Hi,
As a tradition,girls have to leave their homes after marriage which make the parents of those girls very insecure and lonely in old age who have only girls. And the girls conventionally can not look after their parents without the help of their hubbies. Whereas boys can do any thing for their parents without any permission from their wives. This is a very pitiable situation.
MY SUGGESTION IS :
GOVERNMENT SHOULD MAKE A LAW THAT WHEN A BOY GETS MARRIED, HE TOO WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOME OF HIS PARENTS AND SETTLE AT A THIRD PLACE WHERE BOTH BOY AND GIRL WILL LIVE. THIS SHOULD NOT BE CIRCUMSTANTIAL OR OPTIONAL FOR THE BOY BUT SHOULD BE STRICTLY MANDATORY. LIKE EVERY GIRL IS TOLD AS SHE GROWS THAT ONE DAY SHE WILL LEAVE HOME …..THE BOY TOO SHOULD GROW ON SIMILAR LINES.
This will give girl' s parents an equal and legitimate status ....just like parents of a boy behave after marriage. The punch of the suggestion is that boys' parents should have the same insecurity that one day their son too wud leave home and it may help in reducing the ' SON SYNDROME' AND EMPOWER THE WOMEN.
Whats ur opinion ?????
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Hi,
As a tradition,girls have to leave their homes after marriage which make the parents of those girls very insecure and lonely in old age who have only girls. And the girls conventionally can not look after their parents without the help of their hubbies. Whereas boys can do any thing for their parents without any permission from their wives. This is a very pitiable situation.
MY SUGGESTION IS :
GOVERNMENT SHOULD MAKE A LAW THAT WHEN A BOY GETS MARRIED, HE TOO WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOME OF HIS PARENTS AND SETTLE AT A THIRD PLACE WHERE BOTH BOY AND GIRL WILL LIVE. THIS SHOULD NOT BE CIRCUMSTANTIAL OR OPTIONAL FOR THE BOY BUT SHOULD BE STRICTLY MANDATORY. LIKE EVERY GIRL IS TOLD AS SHE GROWS THAT ONE DAY SHE WILL LEAVE HOME …..THE BOY TOO SHOULD GROW ON SIMILAR LINES.
This will give girl' s parents an equal and legitimate status ....just like parents of a boy behave after marriage. The punch of the suggestion is that boys' parents should have the same insecurity that one day their son too wud leave home and it may help in reducing the ' SON SYNDROME' AND EMPOWER THE WOMEN.
Whats ur opinion ?????
Ananym replied. Wat a great idea?I dont think this will be implemented.No men would agree to this.They always are pleased only when their wives asks him each and everything before doing it for her parents.Stupid male ego...We Can' t help it....They ' ll be this.
j replied. i dont agree, the government cant tell who to live with or not.
if they start to make these kinds of laws, soon they will control everyone' s lives.
also girls do have rights to go back and take care of their parents. THE HUSBAND CANT STOP U!
i am saying this blc i have a grandma who is a widow, if she would have not beening living with my mom' s 3 brothers, their 3 wifes, and their kids. they would have been DESPRESSED.
she is really happy.
Harsha replied. hi ceekay & SR,
ur words seem to be stolen from my mind...how similar are the stories of most indian married ladies i sometimes wonder. i am in a joint family n on the family way now. Its been 1.5 yrs of marriage n alwys it has been stressful...even now things r just the same. Me & hubby r planning to build own house ASAP but it will take 6 more months..i am just keeping patience tht at least my baby will start his/her life in an environment that is happy n free.
Wish me luck that it happens soon.
Harsha
KUNJU LAKSHMI replied. When you bring up the children, you don' t want to differentiate them by gender.
What I saw in my life in Kerala, girls are more attached and helpfull to their parents, especially in old age (girls married or spinster no matter).
We don' t have any strict rules to keep away us from our parents after marriage and attach to husband' s families. Joint family system is nice if you have little patience and ready to accept others views and comments if they are good. Especially children who are growing in joint families are more humane and broad minded than the children in nuclear families who don' t know caring and sharing in life.
