Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

Hi nicemom,
I was 95% sure tht u must be living in florida, bcoz both of us correspond almost at the same time. We don't have any time difference at all.My hubby's younger brother lives in florida and right now the villians are in their place taking care of their new born grand daughter. They will be coming to my place on july 31, so just few more days of peace for me. This time they are going back around mid aug. But from next time...!! Oh my God, i don't want to see them again. I will be leaving around mid oct, and i am going alone with my daughter. My tickets are yet to be booked. My husband says he will book my tickets thro british airways, though its a bit more costlier than the other ones, because my daughter will start troubling me too much if i take a longer route with more than 2 transits. British airways just has one transit at london and its about 10 hrs or so to london and then 8 hrs or so to india. But i have second thoughts of taking the kuwait airways , as its a bit cheaper than british airways. Anyway still nothing is finalised, and everyday my hubby is asking me the dates to block my tickets. I will surely let u know if we get a good deal.
I live near niagara,(about 1 hr drive from my place to niagara) so i have already seen niagara falls a couple of times, and i am no more interested in seeing it. Its really boring, as i have seen it many times.
last yr we made a visit to florida for about a week to my bil's place. And if at all we move to the u.s. my husband's first choice would be to florida as its warm thro out the year. But in order to avoid my in laws , i would prefer a very cold place with lots of snowfalls so that my in laws can't stay with me for long.That's the only way i can avoid them, as they already have their gc for u.s.(who the hell asked them to get the gc).That's why i want to stay back in canada itself.
Since my dad was working in the air force, we travelled all around india and studied in kendriya vidyalay(central school) and hindi and english were the medium of instruction for us , and hence all of us in our house know hindi(speak read write etc etc) very well. My hubby also speaks hindi, and he is very fluent in bengali as well as he studied in REC durgapur. The latest movies we saw are company, shaheed(but the print was lousy), aankhen and a few more, i don't remember the names. We also watch a lot of tamil movies. And u know whenever we watch our movies my daughter will ask her for her cartoon cassettes. So every week i go the public library to get her some barney, elephant show, wild life videos for her. When we see our video , she will say, now its time for mine and i really get irritated.
Glad that ur daughter had a good dinner with palak. Actually i like paneer a lot , but both my hubby and my daughter don't like it, so i too don't make it at home. My daughter used to relish palak when she was at home(before going to the day care). But after going to the day care, she has become very choosy, and dosen't eat any vegetables at all these days.
Last weekend my husband passed on the phone to me when he was talking to my mil , and for courtesy sake i enquired her about the tickets, and she was telling me that they have got the shortest possible route as they can't travel for long. I was telling her that we had a tough time travelling with our daughter to florida last time, as she got too cranky, and was just talking generally, U know what she said. Like a typical third rated mil, she told me" even i brought up my kids with lots of difficulty, who dosen't have a tough time bringing up kids. Well u say flight journey was difficult. In my days, i travelled by train for 3 days, and managed their feeding bootles and their food. But still u say its difficult to take care of her. to be very frank i felt like cutting of the phone itself and put it down. Why does she read in between lines about everything, and try to tell about her past. Everybody's mom have brought their kids only in difficulties, and even my mom and ur mom, isn't it. Then why should she make such a big fuss about it. What does she expect for that.She too did only her duty and why does she try to remind me by telling that. Does she mean her son is hers and only hers . I really don't understand the inentions about that filthy lady. That's the main reason i try to avoid any sort of conversation and just say hi and bye. I really got frustrated when she said that. But since we were planning our trip to pitsburg i din't want to spoil all our moods my telling about this to my husband b'coz my hubby will once again suport his mom and let me down. I din't want all this scene again. I just kept mum and made arrangements for our trip. I really don't understand why my mil behaves so cheap, if she is going to build up small matters like this, then i don't at all feel like talking to her. Already i don't feel like talking to her at all, and on top of all this, i hate her sarcastic comments. Stupid lady, I really don't look forward to have them in my place at all. I really feel so bad , nicemom.
write soon . bye

hi new,
i stole a few minutes of the net from my hubby to let you know that today my daughter finished her entire dinner on her own. otherwise its always i feed her after sometime. actually i made her favorite pasta and added a little of palak paneer. she can't have the paneer b'coz of her allergy but she loved the paste spinach with pasta (rotini). her favorite shape. isn't that great !! my mother tells her few exciting incidences and she adores them and keeps eating hearing whatever my mom talks to her. then we went star watching and she fell off to sleep just fine, by 10.
have you booked your india tickets? i just forgot that its almost tiem for the villians to make an entry to your happy life. when are they expected? (inlaws) do let me know if you have a good deal in some airline, as we are also hunting for deals to india. of course the prices may differ a bit b'coz of the country but still. which part of canada are you from? talk to you tommorrow

hi,
i'm gld to know you had a wonderful weekend. so , do you go often to this temple is pa? i stay very far from you....florida!! immediately after marraige we were for a few months in michigan and then came down to florida. and ever since we got the gc and bought a house, we haven't thought of moving. but b'coz of my daughter's allergies, i may move in a few years up north. do you travel a lot? we did a lot of travelling before the baby bot after her, we take a vacation once a year. last year we had been to new orleans, lousiana. before that to chicago. this year my hubby is planning his trip to india so, may be next year we will do the far west. how far are you from the niagara? we have been there before the baby, my uncle stays in buffalo.
we take a max of 3 days trip with the baby. so either it shld be a place where you fly directly or a car drive and come back the next day. she gets fussy in the car,but now a days she yaps a lot so she is occupied. also i keep story books,crayons and stuff like that. then i sinf ryhmes with her all long till she falls asleep. now a days she doesn't go very frequent to pee pee. she can hold it for real long. i'm always scared of an accident, but somehow she says"mommy are you scarred?" and then laughs.
about the sleeping thing, the days she goes to school, she sleeps well and fasr in the afternoons but at night, she starts from 9, "go up go up, i'm sleepy" and then just plays about. then its "i'm nomore sleepy, go down go down".
its such a nice feeling to see our kids improving so well.
which hindi movie did you see last, i saw "mere yaar ki shaadi" on last thursday. i don't know any other recent names. suggest and if i'm lucky i'll get a dvd. how come you know hindi. most southinians i've met here in the usa , don't know hindi. mostly the ones from madras. people from hydrabad atleast can talk a bit.
bye for now

