Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

hi nicemom,
Did u see my previous message about preschool. How was ur weekend. Hope u r having a nice time with ur mom. Well this time i had a lousy weekend. As usual my husband was yelling at me as usual. All that i asked him was alittle bit of help with my daughter and he was yelling like anything, like i work thro out the day, i slog like a dog, i drive for 45 mts, etc etc which u already know. Tell me what's wrong if i ask him to help my daughter at the toilet when i am having my dinner. Normally its only i who do all this job. And for the three days she did it only while i was having my dinner and i feel like eating after that. So i just asked him to help her with it, as he was already done with his dinner. Tell me is there anything wrong in what i asked, did i tax him with any tremendous job, No isn't it. Then why the yhll should he jump on me for such silly matters. He talks as if i do nothing atall for my family and as if its only he who does everything. He talks as if i were a liability to him and as if i am a useless person. It offends me so much when he ill treats. Already i am depressed about my in laws and as if to add to all this now a days his behaviour is also changing rapidly. God knows what's running in his head.Like u said i have done so much for this man, and i feel so bad when he treats me like this.
this entire weekend was screwed up and we din't talk to each other for 3 days. As usual he is threatening me that if i don't behave like what he says he will give me a divorce, and he will go the court etc etc, all those usual rubbish, he is tryng to threaten me as if i were a 3 yr old, . I wonder what he thinks of himself. He says i should never question him about anything and just listen to whatever he says and wants to show as if he is superrior. I got frustrated and i told him that i have heard much of these from him already and here after i do no wish to nod my head like a slave, for that again he got angry, That's the only word i spoke. He behaves so bad, like he never even asks me if i had my food but still he eats all by himself, and never minds if he has hurt my feelings.We never even spoke to each other for this whole weekend, and at the end, i asked him why he behaves so bad these days, and what was wrong in what i said, and for that he replies,that he is like that only and he is egoistic and i have to bear with all his yelling, just because i know that's his character. And at the end he is asking me to forget all that has happened as if it were a simple issue. i FELT SO disheartened that i felt like leaving him and going back to my parents, But again i know all this is not practical. Hence i am just living my life for the sake of my girl. what else is there in store, other than her. This man has already taken away my self esteem and dignity and i am just living for the sake of it. I still wonder how can he so easily ask me to forget everything and din't even feel sorry for what he did. Why's life so tough. reply soon.

