Relationships  Discussion Forum

Ok..here is the deal....last year when my co-sister went to India she got stuff for my baby girl..among it was this dress that she bought her her 1st birthday (i didn' t ask her to)...but it was sweet and I appriciate it.
Now last month we were just browsing in the mall and I saw this dress that I feel in love with and we bought it for her birthday. Infact we had to call another store 30 mins away from our house to hold the right size.
I want her to wear this dress...but at the same time I don' t want my sil to be hurt. I figured i would make her wear our dress first and maybe later change it to her dress( my duaghter does tend to mess up her clothes).
My delima....i was talking to my sil planning my daughter' s party and she was asking me if I had bought the matching shoes and accesries to the dress that she has given..and if i hadn' t she will look for it etc etc. I changed the issue and we started talking something else.
How do i deal with this. My reltionship with her is fine to v good..depenging on how things r going...i mean we have our share of ups and downs..but on the whole we get along (as long as i keep on agreeing).
She has a tendancy of wanting things her way...where as I' m more laid back...but sometimes i want things my way too. This is my only daughter whereas she already has a daughter...so it' s not as if she is living her dressup fantasies through my daugter.
At this point I' m not sure how she will react..either she will be upset or creat a scene or go into her depression modes and how she does sooo much for us whereas we r all ungratful people or she could just accept that maybe i would like to choose what my daughter wears on her 1st birthday.

How best to handel this without hurting her feelings yet at the same time making her understand that i have found something that i liked better. Do i tell her or just the day of let her see?? Sonu replied. thanks a lot for u' r advice...i have decided not to loose sleep over this. Will make her wear her dress first...and half way through change it into our dress. I told her not to buy or look for accesories as i have whatever i need...so hope all will go fine..thanks Saheli replied. Little actions of respect matter in relationships, and the respect/love gained through it stays for life.

I liked the idea of making the daugter wear both the dresses as it made all happy. I was wondering, if you were planning to wear her the co-sis' dress also, you must have got matching accessories too ...? Or else, you can tell her that you already have the matching accessories and that you dont plan to spend too much on this bday (hope its not first bday).

Well, i dont really feel it right on someone' s part to gift something and then also to expect it to be used. That' s a forceful gift! Had it been done by elder' s in family ... its understandable. Anyways, now that she is already expecting, I would suggest you to keep her wish and expectations by whichever way you want - use both dresses, or just wear co-sis dress and use your dress for next occassion. Yes, i would even suggest to wear just her dress (assuming you like that too). Its ok dear, you wd get more bday' s, more occassions to make ur dd wear what u want, but this is one chance to strengthen life long relationships and just asks for your little sacrifice on materialistic things and wishes.
A daughter' s bday is a great event for a mother and she has lots of plans. I know that for what i am suggesting, i am asking you to change your outlook the other way! sometimes we are so engrossed in ourselves that we go too deep and little things matter to us, just come back and have a look at bigger picture and you wd be able to decide urself.

Dont look at what co-sis does and how she maintains relationships. Just do your bit.

And if you dont like her dress, then the answer is clear.

Tons of bday wishes for your angel, God bless her. abc replied. I feel it would be good to talk to your sister-in-law casually mentioning that your dress is what your daughter will wear first and then change to her dress.When you have already informed her, you will not be stressed and can carry on with the other preparations.You can mention this to her when other family members arepresent so that she doesnt create a scene. And then change the topic.I agree that since you r the mother, you get a choice of what your daughter should wear.But also remember to change your daughters dress in the middle of the party and wear hers, so that she doesnt feel insulted or offended, after all a 1st year birthday party is meant more for the joy of friends and relatives. Later after a few years when your daughter grows up, she herself will start choosing what she wants to wear.So try to create a balance so that all r happy.