Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi everybody out there.i have a peculiar problemand i am confused and worried.Recently got married .
my problem is that i dont like the way my husband laughs and jokes with his cousins( grown-up girls).The way he talks to them ,the way he spanks them at back ,the way he tries to (sort of )flirt with them.he even forgets that i am there.aftr our marriage in one of his cousin's house while they were taking photos of all of us .he was standing apart from me,surrounded with all those girls.i think after marriage its like newly-wedded couples want to be always together.put hands together,walk together like love birdsetc but he was trying to impress his cousins.he hesitated to even talk to me infront of them.when i asked him about this he said his cousins would otherwise make fun of him.
he thot like that but he didint think what i was goin through.
Likewise he feels very nice if any women talks to him nicely.he is having 3-4 friends who are girls
,who always call him but the thing is that they dont ever ask about me.he speaks to them so sweet-spicy way that i dont like.inspite of my dislike he nevr tries to improve .
If i say any thing about his relatives especially his cousins he feels very bad and shouts at me.like if i say her hair are not so good something he will make his face and look at me with anger.
one of his cousin said to me once that they evn used to kiss each other.all this cousins are doing graduation etc.
i dont kno whether its normal for him to do so.i know that i am jealous .but after marriage there should b a gap ,distance, afterall they are not small.There should be a limit to evry relationships.
i dont trust anyone.the moment he starts talking to them i feel very bad.what i should do.i am not able to take it as \";normal\";,my heart is not accepting this?

can u give me a solution to solve this problem pls.i will b thankful 2 u.pls. LA replied. I also don't know how normal this is but maybe in his family it is. Sounds like they (him and cousins) grew up together too which makes it seem even more understandable.

To say that he doesn't want to be holding hands etc in front of his cousins because they would make fun of him, it makes sense, it's believable. They probably would want to play, tease and comment to make him feel self-conscience a bit, thats just harmless fun.

Now, your idea of what it would be like after marriage is justified in what we all dream about but it is not so realistic. At least I don't think so. Marriage is not a fairy tale and things are far different than what is expected. It takes hard work to make a marriage seem even close to a fairy tale. Plus you are newly married and are finding your places in the marriage as husband and wife. There are many compromises needed by the both of you, limits set etc. But there should be affection and attention. You need to express yourself in what you want from him. Don't push but try to get him to see your side of things.

As far as this sweet-spicy talk with his female friends, I don't see why you care whether they ask about you or not, they are not your friends. But, I don't know exactly what kind of talk you are saying they have. If it's sexual, damn right u have the right to be pissed off. I personally think that this type of things shouldn't continue after someone is in a relationship. However I have known people who disagree with me and would call it harmless flirting. I think it is up to each couple to decide. However when one feels one way and the other feels differently, there will be complications. Your feelings are getting hurt by him not listening to how it makes u feel, his feelings are getting hurt that you don't trust him or think he is doing something wrong that he believes is not wrong. It becomes a battle. All I can say is voice your feelings, ask him for the same and come to some compromise where you both dont get everything you want but at least something you are comfortable with and can live with.

As far as kissing cousins - I don't fully understand that either. Did he make out with his cousins?? Maybe as children they experimented, maybe this person who said that was teasing you. Don't worry about that or anything.

Maybe you should just try to deal with your own jealousy and take it for your problem and not his. Because until he does something with another woman then he really hasn't done anything wrong other than maybe be inconsiderate with your feelings, which is probably going to happen more than once throughout your marriage. You are just being afraid that it will happen. And no amount of crying or bitching or worrying will change his behavior one way or the other. Do you have to wait for something to happen before you can deal with it, sad enough, yes. You can't accuse him or these women of something unless you know for sure they have done wrong to you or your marriage. You an't expect to fix something that isn't broken. You can't prevent something from happening no matter what you think. Simi replied. Hi !

I would like to suggest you from my experience that try to ignore your husband and just like niyati marked that try to talk to your husband's bachelor friends and make him feel Jealous.
And first and foremost thing , Ask him Does he loves U, If he do so he would nt do like this to hurt you.Believe me.
Well, i have been married since last 3 yrs and you wont believe me my husband is still like this but ...its a different case.
In such cases gaps are required to buils love and a strong relation between partners.Try that. You can leave him for a while if you can do that. But first all the other things, because it you leave me at once it would be your Cowardness and he would take more advantage of it.
I hope this works out for you.
All the best !!!
Simi..
anon replied. Shamo,

Dont say anything to your husband about his cousins, whether be it negative remarks or compliments. Act as if you are not bothered. The more you complain about their behaviour he will try to do it more. Talking to them is fine, but kissing is too much. If your working talk about your job, what you did that day and so forth. If your a housewife, talk about your cooking, what dresses you bought etc. What I mean is try to divert his mind as much as possible. Try to do something that makes him jealous of you. Try your best, it might take time. niyathi replied. hi,

i have a similar situation like u, even i m recently married since past 5 months, even my hubby enjoys talking to ladies/girls and he talks to them so sweetly that he forgets that i m there next to him, he has lot of female co-workers, and also his friends wives, even they speak very nicely and my hubby takes max advantage when ladies speak, earlier even i used to feel very bad, but now a days u know what i have started doing, if we go to parties he will be busy flirting these girls, and i just ignore him and i go on chatting with his collegues who are bachelors and the moment i start talking he gets jealous and comes running and sits next to me and talks to me hugs me to show them that he loves me a lot, trust me since i have started doing tit- for tat he is jealous of me and i m happy for that, even i have to teach how it feels when he does like that to me,