Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi abx,

Good that u will be going to India for 3 months and ur in-laws wont be there to trouble u. Have fun. I wish I too would get such an opportunity! Its just a dream for me.

I read nicemom's reply. I wish my husband would change too but I guess some husbands NEVER change even if the wife tries hard. Abx, initially I too used to be like u. After any of our fights, I used to be the one saying sorry. But now-a-days its not so. I have stopped saying sorry and making him feel that its my fault when it isnt. If we fight its only because of my in-laws otherwise we never have any other quarrels on any issues. This in-law issue is the only one.

Like u even I dont talk much to my in-laws now. Earlier whenever my husband used to talk he used to give me the phone and tell me also to talk. But last year when I had gone to India they had troubled me so much that I was really very angry. I came and told my husband all the incidents and finally at the end what did he say 'forget it and forgive them'. But still I didnt forget it and never will. That time itself I had decided that henceforth I wont talk to them so nicely as I used to earlier. Earlier whenever I used to talk to them I used to forget all that they had done and speak to them asking about their health in details, what did they cook, howz everthing, I used to also tell them what I cooked, howzz evething at our end, etc. etc. But now I have made it very clear to my husband that I wont talk to them everytime he calls. Once or twice he tried to pressurize me to talk to them but still I didnt. So now only once in a while he tells me to talk and I too talk just for 2 minutes. Ask how they r, howzz everything. ok. Thats it. I never give info. from my side nor ask anything from their side. My husband anyway gives all our details, why should I repeat it again. I dont even want to know whats going on at their side. After talking I dont even say bye or anything, just give the phone to my husband. They'll always tell me why didnt u tell me this or why didnt u tell me that but if my husband has already told them then why do they expect I should also tell it to them.

U wrote about ur f-i-l. Mine is the same too. Worse than m-i-l. I just hate the sight of him. I can still tolerate my m-i-l but not f-i-l. Inspite of having health problems he behaves like this. I wonder how these people r never afraid of God. He just wants money from us. My husband just keeps on sending half of our savings to them, still its less. What r they going to do with all that money at this age? U know my f-i-l literally shouts at me like how an elder shouts at a small kid if he does something. I hate him. I know I should not say this about my husbands family but I cant help it. I can never ever forget what they did to me.

U have said that whenever u used to call ur fil saying that u will be coming over to their place, they used to ask u why r u coming, how many days u will be staying or else they used to say that they have to go out. I should say u r lucky in this. If my in-laws would have said this I would have loved it and would have stayed at my parents place itself. My in-laws just keep on calling me and telling me to come soon. When we go to India, its just 2 days at my parents place and they'll phone asking me when I'm coming. They wont even let me spend some time with my parents. After all why do they want me to come soon. Their son is there with them. They just want a chance to ill-treat me. Thats all.

If ur in-laws dont want u to come to their place, consider urself lucky. U dont have to see them. Just stay and enjoy at their parents place.

