Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi All,

I am a silent memeber of this board and have been reading all the messages. I really feel that people here give an unbiased opinion and very good support which is need.

So i decided that I will post my problem here. I have been married for 2.5 yrs now. My husband is a good, loving and caring guy. Ofcourse we have our share of arguments but all that is forgotten in a few hours. I basically have the below three problems. Friends, please help me with these issues, your replies/advice/suggestions are most awaited.

1) My husband was working in a IT firm. But due to some problems, the firm got closed. Now it has been 2 years since then, but he has not found a job yet. Currently he is freelancing, doing projects for some company. We do not have a financial problem as I am working and also my in-laws support us. My in-laws dont stay with us, but have a seperate house in the same city. When ever I ask my husband about the job, he says, ' Dont worry, i will handle it. Just give me some more time' . In the begining I used to think that he is right and agreed to give him more time. But now i feel that 2 yrs is a sufficient amount of time and atleast now he should have a job.After all how long can we depend on his parents? How should i make him understand that he cannot continue freelancing for ever, he has to get a job. Whenever we fight or argue over this issue, he attends a couple of interview and then again its back to normal. He does not even discuss what his plans are.

2) Now that is 2.5 yrs since i have been married, I want to have a baby to complete my family. But my husband says that he should get a job first and then think about the baby. And this waiting is getting endless now. Every where I go my relavtives and friends ask me about the same thing. And some of his relatives have also started asking if I have some problmes that i cannot conceive. I try a lot to ignore their remarks but eventually these things affect me and i end up having a fight with my husband. This issue is bothering me a lot. I cant have a kid, till my husband gets a job and I have not idea when that will happen. Again, please tell me how I can handle this situation?
3) This is an in-laws problem. I agree they are helping us a lot. But for every thing we need to take their permission. Even to buy a windor curtain in my house, I have to ask them and buy what they like and not what I like. I feel they interfere in our life a lot. I have to give them an account of how much I earn, where and how much I spent etc. I am not allowed to spend anything from my earned money without their permission. Why do they behave like this? Even though they live separately, they are constantly interefering in our lives. If I buy a new dress they have to know when i bought it, from where and how much it cost. Once my mil even told me not to use any kind of contraceptives!!! Now what is this? Cant I have a life of my own? My husband tells me to just say ' Yes' to every thing they say and do as i please. I do that most of the times, but sometimes its too much for me to handle. Its as if they want to keep a good control over me and my husband.

Please friends, give me some suggestions to handle all these issues... I will be very thankfull to you.... wellwisher replied. Plan a baby.
After baby husband might change & become responsible.
Tell him like how his parents are still supporting him he needs to do that to his kids some day,so better get a job!
Good Luck SR replied. Hi

Until you guys keep accepting financial help from your inlaws.. they will keep interfering.. because they are giving you guys money, they feel they can control you.

All I can suggest to you is that do something to make your husband find a job... 2 years is too long! Or talk to his parents to talk to him.

And as far as his relatives nagging you about the baby.. now just be direct to them.. just say we cannot afford a baby at the moment as your husband does not have a job.. and you will plan one when he decides to get a job.
And to do honest you should be able to do as you wish with your salary.. spend it on whatever you like...and tell your MIL its none of her business..

I am not sure if there is any way you can stop them from helping you.... do you think you' ll be able to cope on just your salary? I am hoping this may make your husband put in more effort in looking for a job.

Anyway all the best and keep me updated.