Relationships  Discussion Forum

Abx,
I fully agree with Tensed about you compromising far too soon.....You just have to wake up and let you hubby know who is the boss around. Now next time you wait for him to compromise and watch the change in your life from there on. Also be like Tensed and life will become much easier on you. Put a stop to all this nonsense and you are the only one who can do it. Remember, read again what Tensed has written to you and this is exactly what I did one day and Life changed as I continued to do it over a period of time. Your husband has to know that you also have feelings and that you also get hurt and that you also can sulk and that most importantly you also can show all of these emotions to him.

Hi abx,
Good to hear from you. Those villains made your life miserable and left you. Im scared thinking about the day when my in-laws will be here. What will I do then. I dont know when they are coming, maybe in two-three months. They'll be here for atleast 6 months as this is the first time they will come to US. Even though she has spoken to me nicely on the phone that day, still I have not changed. Like you said, I have to be careful. I know these people often change colours to get what they want. Now since I have never asked them about their trip to come here or anything, they must be talking nicely to me so that I will be eager to get them here. But they dont know that now I know them so well that I wont fall for their tricks. Even though they talk to me well on the phone, I know its just a game. I'm never going to ask them anything about their coming here. Let them come anytime they want. I'm not going to get involved in it. After that day I have not spoken to them yet and dont intend to for another few days atleast. Just hoping my husband doesnt tell me to talk to them this weekend. You know so many times I have thought that okay, once again let me forget what they did to me and let me again be like my old self. Like how I used to talk to them every week, talk to them nicely and ask each and every thing, just for the sake of my husband. But then suddenly I decide, No, the minute I start becoming the dutiful d-i-l and talk to them lovingly, they will take me for granted again. Atleast now that I'm not talking to them, they know that I'm angry and aisa waise mere saath ab nahin chalega. My husband also knows that this time she really is angry with them, so atleast he will also ensure that they dont do anything wrong to me, else I'll make the matters worse. So atleast indirectly he'll support me. Thats why I'm not going back to the image of the living d-i-l who used to take each and every shit and still keep quiet. I'm taking things in my hand now. Keeping distance from them. Talking once in a while and just saying hi, how are you, we are fine. Thats it. Nothing else.
Your in-laws were here for just 15 days but they turned your house upside down, I dont even want to imagine what my in-laws will do in six months. But I cannot be as patient as you abx. You are really really patient. I mean after all that, you still called your mil and asked her how her trip was and all. I would have never done that.
Abx, I wanted to ask you one thing. You said that after those villains left, your husband didnt talk to you and you yourself had to compromise and talk. You should have waited for another few days and see if he himself said sorry. All that happened to you was so humuliating and was not even your fault and still you had to say sorry. I felt very angry about it. I know that to make your husband happy you had to finally compromise but I think that if you keep on compromising from your end, it will be a habit and he will know that he can do whatever he feels like but in the end you will yourself compromise and say sorry. Abx, I think next time you should give it more time and see if your husband feels guilty. Dont make it a habit with him. If you dont at all compromise, he will come to know that now she wont take any nonsense and he wont be able to stop talking to you for more than 10-15 days. He himself will say sorry. I think it will work. Just try it. Be firm and let him feel guilty too. Why should you always say sorry.
So your husband is calling them everyday now. Its good that you will talk to them only once in 10 days. Hope they will never come back in your life again. Good riddance atleast for now. Bye and reply.