Write soon. Bye
Tensed

Hi tensed,
Thanks very much for those tips and i will certainly try it out. But the problem is that when his parents are away he will be affectionate to me and only when they come near him, will they bring about some misunderstandings between both of us. And all this is mainly b'coz of my mil who will smartly think of something or other which will hurt my feelings, and seee to it that i am not happy with husband. In fact when my husband comes near me, or if we go out together, she will make a long face. So obviously the very obedient son will go behind his mom and hug her and be very sweet to her. And in his parents absence all this will happen only if the topic about his parents arises or if we talk abou the past incidents. So i am really worried whenever i have to meet my in laws or if they are coming here. For the past few days he is trying to be very sweet to me, but i know all the reasons behind that. Its because he is in a good mood that he is going to see his parents.What a hypocricy. I know he is behaving exceptionally sweet just because he wants me to treat them well. Well i am not a deciever like my mil and i am not used to ignoring anybody on their face, like what my fil did. When i used to call up fil and say that i am coming over to ur place, he used to tell me ,"why are u coming here, how many days will u be staying? and when i fixed up the date my mil used to say, some rubbish like somebody is coming to our house on that day, or we are going to attend some wedding on that day or some rubbish, and when i cross checked if they have really gone, they will very much be available at home. All these things irritates me a lot. Hence my husband is afraid if i would give them a tit for tat like his dad. But i am not so cheap like his parents, and i never uttered even a single word against them when i heard they are coming over. The only good thing is that this time they will not be staying for long, may be a mth or so, as they have come to the u.s. to serve their last dil. Well mny mil calls my hubby and gossips saying, she dosen't do this ,s she dosen't do that( my co sis) and i have to do all the work here. ) It really amuses me. They came over here only to please their son ssaying i will give u a helping hand with the newborn., But now my mil dosen't even want to help her and complains to my hubby and my hubby instead supports her and pities her saying, why don't u come over to our place. Now a days i told my husband very clearly that i can talk to her only once a week. Thats more than enought for all the deeeds they have done to me. aND EVEN WHEn i converse with my mil, i just discuss general topics with her like, how are u , i am fine, how is the new born and that's it. I finish up the conversation and never talk to her more than 3 min. Less talks is always better with these people. So my mil should understand howmuch they have tortured me. But these people will never realise their mistake. The only good news is that i am planning to go to india to visit my parents after 3 mths. I have planned it in such a way that i visit my parents, when my in laws are in the u.s. so that i needn't step into their house, where they have insulted and humiliated me so much. Even today i can't forget what my fil said. AFter all the mistakes they have done and tortured me i used to cry and my fil used to say that i am mentally instable, and he will allow me to live with my husband only if a psychiatrist certifies that i am mentally healthy. Can one ever forget this thro out her life. Even today all those words keep echoing in my ears,. But now a days i don't feel like crying , i just feel like fighting back and teach them a lesson. I want to be bold and face them and show them what i am capable of. My god i can write a thesis on this. Write soon. bye girls.

Hi abx,

Its true, we girls never say that our parents did this and that for us but our hubbies r always giving examples of what their parents did for them. Initially even my hubby used to say that 'forget what they did to u they r my parents, after all I hurt them by marrying against their wishes, so give them some time to come around etc etc. '. And I used to tell him that 'r my parents not parents. Didnt I too marry against my parents wishes, I too hurt my parents but that doest mean that if my parents do something wrong to u or say something to u I will keep quiet. No i wont, I will expect them to respect my husband'. Now he does not say that so much. He's realised it now. But still they always feel that their parents r only ones who have sacrificed everything.

U've mentioned that ur husband used to drink a lot of coffee & also smoke and now he's stopped it but u still fear he'll start it again once ur in-laws come. U can try this thing. Keep on telling ur husband everytime u get a chance that now he looks very nice and healthy from the time he's stopped taking coffee and stopped smoking. Tell him that now his face has a sort of glow. Start appreciating him and the way he looks. Also one day tell him that u read on the net that coffee makes a person distressed and its bad for the heart, etc. etc. Try to mentally put in his mind that coffee and smoking r bad. Then I'm sure even if his mom tells him to have coffee he wont have it. If possible tell him very sweetly when he's in a nice mood that he should also tell his parents to stop drinking too much coffee as it will affect their health. He'll be happy to think that u r concerned about his parents' health and he might actually tell them to stop drinking excess coffee.

Whenever he sets the dishwasher for u or does some work at home for u, immediately tell him 'thanks honey, u r so sweet. U r really helping me so much etc etc'. This might also work, so even if ur in-laws come, he might still help u in the house. Once in a while also tell him that since the time he's started helping u in the house, ur health is improving and ur back is feeling much better. I know I'm not experienced in this but u could give it a try. U still have a month or so left for ur in-laws to come. Before they come, start appreciating ur husband so much that ur in-laws coming wont make a big difference.

About the car thing where u will have to sit at the back instead of in front besides ur husband, I too dont know what to do about it. I'm guessing even I'll be having the same situation when my in-laws come. Even I'm thinking what to do about it. For six months or so I'll be sitting at the back and his dad will be sitting in front. Let me know too if u get some idea about this.

