Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

Hi nicemom,
How are u doing. Sorry i couldn't write to u yeterday, as i had some work outside, and also visited a friend.

has ur hubby compromised with ur daughter fully. Hope he din't exaggerate the issue. When are u planning to put ur daughter in the day care. Glad that u will be taking up a job around oct. My best wishes to u. By the way has ur job hunt started.

Well nicemom, just 5 more days for the villians to come , and u can just know how i would be feeling. I have almost lost interest in life. But just decided to remain silent and patient until aug 13(Ah! so nice to write that date.). I have posted a message in the other board, and u can see that too and write ur reply.

One more news, my hubby ordered that ab energiser belt and it was delivered yesterday. We have started using it. It feels really good, but it would take some more days to see the results. My hubby mainly ordered it to reduce his tummy. U know after he quit smoking , he has developed a very big tummy. Poor thing, he is struggling hard to lose weight, and trying all possible means. Lets hope this ab energiser helps at least a bit. Okay then nicemom, bye and write soon.

hi,
i hubby does phone me up to see how we all are doing. its not a apparent tiff . i know him so i feel the tension betw. us. he feels that my daughtr shld be sent back to school from next week otherwise, she will get too stubborn. but i feel i need to give her more time. i want to see if she is illness free for atleast a whole month. so august 5th would be the right date. he does talk to my daughter when she behaves good. but not like what he does usually. like when they are good to eachother, my baby doesn't even need me !! they have great fun together. he does a lot of fun stuff with her. but when he is upset with her, they don't get along well. tho' my daughter keeps going to him.
today i got for her a 'doctor set'. ever since she came back from the hosp and all the doctor's visits, she plays doctor doctor& ER a lot. she was so thrilled to see it, she kept saying"thank you mama, thank you mama, i'm so happy!!". i'm sure in the evening my hubby is going to get upset on me for this.
anyways, this will get better soon. i'm not that worried. i get worried when this matter spills over our personal fights.
i'll read the other board now, till then bye

Hi nicemom,
SAd to note tht ur hubby once again made up an issue about ur daughter's fuss. I really don't understand why men keep changing colours everyday. As u said, ur baby is much more comfortable with ur mom and hence clings to her all day long, and it was really wrong on ur hubby's part to have hehaved like that. CHildren will forget all these punishments very soon, and its only we adults who must match to their mood.

Now how is ur hubby. I mean did he call ur from office or stuff like that. is he still cross with u. Like my hubby i think even hubby is too egoistic. When it comes to my kid's matters, my hubby compromises very soon and also i tell him right away that its not right for him to be cross with our child for such silly matters. Forget about our personal quarrels which will last for more than 3 days, but when it comes to our kids , we should not drag the issue. But i am sure ur hubby will very soon compromise with his daughter, because, from what we have communicated so far, i am sure he will be good to his kid very soon. Tell me about the improvements.
Yesterday miracles worked out in my life and i was very happy about the way it happened. I have written in the other board with the title "god is surely there" and u can write ur comments there. Write soon . Bye. And tell me about ur improvemnts about the parenting tiff. bye

hi ,
don't feel so low, new. don't cry!! come on...i know it feels so bad to see your hubby go towrds his parents. but just ignore for these 15 days. i am just hoping that they don't create some new problems for you. i don't want to keep advising you the same thing again and again, so i'll just cut it off here. but just tell me what do you talk with your inlaws when they are at your place and your hubby is at work? about family or somehting else? in the evenings try to go out most of the days (with them). in this way they may not get a chance to start up a problem.
my life is a little down for now. suddenly !! during the weekned, we again fought on parenting issues. now a days my duaghter clings to my mom for everything. so my hubby feels she is getting spoiled and stuff. but actually this is not true. my mom's policy is if you scream the child will learn that and she will think that screaming is an 'ok' thing. and thats truw new, whatever sentences my hubby says to my daughter when he is agry, she will repeat it to me or my mom in some other conversation. i say my daughter has improved a lot, a lot new. but now whats happening is that she is getting attention from granny to. so she is not much bothered if her dad talks to her or not. my hubby uses 'not talking' a way of punishment. but a child of her age forgets in a few hrs that dad is not talking to her and she is back to saying'dadddy daddy...'. when i try to interfer, my hubby gets wild on me. i'm totally sandwiched. i have to take care of his ego, my daughter's feelings and also my mom's respect. tough!!
i think i won't make it to india this time. i feel i must let him go alone. its no point. my mom also says that 20 days will be too less a time for my daughter to adjust and even enjoy a bit. moreover, i've dropped my plans for 2nd baby and planning to take up a job from oct. its just that my daughter falls ill often. so sone she is stabalised , i can think of putting her in day0care till 2.30. she is most imp. to me. what have you thought about your future? 2nd one or no? i feel i must now start working so that my hubby an dme can give her the best. i don't think i have the energy for the 2nd baby. i don't think my hubby wants one too.
its so sweet to know that you think about your hubby too!! this is the first time you have shown your love for him. (i mean you being worried about him whe you are in india). new, life is so complicated. (as said before). we love and fight the most with the same person. you know , its 11pm right now. i wanted to the message on before you checked tommorrow morning. so bye for now, write soon. did you read my note to tensed?

