Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi! people,
I am froma very progressive background married intoa very regressive traditional marwari family. It was a love marriage. They are very regressive. I work and that is looked down at. I have a maid to do housework and they have a problem with that too. We did not give any dowry and they cannot still deal with it.
The thing is I hate my inlaws and have decided to not give into them. I do my own thing. I don't let them affect me. My husband is a supportive guy so I guess it helps. But in any case there is no way that I am going to give up my identity for a bunch of pre-historic losers. I will work, as I do now. I will maintain my lifestyle. I wear what I like. I eat what I like. My husband and I married eachother and that doesn't make either of us forced to accept the toxic relations if any.
It is a short life,girls, and if we don't stand for ourselves and eachother,no one will. I don't want to die thinking there was so much I cd have done and didn't do. Whenyou have toxic people around you the deal is to become so self-centered that they don't affect you at all. Think abt your children,girls,about your jobs about your own parents,about so many other things in this big,beautiful world. Don't think abt your in-laws. I am working towards reaching this stage of perfect indifference.
My little sister once taught me - \";living well is the best revenge.\"; Live and be happy. Put your foot down on certain things. Meet with your own friends. If anyone says soemthing bitter, just IGNORE. Trust me you will be indifferent soon enough. Love your hubby, your children and all who are nice and kind. Keep away from the toxic stuff!
Looking forward to your comments. Me replied. I really love the phrase \"; Living well is the best revenge\"; and it has proven to be so true in my case. my husband and i used to spend all our income on our in-laws, buying a bigger house, furnishing the house, etc. and all went to the credit of my husband's brother. we spend very less during our marriage, like buying cheaper clothes and footwear, buying less jewellery, etc. so that we could use it for a better house. Now when it was time for my husband's brother to get married, they bought all very expensive stuffs. i didn't have any problem with that but it bothered me when my FIL said that the things bought were according to the standard of the person getting married..i thought what the **** we didnt even go for a proper honeymoon for them and this is what i get to hear. finally, i decided that i would not give a single penny to them. i spent all the money for my husband and myself, bought great stuff for us for my BILs marriage and having been living a very luxurious life ever since...AND THE EXPRESSIONS ON THEIR FACE EVERTIME I BUY SOMETHING IS WORTH MILLION DOLLARS!!

Tony S replied. very rightly said. u r lucky that u have your husband by your side. In most of the cases that does not happen and that is when either the girl has to give in to their demands and ways or she has to make her life a living hell. Alternately we girls have to become strong enough to stand up for ourselves. Gradually with time all these external forces (ILs) come around and suddenly start behaving nicely . What an irony of fate. But girls do not get carried away by sweet talk and always focus on your marriage i.e. your relationships with husband and kids more than anything else. And it takes real guts to do this when u r staying in a joint family. Kudos to our inner strength !!!!! Cheers !