Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi All,
Plz Advise me ,how shd I deal with my hubby who is mama's boy?!
we r in US and he was so loving and pampering ...I used to feel so lucky to have him in mmy life.
But afer having a baby ,we went tom IND and spent 1month.Intially i didnt know 'bout my MIL and SIL well and trusted them badly and used to tell how good he was to me and my parents(what a poor gal I'm???) .Then I didnt expect that might result in their jelous,I may lost my life. But sure did it happen!!
In that only month my hubby lost all his impreesion towards my parents (reasons r very silly that my parents didn't buy costly sorry for his Sister in my baby's function) ...still I don't understand how come my husband believe all silly stories his parents say him and its simply obvious that they r overcoating every word came from my parents.He knows well that his mother doesnt like my parents...But don't know why can't he realize what's happening...?! Later after his vacation i spent one more month there after he came back here.In that month I don't know what they told 'bout me...BUT MY HUBAND CHANGED COMPLETELY! And now he don't love me that mush he used to love before and dint ever pampered me in this 1 year!!!I'm lost in thoughts !Don't say all r simply my imaginations ...because i heared from his mouth that he is not loving me anymore.
Now that he is planning one more vacation ,I'm really worried how to deal with him. He will not be himself, once we reach there.I don't know how they mesmarise him but i feel my b'tiful life got ruined .They act sweet with me but I know they r ruining my life . Plz advise me..I always was good with them and sweet with them by buying gifts for my SIL and her kids..Also was active in planning surprise functions for his parents happiness...
But now I may behave good with them...but my impression changed and I'm simply afraid of their cunning words that my husband surrenders.!Plz help me and tell me how can I enjoy this vacation without any fears and problems with my husband...How to restore him again...Even now I'm buying things for SIL and kids..and not even chocolates for my parents side.Ofcourse,Even last year i did same.But see ,they simply spoilt our b'tiful relation ship.How can I restore mylove towards them(FIL,MIL,SIL) ?! also,How can i make my hubby realised?!PLZ HELP ME?!!! ana replied. Hi all,
Here again is a story of mine.I have got a very unstable marriage life.Initially my inlaws created so much of problems in marriage from small things .Then it hurted my parents and me.that time my husband came to US after marriage,I was at inlaws place for some days and came here after some days. Even after that my IL keeps bugging for small things happened in marriage, I told all this to my hubby.He just says ok iwill tell my parents ,you do not worry.But i know he never hurts his parents and do not show their mistakes. I do not even feel like talking with them as they talkw very nasty . If I get angry on them and complain to my husband,he in return gets angry on me saying why i spoiled his mood. These people have spoiled my life and no body cares aboutit. Once i got so angry on him and talked very bad about his family in anger and now he is keeping those things in mind. I do not know what to do.
i am kinda loosing him.He do not care about my feelings and just want to run away from situation or let me handle it alone. I feel hopeless with these people.He is very nice person overall but when issue of his parents come,he just ignores.
We are going to return to india for good may be in a year. I do not know how these people will behave with me and my parents .I do not know how to handle and behave with such people .
pp replied. Hey,

Patience is a key to any relation.
I have gone thru a similar situation and now thru my continuous effort my sitaution has improved.
U cant expect ur husband to take ur side in 1 or 2 yrs.
Relationship demands time and continuous efforts.
One has to follow some does and donts.
U shud always be polite and gentle when u want to express ur views and u know ur husband wont be convice with that.
This is image building.One has to make a positive image on ur husband.
One has to be very tactful and use buttering as a weapon...no harm in using it becoz one's biggest hurdles can be removed by using buttering.
Also husband feels very good if u take special care of home and kids and show this to ur husband.
Remember 3 rules to keep husband happy:
-Good Food
-Neat home
-Neat and tidy Baby
U shud buy stuff for ur parents too,
dont forget things for ur parents,I did the same thing but now I feel guilty.U have equal right to buy things for my parents too.
One shud think that u r represetative of ur family in ur husband's home.
I know it can be difficult but if u see other way then its very easy too.
Inviting ur husband's frnds and preparing good food for them..u knpw these things will make ur husband happy and if u keep husband happy then where wud he like to go?
If u have any other questions feel free to write me.
All the Best.
rach replied. This same fear and situation happens to many women unfortunately, I don't understand why ignoring it is a good option. Here's what I did, When I noticed that the mil/fil were causing problems and using emotional blackmail on thier son, I looked him straight in the eye and said if you don't defend \";US\"; your imediate family then see yourself out the door, and I also told his parents that if that had something bad to say about me that they should learn to say it to my face. My hubby realised from many talks with him that his parents are all the way in Mumbai, and we are way over here in USA, soo if there is anyone he should be worried about pleasing it should be me. When he talks to his parents now, yes he argues with them a lot but, he isn't argueing with me anymore, and he also grew a backbone and stood up to them, and yes this made him a little sad but he was also delighted to know that he felt more like a \";real man\"; defending his family. Mita replied. Dear Dias,

I know its hard to keep everybody and especially our own husbands! I went through similar situations - whenever my husband visted his family, his behaviour towards me changed. We argued and had bitter fights about each other's families. Believe me, its pointless! The best solution is, make a deal with your husband - two of you should firmly decide NOT to discuss your parents or relatives. You can explain to your husband that you cannot change your parents' nature and he cannot change his parents' behaviour so just forget about the issues. Make him understand that someone else's behaviour is spoiling YOUR relationship and that should not happen. So the best way out is to accept each others' parents the way they are and not to expect anything from them!
Hope this works, dear.
Bye and take care of yourself. Pls remember you have a baby who is dependent on you so stay happy!
Mita
Mita replied. Dear DIAS,
First of all, stop thinking so much about your in-laws. Since they are staying in India and you visit them once in a while, try to be nice to them. Just buying gifts for them is not enough - you have show respect and love to them.
You say your husband has changed - but have you thought about your own behaviour? Have you ever pampered him or told him how much you love him? Generally, husbands feel neglected after the birth of the baby - since you must be spending more time with your baby. Of course, that is not wrong but make sure to spend some time alone with your husband. Dont complain or talk about your parents and in-laws all the time.
The best way out is to talk to your husband - tell him gently that his behaviour is bothering you - dont accuse him of not pampering you. Find out if there is something troubling him and clear all misunderstandings.
Many imes, we assume lot of things and make ourselves miserable for no reasons. Please remember nobody is perfect and each person has some negative points too. I am sure you will accept your husband the way he is.
Take care and all the best.
Enjoy your trip!
Mita