Hi nicemom,
Well if the pills dosen;t suit u, then there's no point in trying it. ithas so far suited me and things are going fine. But sometimes i feel if i could go to get a loop done, but my sister had it done, and had a lot of probs like excessive bleeding, and much more. So she strictly adviced me not to go for it. She said, accept anything else except it. But for the little bit of weight gain, i don't see any other side effects in my pill , and hence so far, so good.Don't worry ,from the way u say, i feel u will get ur periods very soon.
Well even my husband says, that we shouldn't expect help from anyone, and my mom asks me to come to her whenever i want to, as she too is ready to serve me as long as she can. But these hubbys can never understand our situation. Frakly speaking they can only share the good times, but when it comes to bad time, they always try and stay away. That's the truth. They say, i need a 2nd child , but they never share any of our jobs and if at all they do it, they blow their own trumpet about it, which i hate. After all ,they do it for their own family but they speak as if they have done a great service to us. When they are not ready to share the work ,they should be happy with one child itself, that's what i feel.
To ur surprise, my daughter still naps in the afternoon, and i think god has been very kind to me in this reg. The moment i go to pick her up at her day care, she start saying" time to go sleep" as she sees all other kids napping right there. But the duration of her nap differs, some days 2 hrs, some days 1 hr, or some days even 10 mts. So it just depends on how lucky i am. After she wakes up she will have her milk and some snacks, and now since its summer, i take her either to the park or the pool. She is back at 6.p.m. or 7. Then she eats her so called dinner(she hardly eats anything), and then has her milk and goes to sleep around 9.30 or 10. But if we watch any interesting movie,(i know hindi, i can speak read and write. It was my second language in school. I am just writing it as u asked about it. We watch plenty of hindi movies) she too will remain awake with me. But mostly she sleeps by 9.30. I think she has improved a lot these days and become much less troublesome. I should say she is a real sweety.
This weekend we had been to pitsburg s.v. temple. its 5 to 5 and half drive from here(by the way in which of part of u.s. do u live), and u know my daughter was so so well behaved that i just can't say.We all were very impressed. Since my hubby's friend did the driving, my hubby also could relax a bit and hence i sent him to the back seat to take care of my daughter. Morever with my back pain, i always feel comfortable sitting in the front seat, as i have more leg space and stuff like that. So my hubby did a great job taking care of her, which of course i appreciated( but anyway i know once again he will get cranky very soon and yell at her and me again. So i know pretty well about his character, So when its time to appreciate , i do it and that's it . I don't keep saying it again and again. Then u know, he will get 2 horns on his head, and start showing off too much, saying i did a great baby sitting job and u were sitting idle, i know he will say all this when we quarrel the next time. So till tht time chup chap baiti rahoongi). U know she never cried and got restless. But she stopped us once in an hr promplty to go pee pee. So when she feels like peeing , she used to tell us " go pee pee " and we took the nearest exit imemdiately. And once she did it, she sat happily for the next one to one and a half hr. Poor thing after all even she too needs a break in between, Kids really feel uneasy sitting in their booster seat for long. Ur daughter also sits in the booster seat right? And u know, she ate whatever was available, donuts or juice or buns or bread or anything. Morever she(me too) realishes fries so much tht she can survive on it even for a week. So no complaints at all about her., Moreover she slept so well for the past 2 days, as she did so much of running ,walking and swimming etc etc. She really had a great time. Well if our kids are well behaved thro out , its understood we too had a great time, What else do we need. So this was a wonderful weekend for me.
Normally she wakes up about 7.in the morning and leaves to her day care around 7.45. Even today she woke up correctly and went to school without any fuss. Probably today she will nap for long in the afternoon.
It was really sad to hear about ur hubby's behaviour. I don't know why these men can't help us. One day if they make us happy, the next day they get crooked. There's nothing in this world like our mom. I understand how sad u feel for ur mom, but wht's the use, ur husband should know that. Even my husband sits hrs together in the internet as if its a great business deal. When he comes from office, he says, i am so tired and goes to the computer and sits there until our dinner and once again after the dinner he goes back to the net. I get frustrated so much about it, that i must have quarreled at least a 100 times about this topic. Well even i get irritated when he sits for so long in the computer, Instead if they lend a helping hand to us, all of us can go to sleep sooner. I am also sailing in the same boat as u are. When our daughters get married , i am sure even we will be like our moms , helping her in her household chores. NOTHING TO BEAT A MOM(I MEAN GIRL'S MOM) IN THIS WORLD. Write soon bye

