Relationships  Discussion Forum

When I say I have a very understanding husband, what it means according to my inlaws is that their son is hen -pecked and dancing acc to wife's tunes !! Why this hypocricy? The son's parents search high and low for a bride. And after marriage, they dont want to accept her as a part of their son's life. We have been married for 4 years and live in France. My husband has always been a good son. Since marriage, we both started working abroad , built a big house in India for his parents to live comfortably, gifted them with a car, bought jewels for 2 lakhs on special occasions and been supporting them financially. Inspite of these, they have accused my husband of being calculative and that he is listening to what his wife says. I really dont know what I have done to get this comment. Initially after marriage, they were really good to us. But things are not the same now. I feel very sorry for my husband. He is quite calm and says that things will come down. I am the type of person who sees both positive and negative aspects of any individual. If anyone is angry with me, I try to imagine myself in their position to know whether their anger is justified. But however I think in this case, I am at a loss for reason. I hate to tell negative things to my husband about his own parents. But he himself has realised all these. My husband has an unmarried brother and till date, I must admit that any parent in the world must feel really proud to have such wonderful sons. Both the brothers have done so much for their parents. Should I just ignore my inlaws ? Is it really possible to ignore one's inlaws ? I remember the times when my inlaws have been quite caring about me. PLease answer. swati replied. this msg is for vishali and another dil. i think the problem with u guys is that u are too naive. Just concentrate on your husbands and family since u have moved abroad and this surely is a blessing. dont ever go out of your way to please these people. in other words, ignore ands do only what is required even if u feel like chatting with them etc. do it to a limit only. Ignore them when your husband is not around. for eg. just answer if they ask any questions other wise keep quiet or stay in your room when they visit. Be more chatty/talkative when he's around whether on phone or when they r physically around u. If they know u r trying tro please them and they r the chalu types, they will walk all over u- take advantage of u. so the best is to ignore. another dil replied. Hi Vishali,
I am in the same boat as you. There was a time when my inlaws were so caring. I used to feel they are more caring than my own parents, but that was long long time back when I got married (7 yrs back). Now I simply don't get why they have turned so sour towards me. I moved abroad after marriage and did my best to please them. Bought lots and lots of gifts and spent more time with them than my parents during vacations. Tolerated everything they said. But I just don't get why they are so mean only towards me (not to their son). I get comments from no where which really pinches me. I haven't ever said a word to offend them still I feel they are very unhappy with me.
But the only conclusion I can derive is inlaws can never be your parents. No matter how bad you treat your parents they will love you because you are their own blood and no matter how nice you are towards your inlaws they will never treat you like their own daughter (because dil is a dil not a daughter). So the best thing is just do your duty and keep a distance from them. last but not the least IGNORE!