hi nicemom,
Glad that ur daughter is fine and having fun with her grandma. Before putting her in preschool think about these facts. First aspect is tht most preschools expect kids to be perfectly potty trained , so i think it should be ok with u.SEcondly, consider the number of hrs she would be spending in a preschool. If u want ur daughter to spend atleast 4-5 hrs in a school structure, then day care is best, bcoz here in canada most of the preschools operate for just 3 hrs or so, (without lunch), but it is certainly less expensive when compared to day cares. But right now i want my daughter to stay there atleast for 4- 5 hrs, bcoz only then i can get all my work done, and just 2-3 hrs isn't much sufficient for tht. Now when she comes home i see to it tht i finish up all my work and make myself totally free to give her full attention, morever with my back pain i also got to do lots of exercises and hence i feel i need more time to relax and do my job so that i don't end up with my back pain again. That's the main reason i am sending her to a day care. May be she will be going to day care for another 1 and half yrs or so. since my daughter is feb born, i can't put her in the lower kindergarden this sept, and hence she will be losing one yr. So anyway i know shewill be staying for longer in day care and we have made up our minds for that. If at all i find any preschools (without parent's participation) for atleast 4 hrs or so with lunch, i can surely put her there. But right there's nothing like that. I don't know the case in u.s. It might differ there. I heard my cousin(in u.s) say that there's nothing like lower or upper kindergarden, but just one yr of kg in the u.s.(after the kid is 5 yrs old) and hence i feel we have a different system here. Here a kid can join a lower kg at the age of 4 and a sr.kg at 5.Anyway iam sure my daughter can't join during this sep and anyways i am going to india then. So it depends on how many hrs u wish to send ur kid to decide about preschools. If u find one just like the day care, for more than 4 hrs , then it should be fine. According to me there is not much difference between a pre school and a day care, as such, because even in day cares, they see to it that they teach them only age appropriate activities and hence we needn't worry about it. But if we get a pre school which is more economical , at the same time also gives a valuable service, then it would be wise to move over to pre school.Hope i have helped u at least a bit
U are lucky that u din't have the need to stay with ur in laws for long . in that case, i would surely say u arebessed with a very good husband, bcoz most of these men are mama's son, and u should really thank god that ur hubby is not one among them. I don't know how they would behave when they come here,. But i am sure they will interfere in our privacy and make some sarcastic comments here and there. One simple eg. WHen my kid was 3 mths old i used to give her haldi and besan bath as she has a lot of hair on her body, and my mil used to ask me not to do it and just give her a simple soap bath. As a result today my daughter has a very thick growth of hair all over her body, and i am not able to find any remedy for it. Now tht it's grown too much, haldi dosen't work. Had i given her regular haldi bath right from day1 i could have controlled the growth of those hair, a bit. And now she looks more like a boy, and i am trying my best to treat it. So, my mil sees to it tht she pokes her nose in each and every small affair of mine and will never give me any independence. Even if ichanged the place of a scissors she used to make it a big issue saying, this has to be here, and so on. Rubbish, i still can't digest all those things she has told me so far. Though my other bil's are mama's sons , they are not as bad as my hubby. They see to it that they take care of their wive's dignity and support them. But my husband never follows that concept at all.According to my hubby , i should be a barbie doll who dances to his tunes, and say yes to everything he says and never question anything he or his parents say, even if they ill treat. How can a woman be silent for everything even if its bad. After all don't i have my own dignity, and how can i stand them when they ill treat me. This is the basic problem. My husband says i should adjust to everything and never take anything serious. Then he should have maried aarbie doll because only tht can keep quite always, not a human being with flesh blood and feeling. Even if my husband helps me a bit with my work, my mil will comment" why do u expect him to do all this for u , cant u do it urself ." And if he takes care of our daughter for long she would tell me to go over and take care of my kid and leave him free. After all what's he going to do just sit down and play with the baby, he's not going to do anything more for me. Won't a girl get irritated when somebody keeps on saying something or other like this. Please tell me nicmom. Am i not correct.
Well this weekend we might go over to pitsburg ventakeswara mandir. Only the almighty should save me. we should hopefully be back after 2 days. What are u doing this long weekend. Have fun and enjoy. GEt back to u soon.
bye and have a nice weekend.

hi,
my daughter didn't go to day-care last friday and monday. i started sending her from tuesday. they have their summer camp activities going on right now. some special schedules like magic show, pony rides and stuff like that. the other day they had a pony come to school and all the kids got a ride, fun!! good to know that you and your daughter are having fun too.
my mom and my daughter are having a great time together. she adores her grandma. actually since 2 days my hubby has taken leave, b'coz we are getting the exterior of our house painted. big job and requires supervision. so for right now, life is fun and perfect.
i really bless my stars that i don't have to stay with my in-laws. tho' they are not bad. i have not got a chance to stay with them. and whenevr i go to india i stay with them only for 3-4 days, that too when my hubby's there. he sees to it that i'm treated well. thats one good quality in my hubby. he always takes my side and never lets me do any work there. then the rest of my vacation i spend in my mom's house.
regarding your situation. just try what i told you earlier. sweet tongue and manupulate your hubby toward you. do you think even here, they would creat some problems in your married life? i remember you telling ,how your mil used to over-hear your conversation with hubby. my goodness, thats so uncultured. i mean, how can you do that. why is she so possesive of your hubby? does she do it to all her dil?
for right now, just enjoy yourself.will you be travelling to india with your in-laws?
hey, i wanted to ask you a question, is it better to send the child to a regualar pre-school (3yrs up) or the day-cares' are better. i was thinking what to do. right now the day care she is in is actaully for 18 months and up. and they follow the pre-school ciricullum. i'm impressed and happy with the teaching.
what are you doing for the long weekend (4th july). i don't remember whether you said you stay in canada or usa?