hi new,
i did try pills once before. before my baby, put didn't feel good. thats b'coz as you said i did feel i was gaining a little. as you know i was more concious then about these things. also my second reason for not suiting is, i had mood swings. i know, they have 2 diff effects. for some they sober the mood swings and others they aggrevate b'coz of the hormones. als had a nauseated feel the entire day. so they just didn't work for me. i had quiet many brands to choose from as my mom's good friend is a ob/gyn here. so she used to stock me on them, but they didn't work!! so condoms have been my friends since long. they have always been there around the house in all odd places and moreover my hubby is very very particular. you can imagine in these 5 yrs, this is the first time !! i think my abdominal tightness has reduced, it must be my periods approaching.
you are right, if there is a remote chance of getting a positive, i will happily accept. but may be i'm not preg. !!
to tell you frankly, there are times i feel ,yes, its the right time to have a second. my daughter will be 3 1/2 and this is great. but then suddendly i feel very scared. with the fights we have so often regarding parenting issues and stuff. moreover, acc. to my hubby we shld raise our kids on our own. he didn't want my mom to come to help me last year too. for delivery, its ok. but my mom says till the time i'm active and have the means, i'll come to help my daughter. then we don't know whats to come. till recently,my hubby changed his opinion, when he saw what i had to handle thr' the day. he sees on the weekends. now he feels yes it is better to have help. also my moods stays better when he is back from work.
but my daughter is improving. atleast with her dad she is perfect. a changed girl but with me she is the diff. her tantrums are max. when she sees me. she has improved in her eating habits. thank god. but now a days she just doesn't want to sleep. i don't know, its excitment or what. i have a problem to schedule the next morning. how about your daughter. i'm sure she doesn't nap in the afternoon any more. what is her bed time? my baby sleeps at 10 and i have to wake her atleast by 7.30 am.
bye for now

hi new,
i did try pills once before. before my baby, put didn't feel good. thats b'coz as you said i did feel i was gaining a little. as you know i was more concious then about these things. also my second reason for not suiting is, i had mood swings. i know, they have 2 diff effects. for some they sober the mood swings and others they aggrevate b'coz of the hormones. als had a nauseated feel the entire day. so they just didn't work for me. i had quiet many brands to choose from as my mom's good friend is a ob/gyn here. so she used to stock me on them, but they didn't work!! so condoms have been my friends since long. they have always been there around the house in all odd places and moreover my hubby is very very particular. you can imagine in these 5 yrs, this is the first time !! i think my abdominal tightness has reduced, it must be my periods approaching.
you are right, if there is a remote chance of getting a positive, i will happily accept. but may be i'm not preg. !!
to tell you frankly, there are times i feel ,yes, its the right time to have a second. my daughter will be 3 1/2 and this is great. but then suddendly i feel very scared. with the fights we have so often regarding parenting issues and stuff. moreover, acc. to my hubby we shld raise our kids on our own. he didn't want my mom to come to help me last year too. for delivery, its ok. but my mom says till the time i'm active and have the means, i'll come to help my daughter. then we don't know whats to come. till recently,my hubby changed his opinion, when he saw what i had to handle thr' the day. he sees on the weekends. now he feels yes it is better to have help. also my moods stays better when he is back from work.
but my daughter is improving. atleast with her dad she is perfect. a changed girl but with me she is the diff. her tantrums are max. when she sees me. she has improved in her eating habits. thank god. but now a days she just doesn't want to sleep. i don't know, its excitment or what. i have a problem to schedule the next morning. how about your daughter. i'm sure she doesn't nap in the afternoon any more. what is her bed time? my baby sleeps at 10 and i have to wake her atleast by 7.30 am.
bye for now

Hi nicemom,
Read all ur messges, and reg that unplanned stuff, don't worry. AFter all just within one attempt, i don't think there are chances for u to conceive again. But i would like to tell u one thing. How come u had been depending on condoms for so long. That would be the last thing i would opt for as i don't feel feel it suits me, in various aspects. I would suggest, u switch over to some oral contraceptive pill rather than a condom. FYI i been using birth control pills for the past 3 to 3.5 yrs and i am really happy with it. First of all it's the easiest and secondly, the most reliable, i.e. u needn't go searching for a condom at the last hr.
The only drawback is that u slightly gain(not much) weight after u start taking pills and that too for a long while. When i was married i was 57, and before i conceived i weighed 60, during preg i was 68, but after my baby i came down considerably. And now i weigh 62, so the extra 2 kgs is because of my pills, but anyways, i am not so worried as 62 is ok for my ht, and its within the acceptable range and i am not obese, and i also do exercises to keep fit. So there's absolutely no probs with the pills, and no side effects like nausea headache etc etc. So hopefully u shouldn't be hitting the jackpot this time, and so from the next time onwards, start taking pills. Its much much better. But anyway nothing is in our hands, and so if at all u hit the jackpot don't worry and go ahead with the second baby, u have ur epidurals here, and also ur mom's help. So stop worrying about the world and live for ur own selves. Before that something tells me just because u have abdominal tighness dosen't mean u are expecting the next one, it may also be some pre menstural cramps, so stop imagining and worrying too much, Be optimistic and if at all it clicks, go ahead happily with it. And if u have ur periods this time, start using the pills from next mth. I will touch the other topics in my next message. I am writing this first, as u would be anxious. I'll write the next very soon within today. Till then bye . And write soon. Stop worrying.

hi new,
this waiting game is killing me !! i just hope it is some signs of pms, or some kind of constipation,gas, just anything other than....!!!! on second thoughts i feel,i've started my pms. b'coz always a few days before my periods i get very short tempered and my poor daughter becomes the scape goat. so i feel i'm not in a bad situation. what do you feel?
my weekend is going fine. yesterday we went to an outlet mall and shopped a few. my daughter had fun peeing in all the public loos!! i have started carrying those disposable toilet sheets.
do you watch hindi movies? thats if you understand hindi. i see some of them, whenever i get a chance. today i'm planning to see 'vanilla sky'-tom cruise on ppv. lets see how things work.
talk to you late, bye

