Relationships  Discussion Forum

I have been married 3 yrs ago. My husband is the only child of his parents and we stay with his parents. I sometimes feel of staying apart but then Ithink that his parents would feel lonely without him and will hold grudges against me. what should I do? I want to live my life my way and am tired of following a routine. pl help. I get frustrated and depressed. Ritika replied. All parents miss their kids when they move out...that is a perfectly natural thing..

But focusing all their attention and energy on just their son and his family is not good...for them or for you..

They should have a life beyond that of their son...

Living apart is totally fine...its better to stay apart and have an amicable relationship rather than stay together and be miserable.

I think yr in laws are also equally at fault here..going on a vacation with their son and daughter in law!!! What are they THINKING!! Agreed that all of you can go on some vacations, but its important to leave the 2 of you alone too!!!

Seriously, I think that' s a bigger sin - disrupting their son' s marital life..causing discord between his wife and him!

You need to stop sulking and start living yr life the way you want to..even if you are staying with them...doesnt mean you do whatever they tell you to..if you want to do something that they disapprove of..tell them that \" Sorry, but it is important to me\" ..if you dont want to do something that they want you to, then just firmly refuse..\" sorry, but I dont think that' s right\" ..No need to be rude but be forceful...

And yeah, as Vimpi said, you need to get over this feeling of \" if I do anything, they will hold grudges against me\" .

You can keep trying to please people, but you know what, if you dont stand up for your own feelings, those same people will walk all over them... if you dont respect yourself, others too will not respect you.

Yr feeling of frustration and depression will only increase with the years. You better start talking with your husband on this issue.

vimpi replied. You must discuss the issue with your husband and inlaws there will be no resolution until then.
As for the \" sin\" concept that \" r\" is trying to propagate. The definition of \" sin\" is something that causes a retardation or inertia in life. By this definition the life you are living now is a big sin.
The biggest sin Indian parents commit is this \" guilt\" that they try to inflict on their sons telling them they must pay back for all the sacrifices they made in raising them. Is this why they raise and desire sons? If so this is completely against the teachings of the Gita which preaches \" You have a right to do your duty but you do not have a right to claim the fruits of that duty\" .
You must discuss your feelings openly with your husband and inlaws and come to terms with what makes you feel right.
If you are going to feel guilty living by yourself and worrying about your image then that is not going to help you either. Get your priorities right. sr replied. You can move out but not too far from them... one or 2 streets away is fine.. so you can get to them quickly too if they do need help etc.. and at the same time you have your space. r replied. Hi priya if your inlaws are old dont try to seprate their son from them it would a big sin .You live they way you want even i am going through this problem but ,they must have work hard to grow your hubby leaving them at end like this wont be right .

Rest is your choice.