All the best and keep writing. Hope my suggestions r of some help to u.

Bye
Tensed

Hi tensed,
Good to see ur response.How are things going at ur side. Now that my in laws are expected around july august, i am feeling really sick about it. The worst thing is that mil will interfere in our everyday routine like let me make the coffee for my son, why do ask him to set up the dishwasher etc etc. She very well knows that i am suffering from a back pain now and hence the doctors have advised me not to do any streneous lifting and sit ups etc etc and as a matter of concern for me my husband now has been helping me with some jobs like laundry lifting heavy stuff for me etc etc. And my mil, she will make a big fuss saying why do u expect him to help u when he is already tired working at his office and she will try to mesmerise her beloved son like offering him a atleast 10 doses of coffee per day which i really hate. My husband was a smoker so far and an addict to coffee and with great difficulty i have made him stop both and once my mil comes, she will get him into the coffee habit once again. These are all the things i really hate. And once his parents are near him my husband will start acting like a strager with me. He will not even sit near me or sleep for long. He will wake up too early in the morning along with his beloved mother and start their chatting early in the morning as it were a great round table conference. He will see to it that he spends 90% of his time with his mom and no time of privacy for both of us at all, I don't know why one has to change completely if their parents come. Can't they act like normal human beings. Morever my mil also enjoys all this stupid things and will see to it that we both won't even sit together and try to bring a big gap between both of us. A real saddist. After all she too had her time while she was young and gave birth to kids and spent time only with her husband, but when it comes to their dil why should they interefere in their privacy. She had her time when she was young and now its our time.Why don't they understand that. She is so mean that she will make a big show about her arithritis and hence ask her son if she could sit besides him at the car and won't even allow me to sit near him. After all i am his wife and how does she expect me to tolerate all this bullshit. And her son will also fall a pray to all this and ask me to go and sit at the back as if i were a stranger.And he always has a nice excuse that he is her pet and hence his mom likes him more than other 2 sons. How do these mean hearted people expect me to tolerate all this. Whenever he is with his mom he makes sure that he spends 90% of his time with his mom and just the rest with me. How can me being his wife tolerate all this. After all even our parents have brought us up for so many years and we too are indebted to them for all their valuable sacrifices. But do we girls behave like these husbands saying my dad this for me and my mom did this for me. i really get irritated whwen he says all this to me. Only the almighty should change their attitude. Moreover my husband has so far not invited my parents even once to stay with us but his parents come over to stay atleast once in 2 yrs, How is it fair.
Please tell me girls. keep in touch

Hi abx,

I very well know how u must be feeling now that ur in-laws r coming to ur place. I think ur problems and my problems r almost the same. Even my in-laws will be coming to stay with us for for a few months (they'll be coming around Aug - sep) and now only I have started feeling feverish thinking about it. I know as soon as they enter the house they'll start telling me why this is kept like this, why that is not there, why this and why that.... But I'm going to be strong this time. I am not going to let them decide what I should do in my house. So lets see what happens. Till the time they come, let me enjoy. After that whatever happens will happen. I have also decided that if they start harassing me like they did in India, then I'll just go to India till the time they r here and then come back after they return (of course, if my husband agrees). Ok then abx, all the best to u and let us know what happens.

Bye and chat with u soon
Tensed

Hi everyone - It has been a while since I have been on-line and I have read everyone's replies. Please keep these things in mind:
1)Don't stay quiet for too long
2) Voice your opinions in a \";poltically correct\"; way with both your in-laws and husband
3) Demand respect for yourself because there isn't another soul on earth who will fight for you.
4) When it comes to your child - you are the child's mother not your mil so you take control. Tell them that they had their chance to enjoy raising their children and now you deserve your chance.
5) Don't be afraid of anything or anyone and especially don't show it. Showing your weakness to your husband and his family is only going to back fire.

If anyone has anything else to add please do. I didn't do any of these things for the first 6 years of my marriage and believe they were hell. I started fighting when my child was almost a year old.

