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Womens Issues:Dear Friends-help me to tackle this

2006-01-18

Name: Ne Hi all,

I am married for 3 yrs and have 1 kid but my married life was never smooth.
Although we had a love marriage,Lots of troubles and family fights but finally we have settle down for the sake of kid.
He use to respect my feelings and love me alot initially.
But now i am very much irritated by my hubby's behaviour.
We both r working.
i am managing kid, home and job alone. there is no contribution from him.
My prob. is My hubby is quite dominated, he always criticizes me for whatever i do.
I mean, he is very good in finding faults in me.
whenever we r in good mood, communicate or discuss something ,or i'll try to share my view ,he'll stop me in between and insults,critizes me badly, tries to prove me wrong. He'll show that whatever he's saying is correct and i am totally wrong or an idiot. He is 3.5 years elder to me.
In order to avoid fights and furhter heated exchange, i prefer to be quiet.
but It hurts actually from inside. It is making me depressed and declining my confidence.

Every time i decide not to share any thing with him but then again i have to discuss since there is no one else to talk at home.
i am much more educated to him and earning more also. i have nice personality also.
Whenever after a fight if i'll stop talking , rather than saying sorry or actually realizing the mistake he'll expect me to resume talking .

But then also he'll pass comments like this..
-u don't know how to dress up?
-he'll say someimes i wonder how u got such a higher education?
-Who told u to apply kajal, u don't have beautifull eyes.
Ironically except him everyone has appreciated my eyes.

- etc..etc.....

Pls. don't consider me wrong i am not doing self praising.i know i could be wrong sometimes but not everytime.

I love him a lot from inside and never feels superior about my edu or earning. He never cooperates with me , no matter whether i am well or not.

My in-laws also behave with me in this manner.
Now i feels as if he is walking on their footprints.

day by day i am distracting from him. i am so frustated and angry.

I don't know how to handle this situation.
But unable to tolerate his kingship.

kindly help me to tackle this situation smartly. and to teach him how much it hurts.
Thanks 4 sparing time on reading my prob.

regards,
Ne

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2006-02-09

Name: Amit
Subject:

wife

My wife is of very short tempered nature and thinks bad in each and evrything of like happy in house is when she is happy elese every one are sad because she make environemnt like that we have a kid and donr know how to take this anymor eebry word i say or my parents say needs to be weighed before said else she may get angry but anyway if she wants she gets..wpsl suggest

2006-01-23

Name: ne
Subject:

Thanks once again ss

Dear SS,
Thanks a lot for ur valuable advices. 'll surely follow it. Yes u r right, i should never show him that i need him. I don't have any sister but u have fulfilled that deficiency .
Thanks 4 sharing.
God bless u ..

Take care
Ne

2006-01-23

Name: ne
Subject:

Thanks once again ss

2006-01-23

Name: ne
Subject:

Thanks once again SS

2006-01-23

Name: ne
Subject:

Thanks once again SS

2006-01-23

Name: ne
Subject:

Thanks once again SS

2006-01-20

Name: Sweet Man
Subject:

good luck

it seems like your husband doesn't know what he has.
wish we are in the same city so we can meet up together and show you how lady should be treated.
good luck.

2006-01-23

Name: angry
Subject:

Get lost a$$hole.
U r using this as a oportunity to sleep with a woman.

2006-01-19

Name: ss
Subject:

