Relationships  Discussion Forum

i have already told about my condition in topic \" MIL problem\" . i am asking you people an advice after this. My MIL has returned from her native for her son' s sake, and again we had a big fight this time, as one day i was not feeling well and not able to cook, so she started crying again that i have made her an maid servant in her home and i am not able to cook for a single time in a day. i know you must think how bad DIL i am but telling about my physical condition may change your views about me. so anyway, we had fight an this time very big, as i was not able to control my anger because she came to my room and knocked the door very hard against wall. this is her habit, whenever we have fight she will start knocking the door shut on my face without thinking how she may feel if i do the same thing. after that i havent eaten food at home, i either keep eating fruits or get some meal from the nearby market. my husband just takes care that i get proper medicines and food so that i dont get any problem in last month of pregnency, apart from that our conversation has reduced to zero as now we havenot any topic apart from that. she makes all the meals for her sons nowadays and hasnot had the courtesy to ask even single time to her son to make me eat food even once. i have lost all the expectations now(trule from heart) and i dont expect anything when my baby gets born. but i have made commitment to myself that i am not going to suffer because of her attitude whole my life. i have thought of keeping full time maid for my kid' s care after he/she is born so that i can start taking all the work load of home and take care of my kid too. but can you suggest me how to force this to my hubby. he is always worrying whether his mother will start blaming him(she does it very beautifully). i just dont want to suffer anymore because of her, because if i again agree to everything she says this time, this is going to keep on repeating whole my life, as my husband wont have courage any time to make her understand her faults. please give your views so that i can be prepared for the situation in advance. prabhabalaji replied. Hi,
First of all u have be cheerful during pregnancy.It is the most happiest thing in every women' s life. U are going through a very bad time. But the child listens to everything in the mother' s womb.
u need to think good,eat well.
Why can' t every m-in-law think that their d-in-law is also like her daughter?
I pray to god that u have a safe delivery and let him give u happiness in life.
Can' t u go to ur mom' s place for ur delivery?
Don' t worry. If u believe in God he will do good for u.

prabha Harsha replied. Dear Suhani,

Please go to ur parents place immediately. They will be hurt but u atleast will be in a better condition for delivery. My MIL is no different, but hubby is ok upto some extent. I have also faced so many MIL problems. I am in 6th month and have decided firmly if she again thorws her similar tantrums next time i will not listen to anyone- means ANYONE-not even hubby and will simply go to my parents palce, this is one thing I have not done since marrige so she has taken me for granted. But not anymore- my child will not stay in such environment - i will not let him/her stay like this.
best of luck and do take care of yourself. Ritika replied. Hi dear,

I am so sorry that you are going thru such a tough time during what is supposed to be a beautiful time in your life (being pregnant)...

I really feel your husband should stand upto his mother and say that insulting you is unacceptable to him.

Just because she has had a hard life, doesnt mean that she gives YOU a hard life. Its like she is taking out all her bitterness on you. If she needs help, she can ask her sons to help in her day to day work...why ask you knowing you are pregnant and sick...

I am curious to know what yr hubby has to say on why he stands quiet when you are being insulted?

Tell him that all these fights are taking a heavy toll on you and your unborn baby! How can he sit and eat his dinner when there is no food prepared for his wife and unborn child????

Get some books or articles from the net on how important the emotional well being of a mother -to-be is...and make him read it.

I googled and found this -

\" According to Eli Newberger in the Journal of the American Medical Association, maternal psychological stress has been associated with depression, and stress and/or depression may have direct or indirect effects on the fetus.

Elizabeth Sussman of Penn State University said \" Biology responds to the environment,\" she said. \" A child will experience stress in a bad situation, and these stressors will affect the child' s hormones. An abused pregnant woman' s stressors will influence hormones present during pregnancy, affecting the woman and the unborn child. \"

And if yr parents are nearby, I would strongly advice you to move there for some time..you need lots of TLC right now and I dont see you getting it in your current situation.

Take care...