Hi tensed,
Great to see ur message after quite some time. I was in fact wondering, why u hadn't posted any messages. WEll things with me are okay now, as the villians have left us. I told u isn't it, tensed, that if they come they will create some sort of commotion in our married, and they did it even this time. that's why i tell u tensed, frankly, i never wish to see them at all. They could have in fact passed this vacation peacefully by playing with their pothi etc etc. But anyway they are proving again and again they are nothing other than villians. Well they had planned their trip only to wreck up my life, and hence how can i expect them to be sweet. And even after they left, my hubby was cross with me and din't talk anything, in the end, i had to bring about a compromise once again. So as long as i am there to compromise, why is my hubby worried about anything. But again if i don;t compromise, my hubby is going to get more annoyed, and still blow up this issue, and talk to them over phone about eveyrthing again, and hence, again this is only going to be an opportunity for my in laws to get closer to their son. I must try my best to have my hubby towards me, and hence i have given up all my self respect, to compromise with this man. But touch wood, so far he din't yell at me for anything else.
And about the phone thing, i called up my mil as soon as she landed in the u.s. and for the courtesy inquired her if she reached safely and spoke and few words to her. After that my hubby spoke to her 2-3 times and i din't volunteer to talk , neither did my mil do the same. So just staying silent. I have decided to talk to her just once in 10 days. For all the good deeds she has done to me, this is more than sufficient. The lesser i talk to her, the lesser, sarcastic comments, i will be hearing. Lets see. My hubby dosen't give me the phone voluntarily when he speaks to his mom, and probably next time or so, i must voluntarily ask him to talk to her." In logon ke liye itna sab kuch karna padta hai, lekin badle mein hamen kya milta hai, only bitter results. I am fed up with them tensed, atleast now i am happy that they have left.And even before she left my mil brain washed my son by saying, beta atleast u should keep in touch with us, and u should call us everyday, i am longing to hear ur voice, these days, u call us only once a week, but i want to hear ur voice everyday", as if she is going to pay the long distance bills. She expects so much so much, and she forgets that he too has a family for himselves. And thus now a days, the very obedient son, calls up his mom everyday.
Rubbish!!!
btw when ar ur in laws coming. Anything decided yet. How long are they planning to stay. How is ur hubby now. Did u talk to ur mil recently. In ur last message u told me that ur mil spoke well with u. I am really glad that there is at least a slight change in their attitude. But anyways, u be double careful tensed, coz even my mil did the same thing before she came, but again.... If they have really changed , then i would feel really happy for u tensed. But anyways, u be carefl tensed. Somtimes they just put up a show just to impress their son. But since i don;t know about ur in laws u are the best judge. I wish u all the best. How's is ur job doing. I am really glad that u got a job before their arrival. This way u can be away from them. Congrats tensed, and enjoy ur life atleast till they come over.
I will surely keep in touch regularly, and i am sure, u to would do the same. bye

Hi abx,
Sorry to write to u after so many days. Been busy lately. How r things at ur end. Not heard from u since long. I have not checked the other board for ur messages if any as I dont get much time. I'll just keep on checking this section every day if possible. Do write and tell me whats happening at ur end. I read ur earlier message and felt really bad about what happened. Your in-laws are spoiling your husband. Instead of trying to change him, they keep on appreciating him when he does anything wrong. I cannot believe he could yell at you like that in a public place, it is so humiliating. I cant imagine how you live with such type of a man but our life is like that maybe. You have to do it for your daughter. Frankly speaking, if all such incidences would have happened to me then I might have taken some drastic steps. I wouldnt have been able to forgive such a person. But abx, you are so bold and patient. Hats off to you. Inspite of everything you look after them well. Is he talking to you now? Did your in-laws call after they left and did they talk to u? When are you going to India? Good that you will be in India for atleast three months. Try to relieve all your tensions and enjoy with your parents. Bye and take care. Keep writing. Waiting for your reply.