If your brother is not taking care of your parents, you must take care of them in addition to husband' s parents.
I am a 45 year lady who is living in a joint family without any problem. When my parents are sick or in hospital I will go to my home to take care of them and to help SILS.
Sex Climax period is up to 2 or 3 children. After that intercourse will be twice or thrice in a week for almost all couples. At the begining stage of married life girls are hurrying to run with their husbands to create a nuclear life and later feel that all problems and seens are created unnecessarily.
So whatever is convienient le the boy or girl discuss and decide where to live, how to take care of parents from both sides etc..,.
NO NEED OF ANY RIGID LAW.
Divya replied. WOW, its like m reading my own heart.U know I too had the same feeling n m still having it and will have it always.We r presently staying in canada and we will be returning to india by this month.MY hubby and me were discussing wat to gift members of my family and his.Wen i said i wanna gift something for my elder sister(who is married now),my hubby said tat he won take into acccount of the girls who have married and left the family.I got infuriated and told him curtly tat i don accept his views and it doesn' t mean gals have left their family wen they get married.Waiting for tat law to come into effect atleast for the next generation if not now!
friend replied. I totally agree with you. and it should be also mandatory that boy should ask girls before calling his parents as girls do.
SR replied. I totally agree!!!
Boys should start looking for their own place immediately they get engaged or even sooner!!
After the age of 18, blokes move out in Western Countries... the parents encourage them to do so. They find it embarassing living with parents esp at the age of 30!! They want to be independent.. have their own investments etc etc..to start building their own future.
Not only does this create peace.. but also see it as an investment into a property. Instead of having one house (parents) .. you now have two. Of course you can visit parents regularly and vice versa. This way the DIL will look forward to having her inlaws over and entertaining them.
I am so glad my husband' s agreed to move out. We move in June!!! Only 2 months away... but that too seems so long. He is already enjoying the independence he is going to get.. the responsibility.. and is aware that his will now be the man of the house. We are both very excited about the new place and look forward to decorating it and furnishing it to our OWN taste. He also mentioned once to me that he wishes he took this step sooner. Now he can do whatever he wishes..and when he wishes.. he had acknowledged the fact that he is not the decision maker at his parents house (which he always thought he was) and whatever he did there, credit would do to his parents and not him. There was hardly much identity for himself. Even though he owns part of his parents house, that is not recognised. It took me 1.5 years of convincing.. worked in the end!!! Hard work paid off. Intially he used to get very angry with me and fight with me when I asked him to move out. Am glad he saw things from my point of view.
I look forward to enjoying my space and freedom.
If there are any guys there who is considering this, then I suggest you go for it. Does not have to be a huge house.. am sure your wives will be happy to have her own place even if its a tiny studio apartment.
2007-05-22
#1
Name: Ananym Subject: I Agree
Wat a great idea?I dont think this will be implemented.No men would agree to this.They always are pleased only when their wives asks him each and everything before doing it for her parents.Stupid male ego...We Can' t help it....They ' ll be this.
2007-05-10
#2
Name: j Subject: omg
i dont agree, the government cant tell who to live with or not.
if they start to make these kinds of laws, soon they will control everyone' s lives.
also girls do have rights to go back and take care of their parents. THE HUSBAND CANT STOP U!
i am saying this blc i have a grandma who is a widow, if she would have not beening living with my mom' s 3 brothers, their 3 wifes, and their kids. they would have been DESPRESSED.
she is really happy.
2007-04-11
#3
Name: Harsha Subject: Totally agree with u
hi ceekay & SR,
ur words seem to be stolen from my mind...how similar are the stories of most indian married ladies i sometimes wonder. i am in a joint family n on the family way now. Its been 1.5 yrs of marriage n alwys it has been stressful...even now things r just the same. Me & hubby r planning to build own house ASAP but it will take 6 more months..i am just keeping patience tht at least my baby will start his/her life in an environment that is happy n free.
