Relationships  Discussion Forum

hey Dia,

Thanx for all r suggessions, i will take care, will ignore her telling things, but reply back to her direct comments. But sometimes its difficult to reply back. Sitations like-

We were in a party chatting with my husbands cousin and there were other inlaw relatives.The cousin said to my husband \" Bhiya I never tasted tea made by u\" , I smiled back and said \" if u want to have it, u will have to come down to our house\" . On that my Jethani said \" She does not consider this place as her house, only her house is hers, not this (she meant where she and my MIL is living)\" . I was totally shocked, i said \" i mean to invite her my place thats the reason why i was saying so\" . but she kept on telling the same thing infront of all the relatives.

What can i do in such a situation, Argue? infront of everyone. I just kept quite, dint wanted to create a scene.

I have to deal with this behaviour and its gets difficult

Just be self confident and give immediate answers...Suppose ,if she says,\" Dress is not nice\" U shouldd say immediately with firm voice \" I like it and I feel its beautiful for me.\"

Some inlaws pass comments on dressing not dresses...It hurts our self-respect. We never should encourage it. Immediately have to give hints to them that u dont like them commenting u. Sometimes u can just lift ur eyebrow to say u dont like it...Or if they r not sensible enough, U can use words to say \" U dotn like comments\" .U decide how u tell them whether smooth or rough depending on other aspects in ur terms with them.

If someone criticising u and still U remain silent...Just U become leniant to them and pass as many comments as they can. ..So pl dont take this nonsence.

Hi Kalpana,
Its just clear that she has inferiority complex in some corner ,So she want to make up it with these show off.So just ignore her telling things...But never excuse any direct comment which would actually become a habit od humiliating u and feeling happy for ur feelings.
So just leave her complex to herself. It´ s not ur problem,right?Let her deal with her complex but u dont have to tolerate ,dear!

Will come again...bfn.

Thankx dia ur advice is gr8, i tried and it worked, --
my MIL said " she dont like the short kurthas i wear" and i said " i like it " , she dint said a word. But later on my Jethani said that my MIL dint like me wearing short Kurtas and that she thinks i waste cloth by doing so.
When i was newly married my Jethani used to seem very caring and supportive and told me my MIL and the entire family is not good, but later on i realised my MIL is dominated by her and she is trying to dominate me too all the time.
She told me she ´ cant wear cheap cloths and use expensive cosmetics only´ . Though financially we are in a best position in the whole family, but dont know why she tries to show she is the best and Tells that she has rules in dressing which she can never break.

I dont think i lag behind in my dressing or finances or personality, just that she is more fair and has better skin than me, but does that matter ?

My friends told me she might be jealous because my husband earns a lot more than her´ s and i have done my education from UK, i have more expensive jewellery and cloths than her, she is fat i am slim and we own our own house , she is living with my MIL and i am living in another state ......IS that becase of all this , or is there some other reason, I swear i never tried to make her feel inferior and down and i never show off, but why does she show off??

She once told me she want her own house, and decorare it herself, and dont want to live with my MIL. Also she said -our MIL was able to give me better saris and all that stuff better than her because my husband has money to spend in marriage and her husband did not had any money during that time, but now her husband is earning good. This is all she told me , i never discussed or felt like that.

She says she is very religious and all her husband is earning today is because of her prayers and fast. Actually i dont usually do fasting , though i pray to GOD everyday but she is very perticular about different festivals , fasting, praying perticular GODS perticular times with perticular things to gain weath, a boy child and all that. She expects the same from me and taunts and says worse things can happen if i dont do it, my MIL dont expect though. i dont like doing all this i like my daily simple prayers.

Why does she behave like that, is that in her nature or is it jelousy or some kind of complex she is trying to overcome by making me feel down , WHAT IS IT, WHY IS SHE DOING IT TO ME?