hi nicemom,
Hope things are fine with u. Has ur daughter recovered fully now. As u said its a good idea not to go with ur hubby during sep. But have u made up ur mind about going in nov. Ur mom too must be accompanying u then. It would really be a good change for u if u take a break, let me know what u feel.

REg my tickets i haven't yet booked it. I will do it only around the next mth end, when my in laws are away, as i don't need any comments from them about this. Well nicemom its just another week and then the villians will be here. I really feel sick when i think about it. As u suggested, i will stay cool and do the neednful , but u know the only thing that will really hurt me is that my hubby will start neglecting me totally from his life, when his parents are around, and try to blow up even silly matters, just for the stupid reason that he will have his parent's support. I have another big grievance about what my hubby did, but i will post it under the joint family board, because i will be repeating the same thing to tensed as well. SO see ur reply soon reg that as well.

WE had a good weekend this time. One of our friends hosted a party for a few familes for the purchase of their new car, and my daughter really enjoyed playing with her friend and was really joyful. So no cooking at home and i was really happy about it.

And nicemom , i know tht u will really miss ur husband when he goes in sep. When is he coming back.I too feel a bit uneasy of going when i think my hubby has to do his own cooking and leave for office at 7. a.m. in the morning. But still i know i can't help it. Because this is a golden opportunity for me as my in laws won't be there if i go now. But if i get emotional and drop my plan of going in oct then only i will be the loser as i will also have to stay with my in laws. Prbably they will be back to india around feb or march
(hope so) and it would be wise on my part to utilise this golden opportunity. Of course i will miss my husband , but what i gain out of it is superb isn't it. That's why i am trying my best to be firm in my decision and to avoid any emotional thinking. See u on the other board soon. Write soon. bye

hi,
about my hubby going....i feel it would not be a greta idea to accompany him b'coz if in cas ewe all go, it will be in nov. not now. i can't take the baby in this weather, its so hot in bombay till oct. the rates of the tickets go up from 15th sept. and also for my daughter's ticket we will have to pay 75% charges. so, lets see.
sometimes i feel, why am i so emotionally dependent on him. like that as a person i'm so independent. do all jobs without hesitation. from opening a bank a/c to enrolling my daughter for school to firing people too!!! everything i decide and do. when i layed on bed last night, i thought this thought didn't coem to my hubby's mind (may have but didn't show it). its always i who run back to him. even after any fights, its mostly i who take the first step. my mom says that i just talk big that i don't need anybody and things like that, actually i have become very emotionally dependent on my hubby. but there is one thing good that he can't dominate or take advantage of this.
you are right, my in-laws won't brain wash him, but there is this un-known fear in some corner of my mind. i think we get jealous when these hubby's talk to their mom's. silly me!! actually this time i want to go b'coz if i plan for a 2nd (thats if!!!!), then i won't go to india for atleast another 3 yrs. wow, that would mean after 6 years!! my parents can keep coming but that fun which we have when we are there for a short time is different. th apampering and all the attention from relatives, isn't it!! also this time i want to meet a few of my college friend after a long long time!! as i told you my last trip to india was bad, my baby, poor thing fell so ill and i just hated myself for making the trip. my mom says not to go to india this time too.(she can stay till dec) she says that i'll regret going b'coz the food that we get here, there is so much variety. there, my daughtre's menu will be restricted. (food allergies). anyway, if i plan to go, i'll takes boxes of pasta and her graham crakers and stuff.(the pastas made here are all fortified) in india they are made with plain maida!! when are you going? sept or oct?
its nice to hear that you and your duahgter had a good time. its good you have friend close by who can come. my friend live atleast 12 miles away, so whenever i go i make a whole day plan. very few of them have children. they all are having long term planning for kids!!
congrats!! for your hubby's new job. yeah, you'll have to work harder. doe your hubby have abreakfast and start or just cup of coffee? my hubby doesn't have breakfast unless i force him too. even luch he has out. so in that aspect, i'm doing great. i just cook once in the evening. sometimes, we eat just leftovers. good na!! anything is ok with my hubby. only thng is that a right balance shld click with my baby and hubby. if both are ok, things are fine. if sometimes my baby goes crazy then even we fight and then it gets stretched and we hurt eachother's feelings.
i told you, you be quiet and try to be in the good books of your hubby. your in-laws will feel the pinch on their own. and also your hubby won't feel like yelling at you even if your mil instigates him.
keep writing, enjoy the weekend,bye