Hi,
At last i am relieved from my in laws. They left this morning and i feel so free now. oH MY god! i can't believe it. Just dropped my kid at day care and sat down to write to u.
And now coming to that weekend issue. WE took them out to the cn tower in toronto. and again my hubby started a issue. Well its only my responsiblility to take care of my kid, and hence i was with her always. What's wrong in it. WEll u see nicemom, i don't really understand why my husband is so foolish. A bagpiper was playing a song, and all the kids went near him to listen to the music, and so even my daughter asked me to take her there.And its obvious that i have to stay near my daughter throout the peformance, as there was a heavy crowd. Tell me nicemom what's wrong in doing that. My mil sat down to rest, and my hubby went to buy some tickets, so with whom will i leave her. Obviously its only me isn't it. And for that he made such a big issue saying, Did u come here alone for site seeing, why don't u stay with mom always. TEll me nicemom if i stay with my mil who will take care of my daughter, she is a very active girl and keeps running about here and there, and dosen't even walk, along with me, as she halts over here and there, to see this and that. So naturally only me as her mom will have the patience to take care of her thro out, If i leave her with my hubby , he never gives her any freedom, and expects her to walk along with him like an adult. Is it possible, for a kid to behave like that. And when she dosen't listen to him he yells at her like anything and that poor thing comes to me crying, saying mummy give me a hug. Poor thing, my heart cries whenever he shouts at her like that. So to avoid all this scenes, i always take the resposibility of walking with my girl, and my husband is getting annoyed about such a silly matter.
U knwo when we all went out, he never even bothers to turn back and see if i am coming or not. All that he does is just hugging his mom and and talking only to her throout the trip. Tell me nicemom, how can i enjoy such a trip, when my husband is not even bothered to look at me. Always he keeps talking only to his mom, and all silly stupid, jokes and other bullshit news, and they walk only together, and completely neglect me. So in such a situation, what can i do. When i can't participate in their talks, i start playing with my kid, and devote my time fully to her.
What's wrong in that. Even if i initiate a conversation with my hubby, he just ignores it, as if i were a doormat, and never even reponds to what i talk. And if at all he responds, he just keeps a rude face and talks to me, as if to show his mom, that he is no more interested in me, and loves only her. And even my mil observes all this and in spite of seeing all this, she dosen't tell him anything. She is so selfish that she dosen't even want her son to talk to me, and even my husband is so stupid that he dosen't even understand a bit of my feeling. I feel so bad whenever this happens, after i am his wife, and i can't digest when he behaves like this with me. In what way have i become so cheap, that he can't even talk to me. If this happens once in a while i can accept it, but everytime he sees his mom and thro out her visit, he is like this only. From the first day to last, he will completely ignore, me and run behind his mom, kiss her and hug her. Tell me nicemom, wont i feel bad about all this.
I agree that he is affectionate to his mom, but that dosen't mean that he must behave like this, with her, and compltely ignore me when she comes. Why should it happen everytime. And so whenever they plan to visit us, this is the first thing that comes to my mind. I don't say i am possessive, but everything has a limit isn't it. I am just not able to even talk to him about it, because, the moment i start this topic, he cuts it off and goes saying,i am not a teenage lover to run behind u always, and i am not a dog, which runs behind each other, My mom is a goddess to me and i will be only like tha. So i never even talk to him about it, but feel very bad within.
And u know, during that weekend issue, my husband started shouting at me, in front of everyone, and i was feeling so embarasseed. Am i going with him to tolerate only this bullshit. Obviously we can't talk anything when we are in a public place, and like a third rated man , my husbadn started taking advantange of that situation. REally i tell u nicemom, i felt so bad, when he was yelling at me, that too in a public place, and in front of his mom.
If her mom was a nice lady what should she have done, she must have made her son understand that i need to take charge of my daughter and hence can't spend time with them thro out, isn't it. nBut instead u know what that bitch did, she started adding fuel to fire staying, yes beta, even i have been observing her from this morning, she is always like this only and never respects us. She is a moody character and perhaps she gets all this inspiration from her parents, may be her parents are like only. Stupid lady! what right does she have to talk about my parents, that too in such issues, where there are not involved at all. I just felt like slapping her right on her face... but... REally nicemom, that's why i hate that lady.
And since he had his mom's support he started talking all sorts of shit to his mom saying, i hate her, she is a stupid girl, and i never want to live with her, and i am ready to even give her a divorce, and she is making my life miserable everyday, If it were some other man in my position , he would have kicked her ass long before. Just imagine nicemom, all this he is talking in public and his beloved mom is saying yes to eveything. She is telling him, yes beta i understand how pateint u have been with her so far, i realy pity u , She has destroyed ur life of all the happiness and if it were ur elder brother in ur place, he would have given her a divorce long before. Just see girls how she is poisoning his mind right in front of me,
she has so much of guts, because, she knows that her son will dance to her tunes like a pupper.
And in spite of taking al this shit from them, i spoke well with them and did everything. And after that episode,even my husband is not talking well with me. Even when we are in our bedroom, he stays away from me and never even talks to me. Tell me nicemom, what have i done to deserve all this shit.I did everything for this people, and still if they don't have the gratitude, how would i feel. Forget about the gratitude, at least they could have let my relationship with my hubby to survive.They don't like even that. My mil says, in spite of fighting , beta why is it that u keep talking to her agan and again.,u have changed a lot these days, and thus the very obedient son, is avoiding me and not even talking to me as if to keep up his promise to his mom.