Hi nicemom,
Glad to hear that ur daughter has recovered fully. Is she going to the day care or are u having her for another 2-3 days at home. And really glad that now she is back to her normal life and stopped troubling u and ur mom. We feel really good when our kids behave well. My daughter is all in full spirits today as she is going on a trip to the zoo with the other kids at day care, i feel so happy for her, she was jumping with joy today. What else do we mothers need other than a smile on their innocent faces. Well reg my inlaws trip, both of them are coming. Both of them always move around only as couples, but the irony is that they don't like to see their dil moving around with their dear hubby's as happy couples.Oh my god , the very thought of their arrival depresses me so much. Anyway i don't think any miracle would happen and for sure they will be here around the end of July. U r lucky that ur in laws aren't around in the u.s . My in laws stay only for a year in india, and the next year they are in the u.s. spending 6mths, and more at each son's place. CErtainly at least when i get old like them, i would not be staying so long, even if it were my son's house. Well i wish i had my parents here rather than my in laws. Hope ur having fun with ur mom. Oh my !when am i going to see my mom,its another 3 more mths.
bye and write soon.

hi new,
you're right, my mom told em the same thing, give my daughter some time. and really, today she is so different. acting normal and happy. also she is recovering now. no fever, cold/cough is getting better. i'm so glad thats things are falling in place. regarding the medicines....my daughter doesn't give in to candy and stuff like that, so i have to try tricks like showing my lipstick and leting her put it for me. she is not fussy in taking med. when she is a little better, like now, she takes it without any fuss at all. the problem is when she has the temp. and she feels really sick. not her fault!! i understand. i want you to know, i've done my job in potty training her!! yeppy!!
about your in -laws, are you going to have both of them coming or just mil? and for how long.
talk to you soon.

Hi nicemom,
Sad to note tht ur kid is still sick. Well as we know viral flu takes atleast one week to cure. Its understood that ur daughter is behaving cranky just because she is sick, once she recovers fully she should be fine. See to it tht u give her some sweet flavour like bubble gum and fruit burst etc for her medicines, so that she may drink it willingly. Sometimes even my kid refuses to take medicines. When she does so, ijust give her a break say 10-15 and then tell her tht i would give her favourite candy or snack if she drinks the medicines, and she drinks it. WHy don't u also give it a try. sometimes it works.
And reg her behaviour with ur mom, its quite normal. U see, these kids alway see only our two faces, thro out the yr and when they get to see a new face, they get very excited. Since she is very happy to have ur mom, she is trying to express her feelings by sticking to her all the time. Give her some time, and she will come back to her normal life, within a few days, once she gets used to it. Even i had some friends for lunch this saturday, and i was surprised with my daughter's behaviour. She was playing so well with them and never even talked to bothof us. In fact these many days, she used to cry and lie on my lap when somebody came home, but this time she was different. Well its just excitement and nothing else. So just give her some time. ur mom must be really glad to see her and u, and i feel very happy for u. WEll my in laws are expected here towards the end of July and i am really worried like what sorts of tricks they are going to play this time, and what e else are they going to do to ruin my life. When i think of it i really get upset, and hence just thought of relaxing until the end of July, and get some peace of mind until then. reply soon bye .

