Relationships  Discussion Forum

I m expecting my first baby and I happened to visit my hometown for some change and rest. My mom n dad stay with my bro, bhabhi and their 2 children. I found my mom has changed over time. Though she took best care of me but i felt some change. Before She was a hardworking, loving caring and humanne.
I spent there some 15-20 days and in my early days i found my mother boasting about how well she takes care of children when bhabhi goes to office. But later, I realized that she looks mainly after the elder son and the baby is mostly taken care of by the maid who also cooks both time meals. when i tried to point that out mom said let maid handle the baby as mom wants to spend time with me till i m there. But i found that mom was not even aware of how many ounce milk the baby takes each time or where baby' s emergency medicines are kept. I asked that too and mom tried to say something like my bhabhi doesnt like the way mom takes care so she doesnt interfere.
Somehow i dont think that was right. My mom entered the kitchen only when she had to make something for me otherwise everything from morning tea to dinner was served in her room. Not only that, the maid would also do rounds for second and third helpings! My father is an early eater and he eats at dining table at 7 pm so the maid serves him there.
For whole day my mother was sitting in her room chatting with me or wathinvg TV. evening she went for walk with her friends. She did not even care to ask for the baby and the maid was doing everything.
When my bro' s 7 yr old son came from school, the second maid who does cleaning went to pick him infront of house, bathe him changed clotthes etc. Then the 24 hr maid brought lunch plates for all of us in mom' s room. Thankfully mom took care of the boy' s lunch and fed him. then she made him sleep. Evening, she ordered the maid to bring milk for the boy and then went with him to the garden. He played there and my mom was walking with her friends. After coming back same thing again. She ordered maid to bring snaacks for the boy and asked her to cook dinner. Baby was awake so maid left baby in mom' s room. There was nothing much to do for the baby but when he peed, my mom would order maid to bring another clothes.

Soon my bhabhi came and she took charge of baby. My mom took the boy' s homework and i was happy to see that.

On holidays i saw my bhabhi in pitiable condtion. Already i was there. She would take care of baby and look after whats going in kitchen. The elder boy woke up at 8 am and my bhabhi kept asking him to brush and have milk.
I saw she couldnot manage with baby and kitchen the elder boy. My bro also tried a little to make him brush and then ignored.
Till 11 am the boy was roaming like that! Without brush and milk. My bhabhi was busy in breakfast and lunch for so many peopple. Feeding baby his food seemed another long task.

Why has my mom become lazy like that? My MIL is coming to stay with us after my baby arrives and I already have a 24 hr maid. I am scared my house will also become like that and me like my bhabi.

Is ther anything i can do for my bhabhi or about my mom or i should not interfere? Sanjaana replied. Hello Priti
Good that you are thinking about your bhabhi and her baby.
You need to have an open talk with your mother and tell her about her responsibilities towards her grand children. Also your brother too need to help your bhabhi as she is a working woman. Only with the cooperation and support of the family member can this problem be tackled.
BTW Google search for Indusladies community where there is lot of discussions about handling family issues. Dp replied. It' s good of you to see your Mom as a MIL.Reaaly mom does evevrything as a mother but not MIL, all of a sudden MIL becomes very lazy.I have been in same situation.
priti replied. good ideas friends.
Will try them out.
Thank u all. hi replied. hi priti,
talk to ur mother putting ur eg ...that if ur MIL do the same like she dowith ur bhabhi.may the picture get clear .

sometimes we dont realise our flaws untill somebody (third person)comes and tell us.

but do talk to ur mom so that ur bhabhi start feeling thank god their is somebody for her in ..her in laws place. like mainly nands dont think like that.. as u are thinking for ur bhabhi...lucky she. hi replied. hi priti,
talk to ur mother putting ur eg ...that if ur MIL do the same like she dowith ur bhabhi.may the picture get clear .

sometimes we dont realise our flaws untill somebody (third person)comes and tell us.

but do talk to ur mom so that ur bhabhi start feeling thank god their is somebody for her in ..her in laws place. like mainly nands dont think like that.. as u are thinking for ur bhabhi...lucky she. SR replied. All mothers ... once they have a daughter in law... they become lazy!!!! My MIL did everything for her daughter...but something small she does for me.. she has to make a big deal out of it and phone everyone and tell them.
I told my mom that after my bro gets married, make sure you do not turn lazy. She prefers my brother to get his own place so my bhabhi can have her own space and freedom. Ritika replied. You can ask your mom as well as your brother why they do not help out your bhabhi more in the kitchen as well as with the baby.

You can express your sadness at seeing yr bhabhi in such a pitiable condition...maybe your mom and brother have become immune to it...your brother specially...what was he doing in this entire process? if he was home during the holidays, he could have helped out...

Other than that, I don' t see how you can help...

As far as your MIL helping you out after delivery is concerned, it really depends on how good a person she is...I hope she is a good lady and takes care of you...but please dont be disappointed if she doesn' t...because there is a BIG difference between one' s own mother and an MIL...

A mother wants to make her daughter' s life easier...and a MIL wants to make her own life easier...