Relationships  Discussion Forum

HI All,
iam a newly married girl and living with MIL's house. Actually i really wonder why these people are like this?
My MIL is one such nut.
see i don want to disgrade her but her actions make me to do like this.
It is a simple thing but i feel this makes more problems. we are veggies and don eat outside often. That day we happen to go out to visit one of my husband's uncle. It was not proper lunch time but still they forced us to eat there, so we had just a little and returned home. later we felt hungry, so my husband asked my MIL to serve her food, Since i was newly married i was a litle shy to ask, but then i managed to ask her that i also need to eat, but she didnt respond me at all. i really wonder how she can be like this?
what makes her angry on me?
she served food to my hubby alone and sat near him for long time and talked...
Even my hubby forgot me.. i felt so embarrased that day,
you know one thing my MIL is kind of person who never uses eatable for next meal, she will just like that throw them in dustbin.
That day i refused (indirectly without telling the reason) to eat there and only after going to my mom's home i had food. i cannot forget that day.
Even now when we sit to eat she takes care of her son rather than looking at me.
i wonder y MIL's r like this, i feel human's r same all over and their hunger is all the same na?
Y this discrimination?
She will put food in to dustbin rather than serving me..
nowadays i never ask her to give me something bcos i don want to get illtreat. Before wedding i was like a queen at my home (whenever i ask for something i will get) and now just for a day's meal i have to be iltreated. i had tears in my eyes when i told this to my mom and later my mom consoled me that all my hubby's earnings only go there so u don worry, u go take food and eat without shy.
then i follow this but some how i feel i have not been regarded by them even i also earn and give money to them often. i know money alone not makes all but i pay due respect to them but still y they are like this?
y they refuse to give the basic human respect to DIL's?
are we not humans?
Any suggestions to handle such situations without feeling shy??
Priya replied. Even I too keep wondering why they tend to treat us DIL's like this. I have similar problems. My MIL will take care of her son, and when her daughter comes and stays with us, will take care of her also very nicley, but conveniently forget about me. I am working and she does not stay with us, (only once in a while for a month or two she comes), so I just dont bother what happens, how she treats me in those days. I have never been rude to her, or did any politics, rather, I give or show more respect and care to her than I show to my mother - not real - but for the sake of my husband. But still she does not take care of me. It is always a different stand to DIL's. Me and her daughter are veggies. If her daughter is at home, an additional veg dish will be prepared becoz she dont eat non veg. If it is only me, nothing of that sort and even will forget to give somthing to eat or serve. As you feel, the custom is the elder person serves everything, so you feel bad to help yourself in front of them. I have numerous incidents, but just kept quiet, bcoz of my husband. And like you, i always wonder why are they like this. I even told my mum, if i had a SIL and you did not take care properly, I would be the first person to shout at you. We DIL's leave our parents and house and everything and go to them, and they dont give a bit of respect or humanity to us. Wonder why ??? Chakrilka replied. hi

I know how you feel and have had the same feeling of humiliation myself, with my MIL's maid(sounds funny! but happenend).


Tackle all your problems in a tactful way.Dont depend on your husband to solve your problem because his views about his mom will be different from your views about your MIL.

Just enter the kitchen dear.During weekends just get inside the kitchen and assist your MIL.Tell her you are learning so many things from her.After all you are not a guest of that house.You yourself is a member of the family.As Madhuri has suggested praise her cooking.You will find yourself getting compatible with your MIL.

Don't worry be happy.

Madhuri replied. Hey what r u & ur husband earning for if u cannot even satisfy this basic necessity of life. MILs should try & make their DILs comfortable after marraige. In this matter, I was really lucky, my MIl used to always take good care of my diet. But I can understand in the first few days of marraige it is difficult for u to enter the kitchen & help yourselves. The kitchen is usually considered the domain of the mmistress of the house & most MILS sre reluctant to give it up.
Maybe there might be a misunderstanding. Maybe, she thinks that as a man her son does not need to enter the kitchen but as u are her bahu she does not need to serve u. She might be expecting u to go & fill your own plate. Please dont compare MIL with ur mom who used to pamper u. After marraige you have to take care of your self. As long as there is enough food in the serving dish to satisfy everyone there is nothing wrong with helping yourself to second & third helpings if you are still hungry. In fact if it is MIL who has cooked u can also praise her cooking .. Sa ;\" today sabzi is so tasty mummy i have to take more\" ask her for recepies. She will be so happy she might herself start serving you. Handle the issue with tact when u r speaking with ur hubby about this. remember that it will take some time for ur hubby to start trusting you & for love to grow esp in an arranged marraige. Dont openly critisize ur MIL but ask his help in clearing misunderstandings between u & MIL.
All the best!!! please let me know if this advice has helped d replied. hey in laws tend to do that. Dont be shy eat when u are hungry. the very fact that son's life will be shared with another woman from now on will annoy them to no end. So dont worry sooner or later u have to feel urself at home there. no sense starving yourself.u will ruin your health. eat when u are hungry.
i even have a sil who feels my husband shudnt have been married. although she is married and elder to my husband by many years.although i live in US,when i was newly married 2 days in fact. she never left my hubby's side.wud spend hrs together in our room . So i just left them alone and my husband realized i think so he was telling her call xxx(my name).It has taken me years of patience to break the bad influence of my in laws but now my husband has been not as worse as before.So u need to take one step at a time.best of luck. post back. nvjisegvb replied. Talk to yoru husband
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