hi,
had a terrible weekend. pressure from both sides, hubby and baby. she was feeling sick with fever and wasn't co=operating at all. she wouldn't let us take the temp nor wanted to have med. in the night. (i understand that, poor thing!!) on the other side , her dad would get mad on her b'coa she wouldn't listen at all. and i would feel bad for her and try to take her side. (in a way he was also right but then you always feel more for the kid!!) and b'coz of all this we fought on monday morning.
anyway, things are fine now. patched up. my mom's here, enjoying her grand child. but suddenly my daughter has become very very stubborn. she wants grand-ma to do everything for , whatever i used to do. and my mom enjoys doing it. but this way, she has just stopped listening to me. she still has a bad cold and cough and we have a lot of problem getting her to eat. today, for some reason, we told her to say "sorry' and she just wouldn't!! my mom said she wouldn't talk to her, my hubby yelled, i tried...but"no'. she finally was going to doze off to sleep crying. i'm scared that i'll have still more tough problems, b'coz now she wants attention from 3 people. before she never used to let me eat my dinner with ease, now she has started doing that to my mom. she wants her(grand-ma) to keep talking with her. my hubby and i are really worried. i hope the excitement goes away in a few days.
how are things with you? i read that your in-laws were to come to stay with you. what happened?

hi new,
i'll catch up with you in a day or two. may be on wednesday. i've had many sleepless nights in a row, so....!! i hope sh gets better soon.
see you then.

Hi nicemom,

So sorry to hear that ur daughter is unwell. Well, if its viral, they don't suggest any more medicines. Even my daughter had it ten days back, and doc asked us to just give her tylenol and motrein, and as u said it subsides and increases after 4 hrs. Just keep giving her the medicines and hope she recovers soon. Its really sad to see them sick. WIshing ur daughter a very speedy recovery. Write to u later.bye.

hi new,
oh my , the weekend id going under such tension and worry. my daughter runs a fever of about 102 but it won't come down with tylenol nor ibuprfen!! it comes down only till 100.5. i give her ibupr. before sleeping but she runs a fever within 3 hrs of the dose. i can't give her a repeat b'coz if she takes it on empty stomach she throws up. took her to the doc and they say its viral again but i'll give her urine sample too. when the fever is a little low, she jumps and plays. it feels so good to see her that way but as the fever goes up, she is all drowsy and down!! i hope she gets better. they say its b'coz of the pre-school, thats where they get all this. till i put her in school (22mths old), she was so healthy. i used to take her only for her healthy check ups, and now every month i visit. its diff to make her eat or drink fluids which she must consume . she just feels like vommiting .
yes, i give her a multi-vit and also calcium auppl. as you know she is allergic to milk and soy. so i don't know why this is ahappening. anyway, my mom says she'll discuss witht he doc on tuesday.
just to let you know, i patched up with hubby. as you know,i stepped towards him first. it gets very difficult when you need help in the night with the baby. unneccessarily the child must not suffer. tho' we never let our daughter know about anything at all. but still unknowingly, we give grumpy vibes. he too said sorry and stuff and things continue. lets see , it always happens this way and i count it as another day. everytime we patch things up i feel this day is a great start. i love my life, everything is perfect, i've got the best. i'm sure you also must be feeling the same. women are emotionally so forgiving!!
bye for now

Hi nicemom,
Thanks very much for the encouragement. Really i feel good writing to u as we are able to share so many things, and there's so much resemblence. Even my daughter had a flu 4 days back and just recovered recently. now here we have mixture of all weathers, somedays its cold and somedays very hot and hence my daughter falls sick very often. Are u giving multivitamins to ur daughter daily, see to it that she takes those multivitamin which are rich in vit c as that reduces the chances of her getting cold quite frequently. Wishing ur daughter a speedy recovery. As u said we are certainly being great moms to our kids. Good to hear about ur mom. By the way is ur mom a gynae, because u could discuss my case with her and get some suggestions if any. CAtch up with u soon and write soon. bye

Hi new,
I fully agree with u that we feel more secured when we work.. How about u, are u professionally qualifed, what sort of job are u seeking. I have told u about me before, tell me what sort of jobs will suit me. Is there any home business i can do without any investments, because i hear a lot about it. Any idea. Right now my daughter is going to her day care only in the morning sessions and is back home by 12.30. So right now she needs me. So may be i will give it some more time and i am also planning to visit my parents shortly. But please do give me some tips on this. i have posted a message under jt. family as well, check that out as well. bye and write soon.