hi nicemom,
Sorry i couldn't reply yesterday as i had invited a friend home, and we had a nice time chatting and eating.and my daughter had a lovely time, playing with her son who is 5 yrs old, U know they got along so well, but also fought equally, sometimes they shared their toys, and sometimes they didn't.
I understand ur feelings about ur hubby leaving in sep. How long is he staying there. Is it for more than a mth. By the way ur mom will be with be with u atleast for the next 2-3 mths right. What i feel is, u should stay back here. B'coz u said ur husband is a nice person and knows how to maintain distance from everybody, so if he goes there alone, his parents are not going to brainwash their son or anything like my in laws. So there is nothing for u to worry about. But i understand u will miss him a lot. To be very frank i know even my hubby will miss me a lot when i go. But u see , in one way its good, because we get to know the importance of each other. Since ur mom is here right now, there is absolutely no need for u to go there. U can chat will ur hubby online daily, and this way u too won't miss him much. But in spite of all this if ur husband is very much willing to take u along with him , then u may go. But as u said going there for 15 days is just a waste of money. But sometimes everything depends upon one's wishes. If u really feel, u must go with him u can go. But its wiser not to go. I hope i am not confusing u.
My hubby has accepted a new job in toronto as the projects they do there is very much challenging. But there's one thing again, in that office, there are no car parks allowed as its near to the toronto union station and hence he has to commute by the train. He has to leave home at 7 and and will reach there by 8a.m. and will return home only at 6.30. So i have to wake up atleast by 5.30 a.m. in the morning to pack up his lunch and hence this job wasn't very impressive to me. But my hubby says he likes that job a lot as its a challenging one and hence i okayed it. So for sake i had to compromise on this, because its after all his career, and hence now he has accepted that offer.But guess what my in laws would say."They would rather say that their trip to our house is bringing him good fortune and that's why he got this job. How stupid na..
I don't know if they told their dear son about it, but i am sure atleast they would think like that. iNSTEAD why can't i say that its my b'day which brought him that fortune. Anyways iam bothered about their comments. U know these days, his dear parents talk to him only in his office, and never calls home, after that b'day episode. (perhaps they are guilty to call home as they failed to do so on 12.)But i can very well understand that they call him up daily at his office and talk all blah blah. U see they have no material job here and hence do all this rubbish talks to spend their time. Dirty people and dirty talks. I wonder what do they have to talk to my hubby daily. Dosen't it sound foolish. OH my! the countdown begins and only 10 more days left for villians to come here. I feellike running to some far away island. God save me.
How's ur daughter doing now. Write soon.

hi,
my hubby is planning to go to india in sept. and i'm feeling very sad. i think i'll miss him a lot, and so will my baby. and also on second thoughts i want to be with him there to enjoy. actually, the thought of going to india is not very invting if i had to go alone, b'coz my mom is here so i don't feel any attachments there, but then if my hubby goes , my weekdys and weekend will all look and feel the same!! i told him i feel like coming and he jokinly said " are you coming to keep a eye on me , or you really want to come to india or you will miss me" which one of the 3. thiking again i think is the last one. he told me i can join him for the last 15-18 days. we don't want to stay much b'coz last time my daughter fell very ill. no more chances. but then, i feel its a waste os so much money. we just got the house painted, he go me a very expensive diamong earings (big ones!!) and then his tickets. so i shld not be selfish and send him happily. he says come, but i think i shld make myself strong and say, its ok. what do you say. you know, when we go to india we have a silly custom to take lots and lots of gifts. as if we are millionaires here!! so if i go too, they definitely expect. specially my in law side. b'coz they have many kids and they are all excited that mama/ chachoo is coming. i'm so confused.
about potty training. my daughter got bowel control firsta nd then pee control. so i'm not able to give you suggestion on poopee thing. now, she goes to the bathroom on her own too. i tell her in her ears, what what to do, then she does it all. from the lights to the toilet paper after pee. only thing when she wears shorts. she forgets her panty down and pulls up her shorts only. so funny!! you make your daughter wear panty, right? doesn't she feel dirty when she poopees. one way my duahgter got pee pee control was b'coz it used to run down the legs, so....
your in-laws are over demanding. don't they understand that you have your own family to look after. instead of spending money on them, you may feel like taking a vacation with just your family. your fil is a dic, but he is just the same 'gawaar'(hindi). i can understand how difficult amd painfull it feels when you have to take you rin-laws for shopping and then also sponsor their tickets and also other joy-trips. but i still say the same, keep cool . just think its your hubby's money and parents. who cares. may be seeing this hubby dear will improve.
about my mother tongue, i speak many indian languages. many love-marraiges in the family. i speak all these languages fluently till before i came here- gujarati,bengali,hindi,marathi,understand punjabi and very little tamil. so we are trying to stick with hindi for my daughter. everybody can speak that at least.
write soon

