Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hey all,

Would appreciate as many comments from all you guys...

I am a punjabi and my husband is a sindhi and we stay with his parents. His dad is ok. He dosnt speak much and he is very nice to me.. pretty much supports anything and everything is want to do- as ong as its not wrong. My mil on the other hand.. i thougt she was a gem before i got married but now am realizing she is a hypocrite! She is nice on everyone's face but as soon as their backs turn she has nothing nice to say, unles its her own family members.

Anywayz, i have been married for 2 years now and am 9 motnhs pregnant with my first child. The issue is this- My mil has always been going to her cards party every single day for many years, which i thought would stop when i got pregnant, but no! She still goes everyday. She has not spent a SINGLE day with me in these 9 months. In fact she has spend about 5 months travelling and attending weddings and the remaining time shes been busy with her kitties. I spent my 3rd and 4th month constantly vomitting and being sick.. not even then did she spend time with me.How ridiculous is that?

Thats not all... Now during my last month my doc had all of a sudden said she might have to do a c-section at the next appointment, and i told her that thinking that maybe she will be concerned and want to come along, but nope! Only for obligation sake she asked if i wanted her to come along... It made me so angry!!!

I would ignore all this i i thought she didnt care about my child... but the thing is everyone in this family is eager for a child... including my mil.. but how can someone be so insensitive? How can ne be so ignorant and not adhere to any responsibilities?

All this has only made me dislike her completely! I cant stand her anymore.. and my husband has trying tellin her to quit her kitties atleast now but to no avail.

What do you guys think? Am i wring in feeling like this? Dips replied. Oh! well, good decision of not getting married...atleast one woman is saved!
Yeh, get married to Non-Indian woman...and let us know how your non-Indian woman and her Indian MIL(I guess you are an Inidan) get along?



nams replied. girl...take ur mind off such things....and enjoy ur pregnancy...await the bundle of joy.
MILs are like that..not all...but mine was..they are not ur mothers to worry abt u..ignore them...yes she will wait for the baby...will keep the baby so that u slog in kitchen....and then she will keep on telling everybody how much she cares for u and helps u by managing the baby....she might be overposessive of the baby too...i would suggest u to keep a full time maid...who will help u with baby for initial 6 months atleast.as of now let ur MIL lead her life and u live yours...dont expect anything from her. D replied. i guess you guys are right in that i should not expect and be happy that she doesnt interfere with anything.

I guess my problem is i expect from the people i live with. I come from a very close knit family and i thought that would happen here too. I am not the kind of person who likes to be alone allthe time doing my own stuff.

And to reply to Jack- im not saying i would want to be invited to play cards or anything, i was referring to having a prper relationship with my mil. Considering we stay in the same house, i dont understand not spending anytime with one another and trying to understand each other. Whats the point of staying together then? Im ready to do things she enjoys once in a while if she were to start focusing a little on whats happening with others in the house.

And also- No she didnt and does not not spend anytime taking proper care of her kids or her husband. As kids my husband and his sister would be left ome all alone while she would be out playing cards!

Anywayz- i think i should just stop expecting anything from my mil-

Thanks you all. It has helped. sweet mom replied. I agree with every one.my story is very similar to ss.i will also tell you the same thing,if your husband is supproting you then just ignore her.for my first delivery my mil came to help.but she did the same as ss's mil.so for my second one i dint call her i managed with a toddler and a baby.as kavya said dont expect anything from her as you woud expect from your mom,you will be dissappointed.it is not that she has worked all her life and she has to care for her dil,if you are her daughter then she would treat you like princess.so be happy with your husband and have a wonderful pregnancy.take care. ss replied. i can understand yr prob as i went through some what same probs my mil does not go anywhere she use to sit in front of tv,i use to do everything inspite of my doc said i have to take complete bedrest,used to suffer a lot she use to act infront of my hubby,my hubby is a nice person ,but does to like to here anything against my mil.
i did all work at home after having just 1 month of rest after c section.
my simple suggesion never expect anything from mil .u know something we ladies can do anything by ourselves ,never expect anybodies help,i know it difficult but at somepoint of time they will realise.
dont worry
all the best for yr baby Jyoti replied. Isn't your husband supporting you during your pregnancy? won't he be there during your next appointment? That's all I would care about. If he doesn't interfer with your life, why do you want to bring trouble upon yourself. Once she starts interfering, she'll want you to do things certain way, and you'll may not like that.

This is your precious time, when you and your husband are welcoming a baby. As long as your husband is on your side, then your two are ready to welcome the new member of your family. If you need help, arrange for some other help, from people you can ask, maybe your mom, sis, friend. but i'd have everything i need as long as my husband was with me.

All the best. enjoy your time. don't get distracted and angry by your mil. your family is your husband and your baby. she's just a relative.

good luck. kavya replied. why do you think she has to be with you?.as long as she is not with you and torturing with you, you are fine.all the pain, pleasure in the pregnency you have to go through.i wouldn't agree the fact you expect from her in this time.She is not your mother!!.remeber she is your mil.And if you think about her points of veiw, imagine whole life they spent taking care of her husband & children, now dil??.i think even though she is old, let her enjoy her own time for her!!.and don't expect her help after your delivery too, to take care of your baby.if you need help go to your mom. or you can gently ask your mil about this, if you don't have any support from your parents.i might sound materilistic, but this is the truth!!.