Relationships  Discussion Forum

its so nice of you guys..that u take care of all needy DILs. i m working mother of 1 yr old. My hubby supports all my in laws and even my SILs inlaws. and i help my hubby in all this samaj seva. now my prob is my SILs always comment me that i never give any moneyor gifts to their kids. very true but i even dont get money for myself or i have to wait a lot if i need to buy toliet items for me and even kids.
The things worsen when my MIL visit us. She always taunt that eveybody ask me how much your DIL give u and i say many thousands bucks in a month. the fact is that my hubby take care of my bank accnt and ATM . i even dont know my PIN number i never operated. i tried everything to keep my money in my hand. i dont want to think over it now. My MIL have lots of sons n daughters. often everybody demand everything from my hubby. Someone need mobile, jewellery, any costly stuf at the same time my hubby refuses for a body lotion that he dont have money. thr is no need of it now, season is changing.
i suppose my hubby told everybody that his wife ie me take care of her money ...so they always think of it whr does the all money go . they even sometimes suspect that i sent money to my parents. i never did. touchwood my parents have very small family and financially stable too. Now my MIL needs everything from me and want her daughter to get married.
Every visit my MIL cheks wateevr i have purchased and she take it for her daughters.
I cant discuss all this to my hubby as it only ends in a big fight leaving me all alone.weeping foodless n sleepless nights.
i cant pretend before my hubby that everything is ok and i m very happy with my life. so i seems very frustrating and irritating all the time before him resulting more fights betwwen us.
Why men wants a smiling and jolly wife knowing well about his mother and sisters and even brothers.
i never thought that a working women could be so needy for few rupees..and tolerate all MIL and SILs and BILs harsh comments. gaur replied. i started visiting this site for my baby' s probs...but this site seems to hv solved all my probs of my perosnal life....
i stay in a joint family we all r 12 people (inc me)...u can say im blessed with with 10 people ..i must hv done something very nice my life that god has given me such a wonderful in laws place...
but xcept 4 one person ..i dont know what i had done to deserve this..or im paying for my bad deeds in advance...so that i go to heaven when i die..
that is my mil......
i dont hv words to describe how she harasses me....4 2 years i took everything ...in this i was pregnant too...my bro-inlaws...fil ...my husbands dadi...his sisters are all very sweet n that is what she never liked ...everytime she use to create tension..fight prob b' /w us...mine was love marriage ..but i think god has punished her very soon...everytime she wud say in our family no one shamelss that they hv gone 4 love mrrg...
t' day my bro-in law is getting mrrd...she has not even entered house she is doing exactly what my mil had accused me of doing....n she cant do anything....
now shes very nice to me...she helps me in work too...otherwise i use to do all the work single handedly..she use to stop my helpful sil...
my bro-inlaws were so sweet they wud threaten her to leave the house ....inspite of being grown up they wud cry for me...
now i ignore her royally...i m doing my best to stay away fm her..n not to get close to her....she wants to get close to me so that i join her to harass that girl which i wont od...
coz i hv gone thru a lot....in my pregnancy she harassed me a lot...i wont 4get those days...

when i read ur probs...im very happy ..sorry to say that ...but i use to think that i must hv really done soemhing bad in my life that god has send such mil to harass me...but after reading ur probs im happy that im not alone...it s god' s gift to all dil...

thanks to this site atleast we can discuss our probs it really helps...girls like us who dont hv any1 to tell..coz at the end of the day u will get to hear i had told u not to marry him but marry that guy...u wud hv been happy...

all i wud ssay is never answer back......but when u do dont leave anything ..i totally agree with poonam...say as much as u can...
most imp...thing..let ur husband gv money..to them...i dont b' live in seperating mother from son...my husband too gvs all the money ...his balance is always 0...but u dont gv any money...u get soemthing for her...buy soemthing for home..but nver gv ur money to her...trust me this will be ur BIGGEST MISTAKE of ur life...
be good to every 1 ....in ur family...if u r in bed room if she comes in bed room ...u go to kitchen..if she comes in kitchen u go to hall...always keep a smiling face...but not to her...coz she deserves it...this wl def bring peace in ur life...dont 4get what she did with u...no matter what dont try to get close to her....NEVER FIGHT WITH UR HUSBAND for mill...dont tell him also what she does with u...
when i got mrrd i was so dumb ...she took full advantage of me....i use to sit n cry all the time n do work...
quietly take all the harassment ..n one day u will on ur own learn to handle her...trust me this is what i hv learnt ..def i hv learnt in a hard way...but i waited for my time ...to come n its here...plus i know now how to gv her back... poonam replied. Let me tell you my story in reply. The case is different but your and my feelings seem to be same.