Though i am relieved that my in laws have left, i really feel bad about my hubby;s attitude. I did so much for his parents, and even bought her so many things and even gave her some money. But still if she dosen't have that gratitude, what can i do. please advice me. I am tired of being good to them, and compromising on all ends, but still when i don't gt rewarded for it, then what's the use in being good. But still i am good to them, and spoke so well to them as if nothing has happeneed. Please advice me nicemom, what can i do I feel so shattered inmy life. reply soon

hi nicemom,
this weekend again i had a tough time, looks like weekends enjoy karna mere naseeb mein nahin hain. I have got lots and lots to write to tell u. Let these idiots leave my house,tommorow. They are leaving early morning 6.00 clock. Just waiting for that time. After they leave i will drop my kid and write everything in detail. But at least i am happy that i don't have to see their wicked faces after 6.am. tommorrow. Till then bye. see u tommorrow.

Hi abx,
U must be in a good mood today as finally ur countdown is over. Tomorrow they are leaving isnt it. U must already be feeling relieved that those stupid people r going out of your lives (even though temporary).
Its been a while since u wrote. So whats been happening. What other natak did they come up with? Kya kya chugli lagaya un logon ne? How is your daughter. Hope she is not affected by the situation at home. Once those people leave ur home, try to spend more time with your daughter in case she has been troubled seeing all the arguments. And keep posting. I'm sure tomorrow I'll find your message here as it will be a happy day for you...
Till then take care and will try to write soon. Bye.

Hi abx,
I'm really so sorry about the situation u r in. I saw that u received many replies about how to tackle them, so hope it all helps. Right now I cant think of any other tips. But I do want to tell u my point of view regarding one thing. Whatever happens, I dont think ur daughter should see the problems going on. It will have a emotional and mental effect on her. U were right in telling ur husband and in-laws that if at all u all have to argue, u should not have it in front of ur daughter. It matters a lot. Even though she will, maybe, start realizing that her grandparents are not good, always shouting at mommy, but still when she will watch u arguing and nervous and all and everyone shouting at u, she will be scared and that will affect her normal growth. This is a very strong point to be noted. So please take care about this. Even if ur in-laws are not there, u and ur husband should avoid arguing in front of her. It will have a bad and scary effect in her mind. Hope u consider this.
Regarding other issues, like nicemom and worried said, do what ur mil wants. If she says keep milk in the freezer, keep it. Then when u want milk instantly for making something, remove it from the freezer and ask her 'now what should I do, the milk has frozen and I need it right now' . Let her handle it. Let her spoil ur non-stick pans. Once she does it, show it to ur husband and tell him to buy another for u. Again let her do the same thing and then again u buy new one. Keep on doing it. And if she says u r wasting money, tell her that I didnt spoil it, u had stirred it with a steel spoon.
Abx, it is really very difficult to deal with the in-laws if ur husband does not support you. Iam shocked that he too keeps on shouting at you alongwith his parents. Whatever he has to say, he has to do it in a cool manner and explain it and not shout at you. So just try to be cool with ur husband and try to change him.
Regarding my job, its for 2 months but might get extended if theres a possibility. Its a nice working atmosphere, I'm so happy finally I got what I wanted (yes I'm working in C and C++). But all this happened because of my husband. He helped me so much in getting me a job as he knew how much I wanted to work. Its like 90% his efforts and 10% mine. Atleast now I know that even if my in-laws come, I'll be busy working and I'll have to be there with them only during weekends for the whole day. That is still okay. I dont know when they are coming. I dont even ask my husband about it. Let him call them whenever he wishes. I dont take any intitiative regarding this. He himself tells me that I'll call them on this and this month and I say ok. Nothing else. I dont even know whether the visa papers are ready and what other preparations are done. This weekend itself they spoke to me. Actually I didnt want to talk but my husband insisted that they want to talk to me and so I spoke. My mil was speaking so lovingly and telling me that she's missing me and remembering me, etc. etc. I know she's realizing that now I'm very angry with them as earlier I used to speak to them every weekend and now I dont speak at all. As far as she is loving, I will also be loving to her. Hope now atleast they realize their mistakes. Just hoping for the best.
Ok abx, let me know hows it going. I'll try to reply whenever I can. Take care of your health and your daughter. Take care and bye.

hi abx,
i read your replies. actually, yesterday after reading all the natak your mil puts on, i didn't know what extra to say other than my previous suggestions. all i can add is that you are unfortunate to have such a hubby. can't say much about in-laws, b'coz some of them are that way. but hubby too....!!!!