hi new,
i say the above b'coz i realised it today, once again. its a small matter but it hurt me. i went upstairs to put my daughter to sleep at night. and she take quiet a while to fall asleep. if i go up at 9pm, she sleeps onlu at 10.15pm. (but she starts saying 'im sleepy sleepy from 9.)before going i told my hubby i'll come down and wash a few of my daughter's dishes. she has a few special ones she eats in. exactly, after my baby falls a sleep, my hubby comes up saying 'see i'm reminding you, you have to wash the dishes". i go down and see they were all done!! i'm like thrilled. whats up. he's such a pudding and as i was about to go to give him a hug, he comes saying 'finished?'. i realised my mother had washed all of them. i felt so bad for her. he could have done it b'coz i got late. as it is he just sits on the computer till late nights. my mom was with me when i was putting my daughter to sleep, but she sneeked and helped me out. she always does some work or the other, even after handling my daughter the entire day. she keeps telling me 'you rest'. i felt so bad. i keep yelling at her for little things. (i tell you new, we understand what our mom's have done for us at this stage of our lives). even after i being so arrogant, she never complains. she just tells me "i understand what you are going thro' and your behavior is normal. you can vent it out on me. i'm your mother and most closest!!". new, as i write to you, i have tears rolling down my eyes. i expected that my hubby would help me out atleast on a friday evening.
now about your life. i feel sad to know about your life after the baby. how could your hubby be so heartless. was it that he wanted a boy? many men are that way. but they just try to be with modern views. hypocrates!! indian men give great respect for thier parents but when it comes to their wives' parents, they are just taken for granted. i really don't like it , when i hear such stories. my sil has the same problem. my inlaws are not treated well at all. she has to come to her mom's place(my inlaws) hidingly!!
i have to tell you something, which i have not told anybody still. last week, we made love and this is the first time in our married lives we had it unplanned. what i mean is couldn't find a condom under the bed. anyway, i immediately got up and washed off. but i don't now whether we hit the jackpot(don't know whether its a jackpot!!) just to let you know, when we planned to have our baby, i know my date of conception. so it took me just once to get pregnant. now the thing is, since 3 days i'm getting lower abdomen tightness. i'm not sure if they are my periods approaching (still got 10 days) or ....!!! i'm so scared!! i'm sure my hubby will not be unhappy at all, but its just that it will be very unplanned at this point of life. what do you feel about the abdomen tightness? i'll let you know on the 16th of this month b'coz i'm never a day late. but still. its giving me sleepless nights. i've told everyone,"no 2 nd baby yet", so i feel it very embarassing to tell my mom. she will be happy but i'm sure the first things she'll say is "are you happy?" she has always said 2 kids are good but you must think about yourself first.
new,why so many tensions!! this was the lousiest(sp!!?) mistake. actaully i'm waiting. if i am preg, i won't feel unhappy at all, but it'll be unplanned . thats it.
WRITE SOON, PLEASE.

Hi nicemom,
What u say is right, the only boon i need in my life is tht i don't at all need my in laws' interference in my life. As such my husband is a good man ,but for being his mam's boy. But again that's the only biggest drawback a girl could have in her life as this possessiveness ruins my life.Its true all parents bring up their kids, and sacrifice so much for them , but does it mean that mean that dil should suffer so much just for that. U know even i have a brother and he is married and have a kid. My mom has never interferd in their business at all so far. And if at all my parents visit them they never stay for more than 2 weeks and even at that time my mom dosen't do all this drama like my mil. Why can't all mils be like tht.
I agree that my hubby took care of me well while i was pregnant, but u know after that he din't even behave like a human being wih me. I lived at his parent's place for just a week and what would a wife expect then. A loving and caring husband isn't it. U know on the contrary my mil and fil blew up small small issues and that too our personal matters and made a big show of it. And my hubby din'teven have the guts to say that :"its our personal matter", and u guys needn't interfere in this. Intead he went and stood behind his mom and joined them in yelling at me. Just imagine how i would have felt then. My mom called him up the day he landed and spoke to him, and he also spoke to her. But u know after a few days, my mil is lying to him that my mom called him up only after 4 days and din't have the courtesy to talk to her son in law and things like that. And in spite of me reminding him that my mom spoke to him the day he landed, with instances, he pretended as if he knew nothing and joined him mom. Its tht day that i fully lost hopes in him and came to know what sort of person he is. And his parents blew up all these small smal issues and never allowed me to be peaceful with my husband even during the final stages of my pregnancy. And to add to it, my hubby just came to see me and my kid in the hospital and after i got discharged and went back to my house, he never came and saw us even once. It was until 4 mths, just imagine how bad i must have felt. He never even came to his own daughter's name giving ceremony out of ego. just imagine what kind of a dad he should me. When i think of all these things even today, i feel i can never fogive him. And at tht time my fathers 60th b'day was celeberated and u know what sort of auspicious function it is. EVery body in my house came with their familieis, but it was only i who was alone. And when my brother invited my in laws for the function u know what my fil said. He said" i am very busy and i have many more weddings to attend on that day,
so i won't be coming for it. And to be very frank my father in law is just idle at home after his retirement and never even practices now. But still he always puts up a show saying i am busy. My hubby was not in india then. And when i told him about the function , he never even acknowledged it and changed the topic as if to insult me. And he never even send a single gift. Okay forget about the gifts part of it, he never even called up my parents and congratulated them on the occasion. U can understand what sort of a mean character he could be.How can a girl be happy with this sort of a husband who insults her parents so much. But in spite of all this till date i am living with this man, and din't complain anything. U can imagine my life,
And u asked me if i was too submisive to my in laws when i was newly married, the answer is yes i was. I gave them a lot of respect and took care of them so well and i used to call them every once in 2 days, even before my wedding for the single reason tht i won't be staying with them after my wedding. I did all this with the hopes that i too will be properly recognised for my good deeds, and will be loved by them. But instead it turned out something else. And only then came to know about their mentality and their mean behaviour. Till then i was a very innocent girl, and i couldn't even distinguish between good and mean people. And now after 5 yrs of my married life, i have fully understood what sort of people my in laws are.But the other 2 dils were not like that right from the begining, Both of them were self centered and did their own business, moreover their parents are big shots from middle east and stuff like that. So my mil and my fil bow down to their wealth. this is the truth.
okay nicemom, have a nice weekend and enjoy ur time. My daughter did a blunder recently. She took oneof our casssettes and put it into her cartoon cassette cover, which belongs to the central library. And today i got a call a from them saying, they have a casseete which dosen't belong to them, and one of their cassettes is missing. I was amused tp hear about it. its all my daughter's job, who did it. And i almost laughed out when i went back t get our personal cassette. My daughter can never remain silent.
CAtch u up soon nicemom. Reply soon . bye and have a nice weekend.