God bless each and everyone of us.

Hai sweet, jasmine and worried,
Glad to see all ur replies as i am able to share many views with u guys. First of all thank u jasmine and worried for ur advise. I am trying my best to keep up my self esteem and be assertive of anything i say and also trying to be more bold though i am coward by heart. Its really going to be difficult for all of us to tackle all these problems. And hi tensed , looks like u too have a replica of my husband, as most of my incidents co incide with that of urs. The same thing happens to me as well. While i was in india ,my husband also asked me to go over and stay with his parents. And u can just imagine how my in laws would have treated me in their son's absense. My husband said that now that u have stayed in ur house , its now time for u to go and stay with my parents.And i could never go over and see any of my relatives. And whenever my brother and my sister came to visit me at their place they used to treat them like garbage. They never even used to say a hello to them, and they will continue doing their own jobs or even go away from that spot. My mil never even used to offer anything for them , and its only i who used to ask them if they would like to have some thing and understanding my postition my brother and sister used to say i don't need anything at all. And even when they used to enquire about theiir welfare my in laws used to just nod their heads as if they they were dogs. I used to get bugged up with all this and thus told all my relatives to not to come to see me at my in laws and get ill treated like this.And my fil used to always point out something wrong at me, even if i forgot to switch off a light or a tap that was made a big issue. But all that i used to do is just sit down in my room and cry as even my husband was not there with me. And later on i used to call my mom from a public booth and used to cry to her telling all this incidents. I had no other go because if ued to worry that if i took all these matters to my husband he might dealy to process my visa or something.So the only way i took my burden off is by elling all this to my mom who too used to feel for me. My parents always tell me,u be more patient and just keep mum and deaf even if they say nonsense about u or us. Never show ur reaction to anybody and never burst. They said once u get ur visa u can run away from this place and even if u are far away from us atleast we will be happy to hear that u are away from ur in laws. But even today my parents adivse me that if ur in laws come to ur place treat them well. Don't retaliate or bring any old incidents to their mind as this will only aggravate the mis understanding betwen ur husband and u. My mom says that even if ur in laws talk some rubbish or find any fault with u, just keep cool and never talk back , just act as if nothing has happenened. Just remain like a deaf and dumb person.because all this will give them an opportunity to pull up their son to their side and try to hurt ur feelings as much as possible. Once they understand that we are not inclined to start a quarrel and we are smart enough to safeguard our welfare , they cannot blow up all these small issues. I know its easy to advise but very difficult to implement it as i myself am sailing in the same boat. But nowa days to some extent i am trying to implement what my parents say though not fully. But its the truth we must first win our husbands to our side by just being sweet and very sweet to his parents in front of him because when we do this our foolish husband will think we are affectionate to their parents and hence we are not bad. When we do this for long he(hopefully) will get a good impressions about their wives. But i know even after doing all this our foolish husbands will take their parents side. But atleast it will lesson the number of times we quarrel. But when things go too much out of control we must tell our husbands that we have been patient enough and now its high time that he brings a solution to it. And even when we say that we should not fight with our husbands, because that will make him feel that we are only fighter cocks and will never listen to what we say. When his parents are away just go to ur bedroom and tell him that u have to make a sensible discussion about all this with him and then slowly start telling alll your grievences. Because girlswe can observe ourselves. Their sweet moms never at all quarrel with their beloved son and always poison his mind in a sweet manner. So even we should do the same thing and that too in their absence. though this won't fully solve our problems this might atleast ingrain a feeling in our husbands minds that we are not wicked and he has to listen to our concerns. And friends please tell me ur comments about this. Because i have been trying this approach and it slightly works though not always. I have been trying my best to tacklet this situation in a sensible mannr. just like u all even i do not want a divorce and thus trying my best to keep my family peaceful. I am sure that all these foolish husbands will never question their parents and will only question only us. Atleast god should punish these deceiving in laws and should teach them a listen. And please do keep in touch all of u. As we will learn many new ideas by sharing it with each other. And jasmine as u said, we must always be cautious about our children and should not compromise on our role as a mom and we should be exceptionally affectionate only to our kids. keep in touch girls.

