Relationships  Discussion Forum

I live in a joint family,,have a SIl (unmarried )i just want to know that wenever i shop for myself i am expected to get the same stuff for her aswell,,i dont understand why. she is pursuing MBA and gets pocket money from FIL, MIL adn DH aswell so its not like she does not shop.so plz let me know if i have to buy things for her as well???? personally dont want to except of course if there is an occasion i always get her some nice exp stuff. SR replied. Hi

I think to keep things simple... just dont show her or inlaws your shopping..
My MIL expected to see my shopping everytime when I was newly married.. I found it irritating.. slowly I stopped showing her things.. and would only buy when I know she wont be home so she does not see shopping bags in my hand. I did not mind showing her.. but what irritated me was.. instead of looking at the item.. her hand would first go on the price tag...and inquire how much was spent.
Saheli replied. Well, as a good gesture from a bhabhi (from the point of view of Indian culture), you are expected to buy for your SIL too, when you are shop. (Remember those bhabhis like MeenaKumaris and Sulochanas in old films? sacrificing, motherly, adjusting!) The image of that type of bhabhi is still pretty much there, though not entirely. I m not telling what u shd be doing, i m telling what the inlaws think, which is hard to change. If you are not losing much, why not let them be happy?

What i feel is this - you must be elder to your SIL, yet, in the same age range (= friend like). So as a good manner, I think you should buy stuff for her when you do shopping. Just take it like this - if you had a younger bro or sis, would you not buy for him/her? Dont compare what she does/does not, just maintain your manners.

And this, I think should be done whenever you go out for bulk/planned shopping, like your dresses, cosmetics, accessories etc. I dont suggest you to buy for her each time you shop (for eg, sometimes we go to market for grocery but find something good and buy it). In short, as far as possible, buy for her. Eg If you are buying for you dress, shoes, cosmetics, so much for u, buy one suit or bag for her (and obviously not each thing that u buy!). It will also make your inlaws happy.
And if there are times when you dont/cant buy for her, avoid showing them your shopping.

Now, I would also expect the SIL to do the same as a ' respect' to her bhabhi (who is in same age range yet elder). But lets leave it to her. raj replied. You dont have to get her stuff all the time.But you' ll have to change this gently and with your hubby' s support.Go one step at a time and be friendly to your sil as always while you are refusing to get her something so that others dont see it as fight.All the best.
Raj.