im a regular rader of this board and in a very upsetting state.
i had a miscarriage few monhs back.from that day till today whenever i had sex with hubby i never enjoyed.
i want a bay desparetely but my cycles r irregular so doc has given medicines.i taking them but the thing is i have lost all interest in sex.my hubby loves me but nowdays because of work pressures and job tension he is not talking much and gets angry on small things.
see i want baby desparetely but when we r not successful in some month i get irritated.he dosent like this.doc has said things r fine and misscarriages are common.he has regularised my periods.im upset because my cousin who is 1 yr younger to me and got married a few months after me is pregnent.this irritates me further.my problem is i get things in life with obstacles,tensions and worries and some people get it smoothly.i told my husband that i dont know y i got married early,i would have enjoyed my life more without you.
im in great stress.my hubby keeps on shouting at me on small small things.then he feels bad also whe i weep.my marriage is getting spoiled each and every day.i think that if i would have a baby then their would have been no problems,he would have been also happy.I FEEL INSECURE NOW.i hate this world.i have been married for 2 years and now we both talk to each other so less.sometimes he tells me his office problems,he is not so much worried about baby then other things.im always tense so my cycle is getting effected.I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.i just want baby more than anything else in this world, but my hubby is not understanding this.he thinks like a parrot one thing is on my mind only...which is very true.someone plese help
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hi
im a regular rader of this board and in a very upsetting state.
i had a miscarriage few monhs back.from that day till today whenever i had sex with hubby i never enjoyed.
i want a bay desparetely but my cycles r irregular so doc has given medicines.i taking them but the thing is i have lost all interest in sex.my hubby loves me but nowdays because of work pressures and job tension he is not talking much and gets angry on small things.
see i want baby desparetely but when we r not successful in some month i get irritated.he dosent like this.doc has said things r fine and misscarriages are common.he has regularised my periods.im upset because my cousin who is 1 yr younger to me and got married a few months after me is pregnent.this irritates me further.my problem is i get things in life with obstacles,tensions and worries and some people get it smoothly.i told my husband that i dont know y i got married early,i would have enjoyed my life more without you.
im in great stress.my hubby keeps on shouting at me on small small things.then he feels bad also whe i weep.my marriage is getting spoiled each and every day.i think that if i would have a baby then their would have been no problems,he would have been also happy.I FEEL INSECURE NOW.i hate this world.i have been married for 2 years and now we both talk to each other so less.sometimes he tells me his office problems,he is not so much worried about baby then other things.im always tense so my cycle is getting effected.I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.i just want baby more than anything else in this world, but my hubby is not understanding this.he thinks like a parrot one thing is on my mind only...which is very true.someone plese help
Chunmun replied. You have my sympathies about the miscarriage.
However the way you have handled it seems to me to be very immature and selfish.
You are treating your husband extremely badly, like a sperm bank really. You have some feeling of entitlement ( I dont know why) that the world owes you something. Instead of feeling happy for your cousin, you are feeling jealous!! Why cant you find it within you to be happy for your cousin sister?
You say you are a family girl, but you certainly are not behaving that way! (after all isnt yr husband part of yr family too?).
Have you had experience taking care of infants? Because the way you write of having 10 kids, I feel you have abosolutely no idea!
If you want to be occupied why dont you join a job? maybe in a daycare since you love children? what is stopping you?
Take a break from all this tension. It is neither good for you not your marriage. All his stress will also not help you in conceiving.
Please take a moment and THINK. You say you feel insecure, but you are the one causing the insecurity and behaving like a child and refusing to accept that problems happen to everybody and it is just a part of life.
You just want everything instantaneously like a child. In fact you remind me of my 5 yr old who stomps his feet when he wants something and he wants it NOW...:)
Read some books - if you can focus enough on something other than yr current obsession. It might help you divert yr mind.
All the best...
abc replied. thanks girls for replying...i really appreaciate ur concerns for me,but problem is i feel that only if i have baby atleast i will ease out from mental tensions.i love children....i will never get bore even if i have ten children...but im not even getting one easily so im irritated.
my hubby is nice and understanding but now even he is fedup of my thinking all the time of baby.he has insisted me in joining yoga.
and one more thing i have good things in life(by god grace)so i feel that y this sorrow came to me.what have i done and im worried about what people will say about me.my cousin got preggy early so she is getting so much importance,i feel bad.im a family girl so i dont feel bad also if i have kids to care of...i want to be occupied i guess....anyways its difficult for me to explain my nature..thanks
Sweta replied. I have to be honest with you about one thing,you actually have a very understanding husband.I have a friend who had 2 miscarriages and went on to get pregnant now after a yr of her miscarriages.
Please try to ease ur mind and do not be so harsh with your hubby .For sometime give that baby thought a rest and enjoy the company of your husband.Go for outings tell your hubby to give you time to get your sex life in control.Sometimes lack of physical intimacy can lead to fights believe me when I say this.Your fights will automatically come down when you start spending more time with each other without blaming each other.