Here is something i did 3-4 days back and now i feel i did wrong, but i am still getting a happy feeling.

Me too a working mother of 2 kids. My MIL just takes some care of elder one but the little one is completely looked after by maid. For past 8 years i have been tolerating my MIL. Same things - commenting, taunting, behaving differently with hubby and me, not helpiong in house, trying to take control of things and showing others how good she is and how bad i am.

3-4 days back some small thing went wrong from my side. She got the chance so started commenting me. As always, she left that small mistake and started talking about everything else that she feels wrong about me. Then she picked up something between hubby and me which was personal to us. dont know how she overheard us. she started saying how i was wrong there.

i dont know how i lost my temper. But my god i was so furious. I still cant believe that was me. The car' s installment, house installment, kid' s education, luxury of maids, endless spending on eating out grocery etc, can they do it without me working? why doesnt she scold my hubby like that when he is wrong? why me?

i really took her left right and center. My hubby came running, what happ, what happ? I almost pushed him away and went behind my MIL who was going to her room. And standing infront of her room i was shouting at top of my voce and counting everything i do, everything waste that she does and asked her to teach his children first and mind her toungue before saying anything to me.

When i was calm, hours later, i realised i was too bad. My husband also said i should say sorry to her. But i felt, if i say sorry, she will start again and now also include how i was wrong. Second, i asked my hubby to go to her first and tell her not to be like that bad to me and comment on me and only after that i will say sorry. I asked him to tell her not to abuse me and my people like that, not to treat me bad for my mistakes when she doesnt scold my hubby for his mistakes. He accepted i was right but dint talk to his mom abt me, so i too havent said sorry. she doesnt talk to me since then, it has been 4 weeks. Man i am so happy, no talks no problems no tension!

Aisi ki taise kar di. huzeifa replied. Thank u anu n ritika for your valuable concern. Ritika i only be silent becoz i love my hubby n kid i always want to be with thm. i want to tell u one incident (rite now my MIL is on visit to our home) she gave me a long list of general store items to buy on returning home. i said ok i knoew that i dont have a single penny in my purse ( my hubby take care of all my petrol and mobile) so in the evening i said to my hubby infront of her that plz get this things for mummy. she refused totally that i dont want ot no need. i Were so surprised..why she reverted and was lafing continously. but still i insisted my hubby in alone that plz buy thses items today .. and i will give her ..
dont know whthr i m doing right.

bearing SILs in laws they say that they have done a lot for my hubby' s education(not money of cors but living wth them ).seems confusing to me . Ritika replied. You dear have become an easy money making machine for your husband and in laws. You might have fought a lot with your husband but if you INSIST on having your own account or AT LEAST knowing your OWN ATM PIN number, I cannot believe it is not possible for you.

I think the key might be that you might have been asking permission from him for these things....which you don' t need. You can just go ahead and do these things and inform him later...jaise itna jhagda waise ek aur..but at least you' ll have some control over your own hard earned money.

Also, why do you stay silent when som one speaks harhly to you? Your MIL, SIL and BIL feel free to make harsh comments to you, because they are certain you are not going to reply back...this in fact emboldens them to act in the manner they do...

If you reply back to your MIL when she taunts you next time for money...that your precious son keeps all your money and whatever you have you give it all to your SIL' s and BIL' s and you do not even have money to buy lotion for yourself...she might stop doing it...

Believe me, my MIL was (and still is) one taunting and sarcastic old lady...she hates the fact that I keep in touch with my parents...she would prefer that I stay under her chatrachaya and pay all my salary to her and keep taking all her frustrations and abuse like a good pin cushion. My point is - that she would like to do so if ONLY I allowed her.

You become a victim in life because most often you allow people to victimize you...

When you allow people to walk all over you and ill treat you...they think its ok..because the person(i.e YOU) who should most vociferously be protesting this ill treatment is NOT doing so.

So please taake some control over your own life...A woman can be Durga if she wants to...so light that fire inside you...you' ve done enough of rona dhona...your husband doesnt care about your tears and neither do your in laws...you deserve to do this for the sake and sanity of your own soul and spirit!

All the best!!

Anu replied. I am also having issues with my in laws about giving money.But my situation is not bad as yours.Giving parents or taking care of in laws is perfectly fine.it is every man or womens duty to takecare of parents.but it should be limit.You need to convince your husband about giving money to your sil & her in laws.it is very weired that he is taking care of her in laws.And don' t allow your mil to take any stuff from your house.You clearly tell her it belong to you & your house you don' t want to give it her.About any of her comments just shut your ears & keep quite.Learn to open an account and save your money in your account , tell your hubby you want to save money for your future ...spend money for your needs.tell him you are working hard & need to spend on yourself.Hope god will help you come throw this problem.