Family  Discussion Forum

A positive way of thinking can solve problems but, the people I trust... have earned my trust. They consistently prove themselves to be honest, supportive, and dependable. They communicate openly and clearly. They assume responsibility for their \" actions\" . They keep the promises they make. They hold my heart safe. To me trust & respect is the most important ingredient in any \" successful relationship.\" My marriage lacked these basic ingredients of trust, honesty, and support. It was all about lies and then trying to cover up those lies with more lies. They had no regret for any deception or losing someone' s trust & faith in them because of their deceitful actions. So, in the begining when the foundation of a relationship is weakened by lies & wrong actions, the building of that relationship cannot stand up to the storms of the negativity which is the direct result of those lies/wrong actions. Because of all this build-up of complications, my health got affected, I was soo stressed out that I just wanted to get my simple & peaceful life back. My husband was not sensitive or supportive towards my dereriorating health because he didn' t care about me or felt even remotely bad for his wife' s health crisis. Instead, of being sensitive towards me he started making smart comments & made jokes. I was already feeling very self-conscious & vulnerable because I had lost alot weight in a matter of just 3 months and I was always a very sensitive person. So, my health situation & my husband' s negative & insensitive behavior towards me really affected me & I just could not take anymore negative vibes from their side.

Even my doctors were starting to tell me to take a break from my stressful life because ever since I got married, I started seeing them every month with symptoms of stress. So, when I told my husband that his insensitive & negative comments about me & my health during the past several weeks have really hurt my feelings, that I cried & felt worse everytime he made those comments, he had no regrets for making them & acted like he didn' t care if I was hurt. I was very disappointed of his negative behavior and realized that he was not the nice & sensitive guy he pretended to be but a person who didn' t care about me or our already troubled marriage. So, my marriage dissolved. Its been 4 yrs since all this happened. My parents wanted me to make amends & compromise with whatever happened & was happenening at the time because they did not want my marriage to end in divorce. They tried their best to talk with my father-in-law but he blamed me for my mom-in-law' s demise which was a total shock & didn' t make any sense. I was the one battling for my health in the hospital. I the one who was in & out of the hospital 4 times in 4 months and he was blaming me....how ridiculous was that? Nobody has control over anybody' s God-given destiny. Everyone comes & goes at their own time.

Every individual soul has its own intellect & habits. So, it acts according to its acquired sanskars which are deeped by repeated good/bad actions. You cannot change anyone unless they themselves realize & then decide to change for the better. So, why bother trying to change anyone. I believe that life is way too short so better surround yourself with truthful, clean-hearted, good & honest people who bring only JOY to your life!!!

I don' t have any negative feelings towards my husband anymore because we were still kids in our early 20' s who didn' t know how to deal with a marriage' s & life' s unexpected twists & turns. I think we both were not mature enough to be married. We both had a fairytale that our married life would be perfect & it didn' t turn out to be that way at all. I wanted a best friend not just a husband who loved & supported me no matter what & unfortunately that didn' t happen either. My husband never contacted me since then even when he knew that I was very sick when our marriage ended & that just shows he never loved or cared about me in the first place because if I was him, I would atleast once try to find out once if my wife is doing ok or not? But, I am just too caring...I can' t expect this emotion from everyone.

Now, I feel that sometimes life gives you painful lessons so that you grow as a person & learn not to have blind faith & trust in people and I guess this was my lesson!

Dimple pradeep replied. hiiiiii dimple sooo sad feel wd u.. u cn trust gud frnd 4evr fr u kindly plzzz drp msg or cl my no tripple 9 zero 1234 nine zero plzzzzzz eagrly waiting fr ur reply... trust makes lovly sweet rlstns Gaurav Arora replied. Hi Dimple,

That is very painful to hear that your husband made fun of your illness which is something we even cant expect from our known people and husband is no one else but our soul-mate. It is even disheartening to hear that your marriage ended because of these small issues. I have read your post in one forum where you wrote about your in-laws didn’t gave you clothes and didn’t spend much in marriage, which actually inspired me to talk you to know why these small things become matter of quarrels among two families, also when I saw that you are away from your husband I completely understand the problem that in just 6 months of marriage if husband-wife are not together and staying away due to any reason, its very tough to get the understanding between them. Even in our profession we always recommend our client to atleast spend 1 year of togetherness before you step on toward separation due to career or any other responsibility because that one year make the bond which is very hard to break even if serious of problems come in their relation that bond and love made in that period always amend it and make things normal. Well I cant even comment on why he behaved so irresponsibly in his marriage, why he allowed you to go to your parents house in just 6 months, why he made fun of your ill-ness. Yes you are true boys are normally found irresponsible toward their responsibilities but still this is found that after a year of marriage boys changed with attitude of responsibility drastically reason being, he see his wife taking so many responsibility of home, his parents then his children so this feeling of responsibility come itself and that is very strong that it never end till death. I found that things messed up because you got apart from each other in very early of your marriage where the building of trust and understanding remain incomplete.
This is very saddening Dimple, I wish I could help you in any way to save your marriage. Are you in contact with that guy or have any idea if he had second marriage or not? I think you are not married again? See I can still assure you that even if its 4 years of separation things could come on way if its not changed highly like he married to someone else or still you have regret for marrying him like this. You both can start as fresh and now I am sure that after all this you both can make the best of your relation because you come out of all negative that could happen in relation.
If you feel comfortable I really want if you can give me email address of that guy I assure you, your name wouldn’t come. I talk as friend to know his part as well. And feel very happy if I could reduce this distance between you.
Can you tell me at what age you got married and what is the difference of age between you and your husband?

Regards,
Gaurav Arora