Hi abx,

U r absolutely right when u say that our husbands moms never quarrel with their son and always poisons his mind in a sweet manner. My m-i-l is the same. Whenever my husband is not around she will start taunting me but when he is there she will just keep quiet. Last year I had been to India alone and had to stay majority of my time with in-laws, that time they had made my life miserable. They got a chance to take the most advantage of me because my husband was not there with me. Once when I told my husband of one particular incident when they did to me and when he asked his mom about it, she simply denied and said in a loving manner to him that no such thing happened, maybe its a misunderstanding, we'll take care, dont worry, dont take tensions, etc etc. The way she spoke to him made ME look like the bad one. So see, inspite of ill-treating me she won because she spoke so nicely to him that he beleived her! I often think of doing the same thing in front of my husband i.e, talking nicely to them when my husband is around but frankly, I can never do that. Just seeing them reminds me of each & every incident they did to me and I just hate to talk lovingly to them. So I just cant do it.

I have also read/heard that whatever in-laws do, u should just keep quiet and one day they will realise their mistake and will start treating u properly. I have tried it since 4 years but I dont find any change in them, they r becoming worse as and as time flies and they know that I will just keep quiet to anything. Till now I had kept quiet but now I have decided that if they tell me anything I will directly give them a reply, even if its in front of my husband. I cant take it anymore, u know. But abx, u can try it, since u have said that sometimes it works in ur case. I wish u all the best in this and hope ur in-laws come to their senses and realise their fault.

I too, like u, wish that God should teach such in-laws a lesson one day.

Ok bye then and reply abt. this. I feel relieved to speak about my problems as till now it was just bottled up inside me. I could not tell anyone about all this. But now atleast we all can share it with each other.

Best of luck.
Bye!

Hi abx, Sweet, Worried & Jasmine,

I too am in the same boat as u guys. Having a lot of in-law problems, so much that I've started losing sleep and my health is deteriorating day by day. I had a love intercaste marriage. Since I married against my parents wishes, I am in such a position that I cant even discuss my problems with my parents or friends. I'm in the US and my husband is very sweet and loving but when it comes to his parents, its the same like the other husbands. Parents first, then wife. U know I get scared about the thought of visiting India just because my in-laws treat me like dirt. A girl feels happy when she knows that she's going to see her parents after such a long time but I think first about my in-laws abt. how they ill-treat me and I get scared at the thought of going to India. My every vacation in India turns out to be worse that the earlier one. My in-laws r so conservative and orthodox. I cant even watch TV in their house, they dont want me to go out to meet my friends, if my family or friends call me over there that they dont like, everytime dont do this dont do that u should not do this u should not do that. My 2 sister-in-laws poke their noses too. I'm really sick of this. I told my husband about all this and he agrees that its all wrong but still at the end of the discussion he'll say afterall they r parents and becoming old, just forget and forgive. Its easy for them to say it because they dont undergo all this but how can I forget and forgive. Its not once or twice, every time the same situation. Okay I agree if once or twice they do this, I'll keep quiet and forgive but they keep on continuing it. How can I keep quiet? I have told my husband that I wont keep quiet any longer now and cant take it. My husband said that if I dont forget everything, then it will be difficult for both of us to stay happily as we will keep on having quarrels. He has told me that whatever happens he will never leave his parents. He never tells his parents that whatever they do is wrong though he agrees with me that yeah, they did wrong to me. How will it help me if he does not tell them. They will never change. Ladies, tell me one thing, if u'll r in the US or anywhere outside India and u go to India for a visit, how many days do u stay with ur in-laws and how many days with ur parents. Whenever I go to India I am hardly allowed to be with my parents. My husband and in-laws want that I should stay more with them and less with my parents. If we go for a months visit, I hardly stay 10 days with my parents. What do u guys do???? We always quarrel about this too. Everytime when the time comes to visit India. What should I do? I cant take any drastic steps against my in-laws or husband because afterall I had my marriage against my parents wishes and now I cant see them being more hurt. They just know that I'm happy, I have not told them anything that has happened to me at my in-laws. I'm really in such a situation that if the time comes, I'll bear everything my in-laws do to me but I cant think of separation or divorce because I cant hurt or humiliate my parents any more. I hope all of u will reply and we will be in touch with each other.