Hi nicemom,
Good that u are not preg now, and can plan it the next time. Have u made up ur mind for the 2nd one by the way, when are u planning to have it. Good to hear that ur kid is doing fine and enjoying her grandma's co.
I have started talking to my hubby. It ended on sunday evening.And after that neither he nor i talked about that topic. I will remain silent but will be bold and stick to my dignity, as u suggested.
U know nicemom, like u said , even i would like to be take a break a smile in between, but u know, since the date of my in laws' visit is nearing, i am feeling very tensed and irritated, which u can very well understand. and u know they have already started demanding that they want this and that when the come, to their son, and the very dutiful son is nodding her head for all the expenses. They very know that we are having a tight finacial status this mth by sponsoring their tickets , this and that, but still they are not happy and want more and more when they come, and that's what is really irritating. They will be going back around mid august this time, and i will be going to india around end of oct. So my hubby will be alone at home, but i know he will talk to his beloved parents all blah blah daily at least a 100 times after i go.
My daughter has started talking too much these days and shouting, i want ice cream, i want this chair, and that at all restaurants, u know some times it embarasses me. But still hasn't learnt to poop in the potty. The thing is , she knows , she has to do it there , but finds it much comfortable to do it in her pants. i AM STURGGLING HARD to get her into the habit,and failing miserably each time.
For ur daughter i feel its better for u to readmit her in her old class itself after aug, because by doing it this way, she won't be missing her old friends. If its otherwise, she has to start from scratch again. So i feel old class is better. Thanks very much for ur concern that ur have for me nicemom. I really appreciate ur friendship a lot. U know sometimes u advice just like my sis. My sister also speaks just like u, saying, u don't worry., just keep quite even if he offends, but he will realise it later on. Like all sort of consoling and loving words. What's ur sun sign by the way, and what's ur mother tongue.
reply soon

hi new,
i'm NOT PREG. i got my chums this morning. till yeasterday , i had starte preparing myself to happily accept as life comes and stuff, but i was lucky to see the end this morning. atleast now i can have a planned baby, when we want.
my daughter used to miss school prior to my mom'a arrival. she used to look forward to going to school. but now, she is not bothere, b'coz my mom does a lot of fun activities with her. they go bicycling, play hide and go seek, read story books and things like that. today, i went to her school to talk about my plans. i couldn't meet the director, so i spoke to the next. they are atrting a new 1/2 day batch for 3+ from 5th august. but i'm in 2 minds whether to get her in this new batch or let her go back to her class. b'coz she will be the youingest. she won't even be 3 complete, yet, in august. so may be i'll pay the re-enroll fee and get her back to her old class and then transfer her once she completes 3 in a few months.
have you started talking to your hubby or not? don't try to instigate him more by saying things like i won't miss you,instead just go without showing any expressions. let him keep guessing whether you need him or not. if you leave in a bitter note, he'll try cooking up devilish thoughts, which we don't want. so just plan your trip as normally and don't show any feelings at all. this way, he'll realise that you are so good and will definitely miss you. what other things a re happening in your life other than this. any new stunts about your daughter?
i saw 'legend of bhagt singh', the ajay devgan one. they have mad eit very well. i liked it. and also saw'na tum jano na hum'-ok nothing khaas!! since a week i'm cooking alot. i have stopped all frozen foods for my daughter. before the illenss i used to give her frozen nuggets and stuff. but now i buy fresh and make them myself. also all foods that she likes. seeing this, my hubby decided to go out for dinner today, at last. previously, before my mom came, i used to stop cooking from friday evening till sunday....good na!!(eat from take outs or out) but now, i cook happily for my daughter, mother(who is veg) and also my hubby.they enjoys my food. so might as well keep everyone happy.
share with me some of your other thoughts and feelings too. happy, funny and of course sad. b'coz many a times i've felt myself, that when i keep thinking about hoe sad life is, we feel more sad. so first vent out your frustration to me, i'm always there to help and advise. then talk about silly things that happened and make you laugh. anything.....i know there are n! number of things like our kids or some cooking mistake , anything that bring a smaile to our face. what happens is , you write to me and then repeat it to 'tensed' and then you off the computer and keep thinking and thinking. don't do that. try enjoying life and for once live life for yourself. wear and nice outfit , put make-up and look at your self. go out and sit in a book shop or go window shopping. get a cassete and see a funny movie for YOURSELF only.
let me know if you think you agree to this.
new, i'll be your friend as long as we can write and keep in touch somehow. don't worry at all. sometimes, not seeing the opposite person is the best thing. no one can judge you or be biased. we will vent out our feelings like this. as soon as somehting happens, i wait till i get a chnace to come online to tell you.
bye for now

