Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I am a US raised indian woman and have been in relationship with my boyfriend for three years. We are talking about getting married. Things started out really nice, we were talking and having great time. Now all he does is criticize me and tell me that I basically have no kind of personality. He says i am insincere, dont know how to talk, have no ethics and basically brings my morals down which always makes me depressed. I have told him everything about my past and said I wanted to begin a new life and admit i did wrong in past, and willing to learn how to live in Indian society. he's very traditional, some moderate values. We both want good family life too and thats the main reason why I am with him. Lately we have been having arguments and I am always feeling depressed. I do love him, but then I ask myself is it really Love when your partner is always critisizes you..? What should I do? Any suggestions? I feel I am always doing something wrong.... sahali replied. Hi

Take this as a warning sign. I also ignored these kind of warning sign from my Husband, and they were much subtle than what you are getting from your boyfriend. After marriage the critisim only increased and became unbearable. It depressed me and brought down my whole personality. Until I got encouragement from friends and family to fight back. Now after months and even years of trying there is improvement. But I still have to keep reminding him. Consider other aspects of the relationship as well. Is he caring towards you, asks your opinion. Trys to consider your needs. Does he criticize you in public as well. Keep these things in mind. Discuss how his critisim is effecting you. Tell him what is past is gone. Try to judge if because of your past does he think you are \";not worth giving respect\";. What does he mean by \";give up eveything\";. Does he mean you do not deserve happiness from him now. That is totally not true and never believe that you are any less than anyone. But he does believe that then consider the consequenses. Marriage is a very important decision, more so in case of women your future depends on your choice. So decide wisely, if possible take your parents into confidence and see what they have observed about your bf.

This is lesson for those of us who think we should tell everything to our husband's and bf. Somethings are best kept untold. Because for their advantage or in anger they will eventually throw these things back at your face. Friend replied. Dear friend, if you are being tormented now can you imagine what life will be like once you get married. Your past is your past and he has to accept that. If he can not let go of it now, he will never let go of it and he will keep reminding you of it.

Tell him he has to stop talking about your past. Tell him that you don't appreciate the way he is treating you, that it is unfair and he has to change. It is a hard decision but you have to decide if you want to remain in this relationship and live like this when you get married.

Best of luck. Ankita replied. Hi Bindoo,

I think this relationship is not worth it. I have been married for 4 yrs and i m in US too. If he is doing this to u right now god knows what happens later when u are married. I m not asking to quit this relationship, not atleast right now. FIrst you have to make all the efforts to make it better and after that if you think is not working out than u have to look for other option. We all can give you advise but you have the final say.

Everybody has past and everybody has made mistakes what matters is present. U have to make him understand the stuff that he is saying is hurting u very badly. Tell him if u know that it hurts u and if he still tells u meaning he does not love u. Marriage is much more harder than the present relationship. Tell him if he continuesly going to critisize u it is not gonna work out. Please don't make the mistake of marrying him if he does not change.

I bet he is not perfect either and in the past he must have made the mistakes too ( maybe u don't know) but that is not the point. There is always underlying factor for stuff like this. If you both love each other completely this would never become an issue

Hope this helps
Ankita