Both of you want different things from your sex lives,you want a baby .Stop thinking about a baby ,women can get very obsessed with the idea of a baby.
Give your thoughts a break and simply enjoy life.
You have to understand one thing every body' s life is difficult at some point or the other its not that they are going to keep announcing their difficulties everytime they meet you.That doesn' t make any sense.
Let me give you an ex.I have a friend she has everything that everyone dreams about in life,a doting husband ,very good friends,her hubby was a Proj manager at that point and both our huSbands worked for the same company,she also has believe it or not very loving in-laws yet she complains(her mil never tells her to cook,she can sleep as long as she wants also encouraged her to lose weight and cooked accordingly for her ,also encouraged her to go for higher studies),she had one problem she had two miscarriages.
Now she became pregnant she even cursed somebody else for getting pregnant before her(understandable BUT that lady had this kid after 4 yrs of trying and with some complications)and that lady was already 35.
Now this friend of mine is pregnant but now she wants to go to a spa and enjoy herself after this pregnancy is over,and hand over that baby to her in-laws to take care.She is now very tired of having her normal life tied down by a baby.
Basically our wants never end,if today we want a baby tomorrow we will keep crying for our freedom.Our wants never come to an end its either this or something else.
You have to get yourself to understand this.Its in your hands.Your marriage if it is getting spoiled it is your responsibility to get it back in the gear,coz from what I read the solution to this you already know,stop and enjoy life with your hubby.
Happiness is a state of mind.We are like kids always keep crying for things we don' t have now and once we have them we are tired of it.
I have been trying for a kid from 5 yrs ,now I am 30.But I know that I can' t do anything about it coz it lies in the hands of someone above and till its time no matter what you do in life even if you stand on top of your head you will get a baby only when its the right time.
All the best.
dia replied. Hey abc,
Its just 2yrs u got married and already once u became pregnant.Nothing wrong from ur cycles. After miscariage its common having irregular periods.
Pl Think that ur miscarriage happened for ur own good.
Concenrate on other things than baby. At these present situations, u need to control ur frustration. Once u have a baby ,ur world have no fun except baby and her needs, yes , I accept its the great fun. But once u bound to baby related duties,u cant concentrate on other stuff like making ur b' tful bond with ur hubby more strong etc..
Just be cool and all ur problems will be solved.U r really lucky and believe in it. How many gals get a hubby like urs very caring and understanding? Yes, from ur writnings, he is really tolerating ur frustration at top level. So realise that u r lucky enough to get every thing in good way...
I too had a miscarriage when we got married ,but I took it very light and we gave a year gap and later I became Pregnant next time and now I have a 2.5 yrs girl.
I never felt bad I had miscarriage then but my hubby took that chance to roam around more as couple and had much fun.Later the right time came when we both had good understanding as a hubby and wife ,We got a baby on our path ...So now we both r responsible parents
So try to control ur depression and give time for the sweet news.Pl try some yoga or meditation to divert ur mind frm getting pregnant.
2007-06-17
#1
Name: Chunmun Subject: Pls grow up!
You have my sympathies about the miscarriage.
However the way you have handled it seems to me to be very immature and selfish.
You are treating your husband extremely badly, like a sperm bank really. You have some feeling of entitlement ( I dont know why) that the world owes you something. Instead of feeling happy for your cousin, you are feeling jealous!! Why cant you find it within you to be happy for your cousin sister?
You say you are a family girl, but you certainly are not behaving that way! (after all isnt yr husband part of yr family too?).
Have you had experience taking care of infants? Because the way you write of having 10 kids, I feel you have abosolutely no idea!
If you want to be occupied why dont you join a job? maybe in a daycare since you love children? what is stopping you?
Take a break from all this tension. It is neither good for you not your marriage. All his stress will also not help you in conceiving.
Please take a moment and THINK. You say you feel insecure, but you are the one causing the insecurity and behaving like a child and refusing to accept that problems happen to everybody and it is just a part of life.
You just want everything instantaneously like a child. In fact you remind me of my 5 yr old who stomps his feet when he wants something and he wants it NOW...:)
Read some books - if you can focus enough on something other than yr current obsession. It might help you divert yr mind.
All the best...
2007-06-16
#2
Name: abc Subject: thnks
thanks girls for replying...i really appreaciate ur concerns for me,but problem is i feel that only if i have baby atleast i will ease out from mental tensions.i love children....i will never get bore even if i have ten children...but im not even getting one easily so im irritated.
my hubby is nice and understanding but now even he is fedup of my thinking all the time of baby.he has insisted me in joining yoga.
and one more thing i have good things in life(by god grace)so i feel that y this sorrow came to me.what have i done and im worried about what people will say about me.my cousin got preggy early so she is getting so much importance,i feel bad.im a family girl so i dont feel bad also if i have kids to care of...i want to be occupied i guess....anyways its difficult for me to explain my nature..thanks
2007-06-18
#3
Name: Sweta Subject: Its sad!!