hi nicemom,
Thanks a lot for the info about the divorce. Well my husband made that comment and i wanted to know if its really true. I know that he is trying to use this weapon as a mean to blackmail me and to get his job done. But this time i firmly told him that he has blackmailed me enough about this topic and i am fed up listening to it again and again.I told him direcly"if ur parents are interested in wishing me ask them to do it directly in a nice manner, or else ask them not to wish me at all. I will not all be worried about it, but i don't want this indirect manner. Lekin mujhe yakeen hai, vo log phir bhi nahi sudhrengey.But still i wanted to make my point clear to him and told him that. In the end after all this he says, he dosen't want to compromise in all these matters, and hence i decided not to talk to this deaf person about it anymore, as it dosen't yield any results. U are 100% correct. Men are dogs. As u said, he will know my worth only when i go away. U know , i am a fool , few days back i thoughthow he would manage everything alone, when i am not there, and started crying in the night and lost my sleep, but now i have come to know that he dosen't deserve anything. So now i am just happily counting days to leave him. Though he won't show his true feelings out of ego, i am sure he will miss me, and that's what i want. U know he was telling in an indirect manner, that his kid will be missing him a lot and search for him.But i said, she will not at all be sad, and in fact he will have a wonderful time. I felt so happy when i said tht. Main iske saath bahut thak chuki hoon.

So how's ur daughter doing now. is she missing school. Does she cry that she wants to go to school. My daughter cries even on saturday and sun that she wants to go to school.. Well now it should be very difficult for her tostay at home now. How do u engage her. But of course, since ur mom is with u, she shouldn't be finding it that boring. Has she started eating well now, is she able to retain anything. And u must be rally busy now having her thro out the day. But anywya its worth it, bcoz u are doing it for her welfare. WEll what happenned about ur jackpot stuff. Mostly these pregnancy tests are accurate, and won't misguide, since it din't show positive, i don't think u would be preg now. Anyway what do u wish now, a negative or positive result.
Write soon. Bye

hi new,
let me answer the last ques you asked me....yes, after the age of 6 yrs the child can go the father. but it is entirely upon the decision of the child and the judge. what they do is, after the plantiff and defendent attorney's have presented thier case for custody, the judge may call the child to his chamber and question the child about his/her feelings about each parent. if the child decides to stay with father then of course the father gets her. but the mother has visitaion rights. but in most cases the judge sees the best interest of the child not the parents. if in some way you can show how your child is metally disturbed seeing the fights, and that the father doesn't bother to check how the child is doing, etc, then the judge sees where the child will get a happy and good life. of course the father will definetly get visitation rights. b'coz the child must not be deprived of father's love too.
but if your hubby proves in some way that it is harmful or that the child will be unhappy etc with you, only then the court will give custody to him, NOT OTHERWISE. ITS MOSTLY THE MOTHER< WHO GETS THE CHILD. WITH EXCEPTIONS AS I TOLD YOU.
whta rubbish...your hubby is threatening you for a divorce b'coz of his silly parents. is there any love left betw you'll. if yes, try to convince him at such times. if you feel he is not receiptive, don't answer back at that time. find the best/right time. like the bedroom or something.
i think he'll understand your worth when you are away , in india. are his parents going to stay with him when you are gone? when he feels lonely and there is no one to hear his vents, he'll repent. thats what usually happens. even marraige counsellores use this method.
don't worry new, i'll pray for you. don't give up. i'm not meaning , keep fighting with your hubby, what i mean is don't you break down. you have your daughter too. we take everything for them, right. untill it gets beyond limits.
i've still not got my periods. i took a home preg test, which didn't show any positive. i'll wait till 19th, to do the blood test, if they don't show up.
bye for now