Wish me luck that it happens soon.
Harsha
2007-04-03
#4
Name: KUNJU LAKSHMI Subject: CONVIENIENCE FIRST
When you bring up the children, you don' t want to differentiate them by gender.
What I saw in my life in Kerala, girls are more attached and helpfull to their parents, especially in old age (girls married or spinster no matter).
We don' t have any strict rules to keep away us from our parents after marriage and attach to husband' s families. Joint family system is nice if you have little patience and ready to accept others views and comments if they are good. Especially children who are growing in joint families are more humane and broad minded than the children in nuclear families who don' t know caring and sharing in life.
If your brother is not taking care of your parents, you must take care of them in addition to husband' s parents.
I am a 45 year lady who is living in a joint family without any problem. When my parents are sick or in hospital I will go to my home to take care of them and to help SILS.
Sex Climax period is up to 2 or 3 children. After that intercourse will be twice or thrice in a week for almost all couples. At the begining stage of married life girls are hurrying to run with their husbands to create a nuclear life and later feel that all problems and seens are created unnecessarily.
So whatever is convienient le the boy or girl discuss and decide where to live, how to take care of parents from both sides etc..,.
NO NEED OF ANY RIGID LAW.
2007-04-05
#5
Name: SR Subject: Hi
Hi Kunju Lakshmi
Parents can be taken care of even by living in a separate house.. when we girls want a separate house, we do not mean that we want to cut links with the In-laws. We just want a place where were are the head...somewhere where we are able to do things the way we would like to other than following someone else´ s rules. We just want some privacy and freedom. At inlaws place most girls experience that even if they want to pop out for a little while, they need to give details to inlaws as to where they are going..why they are going etc etc Yes .. of course at parents house you need to inform too.. but not in such depth..at inlaws when you dont arrive at the time specified, these is a Q&A session later. A girl has the right to run the kitchen how she wishes, cook how she wishes etc, What pan to use ETC! When I am cooking, my MIL runs after me in the kitchen and gives advice what pan to use etc etc!! For God´ s sake I know what pan to use, temperature to cook in!!! Each time every time!!! Now what is there to compromise here?? Its irritating! Either I can argue back with her and tell her to back off and which would result in a big argument.. or I don´ t cook and get my husband to take me out for dinner and she can cook for herself and FIL. I choose the 2nd option.. its easier and no arguments.
Do you think its better to live in a joint family and hate each other or live separately and feel something for each other?
It is impossible in Western Countries to live together. Firstly both the man and woman need to work and they´ ll have full-time jobs. Now the MIL´ s do not want to understand that after a hard day´ s of work, the DIL needs a rest in the evenings..I do not get home until 7.30PM.. and my MIL expected me to cook a full dinner then. She is at home all day watching TV, phone etc, but did not feel the need to help. My husband was on my side and he asked her to prepare the evening dinners. Cos it came from him, she did it. However I took over the washing up later. My MIL´ s sister´ s son got married and her DIL is going through the same. My MIL used to keep the house in a big mess and wanted me to clean during the weekends etc... Iput my foot down and said no ways! I need my rest on weekends.. she could learn and keep it tidy or clean the mess herself. All this has caused alot of friction between us.. and we have not had the opportunity to bond. I felt if we were livng separately from the start, I´ d have been alot closer to them. I am moving out in June but am not sure if things will improve.. I do not know how much damage has been done to the relationship. I am sure time will tell, but at the present moment I cannot wait to get outta there.
About keeping away daughter from parents - well I do not think that´ d work in this day and age as the girls these days are more alert and not willing to take crap but am sure that was something that happened many years ago. But there´ s always an issue when the girl wants to buy presents for her family. Its like.. no.. buy for your SIL, MIL, FIL etc etc!!