hi,
i realise that apart from a few flaws, here and there, i do have a good hubby. atleast he helps me out. its just that when we both get down down to the silly fights , we just blow it up. anyways, i'll take care.
about the tummy thing. yes, i've got back to my pre-pregnancy weight after a year amd half. i am back to my usual size with ref to clothes. my ponch is not much, but i can't wear anyhting which will expose my tummy. (stretch marks) . its a great feeling to get nice compliments from our hubbys'. but my hubby doesn't appreciate me wearing stretchy, body hugging clothes. i don't wear tight pants or jeans but i like wearing the stretch tops. i used to wear that when i was dating my hubby too (9yrs!!). he didn't like it then too . but that time he didn't say much, but now i think he's possessive and tells me that he doesn't like it. (i like the possessiveness at such time). but our color choices are complete;y diff. he likes greys and beige. and i like to dress for the occassion. i may be not very young but i don't look my age at all. (i'm not flatterring myself). so why not wear when you can...whose seen the future.

your mil is just terrible. i think her husband didn't take much care of her ,so she feels jealous that her son is doing everyhting right. it was nice of your hubby to bring your jewellery and look after you throught your pregnancy. its always a give and take thing. we pamper them with our kind of warmth. i think even your hubby is a good man except for being a mama's boy. if you would ask for a wish, i think it would be, 'hope you would never see your inlaws'. then your life would be perfect. why is it that your mil troubles you so much and not the other dil. were you very submissive, when you got married?
yesterday, i bought for my daughter a few fire-works for 4th july. some sparklers and pop-its. she had a ball with them. i thought she'll be a little scared but she was great!! this weekend we have to do house cleaning. as you know, my child has allergies. so we have to try to keep the house very clean.
i hope you have a good weekend.
i may come back online this afternoon, not sure.
catch up with you then bye for now

Hi nicemom.
First of all i would like to pass on my belated wishes for ur anniversary. Glad that u were gifted a diamond earring by ur hubby, that was very nice of him, and u certainly need to appreciate him for it. But on contrary i would like to tell u that it needn't make u feel u are guilty. After all u deserve it as his wife. That dosen't mean that u are always indebted to him in all means for this sake atleast when it comes to the question of ur self respect. Of course atleast for the next few u can be sweet to him. But if he takes advantage of this and hurts u for anything, u needn't remain silent. U understand what i mean. For heaven's sake don't mistake me, i am just telling u what i would be doing if i were in ur situation. If u remain silent for everything then he will take u too much for granted. But of course u certainly need to appreciate him for his thoughfulness.
REg that tummy matter, i had been using ante natal cream religiously from my 4th mth and hence i don't have much stretch at all, but for a few here and there. And of course my tummy has reduced considerably after delivery, but i don't think i would get back the same body which i had before my baby, that's for sure. And these days my hubby too compliments me by saying that i have certainly lost weight and look very trim. I really feel happy when i hear that. But still i am trying hard to lose more weight, as its always better to stay light when i have a series of back pain problems. I go walking daily and do my back stremgthening exercises daily. But if i use the exercise equipment, i get my back pain.
And yeah ur anniversary story reminds me of a flash back. U know when i was newly married and we lived in singapore, my hubby bought me a lot of gold jewels. And once he gifted me a pearl neckalce and earring for my anniversay, and u know what, my mil was so jealous of hearing tht news. It was shown in her face and i noticed it, but i hubby din't notice it. Later on while my hubby came over here in search of job and when i was with my laws, my mil commented that in spite of his tough financial situation, he bought u a pearl set and did so much. What was the need for him to do all tht. And u know she says, my son bought u so many fruits and so much of milk when u were pregnant and took care of u so well, if he wished he could have just given u the basic needs like rice and gravies, and stopped with that. But he did so much for u. How ridiculous. Which husband dosen't do all this for his wife and what right does she have to question me about all this. U know after listening to all this from her, i could understand how poisonous her mind was, and how much of jealousy he had towards me. And whenever my husband used to compliment me about something, she used to nod her head in front of him and later on used to make a long face about it in front of me. U know how bad i felt when i noticed all this on her face. In the beginning i thought she was a very nice lady, but only after staying with her for few days, i came to know her jealousy towards me. AFter all its none of her business to comment about my anniversary gifts i had from my hubby and his love for me. How uncultured, isn't it?Even today when i think of those comments of my mil , i never feel like even talking to that deceiving female.
That's why i never look forward to see their faces or spend time with them. That's the main reason why i decided to visit my parents when they are in the u.s. I never wanted to miss this golden opportunity.

But from what u write about ur hubby , i can understand tht he is really a loving person and has a lot of concern for u. First of all u should really be lucky to have a hubby who supports u in front of his parents, and sees to it tht u are treated well. that's the one quality which i like about him the most and u must consider urself very lucky in tht aspect. But when it comes to helping their wives, i don't know why all these men have so much of ego.And especially when we get into misunderstanding, they treat us so badly and our heart always breaks. So what i mean to say is, appreciate him when he does something good and also don't hesitate to tell him when he goes wrong. Tht's the way it should be. Catch u up soon. Write soon

hi new,
after my daughter's birth ,i too had the same problem. on the contrary, my tummy had become so huge, that i had svere strech marks too. at that time i didn't pay attention to my mom's and the doc's advise on applying cocoa butter and as a result along with the bulging tummy i have strech makes too. but luckily after a year, my tummy reduced but i still have stretch marks. but whatever tummy i have right now, its flabby, definetly. i tried excercise for a while but you know , i'm really lazy on that part!! i bought the exercising equipments and everything but i used it for just 6 weeks, can you imagine and now it just stays there!! abscically, i prefer dieting to excercising. so thats what i try to do.so don't let your tummy bother you much.
i must tell you this. teday my hubby surprised me with a wonderful GIFT !! my anniverssary present . (last month). DIAMOND EARINGS!! can you imagine. he told my mom to get it from india as we prefer diamonds from india rather than here. i was like speechless. didn't expect it at all. now i'm feeling so guilty . am i doing the right thing about cribbing? am i the wrong one? does this gift make me the vamp in the story now!! please tell me new. shld i keep quiet from now and say to myself that "you have a great husband and overlook things".
how are things at your side? any chance of romance?

