Relationships  Discussion Forum

One of my best friends is settled in the US for past few years. Though we have visited each other a couple of times after we got married, this time when she visited me, she-me-and 2 other friends - we had discussion on one of our favorite topics – the Indian joint family!

I just felt like sharing the discussion with my friends here on IP, I felt it’s related to all of us, a lot of us are settled abroad, may be it can be food for thought, else just a timepass! Needless to say, we did not reach any conclusion.

As we talked about the rich Indian culture, and how its joint-family system teaches us bonding and maintaining relationships, we were also comparing the western culture with ours - with my US-based friend sharing experiences she has had with her American close friend, and we came to a question –

Whenever there is a MIL related problem in the house, why doesn’t the Indian DIL just put her foot firmly and say “NO”?

One of the friend’s reminded us this old story –

Once a family visits a Circus (assume animals there). Before the program starts, the kid and his mother are watching a Mumma-elephant and a baby-elephant tied nearby. The baby-elephant is trying best to break free the chain, but is failing. But the mom-elephant is quietly eating her food.

The kid asks “Mom, the big elephant can easily break the chain, but she isn’t trying. Whereas the chain is too strong for the baby, still the baby is trying again and again to break it. Why doesn’t the big-elephant do that for herself and the baby?”

Kid’s mother answers “When the big-elephant was a baby, she also tried the same. She tried and tried to break the chain – but could not. She is brought up with the belief that she will never be able to break free, though NOW she can.

She just doesn’t believe in her strengths.”

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Are not we all DILs similar? We are brought up by hearing that we have to obey husband and in-laws? What is stopping us all from breaking the chain?

But, will breaking the chain really a good idea? The teaching of respect for elders, and other values - they stop us from taking a step ….. and may be this way keep us far from a divorce …?

My US-based friend told us about her American (girl) friend, this friend is a divorcee, now into a live-in relationship with another man, her son living with ex-hubby and boyfriend’s daughter staying with them!
We all know that this is not a new story there.

The Indian oldies and males will now say \" look at
her, she is free, but is she happy? Changing hubbies/wives like that will not make them happy\"

Hey, are we happy? Who is happy here? The ILs? LOL. Even after enjoying the luxury of servent-like-DIL, they dont have peace of mind. The only ones who are perhaps happy are the males.

We Indian DILs don’t want to go that far like divorce, but why are we not able to break the little chains?

When the hubby says “lets keep the gold with Mummy”, why don’t we simply say NO?
When the MIL doesn’t help in house-chores, why don’t we go to her ask politely to knead the dough or cut the veggies?
Why can’t we even think of asking the FIL to make his own morning tea?

What will happen if we start asking the in-laws to just do their own tasks, forget about helping in the house?

If only these people helped us little, we would be able to manage the house so much better!

The in-laws will create a scene? Hubby will shout at us? Beat up?

3 out of 4 of us (who were discussing this topic) are financially independent. Our hubbies are nice and simple. If they hubby gets violent, we would simply get separated, we have the guts and confidence to live alone.

Yet, none of three of us has ever said anything to the in-laws. And the US-based friend (non-working), does all the house-chores and in-laws sit idle!

Why so?
None of us had an answer.

Well. The show will go on. Saheli replied. *The post contains only thoughts or comments of the discussion. These are not questions and no answers are sought!

The reader just likes to share views with her friends on IP, not find solutions nor give suggestions, and also does not intent to hurt any person or community.

Do not get ' inspired' to take any steps y reading the post. Read it at your own responsibility!

-)