Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I've been married since the last 5 years (love marriage) and have been suffering at the hands of my in-laws. They have made my life so miserable that I've had it upto now. I've lost my patience and cant take it anymore. My husband is the only son and so he's not ready to take a separate house for us. He says that he wants us to stay with his parents forever, he says that we cannot take a house separately as he will never leave them (and on top of that his parents have health problems too). I'm so sick staying with them that sometimes I feel like dying. What should I do? How should I convince my husband to take a separate house for the sake of peace between us? I'm not saying it should be far away, even in the next building would be fine, or even in the same building would be fine but in separate homes. Are there not so many parents in this world staying alone? If a couple has only daughters, dont they stay alone after the daughters marry? Because of all this I am even scared of planning kids because I wont be able to bring them up as I wish. Please give me some suggestions! tanya replied. i am due in 3 weeks and i dnt want my hubby who aint bothered with me or kid during my pregnancy he is being mum's boy, she has split us as she said she wont let us last 6 months and i got married to him last june and knew him year before and he sacrificed his family for me and loved me lot so what has happened now? so hurt and i have left him since december but he told me to back off and i have it was love marriage and now he keeps texting and calling as phone is on divert because he will want to know when kid is born, i aint calling him delivery or telling him. i been in and out of hospital and he has not once since december come to see me.
i aint giving his name on certificate and i am so heart broken. what shall i do?
his mum has splited us and i cant live without him but he is under her influence badly, now i am scared i will give birth to baby and he will try to take it. why is it easy for guys. i suffer all my pregnancy and if his mum says he will do it.
dnt i have any respect.
im only 22 and he has messed me on his mum's saying.
then he tells me he loves me and later he says we might not be together ever, could have divorce then he says he will never divorce.
under lot stress, he knew its affect our kid and its first one and the growth aint good but ok now a bit.
what shall i do?
his mum did this cause she wants her way and i always sacrificed myself did what she wanted but still she took my husband away and my childs father.
really ill, cause i do miss him.
Before marriage he sacrificed his parents for me, loved me lot so what happened now?
he left his parents for me as his parents did not agree to our marriage today he left me and kid for parents. is that how weak his love is?
help Pushpa replied. Hello Priya,
I can totally relate to your situation. I am married in a love marriage and my husband is the eldest...in his family though, it's all boys. I'm literally living in a home with my husband, his 4 other brothers, my fil, my mil, and our two baby girls.

Everytime I suggest we go away for a weekend, we can't because \";Dad says this or that\";.

I get along great with my mil. As a matter of fact, I sometimes would like us and the kids to just go out of town on a vacation and leave all the boys at home to take care of themselves. LOL

Anyway;
I think you may be in a sticky situation. Being married to an elder son is so different than all the others. I mean, the parents put so much responsibility on them. It's difficult, because he (your husband) probably would love to move into a flat closeby, but, he may feel guilt if he would do so. The feelings sons have towards caring for their parents is so difficult to explain, I suppose.



For me, I found that all the decisions we make surround the interests of the in laws. Don't get me wrong, I love my inlaws, they are very good to me. However, the idea of us not having a place of our own burns me up sometimes. I feel like pulling my hair out. Priti replied. Almost in the same boat ! Well i have been married for 10 years now and have encountered the same type of problems with my in laws. My family consists of Myself, my husband, my two daughters whom are 8 and 2 years old, top it off with my mil, fil, 2 bil, and 1 sil whose separated and living with us with her own daugher .... Can you image !!! Anyways, I am still waiting patiently till the day till the day his siblings would get settled and move out. They just don't seem to go away. I keep telling my self to deal with the situations as they come, but seem to get worse sometimes...My relationship with my husband is great ! But when it comes to his parents, he's fairly firm on keeping them with us...i don't know exactly what kind of situations have taken place with your family, but my husband use to listen to his parents all the time and would do everything they said. Now-a-days things have changed a little. I started to make sure that i shared everything that happened between his parents and myself with him so he was aware of what was happening in the house. With all the problems with having a big family, my husband is the eldest and supports them quite a bit.....i have done everything to keep him happy and have done a lot for his family as well.
Stories about my support to his family can go on forever...But for me i'm still waiting for the day when my bil move out and they can go stay with them.
But for you Priya, Have you talked to your husband about why u r miserable ??? If it is just the thing about been alone and wanting a separate house is not going to cut it....there has to be more to this story than that.
From what you are saying i don't think he's going to leave his parents alone, unless there is some other serious issues you are having to deal with.

Take Care