hi,
i'm not working atpresent but i plan to work after my mom is here. we were waiting on our gc for me to start work. i want to work before i think of a second baby. i don't know what my life's going to be, i don't want to stay dependent on my hubby. i have always dreamt of giving my daughter a very secured future. in case i'm not there, she shld me financially ver well off. b'coz when you have money, everybody come to you. atleast somebody will take care of her after my parents, if something happens to me. i am a person you looks much to the future. i always advice my hubby to do things for the future. till now, i was feeling very insecure b'coz i was not able to work and i felt if anything ahppened to hubby, i was defintely not going back to india to my in-laws!! i didn't ever think of being a burden for my parents, who will happily accept me at any stage /situation of my life.
new, i suggest you to find some job. i now you can't work legally on dpendent visa but try to work in place where they will pay cash. like day-cares , etc. if you are independent you can think differently too!!
bye for now

Hi nicemom,
U are right, life if very very complicated and i have been fighting for it all thro so far. Coming to the kids topic. My daughter is 110% like ur daughter, and all the instances that u have quoted happens with me everyday. If i say no to something she will make sure that she does it. Dosen't mean they do it purposely. They like to see our reactiion. For eg, when we take her to the malls, she pulls out toys of her choice and never wants to quit that aisle, imagine, what would we do when we have not even started our shopping and she sits and picks her toys and dosen'nt walk with us. We really get frustrated, and then her dad gives her a shout and she comes running to me crying and says amma give me a hug and catches hold of my legs. So if the dad is tough moms have to be soft, dosen't mean always, but if they misbehave and test our patience, we too should react to it. I spoke about this to her teachers and they its quite normal, and asked me to look into eyes and say, i don't like what u are doing, and tell it firmly and ask her to stop. But they say we shouldn't exaggerate it as the kids get restless. I try it and still even that dosen't work out. At least ur daughter sits for time out. My kid never even reponds to time out and acts as if she never heard me and never sits. Imagine how i would feel. We are totally not able to control her. When her dad gets frustrated, he shouts like hell at her and she comes to me and then the chapter is closed, then again it starts. SO far i never got any successful means to discipline her. May be when i go down to india, she might change a bit, as she sees many people there and her mood might change. U can see the change in u daughter when ur mom comes. They just keep playing all this tricks as they are getting bored. Atleast we must hope so. Glad that she is fully potty trained as it would reduce a lot of ur chores.
REg my baby, if at all i have in india this time, i am going to plan it in such a way that my fil won't interfere. Already i spoke about this to my husband and had a big argument. So hopefully this time he should not interfere in my business. What sort of doctor is he. I wonder what must have happened to his patients. Thank goodness i wasn't one among them. This time i will ask my parents to inform them about the birth of the baby only after its born, not at the time of getting my labor pains, as i did last time. But last time it was different. My hubby was in india and hence my dad informed him the moment i got my labor. This time i will see to it that they will only get the information that the baby is already born, because before that i can get an epidural or a c section as per my wish, and will never even utter a word about my plans to them before. Less talking leads to better results. All these are the lessons i have learnt from life. First of all let me make up my mind fully about going in for the second or not. Only then i have to worry about all this.
I am not working. As i told u before, i got married at the age of 22. I just finished my graduation and got my computer's diploma and got married, Then my hubby was in singapore. Then i got pregnant after a yr and went down to india, and all this happenned and now i am here. So u can understand i never had a career so far. By the way are u employed, if so where. My parents fully support me. In fact if i din't have it i would never even have survived. Even now if i have any such arguments i call up parents on isd and cry out my feelings to them and i feel really relieved when i hear some advice from my mom. They very well undertand my feelings and what sort of man my husband is and they always have a soft corner for me.I am really delighted that i am going to see them shortly. And the biggest happiness is that my in laws won't be in india then as they are in u.s. moving about from one son to other. I can happily spend my full stay with my parents. I will post more about this in the "joiint family" message board. REply soon. bye

