Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi all,

I need a sincere advice.

I am 24 yr old married girl and am just going to have baby in few days.
My hubby is nice to me if i listen to all what he says and his family says.
Well, as of now we are alone here in Canada but my MIL is coming here for 4 months for my delivery.Hope she proves a helping hand to me.

But the thing is whenever i dont find my hubby behaving nicely with me as he does MOST of the Times and reasons are so many ...DOwry , INLAWs..etc..,it hurts me and i stop talking to him and it pinches him back and he starts fighting with me and hiting me.

I am 9th months pregnent, last time on valentines day we had a fight just because he came to pick me up from doctors office while returing from work and i was there for the regular chk up; he was with his collegue(a girl)she usually comes with him everyday.And on the way he started arguing with me on a silly issue tht why my doc wont be delievering me if she is nt on duty, why the other doc will be doing so ???

Now i was so upset seeing his collegue with him as she was on half day leave and suddenly popped up while returning and we had to go sumwhere as it was valentines day and tht girl instead of supporting me....she supported my husband in the argument.

Now it hurted me a lot. As this was not the FIRST TIME.
And i was quite and didnt talked to hubby for 3-4 hrs.
He became angry and started fighting with me on a Dinning Table at home , Didnt let me eat my dinner and started hitting me BADLY.

It was a 2nd fight in the month and b4 this one i had decided tht whenever he hits me again i am nt going to stay with him anymore.

Now, he becomes normal after every fight .He use to feel sorry b4 but now , no he is nt.

I am talking to him and trying to adjust myself with him ; but everyday when i am alone at home i feel like kiling him as i cant forget the things happening to me .

I just want seperation from him and go back to india, to my parents, i told them this time tht he hits me, they are very sad for me tht i hided the things from them since last 3 years.

What do i do now ?

I am due next week and Mother In Law is coming on monday after 4 days.
She is also like tht , she is a main problem in my life.
Now my hubby says nt to leave EI what i get every month from Govt and go as its the Loss, but i am nt worried abt money i just need peace.
Because MIL is coming for 4 months to stay with us which wont allow me to stay happily. I am sure she will create probs between we both again .

Can Anyone advice me what step will be appropriate for me now ?
Waiting for the earliest replies.
Thanks for reading my mail
lucy.
san_dh replied. Now only take care of yourself and your baby. That should be your priority now. Deal with your husbands behaviour later on. I suggest you have your baby, keep yourself happy, make more women friends, talk to them. Just focus on yourself. Once the baby is six months old, try studying or working. See how your husband's behaviour is then. It is up to you to decide if you want to leave him or be with him. As a woman you dont deserve abuse. You will first have to be self sufficient. Be practical and learn to be strong. We will be there to help you out. LA replied. I am very sorry to hear this. Your husband should never hit you but the fact that you are pregnant and he is doing it, he has no considertaion or respect for you, the baby or your marriage. Maybe he loves you but this is terrible.

I think you have the right idea, you should separate or leave him entirely. You rfamily supports you and you should go back to them and let them help you through this.

I don't know enough about the situation with this co-worker of his to say anything. I am a fair person and I take the side of who is right, not who I am closer to but I don't know what the whole situation is, so I can't say anything for sure. But, I wouldn't think that should be a main concern of yours, the abuse is.

You say it has been going on your whole marriage - guess what, it will never stop[ if you don't leave and make him realize you think more of yourself than this.

Pls do what your instincts are telling you. You could endanger your life even more and your childs life, how is he going to treat the child.

Pls be careful and inform your family of your status and situation at all times. They love you, rely on them.

friend replied.
Hello Lucy

I felt very bad about u r situation.. for coming days.. u need to be very happy and
emotionally stable.. during pregnency every women go through harmones change because of that
also u feel very depressed.. first let these coming 6 months go happily.. once u get baby.. u doesnt
get time to think about u r hubby..But please dont take any decisions now like leaving u r hubby etc,..
.. be strong..and my sincere suggestion to u is u speak less with u r mom in law.. I mean to say..
u maintain u r level of dignity.. If she wont help u.. u help u r self dont depend on her and dont show
u need her help.. after delivery..

about u r husband u wait for some more time and see is there any change in him after baby...
If he still continues his way.. I dont think u need to spare him.. firstof all he should not scold u
in front of others.. that too infront of his colleagues.. If any of his colleagues suggest u
or tell u something u tell them.. to mind their bussiness..

another thing is in life changes will come slowly.. not in one or two days.. so once u get baby..
think and try to be financially independent and if he does not change.. u tell him..u r
not happy with his.. way.. sit an discuss what u like in him and dislikes..
In marriage both has to adjust, it should not be one side.. so dont take any decisions.. in hurry
take them with cool mind..afterall this is not only u r life its 3 peoples..
so Try to be strong.. and dont think too much -ve it will effect babys mentality..

All the best Mydear.. what we can do is only suggestions but.. ultimately its u r life u are the judge and responsible
so be
cool , happy and look for financial stability..

Give him some chance to change ..If u feel u can..


take care
Sister







hope replied. Dear Lucy,

You are in a delimma...the answer to this is to fight or flight..
fight to combat your situation with your inner strength..look no where else but inside of you...
Flight to leave this mess...
But I think we must first fight for our justice...

not to forget we will all be welcoming your little bundle of joy in a few days time...

I am sure the baby will give you the relief and the peace of mind you are looking for..that is why I said look inside of you...there lies your strength and your world!!!

Coming to your husband...u give him the respect he deserves only when he learns to respect you. this is a thumb rule of life..

but we will tackle him later, not at this very delicate and wonderful moment of your life..

meanwhile, build in strength adn courage to combat the situation. You are silent anyway...he will not know what is going on inside of you..
when the baby is a little older and you stronger than ever, give him what he deserves.

until then, you take care for you need to derive the strength from within and you also need to care for someone special!!!

all the best joseph replied. you stupid woman. all problem lies with you. You start to quarrel without any reason. you craete a storm in a tea cup. And then blame others. Have you ever thought that you have those fucking female hormones?? which force you to do all these nasty actions. I wish no women had them
vc replied. i have read once i guess what u posted,
hey first of all once ur kid is 4-5 months start looking for a job in india/canada, be financialy stable, and next time he hits u dont ever talk to him unless and untill he comes to u first, once ur delivery is over, after that if he hits u again, tell him that if he continues the same way with his collegues i.e girls and treats u like a slave u r not afaraid to divorce him and stay with our kid in india, i think he wants to make u feel guilty, when he him self feels guilty,
but firm, and whenever his friends poke their nose into ur business, tell them directly to mind their own business, i think u have done a mistake from the first day of ur marriage i.e u have shown ur hubby that u r a quite girl and he is taking undue advantage of that, once u are through with ur delivery plz start changing, be firm, and dont act as a slave to ur hubby.

thats all i can say bye