I have to agree with Karen ,you seem to not want any solutions coz you have already made up your mind regarding this issue.
Its unclear though what you expect from us.
Remember this ,when you have your life actually smooth with no other issues a good husband etc...you seem to undermine the value of what you have got.
Its sad but unfortunate to know that you are actually willing to screw your marital life for your own selfishness,with least regard to other´ s feelings.
You must visit the trying since long,message board in this indiaparenting and look at the women who suffer much more than you can imagine.
all the best.
2007-06-18
#4
Name: Karen Subject: Grow Up
I feel compelled to reply to this.
It is better that you don´ t have even 1 child with this attitude. You are definitely going to cause havoc in the life of the child with your sense of entitlement and the insecurities that it creates.
You´ ve gotten some very good advice from the folks here. It is up to you to take it or leave it.
2007-06-16
#5
Name: Sweta Subject: HI abc!!
I have to be honest with you about one thing,you actually have a very understanding husband.I have a friend who had 2 miscarriages and went on to get pregnant now after a yr of her miscarriages.
Please try to ease ur mind and do not be so harsh with your hubby .For sometime give that baby thought a rest and enjoy the company of your husband.Go for outings tell your hubby to give you time to get your sex life in control.Sometimes lack of physical intimacy can lead to fights believe me when I say this.Your fights will automatically come down when you start spending more time with each other without blaming each other.
Both of you want different things from your sex lives,you want a baby .Stop thinking about a baby ,women can get very obsessed with the idea of a baby.
Give your thoughts a break and simply enjoy life.
You have to understand one thing every body' s life is difficult at some point or the other its not that they are going to keep announcing their difficulties everytime they meet you.That doesn' t make any sense.
Let me give you an ex.I have a friend she has everything that everyone dreams about in life,a doting husband ,very good friends,her hubby was a Proj manager at that point and both our huSbands worked for the same company,she also has believe it or not very loving in-laws yet she complains(her mil never tells her to cook,she can sleep as long as she wants also encouraged her to lose weight and cooked accordingly for her ,also encouraged her to go for higher studies),she had one problem she had two miscarriages.
Now she became pregnant she even cursed somebody else for getting pregnant before her(understandable BUT that lady had this kid after 4 yrs of trying and with some complications)and that lady was already 35.
Now this friend of mine is pregnant but now she wants to go to a spa and enjoy herself after this pregnancy is over,and hand over that baby to her in-laws to take care.She is now very tired of having her normal life tied down by a baby.
Basically our wants never end,if today we want a baby tomorrow we will keep crying for our freedom.Our wants never come to an end its either this or something else.
You have to get yourself to understand this.Its in your hands.Your marriage if it is getting spoiled it is your responsibility to get it back in the gear,coz from what I read the solution to this you already know,stop and enjoy life with your hubby.
Happiness is a state of mind.We are like kids always keep crying for things we don' t have now and once we have them we are tired of it.
I have been trying for a kid from 5 yrs ,now I am 30.But I know that I can' t do anything about it coz it lies in the hands of someone above and till its time no matter what you do in life even if you stand on top of your head you will get a baby only when its the right time.
All the best.
2007-06-16
#6
Name: dia Subject: Pl cool Down!!
Hey abc,
Its just 2yrs u got married and already once u became pregnant.Nothing wrong from ur cycles. After miscariage its common having irregular periods.
Pl Think that ur miscarriage happened for ur own good.
Concenrate on other things than baby. At these present situations, u need to control ur frustration. Once u have a baby ,ur world have no fun except baby and her needs, yes , I accept its the great fun. But once u bound to baby related duties,u cant concentrate on other stuff like making ur b' tful bond with ur hubby more strong etc..
Just be cool and all ur problems will be solved.U r really lucky and believe in it. How many gals get a hubby like urs very caring and understanding? Yes, from ur writnings, he is really tolerating ur frustration at top level. So realise that u r lucky enough to get every thing in good way...
I too had a miscarriage when we got married ,but I took it very light and we gave a year gap and later I became Pregnant next time and now I have a 2.5 yrs girl.
I never felt bad I had miscarriage then but my hubby took that chance to roam around more as couple and had much fun.Later the right time came when we both had good understanding as a hubby and wife ,We got a baby on our path ...So now we both r responsible parents
So try to control ur depression and give time for the sweet news.Pl try some yoga or meditation to divert ur mind frm getting pregnant.
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& Answers to Topic : very very upset......help
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& Answers to Topic : very very upset......help
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thnks
Name: Sweta
HI abc!!
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