Bye for now.

Hi girls,
Sweet u are correct in saying, whatever we do we are treated only as third party. But if their moms do some small favour, they blow out their trumpet about it. Hi tensed, in these days even arranged marriagge has a lot of quarrels, and i can very well understand what a tough time u will be having. Since ur marriage is done against the wishes of ur parents, ur in laws have taken it as a greatest advantage, because once these in laws know about all this they will try to take the maximum advantage of our situation. Tell ur husband in a polite and manner that u would wish to spend equal time with both in laws and ur parents. Tell him u have sacrificed enough and even now u are homesick and waiting to see ur parents. Tell him firmly that u must have the liberty of watching tv and atleast moving around with friends outside the house and u can't stay idle at ur in laws home.Tell him that u are ready to respect his parents but at the same u too expect something in return like ur personal liberty of staying in ur own house. make it clear to him that there should be a give and take policy in ur life and not just u compromising when he dosen't do anything for ur sake. Good luck and keep us posted.

hi,
everybody facing the same in law's problem. Just remember one thing,
how good you behave with your in law,
but for them we are third party in their family, that why small matter can be big issue.
just imagine my situation, mine is arrange marriage, I married to my father's sister sons. eventhough she is my aunty (own blood) but now she is my in law.
very simple if they always make noise, just close one ear. how nice with them (husband and in law) we always in a wrong side. just bear with it.

Hi Girls -

I am so sorry to hear about everyone's sorrow and in-law problems. I concur with worried, fight and fight hard. I have been through similar situations as the all of you have here and it has taken me quite a few years and the birth of my child to learn to fight back. Why and how? I learned the my child is my and my alone and I have to show my child that his mother is not weak and she can take care of herself and she demands respect. If children see that their parents are not respect then they have no respect at all. In addition I learned that I don't need my husband as much as I need my child and I will fight anything and anyone in this world for my child. Divorce is hard and obviously the last straw but you are not alone. I am not pushing you towards divorce but don't be afraid of it because that is what kept me wrapped around my husband and my in-laws. Once I learned that I can make it on my own, I wasn't afraid of the idea and my mouth and feelings opened up. I started talking back with out any fear of my husband leaving me one day. It is his loss not my because at least I will not suffer anymore. If you think of life like this you will not get hurt.

good luck!!

hI JASMINE,
I fully agree with what u say. Now that my in laws are already in the U>S all my problems will aggravate again. Now they are moving to their last daughter in law's place and My mil is going to serve and her and her baby like a servant as she has come to the u.s. only for that. My point of agony is mainly this. When i was in the same situation she treated me like dirt, but now when it comes to her last dil they are even ready to lick her legs, for the simple reason that she is from a hifi family. She in fact was telling my hubby at his office on phone that she is going to have a tough time doing all these chores as well as taking care of the baby. But while i was with her i used to do all the work myself and now this dil will never help her in any manner, but in spite of all this she is ready to serve her. Moreover my in laws call up my hubby at his office and keep telling something of other about her ill health and blah blah and gains his sympathy. But my foolish husband never understands all her tricks and sympathises with her as if she is dying. I really get irritated when they call him up at his office. Why should they talk so personal matters in his office, i know they want to avoid me and that's why all this. I got frustrated and told my huband that they should call us at our house and not like this in the office. Am i not right. Now for the sake of it he asked his parents to call us att home,and as u know as usual when i talk to my mil she never talks anything or just gives a sarcastic reply and enquires a thousand times only about her son and my daughter, When they don't need their dil then why should they need their grand child. But she never enquires a single word about me. How do they expect me to tolerate all this bullshit. Please advise.

