Relationships  Discussion Forum

my husband is still a mamm's son and listens to everything his mother says. its so that she tells him what to do for me and what not. when i want to listen to what he has in mind, i always hear his mamma's words playing out of his mouth. he is always that 'my mamma this, my mamma that' type. he always wants to eat only the kind of food his mother makes and doesnt want me tot ry new dishes. whenever i try something new, he always says 'why didnt you make like my mother does?' when i tell him to come out of the small shell his mother created for him- his mother who is not a very excellent cook and knows not more than 20 dishes and never tries anything different- he never answers. i have a very tough time with myself trying to keep my anger off him. otherwise he is a very loving man. but i still feel the amount of interest he gives to his family he doesnt give to me. his mother believes in stupid superstitions like driving away evil spirit for prosperity and the like. i personally feel she is a bad influence on my husband and whenever something goes wrong, my husband says 'its because of the evil spirits that have taken on my fate that things are happening like this and nothing can be changed' and he stops working on it anymore and loses his spirit. he is not like that otherwise unless or untill his mother tells him its so. he is a man of the century, though. his illeterate mother is the one who imposes nonsense on him and keeps him from success thinking she is helping him through her superstitions. i have tried to make him understand that its because of his intelligence, hard work and belief in himself that has made him successful, which he really is, and he agrees to me. the next moment his mother says something, he is back to square one. i have also told her to keep her superstitious practices with ehr and to spoil the self confidence my husband has for himself. so now, whatever she says doesnt come to me. mom and son communicate and i dont get to know what they do because now she knows i dont believe in such things.

apart from this, my husband's family which comprises of an elder brother (who is unemployed) and his wife and baby son, younger sister who cant walk, younger brother who works for peanuts along with his father and mother are always a demanding lot! and my husband is a jackpot for them. a little bit of coo-chee-coo sometimes and a little bit of crocodile tears sometimes gets everything from my husband. in the last moth, my husband has shed 50,000 for his brother's business, 30,000 for his younger brother's bike and now for diwali a purchase of damned 25,000! now expenses are going to mount on the airfare that we are going to take to go to our native! and he doesnt earn in dollars, but jut rupees. somehow he manages to give them whatever they demand. he does not realize they exploit him. he only has pity on them which i feel is absolutely unduly. i have been going through bouts of sickness and with no maid in our house i find it difficult to wash clothes. he saw my difficulty and vowed to buy a washing machine. but the diwali expenses have eaten that money kept for washing machine. i cant blame him, though i feel we could have bought a little inexpensive outfits for the kind of people who dont know what 'brands' are. they would say 'oh! so much! for doggers or allen solly'!!

i am lost and dont know what to do. my husband is very loving toward me, but what i say doesn't really matter to him. i cant say he is male chauvenistic. but he just turns a deaf ear to what i say. he wont say 'no' to anything i say. instead he says 'yes' and doens t do it and just forgets about it. i have asked him several times why he does this, but he never has an answer.

i just dont know how to handle these. i have been married for 7 months now. we stay in mumbai and both our families in chennai. BJ replied. Dear Priya,

I agree with your grievance....but India society is like this...Yes it is true that you have come leaving your parents only for your husband, but your husband lives with his parents, what should he do? Should he leaves his parents too? That is tit for tat. And I must tell you girls care for their parents better than boys. In European countries, girl and boy both leave their parents after marriage and settle in new home...but in india, it is not like that and when you live with parents, you have to care for them too...but balance should be there....nobody should feel left alone and that is for husbands to think. If you husband is not giving you enough time and comes to you only for sleeping , that is not good. May be your husband is thinking that his parents should not think that after marriage they have lost their son and he is all the time sticking to his wife. It is a long issue and debates can be held on this and still you can't find a good answer.So my dear friend....all I can say time will be with you soon..till then wait and have patience. BJ replied. Hi..Priya, I understand your problem. This is the story of every new wedded girl. Nothing new in it. I agree with the answers posted to your problem. Women only think for themselves and not about their hubbies. Think how tough is for your husband to maintain parity. Girls only think they have the right to say anything because they have left their homes for their husbands...but it should not be like that. Try to forget petty things if you want to be happy... One side you are saying your husband loves you and also complaining. My wife is like you...always make a hue and cry about petty things said or done, which could be ignored. and if same things are done by her parents, she stays calmn... so I think you will understand that when you become mother-in-law of your son. Don't be angry on my comments..this is fact and if you think with cool mind, you will also agree. So be happy, this is your acid test....life in family is not like bed of roses, lots and lots of problems come and go..I know what you are saying is very normal for a wife's point of view. but also think from your husband's point of view. leave petty things that make any problem. Friend replied. Hi...I understand your problem. It will take quite some time to settle down and your husband will be with you. But till then, relax and give your husband sometime to do his duties towards his parents. Every husband likes what his mom cook for him or I should say every child whether son or daughter...likes his mom's cooking coz he is with her with so many years and eating his dishes. You can't change your elders, you have to change yourself and adapt the atmosphere. Your husband will be with you for sure, when you start your family planning etc. Till then...relax and enjoy life!