Hi nicemom,
Glad to see both the messages. First of all don't think tht u are interrupting at all, as we all are here only to help each other with our views, and everything is done only with a good intention. I will write tensed about it soon. I really feeel so.. sorry for her. At least we are away from our in laws, but she.. i really pity her.
SEcondly so glad tht ur girl and mine and so very similar. Makes we feel good that i am not alone. Even she like giving tea parties, and a birthday party etc etc. Really funny to see them play these games. I would love to take her to the park everyday, but u know, she always insists that she wants to sit only on the baby swing and i have to lift her up and put her inside it, and u can understand how difficult it is for me to lift her with my back pain. Well we moms are doing a great job, whether our hubbys' understand that or not, we are doing a noble job and i am really proud of all moms like us.
When u spoke about taking care of ourself, i thought of asking u. AFter delivering my girl, in spite of wearing tight abdomen belts and stuff like tht, looks like my tummy has lost its shape and is slightly bulging out, though not too ugly. U know whenever i see any mom with a baby, i first see if she has a big tummy now. I am so conscious of it. Do u have the same problem. If not what did u do to get rid of it. I spoke about it to my physiotherapist as well as usual she taught me some stomach strengthening exercises and that dosen't have any effect at all. I am not hapy with her answer. So that's why i feel its better to dicuss with similar moms. So if u have any tips u can tell me so that i too can try it. It gives me a great feeling when i discuss all my concerns with u. I am really happy i have a friend like u.

And lastly, good that u told ur teacher about it. Its okay even if she is a bit different for a day or 2. I am sure they won't take it personally, bcoz that's their job. Its always better to share such concerns frankly with the teachers as it will help us a lot. Write soon .bye

hi new,
this is with refe. to you conversation with 'tensed' in your other board. excuse me for interfering. i couldn't write a note betw. your conversation, so i'm writing to you here. this is just to help you rply 'tensed' about her queries. she said that the immigration is issuing only a months visa into the usa. this is a myth. i was in the same impression after 9/11. but its untrue. my mom has a 10yrs visa(prior to all this) but i know of people coming for the first time you have been issued 10 yrs visa and they give all older people 6 mths entry. so not to worry . her in-laws can come if her hubby agrees.
secondly, there are many day-cares in bombay. this is one city where most houses have both parents working with a fast life. its just that you have to be on the look. she can always make a excuse to her hubby that in case of an emmergency it will be better for her to go from her work place to the creche closer to work rather than back to the house. or things like a child gets independent. (look whose talking!!! i know!! but if it helps someone) you can add your views of course.
once again, excuse me for interrupting!!
i spoke to the teacher in my daughter's school. she said 'yes, there were both fighting for the chair'. i said i feel everybody has to behave their own selves. b'coz after my daughter bit the guy, he too bit back. not that he just kept qiet. also that guy scratches her, but she never comes back crying. the lady smiled and agreed and stuff.
when i went to pick her up, the teacher was smiling like always and wished her a nice holiday (4th july independence day)but i think she was a little diff. the lady is very good and i'm sure she'll be fine.
catch up with you soon

hi new,
yuo know , your reply always puts a big smile on my face...why? b'coz i feel i'm not alone!! ha ha. my daughter is the same !! at school ,i creep in quietly to see what she is doing and i see her playing very well. but as soon as we come home, if she is in a bad mood it will satrt with "carry me". she , too, wants me to be around all the time. i try to finish ALL my chores before she comes back. but i've seen that she enjoys playing with play-doh by hreself. but askd for help sometimes. coloring books and crayons don't attract her much. she'll do it if i say, 'let me see how you do". i've got for her a disney tea party set. she sometimes plays with it . i'm involved b'coz she caters to my menu order, like make coffee or milk-shake. thats still better. there are days when i have not cooked till my hubby returns and takes over. my daughter loves the outdoors. just anything. she goes tri-cycling, scooter, etc. everybody recognises her more than me!! we do this EVERYDAY!! so just imagine. she loves the park, too but i don't take her there very often as she plays a lot in the sand. not just castles and stuff but rolls in it and then holds it in her hands when the wind blows. i have to give her a head to toe bath. when it comes to bath in the evenings, madam whats tub bath. with all the illness she goes thro' , i'm a little scared to give her tub bath always. (ear-inf, colds, etc) but tub bath time is the most relaxing time for me. she just doesn't think about where i am.
i also involve her in gardening. actually kids love to do messy things, it short. i have a few plants planted my her and she takes care of them. then we play hide an go seek, etc. now adays, she likes to do a little stirring when i cook. "mamma, mamma, i want to sit up there". if i say "no", she draggs her chair and stands to reach.
you know, new. now my daughter has improved alot. there used to be a time when she used to just cling to me. (not itterally) i had stopprd thinking about myself, my looks etc. then last year when my mom came, she said thats very wrong. you must take care of yourself too. kids grow up fast but once you lose interest in yourself it will affest evrything, self-esteem, confidence and also won't command respect. before the baby, i used to look safter myself, always wear perfect clothes, make-up, hair. everything. now if you see me, nobody will recognise me.
but lately, i've started looking into the mirror again. and really, new, it feels good to wear a nice outfit put make-up. then you hear nice comments from dear hubby too. my life is just getting to where it was. (very little but its getting there). thats another reason i say "no' to the 2nd baby. i was so much into my baby bay that, as i had told you before, i didn't feel the need to have sex also. it had become secondary. all i used to think is my baby.
now things are so much normal. thank god my daughter has improved. but as you aske me "YES, I'M STILL COMPLETELY DEVOTED TO HER". i know its very wrong but i can't help it. my hubby says, leave her alone for once. she doesn't need you so much. he feels i shld keep her full day in day care, so that i can get tiem to myself. (i'm not bitching, i know he's thinking about me). but i feel when she has a stay at home mom, why shld she get divided attention. right now i have a lot of free time as she adores my mom and they keep doing somethings .
my job hunting is not on full spree b'coz my hubby is thinking of going to india to get some matters solved in around oct/nov. i don't know whther my daughter is ready to stay with grand-ma the whole day. hope she doesn't bully her. also, there won't be anybody to bring her back from day-care in the afternoon if i start working right now. so everything is at stand still.
write back