Hi abx and Sweet,

The answer is in standing up and showing to your hubbys that you are individuals in your own rights and that you are self sufficient enuff to take care of yourself and the kid if ever the situation of divorce should arise.....! Once this is made clear to them then they are bound to recoil in fear that you have a weapon in your hands that they should be scared of and not the other way around. After this sit them down and make it extremely clear to them that as this individual you have a right to be respected and also your feelings are supreme in your eyes if not in his and it is entirely upto him to accept that he SHOULD respect you and your feelings and not ignore them. Thsiofcourse is not going to be easy cos' these guys can be really thick skinned and we women are very scared about the stigma attached to divorce. The in-laws somehow are aware that a woman is weakest in her post natal stage and this is the best time to harrass her. I empathise with you girls cos' I've been thru similar situation only that my MIL played so dirty that I went all the way and asked for the DIVORCE and ofcourse then my BIL who was going thru one himself at that stage cam and sorted matters out. But this weapon of divorce that the husbands and inlaws believe they have in their hand should be somehow shown to them is the biggest myth and I belive this can only be done when you show them that you are sel reliant and if the husband wants to continue to live with you then well and good and if he doesn't then also it is his problem and not yours cos' you will prove to be better off without him......! Tuff I understand but even 2 years after my baby I was put in the situation where my husband threatened me with divorce cos' I wasn't complying with my inlaws wishes and I made it clear to him that if he was such a pussy and needed to be with his parents and could do without his wife and kid then it was his funeral and he was welcome to leave and believe you me my inlaws who were watching the fun and goading him on changed their tone and so did my hubby! Their thick skins and even thicker brains have to be constantly hammered into with these suggestions ( direct or indirect) and only then will we be happier.....The inlaw games will never go away becos despite this there have been games on a subtler scale but then after a while we also tend to get thick skinned about their subtler tricks! haahahhahahaahahahha! Hope this helps!

I have also been thru the tantrums of why pampers and why this and why that and why not old saris and lungies a whole packet of which was handed over to me cos' they wud be softer on the babies bottom.....but hey ignore them and there is lots more where they came from they will always find more to talk and trouble you about!

Hi sweet, What u say is absolutely correct. We all must learn the tactics of playing a double game, by being sweet to their lovely moms only in our hubby's presence.Their moms have already obtained a lot of experience in all these tricky acts and thus they are winning over them. Many times i too keep trying to keep track with these tricks, but after all we are human beings and cannot pretend for long and at some point we too feel like breaking out as there will be no solution otherwise. It was sad to hear about ur episode as well about the pampers issue. Why on earth should they interefere in our day to day affairs of bringing up our children. They had the chance to bring up their children and now its our turn and we are sufficiently educated to bring up our own kids.I don't know how long all this battle would continue. Even if wives bring a compromise to every issue, everything is just temporary and once again some problem or other crops up and ultimately its the girls like us who are losing our peace of mind. A day should come when they repend for all their mis deeds but will that day ever come.When will all these puppeted husbands every learn to respect their wives feelings. We only find some sort of consolation by venting out our feelings like this to our friends. Thanx for ur response and do keep in touch as our battle always will keep continuing.

hi abx. I can understand your feeling and mental depression especially after
you giving birth, because myself have gone through same situation like you.

my problem also because of my mother-in-law. During my confiment she always put me under pressure. always like to comment what I do to my child is wrong.especially she never allowed to use pampers(night), i tried explain to her, but she make this as big issue.
after my confiment date, i start to work,one day around 1 am, my mother-in law argue with about pampers, she insist me to remove the pampers from the my baby. but I just ignore whatever she says. Just wonder what she do after that. She wait for my husband came back already (2.30 am) and complaint about this. My husband just keep quite. and after that ask me to remove the pampers.
And that night we quarell. Just imagine I need get ready for my work at 4 am.
that day i never sleep. so many problem
because of her.

now, i just ignore whatever she says. i never talk to her. i just do whatever my heart says. I only be good with her infront of my husband.

that only solution for husband those want side their mother. Over here husband must play main role. they must know to handle wife and maother.