sis???

I' m fed up... still act happy and be naughty to him and though he behave he like me and says sometimes , I know wheb he goes there single and come he' ' ll come with lot of complaints on me so cant be normal with me and just act normal and happy just becasue he remeber I tried to commit suicide once becasue of these issues. SO act funny in front of me but I' m knowing thru his face and he too know I' m unahappy with him...

What shd I do to regain my love towards him? Shd I live similar life which is of just plastic smiles and affections???
raj replied. Although I dnot remember all details of your 2 long posts,I recollect that you have money to spend but no happiness with your hubby,and I feel this is going on fo rtoo long.He is having some insecurities of his own and you have frustrations of yours both of which are increasing tension betn both of you.
I feel its' high time you meet a marriage counsellor,or psychiatrist.You can ask him to go with you but it' s ok evenif he does not want ot go with you.Right now,you need plenty of help to sort out your own turmoil.Feeling hysterical,unable to control infront of child,feeling loss of purpose-all these point towards some form of depression and you need to face this positively by getting proper treatment for your stress.Going to a psychiatrist is not taboo any more thses days and think you are taking this step in the interest of your baby,family and future.
Your chronic stress has gotten in the way of normal reasoning,you are probably feeling loss of perspective too,please take this advice and see a good doc,right away.
In the meantime,dont make extra efforts to bond with your hubby as it may take toll on your mental health.Leave things as they are and only focus on getting your sadness,grief under control.
Please please go to doc right way.Do you live in bangalore?Do you have any family doc,who can give reference to psychatrist?Please reply asap.
Raj Ritika replied. Did I understand this correctly...Your husband leaves you and your daughter on the weekend to visit his own mother and comes back when the weekend is nearly over??

You say he is a good father otherwise, so why don' t you ask him to take your daughter on a picnic on saturday? or to the beach (if that' s nearby)? Plan out outings from before hand and tell him that we should all go otherwise your daughter will miss him.

About his phone talks with his mom, I would let go of it right now. That is not so important. What if he wants to call his mom ' mommy' . You' ve got more serious things to worry about. Like your emotional well being for instance.

I would suggest some counseling sessions also to deal with your grief and anger. There might be other underlying reasons why you think of suicide so much as an escape route or become hysterical with your daughter. Ask your usual doctor to suggest a good counselor.

One sincere piece of advise - try not to seem too needy or clingy to your husband. Because some men are like that. If you appear too needy, they kind of back off a bit. So give him some space. Try and build a life which is not continuously revolving around him. When he notices that, he' ll miss yr attention and come running back to you. E.g. if he doesn' t agree to go out on the weekend for a family outing, then take your daughter and go to the mall nearby or park etc. Enjoy yr time there with yr child. When you come back, tell him small funny stuff that yr kid did and make it seem like a lot of fun. If you have any other friends (specially with kids), make play dates with them. Go out of the house basically. Sitting at home brooding is not going to help.

You could also send yr kid with yr hubby when he goes to MIL' s place next time. That way he' ll be busy with the child a little bit than spending the whole time sitting in his mom' s lap.

If all these don' t work, then you could try telling your MIL that your daughter wants to go out with her dad on the weekends to some park etc...and he' s not doing it. So can she ask her son to take his daughter out on the weekends? Because that' s the only time she gets with him 100 %. Play on her motherly instinct.

I hope this helps. I really hope you feel better and happy soon. Take care...

kk replied. hi priti,

dont worry i know sometimes husband themselves r unbearable,but u see u have a daughter to care for...u cant ignore her.let your husband start feeling responsible for ur child....tell him tht child needs more attention...u have to be strong priti..for your child...

i really dont know what else i can suggest..but i wish all the very best to u..and yes please occupy youself... kk replied. hi priti,

i can understand your problem.somehow MIL become more possesive abt son after they get married.my MIL herself treats my FIL with no importance,but loves my hubby like a baby.she sometimes talks so stupidly also.but what can we do yaar.i dont want to stay with them only.

just try to gain hubby confidence...y dont u start working.why r u keep on thinking all this.live your life.MIL are always monsters.my hubby also dosent understand.i have stopped nagging...but because im working i have my own friends and job life so she dosent get time to interfere much.
even my hubby feels that his wife is smart so he has gained confidence in my decisions.i also had problems in adjusting and used to cribb all time...which irritated hubby.no men like to hear anything abt their family,but when i started avoiding and ignoring my MIL,she had nothing to poison abt me to hubby. be clam and patient....i know its easy to say but what to do?