hi nicemom,
U are cent percent right in what u said. After all we do so much for them and when we don't get the recognition for it, we really feel so bad. Well, i don't really understand why all these men behave like this.AFter doing so much for them when we hear this from them, we feel there is value for us at all in this world. Life with such men are always ups and downs.
So how's ur job search going. and hope u r having fun with ur mom. I wonder if tht day would ever come in my life. My hubby is so selfish that he brings only his parents to our place, but have never brought my parents here so far. U know i feel so bad when i think of it.

Tell me one more thing nicemom, what kind of activities does ur daughter do when she comes back from school. My daughter has no probs when she is at school. She is so well behaved, but the moment she sees me, she needs me for everything. So much tht she never even plays by herself. I tried giving her some crayons, and paintings, etc to spend time with, but u know what she does, she asks me to sit down and do the job and just watches me admiringly. Even if it comes to puzzles, she asks me to do it, and she happily watches, and if i do any job of mine, immediately she interrupts and asks for attention, The only thing she enjoys is going out to the park. Again she can go to the park only now since its summer, after sep again it will get cold and i won't be able to take her to the park. So obviously she has to indulge herself in some indoor activities. But she hates it. But in school, she plays all by herself, and her teacher dosen't have a bit of complaint about her. Is ur daughter also like this or is it only my daughter. dO U DEVOTE UR full time only sitting beside her when she plays. What sort of activities does ur daughter like and how does she spend her time. Please tell me. Write soon. bye

hi,
i'm very happy to hear that you and your daughter went off for a drive in front of your mcp hubby. when i get mad at my hubby, i just take off with my daughter to do some extravagent shopping. it gives me great pleasure to spend his money on me and sobers me down. i agree to what you said....our parents get so worried hearing about our life. at such times its better to talk to a friend ,(friendship) like what we share. even i feel better after i read your message. there is someone who you can get your vent out to.
good that you'll are going ahead with the gc. it took us 4 1/2 to 5 yrs to get ours , i don't know the status in canada. life here is much better than what it would have been in india. just imagine your life if you had to stay with your great in-laws. she wouldn't have have allowed you to even sleep in the same bed with your hubby!! why is she so possessive?
you asked me whether my hubby helps me with the child. yes, he does help me with the baby and i must not lie but he does the dishwasher and helps me with the weekend meals too!! you must be thinking, this girl has got such a wonderful husband and still she cribs so often. but i tell you , new, when he gets on the wrong side, he doesn't think maturedly. thats the main problem. we start fighting not on topics directly related to us but to something else. and then he pulls it. and then gets rude and un cooperative and this makes me feels bad. when this man gets mad, then as i have told you earlier, the entire work gets demarked. then it becomes like what your hubby says "i work out for so long and then come home and do all this" . if everythings fine, he is great. very helpful.
i'll let you know what i said to the teacher tommorrow. i don't know yet whether to bring it up. my hubby says forget it and if my daughter complains that the same boy scratched her, then re-call back the situation. i'll catch up with you tommorrow. right now my hubby wants to use the net, so.....
bye for now

Hi nicemom,
Thanks for the reply and i felt really happy to get some consolation b'coz now' a days i don't tell much to my parents, b'coz if at all i start saying, no. 1 my isd bill shoots up and no.2. my mom starts worrying about me and loses her sleep. Already my dad is just back home and i din't want to bother him with my issues. Today he came on yahoo msgr to chat with me, but i din't tell him much, but u know i felt like crying" dad please take me back with u". Well but but i couldn't say it. My dad always keeps advising me "u know ur husband is a crooked minded person, so just keep cool and calm and don't talk back when he is shouting. Sometimes i feeel he is correct, but u see afterall even ours is young blood and it boils when we are being abused. I can tolerate anything, but when he says, u are a home maker and hence i can't help u , i get wild. U know with this back pain i have been somehow managing to keep things going in my house, without much of his help. But in spite of all this when i don't get any recognition i really get wild. But i still partially listen to what my dad says, i first tell him on the spot what he is doing wrong and then allow him to shout for the rest of the time , and i just go and lie down. And even that irritates him. So after he finishes everything , say after 2-3 days, i don't say sorry, but instead try to tell him where he is going wrong. Though he knows what he is doing is wrong, he will just smile, but not say a sorry. He is just like his father, another short tempered, egoistic person with too much of superiority complex. But once the quarrel is over, he behaves well and then asks me to forget the past. And wheni cry thinking about it he again shouts at me saying are u a 2nd std kid to cry for the whole day. That is exaggeration as i don't cry the whole day. Well he is a male chauvinist. I never knew much about him before my wedding, because he was such a sweet and caring guy that i was fascinated by his behaviour. Only time tells u how bad a man he is. Even now he says, that i am not 1% of what his expectation were as a wife, but i just gave a deaf ear to it, because i know if i ask him more, he will start advising me with stuff like" call my parents daily" which i hate, Hence i talk less when he qurrels, and that solves at least half of my problem.
Well, we too have plans of applying for a green card say by next mth or so, and certainly i am not going back to india. THat's the reason why we have patiently been staying here. Well, that's why i compromise a bit here and there with him , so that i don't have to go back to india. Of course i do miss my parents a lot, but compared to a desperate life there, a homesick life here is better. And once again i don't want to move to the u.s. b'coz the weather is good there. And if we move over to such a place, my in laws will happily come and stay for 6-7 mths with us and just spend 2 or 3 mths with the other sons saying i will take care of them. But i don't want that to happen ,and that's why i have been telling my husband not to apply for a u.s. visa. Here in canada, the weather is bad for 8 mths,5 mths of thick snowfalll and few cold mths. And since my mil has arthiritis, she can't stay in a cold place. Thant's the main reason i want to stay back here,. I am not even bothered about my comfort.

