Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi saheli,thanks for u r valuable time.i understood iam not clear in my mail after reading u r reply,my mom lives in a different city and if iam leaving kid with her i may not visit even for 15 days once,so my motherhood is asking me to compromise sumtimes,but i know its difficult to adjust with ils,so my q. is mom in another city or invite ils in life,i feel like i may miss her for a life,i cant see her all precious movements now and i dont know wen can i get back her to my place since my job is 9 to 9 and without an elder support i cant imagine her to stay with me,and regarding job i have to go,no choice
Saheli replied. Hmmph. Let' s keep inviting ILs as the last option and see if we hv other options.
I dont know how much you believe leaving kid with a full time/part time maid, but it works out for me. And I want to suggest you to reach to this solution, but not rightaway.

If you accept this option of leaving baby with a maid when u r at work, then see if u can do this -
Can your mom come over to your place for some days? Say 2-3m? Or 1m atleast?

For next many days, you will be at home. Hire a maid, start training her. Give it time and patience considering that if maid is not suitable u can change her, get another one and try that one out (trust me, you wont hit a good maid in first go). Meanwhile, u can keep looking for job. This maid can be part time and as I said in earlier mal, dont tell hubby that she is for baby, say she is just for baby and mom' s massage or something like that and start training her gradually. You may find a job by that time. Get your mom to visit you and stay at you as much as possible and get mom also trained in household activities, so that she can supervise and control. Then you can join your job, mom and maid will be at home. Transition the responsibilities from mom to maid so that by the time mom goes home, maid is ready to manage alone.
If you can get a full time maid, that will be good. I leave it to u how to manage telling her requirement to hubby.

Now, option of maid works for many, doesnt work for others. There are disadantages as well of leaving baby and house with maid, there are risks involved, there are overheads, et al.
You want to manage all this, or you wd better go for MIL, is upto you to decide. Maids go on vacation, they leave job, and such other issues will happen.. Your redundancy plan should always be ready. And I think your mom is the best person to handle things in such cases. Maid on leave/new maid - call mom for 15 days. By the time baby is 10m old, and there is a amaid issue, you can even leave baby+maid at mom' s place and u can go to mom' s place on weekend and then bring them all back. Figure out how all that works for you.

May be you can try all these out and then if you find its not helping, you can invite MIL.
But if you invite ILs right now, all other options are closed forever!

Talk to your mom, tell her your IL problem and work it out with her.

Hope this helps.