Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am a regular reader on this site and I like your replies,my prob is iam having 6mt old child,now iam planning to go to job,in this mean time my hubby requested transfer(he says transfer is for growth) and we r moving from the city were we and my parents also live very near.
now if i have to work i have to leave kid with my mom or invite inlaws into my life in new city,presently they r staying seperate bcoz of fil job now he took vrs so they r free.my mil is very difficult to manage..for ex.whenever she comes and sleeps in our bedroom ,even on our marriage day were i feel like i need privacy,his son doesnt say anything against his mom..so how can i manage such a mil.
in that case i have to leave my child with my mom since my hubby is not ready to leave baby in creche so iam feeling very guilty to leave her..i feel like iam leaving her bcoz of my own privacy(if i accept my mil i should forget about privacy for the whole life and unable to think of it)
i cant stop starting career bcoz of fin problems..sumtimes i feel like my hubby created this situation so that i can aceept their parents but unable to take any decision.i feel like i may miss her for whole life(our city is very far to my parents place so cant visit often)
pls help me to take decision Saheli replied. Hi Priya
Sorry for a late reply, I was travelling to US and was busy. Hope its not too late.

From the problem you have desribed, it is clear what choice you have right now. To keep baby with your mom in the new city, after you start working (I am assuming that means baby will be with your mom while you are in office, 9-7 types). I am not clear what exactly is your problem when this option is available. Why think of calling mil when you can keep baby with mom? Is hubby againse that idea and insisting on his mom?

If it is possible to talk openly to hubby and make him understand that you are more comfortable with your mom and what serious issues you have with having a mil, it wil be the best. If you think hubby wont understand, lets see for options.

I suggest this. My whole idea is to delay and delay you ' agreeing' for ILs .... but you will never refuse him on the idea of calling mils here (direct refusal will annoy him, be smart and dont do that). And meanwhile, gradually introduce one by one arrangements that make baby' s management perfect in your absence -- something like this --
right now, tell your hubby that the baby is very small and it will anyway take some time to look for a job for you, so you dont expect to start job too soon. You expect it to start in say, after at least 3-4 more mon. And this will also be the time you guys would need to set up new house and settle down in new city (whatever reason like that applies). So, you dont need to invite ILs so soon. You can say that this will also give you time to decide what arrangement for baby is best suitable for the BABY.
Talk to your mom in private if she is ready, work out with her how the baby will be managed. Remember that once you are going for your mom' s option, your hubby' s support may reduce - for example - you need to pick up baby from mom' s place and you are coming home late - and hubby may refuse. So make sure you cover all possibilities. Start formula/bottle whatever asap.

Then, lets look for some redundancy, and try to make our arrangements fool proof. What if mom is not available? What if sometimes for some reason mom' s option doesnt work out? Let' s get a maid ready......
Once you start sending baby to your mom' s, start looking for a part-time or full time maid whatever possible. The reason for maid to be \" told\" to people is for household help and NOT for baby. But the maid will be for baby. You can appoint a maid initially for basic stuff, and gradually increase her responsibilities, this way hubby wont doubt you. Then start getting her trained for the baby, cleaning baby, bathing baby, then feeding the baby, like that. Once that' s done, you are all set and can choose if continuing to send baby to mom' s, or call mom at your place some days, or how.


Let me know if this helps. Please make sure the baby doesnt suffer in all this.

Good luck and love you your little one. Rita replied. stand by that baby will stay in crech day care or arrange a maid or a neighour who is willing to take care of baby in exchange of some charges.
donot invite ur meddlesome mil, u will regret it forever n the pain she will give u will be more than staying away from ur baby. stand afirm before hubby n sweet talk him to decision of ur choice.