And hats off to u for not going in for a second child. For women who suffer so much like us one kid itself is more than enough. A second child is really not needed for girls like us. Wheever my husband patches up with me, i think ah ! how nice of him, Let me bear another baby for him. But now i have come to know nothing is stable as far as he is concerned, today he will patch up and the next day he will again quarrel. So that's the sort of life i am leading, and my parents too know tht very well. That's why when i told my mom about my plans of a 2nd baby , immediately she responded, "why do u need another one, when her dad dosen't cooperate with a single child. Once again u are only going to burden urself, with back pain and also the upbringing of ur child with a non co operative husband. Anyway if are still interested i can't say much in this regard. " Really i feel my mom is like a goddess who knows so well about my life's in and out and what's good for me. hats off to her. For sure i am not planning for a second baby and then once again toil around with my back pain, and beg him for help. Once my daughter learns to poop that's it. I don't need his help any more. U know when he was angry this weekend, he alone went out on a long ride just to irritate me, but i never reacted, but instead i dressed up my daughter and myself, and i too set out rightelsewhere in front of him.
Even now i feel so happy about it. Once in a while, we can show them , how even we can behave, and just compromise once in a while , so that the situation dosen't go too much out of our control. ANd after i questioned him yesterday as to whether he was right in shouting at me, though out of ego he said yes, i know his conscience pricked him because, he did some cleaning job after that. I must tackle him in his own way, but u know living with this egoistic person makes my life a tough assignment, as i plan and think 100 times before each and every move.And as u said we girls don't look forward to a divorce. So we just have to play this game, a bit more intelligently. By the way dosen't ur husband clean up ur daughter once in a while when she poops. Or is it only my husnband who is like this. Please do tell me coz i wnat to know how the other men are.

REg ur daughter's issue, just ask ur teacher in a jovial manner, whethr these kids fight with each other too much, and how do they react to them. Tell them tht ur daughter said that the boy bit him, but tell it in a polite manner, but surely bring it to their notice, so that at least next time they will attend to our kids when they fight with each other. After all its their job and they must do it, and we pay so much thro our nose for that. So as i said , talk to her but in a polite manner. I too had al these problem and this is how i tackled it. And the teacher too responded well to it. So when the ssame boy hit my girl, they put him on a time out as well. So justice is same for everyone, Tell her to put ur daughter on time out if she was wrong, simlarly if the other boy hurt ur child, tell them to put him on time out. That's how kids learn discipline. If u leave thesesmalll issues un noticed, then they(techer) will become careless about our kids.

And what is it tht u wanted to write about my hubby. I am online, as i have brought my kid back from school. I will check up every now and then. Write soon.bye

hi new,
sorry for replying late. i felt sad to hear about your weekend. i know there are times you anticipate foe some fun and love. your hubby is just too much!! i'm telling you, just try getting independent. are you'll planning to settle in canada? like green-card and stuff. if yes, just hang on to him till that gets thro' and if you plan to go back to india think about a job to support you and your daughter. i'm not saying to jump to drastic conclusions, b'coz i know we,females have to think about a lot of things like children ,society, parents and lastly yourself!!
i mean not helping with the child is too much. after all its his daughter too. you also work thro' the day but never complain.
don't think of leaving him to go to india in such a situation. b'coz with your in-laws here, alone with him, they may brain-wash him. so try being selfish for once and do things which will ultimately help you and your daughter. i know , children don't understand our situation and sometimes they keep saying "daddy daddy" and we get bugged. i have to many a times try patching up b'coz of my daughter, they are inoccent. DON'T EVEN THINK OF SECOND BABY, new. sometimes when everything is fine, i dream of having a baby again and then at times i feel thank god i didin't take that step otherwise, with 2 kids, what would have i done. emotionally and financially,both.
my weekend was fine. it just rained and rained here. can you imagine we had a power cut for 15-20 mins too. i've never experienced that here!! it was a terrible storm. and thats when we got the house done!!
today i had a different poblem in my daughter's school. her teacher complained that she bit some boy. at that time i just asked her if she could say sorry to which she said "no'. i came back home and aksed her in a playful way, what all happned and she said i didn't want to share and the boy wanted my stuff so i bit him and he bit me too. now this boy many a times scratches her and pulls her earings (once they fell off). so i don't know whether she was mad at him or what? usually i don't carry the topic much in the house b'coz school dicipline shld be tacked there and there. a 2 1/2 yr old won't remember if i scold her at home for somehting she did at school. i have never complained about my daughter getting scratched or things like that, but i think tommorrow i'm going to let the lady know. i feel teachers have to solve the matter there when the incidence takes place. i discussed with my mom and she said when she used to face the problem with me she used to tell the teacher to solve the matter in school b'coz the parents don't know the facts and situation, so...? my mom said all kids do this so just forget.
what do you say. shld i talk to the teacher tommorrow or just let go? i hope you are online right now!!
keep writing and i'll want to give you a piece of my mind about your hubby. but may be later.
bye for now