Also one thing from my experience from living with in-laws I felt was when me and my husband had an argument over our own private stuff, my MIL jumped in and took advantage of the situation to tell me horrible things. Even though we argued in the privacy of our own room, then she´ d stand outside and listen. This caused our arguments to go on for a few days. My husband realised this and this made us go out everytime we needed to discuss something and get some privacy.. it was annoying..when in your own house you could not do whatever you wanted to.
Trust me living together is more stress and hassle than its worth... maybe when we reach your age we can all move in together after we´ ve lived our dreams .. but not when we are at an age where we should be enjoying life.
I feel in the beginning of the marriage it is important to live together alone for some years... when inlaws are old, of course naturally we´ ll take care of them but that initial period is important for the couple to bond.
2007-04-05
#6
Name: ceekay Subject: thanks for responding
Well ma´ m, i dont deny the importance of Joint Family. But my suggestion was to give social equality to women folks. Its not possible here in PUnjab for married women to look after their parents in a authrorative manner. She cant order her hubby to lookafter her parents where as married girl is suppose to do so for her in-laws. Here lies the difference !!!! Only SOME STRICT LAWS can make it happen !!!
2007-03-30
#7
Name: Divya Subject: Entirely agree
WOW, its like m reading my own heart.U know I too had the same feeling n m still having it and will have it always.We r presently staying in canada and we will be returning to india by this month.MY hubby and me were discussing wat to gift members of my family and his.Wen i said i wanna gift something for my elder sister(who is married now),my hubby said tat he won take into acccount of the girls who have married and left the family.I got infuriated and told him curtly tat i don accept his views and it doesn' t mean gals have left their family wen they get married.Waiting for tat law to come into effect atleast for the next generation if not now!
2007-04-05
#8
Name: ceekay Subject: thanks
Thanks Divya for endorsing my view-point. Things can change only if WOMEN THEMSELVES ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO CHANGE THE SITUATIONS IN THEIR STRIDE !
2007-03-30
#9
Name: friend Subject: I totally agree
I totally agree with you. and it should be also mandatory that boy should ask girls before calling his parents as girls do.
2007-04-05
#10
Name: ceekay Subject: thanks
Thanks friend for agreeing to my view point. It should be GIVE ´ N´ TAKE !! Boys should understand that !
2007-03-30
#11
Name: SR Subject: I Agree
I totally agree!!!
Boys should start looking for their own place immediately they get engaged or even sooner!!
After the age of 18, blokes move out in Western Countries... the parents encourage them to do so. They find it embarassing living with parents esp at the age of 30!! They want to be independent.. have their own investments etc etc..to start building their own future.
Not only does this create peace.. but also see it as an investment into a property. Instead of having one house (parents) .. you now have two. Of course you can visit parents regularly and vice versa. This way the DIL will look forward to having her inlaws over and entertaining them.
I am so glad my husband' s agreed to move out. We move in June!!! Only 2 months away... but that too seems so long. He is already enjoying the independence he is going to get.. the responsibility.. and is aware that his will now be the man of the house. We are both very excited about the new place and look forward to decorating it and furnishing it to our OWN taste. He also mentioned once to me that he wishes he took this step sooner. Now he can do whatever he wishes..and when he wishes.. he had acknowledged the fact that he is not the decision maker at his parents house (which he always thought he was) and whatever he did there, credit would do to his parents and not him. There was hardly much identity for himself. Even though he owns part of his parents house, that is not recognised. It took me 1.5 years of convincing.. worked in the end!!! Hard work paid off. Intially he used to get very angry with me and fight with me when I asked him to move out. Am glad he saw things from my point of view.
I look forward to enjoying my space and freedom.
If there are any guys there who is considering this, then I suggest you go for it. Does not have to be a huge house.. am sure your wives will be happy to have her own place even if its a tiny studio apartment.
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& Answers to Topic : For parents who have only GIRLS !
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No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : For parents who have only GIRLS !
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I Agree
omg
Totally agree with u
CONVIENIENCE FIRST
Name: SR
Entirely agree
thanks
I totally agree
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