Hi There

Hi Ne,
I understand what you are going through.
Believe me I have been there!...
First thing I want you to do this.DON'T EVER LET GO OF YOUR CONFIDENCE.
The only way to tackle your husband is behave as if you are NOT afected by his comments or behaviour.That will set him right.
The rootcause for his attitude is HIS INSECURITY ABOUT YOU.He feels that you are more qualified than him in every way and so he has chosen to put you down whenver he gets a chance so that you don't feel high about yourself.
Try to understand the next sentence
HIS ONLY FEAR IS THIS: WHAT IF YOU ACT THIS WAY WITH HIM?.Given your good looks and qualifications he is fearfull that you are thinking 'very low' about him inside your heart.So he is taking the first step and trying to boss you and put you down.
What to do, for some men this is how they try to get over their fears.
But the marriage has to work and you don't want to lose this loving person otherwise.
What You can do:
Make sure you are respecatble towards him in everyway (verbally, physically)
BUT,
MAKE SURE THAT HIS ATTITUDE DOES NOT AHVE ANY IMPACT ON YOU.
IF HE SAYS KAJAL DOES NOT LOOK GOOD ON YOU THEN SAY ' REALLY I DON'T THINK SO' AND THEN SMILE AWAY...don't show any anger or disappointment.Those two are the nurturing factors for his arrogant behaviour.The more he know that you are affected the more he will do it to you.
When he gets the message that his behaviour/comments has no impact on you and inspite of all this you are still calm and loving towards him he will stop his acts.And he has no other go than to be good to you.
This is how you bring him to your way.
He is never going to change if you tell him how much it hurts..he will hurt you more.
Take the situation in your hands and set your mind free of him.
You dont need HIM to tell you how much worthy you are or how good you look.
He has to appreciate his wife,If he does not then he is the loser.
Do you agree with me.
About the in-laws let them go to hell.
Once the son is set right he will set his own family right.Don't worry.
Ok Goodluck but remember things won't change overnight.It is a long journey.
Win the race.Don't let him overtake you.

2006-02-08

#10

Name: xyz
Subject:

I agree with ss

Hi ss,

I totally agree with. Mine was a love marriage and I was in the same boat. Career wise I am doing good and have good looks. I am sorry, I not trying to boast about myself, but I always get compliments from people when I am dressed up. I think in such situations men feel more INSECURE. Just to supress there insecurity, I think they try to put down.

I started ignoring his comments. But at the same time, I never responded back with rude comments. And it WORKS !!!! You just need some patience and rest everything will be taken care of...

Good luck NE. I am sure yours is the same case. You will be fine.

Take care

2006-01-20

#11

Name: ss
Subject:

Hi,
I know it is difficult to do it than advicing.
I perfectly understand what you are feeling.
But patience is the first thing we need if we want to successfully
come out of this.
I was reading your original message.I picked on this line that you have written.
"Every time i decide not to share any thing with him but then again i have to
discuss since there is no one else to talk at home."..
Let me tell you one thing girl..
Even if he is the only human being left in this planet don't ever act as if you need
him to make you feel better.
Never give him the idea that you need him and only him to decide on things
Find good friends,may be talk to your mom or dad or your sister or brother whenever you feel like you
need a shoulder to cry or decide something..don't ever let him know that you are discussing things with others rather
than with him.that will annoy him more and he will break open another hell at home!
Just voice out your idea to him in a voice which indicates you are very very clear in your opinion.
Say your idea as a suggestion, tell him why you think so,but end the conversation always saying
'anyway it is up to you to decide...' what to do those morons need that to sooth their ego!.
In general just cut talking with him if there is no need.Like I told you 'he is like a wounded tiger
waiting to spring on you at any given chance how much ever you are sweet with him.'

your patience and confidence will surely set him right.
I know it takes lot of patience but believe me it works ,I am married for 6 years now and my husband is no lesser than yours,
In fact I think he will win over your husband in thsi matter!!!.But let me tell you this strategy works.Proven results!!!
Anyways goodluck ...All the best to you.
SS

2006-01-19

#12

Name: Ne
Subject:

Thanks ss

Dear ss,

Thanks 4 understanding my position. I'll surely try to follow ur advise. but believe me he never misses any opportunity to let me down. Infact he thinks its his right. And when he wants physical pleasure he,'ll be the sweet guy and Next morning he'll be again in his original form.i.e. a dominator. I hate this.He blames me for everything that happens bad. Although he never ever shares any responsibilites.
OK I'll try to be patient but believe me its very hard.
Further suggestions appreciated.
Thanks 4 sparing time.

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