so if in case sometimes you don't see an answer for a day, don't feel that you are unheard. i always read the mesg. (of course if its more than a day, then you can start worry about my baby !!) and feel i need more time to think and give you the right advise. for now stick to what all the girls are advising you and count the days .

things with my life is not very rosy. but i felt i'll post it on the other board later.

take care

Hi worried, nicemom and tensed,
Thanks for all ur replies and concerns, and advices. I feel much better after reading all ur messages.
Worried, as u said, its only lip service that counts and real service is not recognised at all. So just trying to stick to it. In between i told, ma why don't u urself do the cooking today, and once she did and other day she said, no u do it urself, and just relaxing. So she herself is not much interested. Then why all this show and scenes, i really get wild when she behaves like this. She is so so possessive, that she always wants her son to run behind her the whole day, and that's what makes me really angry, but still trying to not show any reaction at all, as i am just waiting for those idiots to leave, and then its only me and my house so.. just waiting until then.
In spite of al this, oldies got all their tests done, without sparing even a single test, saying canada is very cheap in medical benefits.
Nicemom , read ur reply and i am trying to implement it. Thanks very much for ur reply. Will catch u up soon.
Tensed, very glad to note that u have landed up with a job, that's a great news indeed. This way u can stay away from ur in laws. When are they coming. By the way is ur present job a temporary or a permanent position. How do u like the job. By the way are u working in c++. All the best and hearty congrats. bye

Hi abx

I think what nicemom said about letting your MIL cook is very right and after she leaves you get yourself new vessels....is absolutely RIGHT....spend your hubby's money on yourself instead of saving up and giving it to your in laws.

Another thing you are a very silly girl....sorry for the liberty but sweets treat your MIL and FIL like your co-sisters do.....if you haven't understood their modus operandi till now then here it is.....Let your MIL do you "seva" while they are with you and they will themselves not want to come and stay with you. Let them cook, look after your kid, wash, keep house for you it doesn't matter you see it as unpaid help for you and a sort of vacation time when they are there.

Now if you MIL said beta why are you keeping frozen veggies in the freezer you say Yes Ma....I didn't think of it I think you are absolutely right I'll just throw them away and bring in some milk and freeze it......When your MIL figures its no fun having to cut up the veggies again and again then she will feel very foolish herself and be more careful in the future....You don't let these small things get to you.Just play cool.....its not worth getting into a fight for it. Even if it means throwing away your frozen veggies do it after all that is the only way your MIL will understand. You still have a chance while they are there with you.....Just do a complete Volte Face and watch the fun.....Just go into raptures about them and praise them to the high heavens and make them feel that they are gods gift to humanity and you will only gain from your lip service....Your real service like medical tests are viewed as a duty but these are what will make a difference. And if they raise their voice and scream and shout at you it shouldn't worry you or give you a chest pain or a headache you just let them rave and rant to their heart's content and it hardly matters if it happens in front of your daughter she will learn to despise them soon 'cos she will see them as the raving ranting lunatics that they are so problem solved......Try these simple remedies and give yourself a life.....To hell with the real feelings for them or your hubby and see your life change for the better......Lemme know.

I know all this sounds very good on paper but try it babes it works even better ; )

Hi abx,
Sorry to write late. I read ur reply. Am so sad reading about it and also angry with what ur in-laws have started doing as soon as they reached. Actually I have got a job and so I couldnt write all these days. yesterday was my first day (its a two months project). So now wont be able to check the net quite often as before. Anyway, I'll try to read ur messages and reply as and when I get a chance. Regarding ur messages, I'll reply tomorrow from off. if I get a chance. Till then bye and please do take care. I read about ur health. Its not good. Do try to keep calm and cool (I know its not possible) but still u have to take care of ur health, atleast for your daughters sake. Please take care and will try to write tomorrow. Bye.

hI NICEMOM,
tHANKS u so much for ur reply , i was waiting to get some mode of consolation for myself. These 3 days were a real nightmare. I went to the doctor the other day, as i fell down due to giddiness, and tension, and u know my mil and fil never even bothered to ask what happnned. Instead u know what that bitch did, she came to the kitchen and says to her son, that there is some water on the floor and that's why she has slipped down and fell, and ther's nothing wrong with me, imaigne....the way she is trying to manipulate things. And my hubby took me to the doctor, and came and sat along with me in the doctor's cabin because he wanted to check if i say something about the incident to the doctor. U see even if i give a single complaint about these people, they will be behind bars. U know my hubby is telling me "why don;'t u also tell the doctor that we are hitting u and torturing u. This way u can be free from all of us isn't it. U are capable of doing anything. "

Nicemom just imagine the amount of venom his parents are injecting in his mind about me. And my stupid husband like a backboneless person is dancing to whatever they are saying.