Hi nicemom,
Thank u so much for ur concern. I am really happy that i have a good friend and i wish this friendship of ours stays lifelong. U really help me so much with ur consoling words. I have no words to thank u.
Its a good idea that u are discontinuing ur kid from school for 3 weeks. that's good in one way. Let her take some rest and then get back to school. Reg my daughter i spoke to her teacher about her vacation and they say its not a problem. I told her that i will take her from school and readmit her after 2-3 mths and she said its fine. I hope there shouldn't be any problem. I have to talk about it in detail later.And what happenned to ur jackpot.
Coming to my b'day issue. To be very frank i must that after marrying this man, i have never enjoyed even a single event in my life. Its only when iam with my parents, that i get all those love and all those presents. U know on my b'day when he returned from home, he was wild asking me why i was upset as if he never knew anything. I spoke nothing and said my life is only like that, then he threw the coffee in the sink and walked out of the house and said he will come only after 10.p.m. and i never bothered to ask him where he was going. He never even had the courtesy that he shouldn't be treating me like that atleast on my b'day. Then we never spoke to each other for the whole weekend and at the end, i told him that i have to get somepoints clarified from him. (u know what happpenned, that day, i think he spoke to hismom and told her something about all this and that's why that witch called me up in the evening saying, happy b;day, happy returns, as if for the sake of it, without any interest and thank god i din't pick up the phone and left it to the message ). I asked him what was the need for them to send an indirect gretting, insead it would be fine, if they never wished me atall. I told him that if they wish to do it in this indirect manner, they neen't wish me for anything hereafter. And guess what he said , he said my parents are not doing anything wrong. I told him that i knew that his mom wished me just because he had requested, and he sweared no to it, but i know very well that it was a lie.And hence i din't want to argue any more.And u know on top of this he is telling me that i din't have the courtesy to inquire about their trip here. U know last week i enquired my mil about it and that lady gave me that sarcastic reply to all that, and hence i din;'t want to proceed any further with that topic and hence i cut it off. How many times does he expect me to invite her, after all do they deserve all this. When i told them that i would be visiting their house while i was india, my fil me all stupid question like why are u coming, how long will u stay etc etc.
I just can't digest. But in spite of all this, i enquired my mil about the trip and stuff, and still if she is not satisfied, so be it. I don't bother. I don't at all wish to invite her a 100 times.If i keep on doing things like this to them, their expectation only keeps increasing, and i never get anything in return. Herafter i have decided, if they wish me thro e mail i will repond thro email and if they wish me on phon, i too will do the same.No use talking to them because they are dogs, and dogs always keep barking. U know nicemom, after all this, only thing i am worried about is that my husband dosent support me and never even has the courtesy to be nice to me atleast on my b'day. I do so much for this man but he dosen't have the gratitude at all. After all,even he is the son of the same dog. That is what i feel like saying.
I will post more about this in the joint family episode, and u can check that as well. By the have i have a question since u have done ur llb. Touch wood, in case of a divorce, legally with whom is the child supposed to be with, mom or dad, and until what age. Does the dad have the right to have his girl after the age of 6 or something. that he willhave her if we go for a divorce, and i revolted saying, as long as there's a single drop of blood in my body, tht will never happen, and i don't neeed his child support money as well. For that he says, legally the child can move to her father after 6 yrs, Is it true. What's thecase in india, and what's the case in u.s. and canada. I want to know about it. Never can i give away my girl to him, That can not happen as long as i am alive. This dad din't even come to see his daughter when she was born, nor was he with me at the time of birth, then how the hell can he say this.
Please reply soon nicemom.

