Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,
i am happily married for a year now. i stay in the US with my husband. but i am having a very strange prob. i feel that my husband acts very indifferently with me. or to say it more correctly, he acts very formally with me. i have noticed several times that he is very friendly with his friends and their wives. he is very witty and makes a good use of his sense of humor with them. also he is very close to his family. he keeps calling them very often and gives them the highest priority. also he is very attached to children.
i do not mind any of these things bcoz it is very natural to love ur family n friends. but what hurts me is the fact that he is very formal to me. he behaves like a reserved person with me. when he comes back from office, he is glued to the tv. since this is the first yr of marriage and we live alone with no children yet, i feel like doing some other things when he gets back. like going out sometimes, or just going for a walk, or just talking... but everyday when he switches the tv on i feel that he must be tired and so do not ask him for anything. he pays no attention to how i am dressed or what i have cooked or anything like that.
but another fact is that he loves me very much and is very good in bed(we have it like almost everyday). so i don't understand what his prob is. if i try to talk abt this, he says that it is not so. and that he loves me.
maybe i was just imagining marital life as is shown in hindi films(typical romance).
but i feel neglected. LA replied. Yeah he might have had a hard day at work and it's good that you are so considerate. But everyday he has a hard day - it's not true. And I don't think you should go and nag him to pay attention to you - even though I myself have done this in the past :) but you should talk about it and not accept it.

Now he says that he loves you and that it's not true that he is bored with you or that he isn't ignoring you. I believe him. He doesn't think that he's doing that. He just doesn't realize that even if he isn't doing that, you are feeling that way.

I would suggest to make plans ahead of time if you want to go out. Also, don't expect to go out all the time because he does work and may be tired.

Also, especially when he gets home from work let him relax and watch tv for an hour and then ask him to do something with you. He would have time to wind down and get his thoughts out of work.

My husband and I had and still have these issues but we have talked them through. He has told me these suggestions about giving him time to wind down and such.

Now I don't always get what I want and all the attention I want but I believe women expect alot more than a man is actually capable of. Women can give more than we receive and usually do. Women can love and work and relax and play and do everything all at once. We can change our mind set according to our ideas at the moment and I think men just do only what they have to and no more. It's laziness.

Talk to ur hubby.
nip replied. I had the same problem, like yours. So talk to him if he likes anything for eg with me, my husband does not know how to swim so I asked him if he wanted to take a class in swimming. He agreed.. so I registered..and we had so much fun learning how to swim and just being together..WE would be hungry at night so we would go out to eat and just talk and it has helped our relationship..so find out what he likes and have fun together. If he is not interested than I suggest you take up a class.. and be busy and he will look for you..I gurantee it! Raj replied. Juhi, i dont think your husband loves you. This is a marriage of convenience. he is playing the role of husband, because he has to. You dont interest him and hence he ignores you.

Try to take up a hobby in which you both have interest, then you will require to work and go out together. talk to him about his work and how his day was in office. maybe unknowingly you are pushing him away with your body languages. he has it in him....get him to get close with you not just physcially but also mentally.
let me know.
rajkumar_nair@yahoo.co.uk dont worry replied. hi,
u know what even i have a hubby very similar to ur, but the only difference is that he is a little considerate to me may be 50% thats it, but not 90% he is very friendly with his friends, friends wives etc, and always asks me to be like them not satisfed what ever i do, always asks me to learn from them which i dont like. so now a days i just dont give him much priority so that he has to come looking for me and talk to me.