hi new,
oh my god, was that you, i read all the messages a few days back, but was so deppressed that i didn't know what to answer. anyway , you have some great advise already there for you. i'll conitnue about this in that board.
now about the kids....i feel my daughter will grow out of this but my hubby won't !! my daughter has a habit of screeching loud, like one big yell, if i obstruct her from doing something. but then gets under control if i talk about a 'time-out'. like today when i picked her up from the day-care, she always wants to touch the piano. which i feel she shldn't as the director may not like it. but she does it always, and when i try carrying her out, she yells. its so embrassing. you won't beleive, sometimes i come home and cry. but then she comes to me saying, 'mommy, don't cry, i won't do that again'. she's so sweet you know, that i feel she must be doing most of her pranks innocently. she forgets all the spankings and shouts that i give her.
i'm sure , my daughter will be very happy to get a sibbling. she'll be a good sis . greeat new....my daughter wears panty thr' the day!! no pee pee or poo poo. i didn't know that the change will come so sudden. now my next step is letting her feed herself. my menu for my daughter gets limited b'coz she is allergic to milk, soy, wheat& potatoes . most products here contain milk in some form or the other. she loves cheese but can't have it. the regular pasta is made of wheat. i get for her special rice pasta from the health food store. so no mac donalds for her (fries,nuggets). but now i have tried challenging wheat, and she seems to tollerate it.
what kind of diciplining tech. do you use. 'time-outs'/spank/shout? is your daughter scared or you? try taking away some thing that she likes, to make her do things your way.
about your pregnancy....if you say you will go to india for the 2nd baby, won't your fil repeat the blunder? are your parents supportive of you? i can imagine what you went thro'. you are a very strong woman and are undergoing a lot. if i was in your place i think i would have broken down or packed my bags.
tell me are you independent? working?
keep writing, see you in the other board.

hi again(new),
about the age difference betw kids....i feels the best age diff as you said is 3 to 3 1/2yrs. but i have a friend who has 2 sons, diff betw the 2 is 8 yrs. and she feels it good. the older one looks after the younger and helps her out. one is 11 and other is 2 1/2. so she has no problems leaving the younget and go shopping or take a nap.
but the only thing is when the diff is so much, the 2 can't play together the same level games.
i feel if you go to india and them later try to conceive, it shld be ok. 4 1/2 is not bad. don't try later than 5 1/2 . of course it depends on you. just a suggestion. right now your child is looking for a baby whole she can nurture (you said she feed the daools, etc)and also play (when at times she gets bored playing by herself) at the same time. so if you want a second do it in a yr or 2.
tell me new, what shld i do? shld i have a second, just for my daughter. so that she has a sibbling to depend on later in life? or will it be stressfull on all 3 of us at this point of life?