hi new,
i hope you read my wishes and tried enjoying the rest of your day!! anyways, my baby is doing much better and we have thought of discontinuing school for 3 weeks and she'll start going from august now.
i read all the messages you posted on the other board and felt bad that you were so sad on your b'day. i'll tell you new, just don't take these things to heart. beleive me, apne matlab ki baat nikalni chaiye. you wish all your inlaws on their sp.occassion just as a formality. think that you are just doing a formality , not by your heart. don't expect the same from them. b'coz if you do, you'll be hurt and then it just affects our lives . we keep thinking about it at night and can't sleep and stuff. so this is what i do. slowly slowly , when you get a chance throw comments like, 'oh, i didn't get a b'day wish or some other wishe last year!!" the opposite person will feel bad and so will your hubby. if you keep being sweet to his parents, you may be able to make him realise that they don't give back the same. but i must say, your hubby is just too much. about the wishing in the morning and all that. i don't know new, how you are living with all that. i know i'm shld not be doing this, b'coz this will aggrevate your feelings, specially what you wrote about the part your hubby wrote mails to you dad complaing. what a baby he is. can't he solve problems and matter with you ALONE, for once.
about the phone call thing....why don't you go to the bathroom or something just when you think he will pass the phone to you, to talk to the villians. what if you just answer in 'yes' or 'no s' only with your inlaws. would that create another fight? i'm so mad at your hubby for treating you like this. didn't you date him before marraige? even if you say 'yes' i understand, b'coz men can change in a snap of a finger!! you have talked about things like your hubby tried threatening you of a divorce once before.....i want to ask you, do you spend his money sparingly on yourself or lavishly? i suggest , just spend girl b'coz such a man can never think of your future. i'm sure you may not be having a seperate bank a/c, so financially totally dependent. thats the reason i say enjoy, b'coz he doesn't think about you. i go on a shopping spree whenevr i'm mad on hubby.
i feel you shld say 'thank you' to your inlaws through your hubby, not directly. in this way they get what they expected but not directly from you. if you just forget the thank you part, this may trigger your mil to again create a spark betw you and your hubby.
about your trip to india.....just go yaar!! see to it tht you talk to your daughter in english only. ever since my daughter was born, we have spoken to her in english only. b'coz i didn't want her to feel diff in school. now she is fluent in english . till recent my hubby has started speaking a few sentences in the mother-tongue and she understands but only can't reply. so she replies in english. will you have to pay the entire 2 months fees in the daycare? most prob. i'll have to pay, otherwise they don't garantee a seat. other option to me is, put her back when she is 3, in the next class itself. then i pay the re-entry fee . whats it like there?
my god its 15 th tommorrow and my count down for the preg stuff will end soon!! i think my periods may come late just to trouble me!! sometimes they can be delayed due to tensions in the past 10 days.
reply soon.

hi new WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! at this point i'm unable to concentrate and write to you about what i read about your life at present. so i'll definetly will catch up with you by mon/tues. till then, please smile !! i hope you tried enjoying your day.

Hi nicemom,
I am glad that ur daughter is recovering now, and i pray the almighty that she should recover to her normal health very soon. My best wishes to her.

Well nicemom, for the past 2 so many things had been happening in my life and i am fully in tears. U can check up the joint family message board later on and reply to me when u find time.
bye for now. Talk to u very soon.

hi new,
my daughter is doing much better today. she had fever only twice today. and she was very playful today, touch wood!!
as i told you earlier, i did take my daughter to her pediatrician first. i never to anything without consulting her pediatrician. so the doc had done a thorough investigation. family physician is for us but i visit the pediatrician for my baby. as i told you they suspect infection -viral.
i am in two minds whether to continue day care or dis continue for a few months. b'coz her illnes has started in these 10-11 mths only. before that she was a healthy child. her immunity level has gone down a lot b'coz of frequent attacks. anyways i have my mom by my side for all opinions and my very supportive hubby in such times.
i was so scarred , sad, worried that with the slightest pressure, tears rolled down. we went to the pediatric er, so the nurses and docs were wonderfull. my daughter's pediatrician also called me back in the hospital at 8 pm to see everything was fine. today, when i called bak the doc's office to take follow-up apptm. ,the nurse remembered and akse how the baby was doing. i felt so good about their concern.
i just pray that my baby gets well soon and doesn't fall ill. i don't mind if i have to take her out of school for a while. i know thats the only time i get for myself, but thats ok, if she will remain well. she can go back after she is 3yrs old.
to day, my daughter spoke to her grand-pa in india and all the people who were concerned here. they were all so happy.
i'll catch up with you may be on monday. thanks for your concern, new. feels good to talk to you.
bye for now

Hi nicemom,
Very sad to hear about ur daughter's sickness. I know how bad a mom would feel to see her baby on an iv as i too faced the same when my baby was hospitalised for a week on account of diarhhoea and vomitting. Why is it that ur daughter is falling sick so very often. its better u see ur family doc after she recovers fully and get a thorough check up done.

