Relationships  Discussion Forum

hello friends.my problem is an emotional one and not physical.i am currently in USA .i have 14 month old child.i have problems with my in laws aho are in India.when i was pregnant,my husband called his mother to help us here and she agreed.my parents could not come due to health reasons.once here,she started acting weired.she cooked only for herself,not for me.she said she has come to her sons house and has nothing to do with me.my husband always supported her and took her to see various places leaving me home alone when my doctor had adviced me rest.finally few dys later after seeing around here,she went to India before my delivery.my husbend blames me for this.now i have decided not to have second baby because of this behaviour of my husband.but sometimes my heart cries alone for a second baby ,though not now immediately but in future sometime(boy or girl does not matter to me at all).when i try to discuss this with my husband he is not at all intrested and acts as if it is my buisness alone.pl.help me. i am waiting for your kind help,to guide me. bin'there replied. I can totally relate to your problem as I have a similar one. But, I have decided that I will not let my mil stand in the way of this issue. Right now, my circumstances do not allow me to have another baby even though my first one is already 2+; but you know what, I think I will go for the second one even if there is a ten year difference between the two ( I recently met someone who has this diff bw her kids) so ...keep your possibilities open. If you don't feel comfortable now, may be you will later on when your elder kid is a little sensible and can fetch you things. And forget inlaws..you can hire a babysitter, find a helping neighbor, a sympathetic friend, a nice old lady who may help you out. God is very kind. Keep the faith and dont lose hope. You will find a way. The important thing is to keep yourself happy; and go all out for that. new replied. Hi double mind,
Ur problem is also something similar to mine, though not in all aspects. As i din't call my mil and all to help me and i went down to my parents place. But i had a lot of bitter experiences, during my first pregnancy that i din't feel like going in for the second at all. EVen my in laws tried to blow up small small issues and used to complaint a lot to my hubby and my hubby used to support only his parents, that too while i was preg. So after all this hubby's relationship with my parents was ruined and he dosen't keep any sort of contacts with my parents.
But sometimes when i see my daughter as my only kid, i feel she is losing a younger sibling in her life, and hence think of going in for the second, And even my hubby is interested in the second one. But the problem is i can't call my parents, here , as they don't wish to step into my hubby's residence, after having taken so much of shit from him. So i can't expect my parents to come here, and i feel they are fair from their part. But if i plan to go down to india, then my kid's schooling with get ruined, as she got to go to junior kinder garden when she is four, i.e. around next september, and hence i can't take, 2-3 months of leave, for having my baby. So even i am confused. But at the same time, i don't want to call my in laws as well to help me out, coz after having done so many mis deeds to me, i would never call them back for any sort of help, though my hubby would love to have his parents here, and it could again be a next chance change for those dirty in laws to dominate my life. So i don't want that either. I am terrribly confused about what to do. But if i keep delaying , again the age difference between the two would be increasing. Already my kid is 3.8 ys old now. So i got to take a deicison very soon. Either not to go for the second or if yes, then who is going to help me here. All this is a big question mark, and i really don't understand what to decide!!!!.
Looking for all ur suggestions friends. bye
alka replied. hello d.m

i also faced the problem like you wenmy MIL came for my delvery here in usa. i can't understand why these MIL and their obedient sons behave in this way .
myself is psassing through a very tough time emotionally as i am pregnant for the second time and don't know how things will take place at the time of my delivery . But i have made myslf very strong just for the sake of my baby .
if i will not stand for my baby then who will ? even i don't expect anything from my husband in this regard . I have taken the full responsibility of my baby .
Believ me when time comes then your baby will be your big inspiration and strength.
Good Luck
bye meena replied. Dear Friend,
I'm glad that you will take my advice to keep yourself busy and healthy..it does work. Excercise is very good for the body, it releases chemicals inside that make you feel better. You are right, children should not suffer for adult's behaviour- children are definetly affected when parents fight in front of them. A child's childhood should be surrounded by caring people- they feel very safe and healthy. For you to be healthy mentally- don't focus on your problems too hard, aknowledge the small joys of life, and focus on being a good mother to your child. I really hope that your relationship with your husband gets better and that you and your child also lead happy lives..
wishing you all the best,
your friend,
Meena meena replied. Dear Friend,
Although your relationship with your husband is bad, i would not choose the divorce option right now. Divorce can get quite complicated, issues such as child custody can arise- and without your parents support, living on your own will be difficult.
Your husband does not care or is involved in your life- what about your child? Does he take an interest in your child's life? He should also help in the upbringing of your child....maybe that would help him to understand your position. But he does not sound like the type of man who will change his nature. Meanwhile you can try not to stress too much- try to get involved in activities in your community, excercise, perhaps take some classes- spend time with your baby. All these will keep your mind healthy and off your husband and other problems. I would not worrry about the second baby right at this difficult time. It is fine for children to be born a couple of years apart- you have time to consider and discuss this.
take care,
meena meena replied. dear friend-
I know what the longing for a second child feels like...it will be good for you and your first-born child if you had another baby. Only children do get lonely! Your husband is being very inconsiderate! This is not completely your problem---you are husband and wife, marraige means you each vowed to help each other and be soulmates. Your problems are his issues too, you need to have a serious talk with him. Tell him how you felt when your mother-inlaw acted rudely. Try not to insult anyone (or make him angry), just focus on your feelings and that you wanted your pregnancy to be peaceful and joyful. These years when the baby is born is the time when parents should be bonding-but instead you can also grow apart. take care of your marraige and good luck
meena