hi new,
i am not yet trying for the second baby. still am in 2 minds. its not b'coz of my daughter but my hubby. we have a lot of parenting tiffs. he says one method to dicipline, and i say the other. it all this, we spend a few hrs to days being grumpy with eachother. and with 2 kids, i don't know how life will be. actually to tell you my way of diciplining is....be strict at that point and after some time i go and explain in a very loving way to my daughter. i make her understand why mommy is mad at her. but my hubby is strict. he will let her cry out and talk to her only after she stops crying and comes back nicely. i've discussed this with many parents and i've got both way opinions.
what happens is, she is only 2 1/2 and doesn't remember always, whats wrong and right. i know at this age kids are very manupulating. they know how to get their way, but i feel when she knows that she is going to get a time-out after she does a wrong thing, why would she sgain do it if she remembers the rule.
so what happens is my daughter always clings to me. i get suffocated with no time to myself and then unneccessarily she gets a yell. all a vicious circle. in short i'm 40 % strict and 60% linient and my hubby is the other way round. so second babay is a big "?" still.do you have such problems, ups and downs with hubby? my hubbu i feel is immature b'coz after all the tiff is for a parenting issue and he makes it a personal one.
about my daughter yapping....oh my god, she talks a lot. she talks very clear and good sentences at 2 1/2. very few kids in her calss talk and communicate so well. actually she loves to read (listen ) to me reading story books to her. so know she knows which word come after which and points out the next word. she knows her numbers and alphabits, sings ryhmes and lot of stuff. sometimes, talking so much puts me in a funny situation. once in a store, she said aloud "mama, why does that man have no hair on his head?" she talks to people in the store , so i have a to answer her aloud!!!
today is one such day where i had a bad begining!! my hubby went to work without saying bye. why....b'coz of a parenting issue. my daughter did some naughty things and he put her down rudely. she started crying and felt bad. but sometimes he is right, kids are very stubborn at times. when i tell her something nicely she will not pay heed, but after her dad yells she listens!!!!
anyways, things will go on......keep smiling. did i tell you , my moms coming next monday here. i'm so happy.
when are you planning to go to india?
bye for now
reply soon

Hi nicemom,
Good to see ur reply and thanks for the same, as i had an opportunity to share my feelings with u. I agree with u that we should be liberal on certain issues and strict in some. Mine was an arranged marriage, and both me and my husband have never dated with anyone else before. So i was a bit too concerned about my daughter. I certainly don't mind if my daughter also goes in for a love marriage, as long as he is an indian. But its when i see the school students hugging and kissing each other at public places and not respecting their parents , that i get really worried. Well as parents its natural to have that concern. But the good thing in this is that even my husband totallly believes in strict discipline and teches her the right thing, The dangerous age is after her teens and lets see what happens. I too have the hopes that she would be a disciplined girl, coz she is the afterall our daughter.
Though my daughter is 3yrs and 4mths now she hasn't started talking very fluently and hence i am not able to have a sensible conversation with her. Of course she talks all important things like " i want to go to school, i need food, lets go out, bye bye dad, etc etc, but she hasn't started talking too fluently like the other kids. Anyway doctors say that each child is different from the other. But she is very smart for her age and does all puzzles and drawing etc. SO only when she grows up i will be able to teach her by giving her reasons for it. SO, what happenned to ur plans for the 2nd one. Are u trying. Since i am not so confident if i would be able to carry her for 9 mths i have not yet started trying. Sometimes i feel i would be able to manage , and sometimes i feel what would happen if... and so on.I just can't imagine about bed rest during pregnancy as there's nobody else to take care of my hubby and daughter. But if at all i decide for the second i must have it only in india, as all my mom, sister are only in india. Moreover my parents are taking care of their grandson over there, and can't leave him. Hence having the baby here is totally ruled out. I am planning to go down to india for vacation very soon and when i go over, i am planning to talk to my gynae about all this and also to our family ortho specialist and get their combined opinion about having the next baby. If they feel its risky i am not going for it. Well again there's another concern. My girl is already 3.4 yrs and by the time i get okay from my doctors she will be clost to 4. Is it okay to plan a child after that as there would be a minimum of 4and half to 5 yrs of age difference. Will it be okay. Well i have seen people going in for the second at the age diff of 3 or 3and a half and hence i am a bit hesitant about this. Please let me know ur comments. reply soon. catch up with u soon.