Since u have ur mom now with u, it should be a great relief to u( especially in times of sickness.)I wish ur daughter a speedy recovery and pray the almighty for the same. Write to me when u find time.Hope ur daughter is feeling slightly better now. Take care and bye.

hi,
since day before yesterday night my daughter is not well. she got up early that morning and started vommiting and then ran a fever of 101.4. she was unable to retain anything at all. even a small cracker. she doesn't like pedialyte, so the do csaid try gatorade and i was feeding her little little. she was sleeping and very drowzy. the doc said she would like to see her. and after we went to the office, she said she doesn't look dihydrated but it would be better if we took her to the er and she sent a request to them directly. in the er, they do the blood work and urine analysis in 45 mins , very fast. and so she said in that way we will know the reason too. my baby was put on iv fluids for an hr and immediately, she was active and smiling. i got her some dinner from outside and she ate and retained. we returned home at 10pm. since then she had retained all foods and is behaving like herself, smiling and playing. but she still gets fever every 4 hrs. the docs suspect gastro-intest. viral. b'coz the urine was normal but the blood (wbc)count was high. which means some infection.
talk to you later

hi,
don't think of moving to florida. i don't like this warm weather at all. we have just 4 months of actual cold weather and then its hot and rains evryday in the afternoons. given a choice i would move. we often have guest from india and over the usa b'coz of disney, so we never make a visit to disney alone by ourselves. altho' now my daughter wants to go to disney this weekend. i don't know if she is too young for it yet, b'coz by 1 pm she will fall asleep. i think 3 yrs old will be the right age. whenevr we have gone, she gets tried by 1-2 pm b'coz of the sun and then i don't feel like taxing her more,tho' she is very enthu !! for you canada is the best. i can understand that with the cold weather, your back pain must be getting worse, but i think you'll do anyhting to keep your inlaws away. your mil is such a saddest. she doesn't like giving you are happiness atall. on the other hand my hubby is diff. in that case. when my daughter was born, my mom and mil were here for the delivery. so when i used to go shopping for bottles and stuff, (i used to buy a few extra b'coz then we don't have to wash often), my mil would say, "why so many", my hubby used to tell me not to listen at all and just do what i think roght. "if i think i need that many, just buy it. she is not staying here for ever.". you think my hubby is sweet but it took me great efforts to show him the right picture about things. as i've written to you earlier, he was also 'just his family family'. after he came here, he understood things and now, he calls up india when i keep bugging him. b'coz my mil is not bad actually. its just that she talks very little, so i feel that she has no feelings for me. (thinking positive, thats what mom say!!) i feel when relationships are long-dist. its better. staying together causes al lot of bitterness.
i feel fly british airways. b'coz it is a comparitively shorter journey and also, why take the chance of flying thro' kuwait airways with all the political problems going on. i did fly kuwait once, oh my god. that time i didn't have the baby, so it was fine. but it is horrible. its ok it europe. but the later sector is bad. especially, kuwait b'bay. thats where most passengers seperate to thier final destination. i travelled with the baby in klm/northwest. i went alone and my hubby came and picked me backed b'coz my daughter fell very ill in india , so we cut down our stay. now my mom has said not to bring her to india till she is 4-5. tho' my inlaws (my hubby's brother's wife, bitch) always says comments like your mil, 'oh i have 2 kids of my own here, and blah blah' but they don't understand that our kids are used to the clean air over here and also my child has a few allergies. in india they just don't understand the concept of allergies, dumb!! last time i went , the whole time i stayed in my mom's houses,b'coz in the inlaws's house, her kids arealways ill, some viral and stuff. so i was scarred. my baby was only 8 mths old and the child's immunity level here (abroad) is much less than in india. b'coz they are not so much exposed to the virus. silly women.
i usually see the movies, after my daughter goes to bed at night. so we see any movie for atleast 2 days!!
this morning my girl had her breakfast on her own. some angel has turned a wond on her!! yesterday i took her to the park after a long time, she enjoyed and then as usual a tub-bath. i try to restrict her outdoor activities till 5 pm. b'coz its really sunny before that time. she loves her bike. all our neighbours know her very well. so this time we are going to send her 'trick or treating' in halloween time. how are people aroung your place, friendly?