Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi All,

I stay in india.My problem is about the relatives.
My inlaws helped in our marriage,as it was a love marriage and my parents did not support us at that time.I took everything positive about my inlaws initially as i had their favour on me.But later i came to know that they did it for the sake of the society.They thought that if they also oppose our marriage their son would leave them alone to get married.My mother in law started double crossing with me and my husband. She wanted to prove that I lie at many instance. She is very emotional about her brothers and sisters and want to help them always.She puts pressure like anything(by crying,not taking dinner and things like that),my father in law and my husband easily agrees to her demand.
I came to know all these after 2 years of my marriage.I kept a distance with my MIL and she came to know this also.
Now my problem is,Her 3 brothers are idle and does not work.They spent their half of their life in borrowing money from others.Before marriage my husband used to help them financially.Now that,we have our own family and expense my husband would say 'no' to their demands.One of my MIL's brother is planning for his daughter's marriage.He is asking financial help from all our relatives.My husband is telling'no'right now,but i do not know what would be his reaction in future(at the marriage time).
My opinion is,we have helped many our relatives who our financially poor to get their sons and daughters marriage.But this fellow has spent his whole life by borrowing other's money,commenting on others etc..Why should we give him our hard earned money??
Whenever there is any function and we invite my MIL's side people,We have to pay them to and fro bus fare in addition to the gifts we give them. This has been practised by my Father-in-law.None of us other than my mother in law like all this but everybody are helpless.
What should I do?How to break this practise?How to convince my husband?My husband also does not like all these,but he loves his mother very much that he cannot say 'NO'to her.





Mita replied. Dear Bobby,

I perfectly understand what you are going through. Just follow a simple logic and you will be happy - since you cannot control you MIL's behaviour, control your own reactions! Be nice to your MIL whenever your husband is around...give her some importance and she will change her behaviour too! See, Bobby, MILs are always scared of one thing - that they will lose control of the house and sons! Since she has a habit of preparing lunch in the morning itself, let her do it. You can continue with your routine. But do help her with cutting vegetables or making rotis etc so she will also feel that you want to help genuinely. Include her in your breakfast routine- even if she doesnt eat, you can talk on general topics and you can casually ask what she plans to make for lunch etc. On the other hand, you can use the spare time for yourself!! You say that your husband doesnt pay attention to what she says about you so dont worry on that issue. If you behave nicley with MIL, she will also realise that the relatives are just talking nonsense and your husband will also continue to support you. I know its difficult to live with in-laws but if there is no way out, its better to adjust with them - think about it this way - how long with they stay with you and how long is their life? Elders are like kids - they need attention and papmering! Since your relationship with your parents is not so good, try to build a nice relationship with your in-laws...
All the best...and God bless you!
Mita Mita replied. Dear Bobby,
The only way out seems to be to convince your husband. Just make him understand that if he helps this time, he will have to help in all the other marriages too (since all his uncles are idle). If he cannot refuse his mother, let him help by giving smaller amounts of money.
Try suggesting to your mother in law to give useful gifts (household appliances, crockery, etc) instead of cash.
All the best
Mita rre replied. Hi My Dear,
Forget about your mother in law!.Accordign to me they should nto be called as \";mother in law' at all. may be as 'relaitve in law' etc.,,,whatever i dont care!
No one can equal our mothers.Just divert your attention towards your own mother and father.This is a very trivial matter.Just be happy that she supported your marriage even though she never agreed.
Come on Move on.Be smart!