hi new,
i understand your concern but i think your hubby is right. its the way we bring up our kids and teach them to judge whats good for them. see, in india also everything prevails. its just that its not done in the open. teen sex,boyfriends, etc. i have quiet a few examples of my relatives and firends' children who have grown up to be very matured adults.
i feel our children shld get the best of both cultures. we must not totally restrict them from doing things like what kids here do, then they will feel left out from their groups and will on the contrary rebel at us. which is actually worse, b'coz then the children will not come and confide in us.
my mom and i have a wonderful relationship. i have told her about every boy i was infatuated to, every boy i dated (mine is a love marraige). my mom new whenever i went out with my hubby (then boyfriend ). she would tell me about the things right and wrong for me and then let me decide.
i am not much worried about my daughter growing up here in the usa, b'coz i amd confident that i'll be able to keep a good rapport with her. atleast thats what i feel now!! i am in total favor of dicipline and grounding the child when she mis-behaves , but i don't want to be a parent who she feels clings or nags or keeps restricting.
at this stage also my daughter aks questions as to why she can't do the same thing as out neighbour's kids. like avery small thing like, my neighbours kids run about bare foot after a dip in their pool but i restrict my baby saying that she'll hurt her feet. so she must wear slippers!! she asks me 'but mama. calssie and ally are not wearing shoes!!". we , as mothers have a diff way of protecting our kids. i know in a few years i will let go such things . right now, i'm trying to do things which have a touch of both cultures. she goes for 'tricks and treat' in halloween time and also to the temple for diwali.
i think when the time comes for boyfriends, i'm going to be very worried from within but will not show it at all. new, i want to continue talking but i'll have to go for right now b'coz i have to gather my entire backyard b'coz we are getting the house painted.
bye for now, reply soon

hi nicemom,
Good to see ur reply and nice that we are able to share many of our concerns. Reg my daughter for the past few months she has been only on simple panties and i stopped her pull ups 4 mths back as suggested by her day care instructor. And just like ur daughter even my daughter is delighted about wearing her panties and pees only in the toilet, in fact even when i go out i put her only on panties, and take her to a washroom once every hour. so may be when we go out i take her the washroom twice and she does it there. But my concern is that she still poops only in her panties. She is not able to tell me when she needs to do it. Thus i always keep looking at her facial expression and i myself take her for a poop. But its not always possible for us to be with her throout the day and observing her. So when i go about here and there she does the accident in her panties and then tells me "where should u poo , u should poo in the potty ." Hence she knows that what she is doing is wrong. I am just giving her some more time to learn that as well as her day care teacher says that once she learns to pee , she will also learn to poo. But still she hasn't and i am just waiting for that day. If u have any suggestions for this please let me know.
My another concern about her is the culture in which she is growing. As we are the moms of girls we are surely more concerned about her character and the way she grows (of course i don't mean that boys can get spoilt). Howdo u feel about it. Aren't u worried about the way ur daughter will be growing. When we bring them up in a country like u.s. they are going to pick up only the culture which they see here, i mean dating at the age of 16 and need for personal liberty etc etc. I am really worried if she too would pick up this culture and start dating and..... u know what. I just keep wondering if i am the only mom who is worried about all this. We are grown up and matured enough to understand the world and hence we are able to stick to our culture, but will our kids understand what we say. I know its too early for me think about all this and worry. But still u see time passes very soon, and soon she will be going to school. And all this is bound to happen. What will we do then. What is ur opinion about all these and have u ever worried about all this. Just let me know as i am really concerned about it.I keep telling my husband , the day she starts picking up all these things from here, i will pack up my bags and take her back to india. Am i not correct in thinking so, how would u react to such a situation. Of course we can give them liberty in few things in life which will not affect their future, but not anything more than that. My husband says it all depends upon the way we bring up our child, but i feel even though we do our best, sometimes things go beyond our control , don't u feel so. I can give u a small eg. As i told u i am a pure vegetarain and hence want my child as well to be so. But once in a while she picks up some fish sticks or chicken nuggets and starts eating it without her knowledge. Of course i agree she is too young to understand its veggie, and this is non veggie etc etc. This is not my main issue, my greatest worry is way she is going to grow up.We all have been brought up with a good indian culture and i want my daughter as well to be so, at least respect it. Don't u feel so. Just let me know ur feelings about this, as we have dicusssing about many more issues before this, and i really feel relieved when i share my concerns with friends like u. keep writing, bye