Relationships  Discussion Forum

yes Sanjana ,
I' m too sailing in same boat...Just an hour back I expressed similar feelings like urs in reply to ' Breaking Chains\" post. Now ,while reading ur post ,surprised to see one more man like my hubby.

You are right in what you are suggesting. Ignoring, or skillfully handling are good options for situations that you have mentioned.

I was pointing more at bigger issues.
And was aiming at the larger common Indian DIL group, who do all the housework, look after kids and receive no or little help from housemembers.
Where cooking, serving, kids everything is supposed to be DIL' s resp.

When there are MIL-issues, ignoring etc can be done.

But why is cooking or taking care of house just the DIL' s resp? Why cant hubbies make tea or breakfast? Why cant MILs cook dinners? (One reader has replied to my other post that her hubby suggested mom to cook dinner, and i m was really happy to hear about a thoughtful hubby).

I believe that a happy home is each family member' s resp.

Morning tea, meals, feeding the kids, bathing the kids, serving the good, everything else - why is it just DIL' s resp? And of others help, why is it called help and felt as obligation?

Hubbies in US might be helping the wives. Or some Hubbies who are reading this may not agree to me.

I am looking at a family where MIL either takes care of kids or kitchen (at least once), or hubbies taking care of lunch for all, or feeding the kid.

And we DILs never go and say \" MIL, pls cook today' s dinner\" , or \" DH, can you cook the breakfast today\" . I m not thinking this as inlaws problem. M talking abt what the indian cultire has levied upon the DILs which i think is exaggerated.

My hubby is helping and MIL too shares some load. But if I were to look at all this from a bigger picture or treating all humans as one, all my hubby does is looks after baby when i ask him to - when i need to go to loo or something. Or when i say i am tired to cook, he takes me out for dinner or orders something. All my MIL does is feed my first kid when he returns from school and make him sleep with him in noon. From indian point this can be so much help. But after reading saheli´ s thoughts if i look at all this from humanity point of view or by treating every family member as equal, then these people feel they have helped me and obliged me by doing all this.

I remember yesterday when everybody finished lunch and went to sleep, the baby kept feeding on me. Neither she nor me could get proper rest or sleep. At 6 pm i atlast got up for baby´ s medicines and snacks and wanted to go to restroom. My hubby and MIL wake up from sleep and ask me to make tea. i really felt cant one of them make the tea? Why am i supposed to make it? Ok i dont mind making it, but when they know i have been managing the baby and kid all noon and hubby knows i dint sleep, how can they be so inhuman. And when i asked hubby to make his own tea, he was angry.
By the time i finished everything, made tea and sat down for my cup, MIL and hubby went out for a walk. I fed the baby, gave snacks to the kid (making him eat is another circus) and had first sip of my tea which was cold by now. By the time i finished tea, these people returned and i knew it was time to cook dinner. I really felt that my MIL goes for walk morning and evening to loose wt, why cant she instead make dinner? And when i went to cook dinnermy MIL and hubby were looking after kids. The baby started crying in 10 mins as she doesnt like to be with her granny not used to her. The 6 yr old son kept running into the kitchen.

They could not even take care of kids while i was cooking.

And after all this, when something little goes wrong my MIL starts commenting and taunting me. I have never seen her doing this to her son in 6 yrs of my marriage. And she is sooooo nice to children of relatives. How can anyone behave impartially like that with a DIL who is someone else´ s child but be nice to everybody else? Why isnt my mistake ignored just like her son´ s? I wouldnt mind a MIL who is scolding all for their mistakes. But scolding me and not her son isnt right. Dont they fear God is watching?

If God is really wathcing, I am waiting for the day these people get their punishments.