Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi Guys

Need to know from some experienced couple who have love marriage and from different cast!!

I am gujju and married to punjabi guy. been married for 2 years. Also have a 9 months old boy.

Beofre we got married we did talk about how difficult it will be for me to adjust in his family as we are from different part of india. we live in joint family with my MIL and BIL and his wife. My MIL was always against our marriage and she doesn' t like me. because of her only we have problem in my marriage life. I feel so depressed and fustrated with the situation. My husband is good to me. But because of all these problems he avoids any conversation with me. We don' t go out much and have same relationship which we used to have before we got married. I am willing to do as much as i can to adjust with My MIL.
living separately is the only option we have? My husband is older in family and FIL is no more. so he feels more resbonsible for his mother and i am fine with it. but because of her our marriage life is falling apart.
please give me any suggestion !
thanks suhani replied. i am also facing same problem. i am punjabi and married to UP brahmin. although here being of different caste is not a big issue but as my MIL is too much of nagging nature that she will create big deal for small things like why i have not put up big bindi, why my sindoor is less, why i have not put up bichia(rings for leg fingers) and all. i know being educated we can not think why our MIL is behaving is like this but being in situation where your hubby is elder and has responsiblity for building home you can not avoid such things. atleast happy with thought that i am not the only one suffereing with this problem. I know i did not give any soultion but i suppose we can find solace with this feeling that we are not the only one going through this situation. just try to be yourself becoz you also have right to be happy and stop listening to all the bad things your MIL says. your relation with your hubby will improve with time but you need to have patience. Priti replied. Hi Sapna,

I have a similar situation. I am not sure if your husband understands your difficultly in living wiht your mil. he and you need to talk to figure out how your mil and you can live under the same roof but not make each other' s life miserable. Your husband needs to be willing to stand up for certain things to keep a distance between you two.

my suggestions ...
1. live together but with distance. from your side block off reacting to how your mil behaves or says. your interactions with your husband, should not be influenced by your mil. you need to create that mental distance.

2. tell your husband that the three or the two of you need to go away somewhere as a family. you can' t do everything with the ' MIL LIMITATION' .

the first and the most important step -- mental distance. that is how i survive. with time things get better. even now a simple comment from her just boils me, but i try not to react and push that aside by distancing myself.

good luck.