Relationships  Discussion Forum

I stay in a small but joint family . We both and our 1.7 yr son, parents in laws and brother in law.

Mine was an arrange marriage in a very short span of time. So the first year was a bit tough and went away in understanding my hubby's people. His Parents, brother, aunties etc.

I was working till my 7th month of pregnancy, as later I was advised to take complete bedrest... which was difficult at my inlaws where the DIL is expected to do all the things at home. I was quite comfortable cooking food, keeping the house clean etc... but this was nto sufficient for them....

My Mil started cribbing...I just ignored initially and kept my calm and patience... I did not utter a word against them or their sayings...My FIL is a short tempered person...basically very egoistic...he cant digest anything said against his opinion. Even his sons do not try to say anything against him. He gets furious on any small things...may it be me driving a car or getting up a bit late on weekends!!! This person wil go furious and will not talk to anyone in house & creating a bad atmosphere at home...Every now and then he will shout at everyone, but will not tell the exact reason for being upset!!! Mad!!!

Addition to this...my MIL....she is basically insane person...she will nto talk directly to you...but will keep cribbing to my fil that she is not able to work now...cant do small thigns at home etc etc, but she will not explain to me as wll what is to be done... For eg., the other day, we had a small occassion for some festival at home... she will not tell me anything what is to be done, what is going to be the menu for lunch etc...she will get up and just start cooking by herself, without involving me all this...OK took a deep breath and started helping her... Later she will crib that she is so tired, her legs are paining etc etc... OK I agree she must be facing health problems coz of her age, but then WHY CANT SHE TELL ME TO DO ?? If I wasnt in a situation to do , then I could understand...but till date, she behaves like this....

She made me to leave my job which gave me a handsome salary...but OK even I Understand that my baby needs me the most... so I just ignored her behaviour during those days...After delivery I took a break of almost 5 months...then I started working part time for 4-5 hours...even for these hours my in laws could not take care of my son!!! He was a small baby, he will cry...that is not a BIG PROBLEM as she described my son!!! Just imagine, how i must have felt when she said that my son is a PROBLEM to them!!! SOmehow I came out of this... One day, when I returned home after office at 2.00...she told me that \";The baby is crying and so we did not feed him his rice!!! Your FIL is so upset that he did not allow me to feed him and he said that let him cry and be like that...when he will be hungry, he will eat on his own\";! My baby was 7 months old that time..I weeped so much that day and decided to resign the very next day... But then when I told that I am going to resign, my inlaws said that No need to resign and all....then what is the use of my studies etc etc...that time they were so supportive and said that they will look after the child and all...so I again started working...

But last dec., was the worst....As usual, my FIL left our house and wnet and stayed somewhere else saying that he is not comfortable here...my MIL started saying that \";if you (means me) want to work, you can...but think about all the things and then decide and DO NOT CONSIDER US IN YOUR DECISIONS...we are not going to be with you\";. That time I opened my mouth, and told them that when I wanted to resign, why did they show support and let me work??? This has become a really embarrassing situation for me at office...if i wouldnt have joined office at all, then it was adifferent situation. But all my words were of no use... then my FIL popped in!! Started saying bad words about me and my hubby adn this time our son as well....

I still kept my calm and decided to resign once and for all... now am at home for last 67 months...last week my FIL started saying I dont do anything...all my education is a waste...I do not know how to run a house...cant put in money and all....

He also hates me when I praise my son's good behavior....last week he has again left our house,,,this time my hubby has decided not to call him back...

I like to be in a joint family, and try my best to be calm and patient, but this time I really lost my temper and just said one line that OUR OPINIONS TO BRING UP A CHILD ARE DIFFERENT THAN YOURS AND OLD DAYS, AS THE COMPETITION IS SO MUCH...CHILDREN MUST BE EXPOSED TO NEW THINGS EVERYDAY!!! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN OUR WAY OF UPBRINGING OUR CHILD\";

FINISHED....next day, he left, my MIL and BIL stopped talking to me....

I do not understand how to come out of this ...my health has started affecting...i do not wish to eat proper meal as well...


Mv arian replied. Hi

There is no difference between us i think so.Only thing is i am in my 7th month now. I got married in DEC 2004 . From the day i got married both FIL and MIl are bahaving like this. they will always tell something as soon as i complete the work. My FIl is a male chavenist who never likes women and he dont like others incl his sons watching TV. he switches off or he changes the channel while others watching. my husband never talks anything in favour of me. When i got a job , i really had a gr8 relief but i say my father that i am afraid entering the house when i come frm office and still iam like that afraid of them. I will get some sort of stress while entering the home from office.

My story is also a big story like urs.it cant be explained in a single page.

how can i get relieved from being stress at this time? neha replied. I think the best solution to your probelm is that you move out and live your life peacefully, this will make them realise what they lost, your MIL,FIL and BIL all look like they were previously working for some petty Ekta Kapoor family drama they just are intrested in nothing than to create problem, believe me nothing matters in future more than your husband and son or your family if your health gets affected you will be unable to take care of your little one never ignore him HE IS A GIFT OF GOD and the type of inlaws you have are a pain, but if by any reason can't shift due to family property and finance problems then i think it is better to stay in that house stay with them physically but have your own living and lifestyle by juts ignoring them and answer them back let them know that elders also should know there limit and last but no the least keep you hubby happy deal with them in a stern manner try to be a happy family and ignore your inlaws, when your husband comes from office give him his snacks or juice in your room, start watching tv in your room do as you please but stop worrying because of some sadistic people who just enjoy making people un-happy including there son, keep your husband in confidence don't ignore hime