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hi friends,

Need your opinion.

My inlaws visited us here from India sometime back and stayed with us for few months. I had been tolerating all my mil's indirect comments about me. She even said very horrible things about my co-sis and her family. I did my best to keep my mil happy. She had been quite okay with me all through just back bitching about my co-sis and her parents. I would just quitely listen. Now before my inlaws left we wanted to invite all our relatives who live nearby and have a family get together (a small party). I was so happy during this party and when the whole drama started. My mil started commenting about my parents which I could never take. I didn't shout niether did i say anything bad I just kept quite. Such that I can swallow what all she said. Usually I am very cheerful kind of person and that day when I heard how much venom my mil has stored for my parents made me sick to my guts. So I just cried and didnt' talk to mil. This made her so mad that I am not doing her chamchagiri that too in front of so many guests.

Now when the party was over and everybody was relaxing my mil started shouting at me for no reason. That how rude I am how bad my parents are blah blah. For hrs the things went on and on she bursted out like a crazy woman. Actually she said all those things which she had told me earlier about my co-sis but this time I was the target. I was so shocked to hear that what's wrong with this lady. These were the exact words she meant for co-sis. After this episode my mil n I didn't talk much, now I just don't have any respect for this women. I told my husband I don't want to keep any contact with her. But he said that's not possible in a family.

Friends please tell me was I wrong. Do you think I should have agreed with her when she was bad mouthing about my mom and dad.
I am just tired of all this family politics! zyx replied. Thank you friends for all your replies. Yes it difficult to digest all those things that my mil said. I have resumed my normal talk with mil but I am so deeply hurt that it makes me cry after each conversation with her.
My co-sis who stays in Canada was also present in that party and she was enjoying how my mil was shouting and bad mouthing about my parents. And at a point I wanted to say that mil was saying all this about her (co-sis). But I didn't say anything as I was so disturbed and I simply said I dont' want to fight and hurt anyone that's why I am quite.

And look at the irony my co-sis was so sympathetic towards mil. (Trying to portray herself as a good bahu)
But I kept my temper under control and kept remembering god to give me more strength. Suma replied. Hi..

Your story seems similar to mine. Yes.. we can say, \" ignore it\" ... but one knows how it feels when our MILS play dirty politics on their own sons family. I was also sailing on the same boat sometime before. She gave me lot of trouble and created differenciate between two Co-sis.... But trust me... as long as you get your hubby support then you no need to worry..... Do not fight with your hubby over this matter. Just be happy that your hubby is with you and he understands you.
About MIL... those MILS gets some sort of happiness by belittling their DILS before others. Do not stop talking to your MIL... talk to her casually.. if she talks something nasty then you say \" Will call you someother time I am busy right now\" or give some reason to avoid the conversation further on.

I can only say that You have to concentrate more on your family that is you, your husband and your kids.

Take care

di bh replied. Hey you are really great . as much as it was tempting for u to give back u didnt. You are a nice sensible woman. Now dont worry everybody in the party must have realized who is at fault. You have established a good opinion about yourself. if a person keeps talking bad about another everybody around will think that woman's nature is like that.
Hey your MIL seems to be having a pleasure badmouthing somebody or the other at a time. first it was your co sis and then u .You cant change them. they get some happiness in this. Let me tell u i have been thru same.only thing is its from my SIL. she is just a graduate. i and my husband apart from my FIL are professional degree holders.she is in india and i am in US.She talks rubbish that she knows how to contact headhunters and knows everything about life here.And her father is her partner.he has visited US but gives me tips about how to lead a life here. They get some sort of pleasure doing it. cant change them. Let them keep talking. Jyoti replied. Hi zyx,

Like your husband and maya said, keeping quiet in front of elders is the best and the only thing we can do, even if we are right. I too stop talking to my MIL after she yells at me, why she yells at me, god only knows. I think there's something about some mil, they just never come to accept dils as part of thier family and always think of them as an outsider. plus, I think their son, whom they love dearly, are now with you, and they don't like that. so it comes out as anger and yelling about anything and everything that comes to mind.
I have learned, you can argue in such cases. As long as your husband is on your side, you should just be happy and not worry about what your mil says or does. just ignore her comments. Keep formal interactions with her.
I too agree, that you can't just cut off relation with her, she did afterall raise your husband. Just keep the formal relationship, for the sake of your husband, your family.
Just keep smiling, do your duty as a dil. care for her as a another human being, remove the emotional piece of mil and it woudl help i think.
I used to like my mil, when she said things to me that i didn't agree with. i would stop talking (making a point, i didn't like what she said). But then, i'd resume normal converstaions, like are you cold, why don't you put on these socks. how's your knee. would you like some tea, i'm making some.
Good luck. maya replied. First of all you did a great job by keeping quite, you got lot of patience.Everyone knows what she is!! since she shouted at you in frint of everyone.so be happy.you are diffrent from her ,that should make you happy.Now anyone can't tolarate saying anything for thier parents.Don't argue anything about this to your hubby , he will never agree from your point of view by putting his mother down!.even though he knows she is wrong.try to avoid her as much as possible.don't cut off relation, as your husband said, he is her son , you have to keep relation , there is no option.but you can make your self better by keeping the distance.give smart answers for the questions she asks.talk only about casual matters.avoid visitng her as much as possible.believe me they will come to a line to respect you.and please don't ever ever fight with your hubby about this.