U know in the course of conversation my mil asked me" din't i treat u well when u were with me for 6 mths and u are driving us away the very third day of our visit. To get her son's mercy she is telling , hereafter i will not come to ur house, instead she is asking her son to come and visit them at u.s. every 6 mths without me. This way they will get to see their son alone. And my hubbbys is also nodding his head to everything his mom is saying. He is promising her that he will go to the u.s. without me and visit them twice a yr. My mil is asking me "what is it so bad that i did to u", and when i quoted each and every instance, she is pretending as if nothing like that happneed and is asking her son "my dear son, do u believe in whatever she says, will i every say such words to her, don't u know about my nature . And " And the very dutiful son is saying to his mom "i know u are very sweet and can never say such words, and i know that she is lying. " So in spite of talking , no use , because their entire family belongs to dogs family. And dogs will always keep barking. And after all this my fil is telling his son that i am capabale of telling any lies, and will even say that they hit me and tortured me, so he dosen't want to stay here any more. I know he said it because he is very guilty of all he did to me.
Nicemom i won;'t even care if my in laws did even more bad things to me. But the only depressing thing is that , my hubby too dosen't understand me, and support me by saying "she is not lying". he is going into his mom's anchal and is hiding behind her, what a stupid person he is...
Tell me nicemom how can i ever trust this sort of a husband. What ='s the use of having such a life companion. But u know just to keep the situation in control, i begged them, and was still polite with them. I did all this just to have my husband in my side, but still.. he dosen't have a bit of gratitude. I repend to have married this sort of a man.

and that jealous bitch is telling her son "i know that u are not happy in this house becuse ur wife is not a good wife to u, and she has spoilt the atmosphere of ur house, i really feel sorry for u. And to add to it, she is saying, but still i see whenever u both fight with each other u immeidatly reconcile with her, and both of u are getting along well immediately, but u are not like that with us. Just im'''''....agine the amount of jealousy she has towards me, she dosen't even want both of us to reconcile, and wants her son to always keep shouting at me. I am just keeping this as the only plus point in our married life, and hence keep on compromising for anything and everything. I have thus decided not to react to anything, even if my husband shouts at me in front of them, atleast till those idiots leave our house. Because they are trying to create twnsion and then want my hubby to shout at me, and then make my life miserable, U know one more thing, as if to take advantage of this situation my hubby is yelling at me for all silly reason and bossing over me as if to show his parents that he is ruling over me. What a stupid scene. I hate when my hubby does it but i am not able to react. Tell me nicemom what should i be doing.
And like an uncultured lot they are sitting in our living room and shouting at the top of their voices, and then i told them, that i wish to talk to them only if they quit the hall and come to the bedrrom. I asked them not to shout , as my daughter will get mentally disturbed, and for tht my mil is telling, even when u both fight , ur daughter will get mentally disturbed, not only when we shout . then i told it very clearly to that stupid lady, that we have our discussion only when my daughter goes to sleep. And really that's the truth, even if my husband shouts at me, i ask him to wait until my daughter sleeps and never allow her to see all these scenes. Where will this uncultured people know about all this.
But one thing nicemom. i never vent out my feelings on my dauhter, and never show my anger on her under any circumstances. that's for sure, In fact whenever such quarrel arises, i show lots more of concern on my daughter and be even more polite with her. And now this concern on my daughter is again bothering my husband . He is telling me that i am supporting her un necessarily and hiding all her faults for the past 3 days, and he dosen't know why. I told him i am her mom, and i can't explain my affection to her. So now again he is yelling at me, when i don't punish my daughter for silly things. What bullshit is this. why should i punish my daughter unnnecessarily. REally nicemom and tensed, my husband has changed so much so..... mcuh for the past one week that i can't even say.
a small eg. we took them out to niagra yesterday, and in each and every photo my hubby was hugging his mom and only his mom, and never even bothred to stand near me, in even a single snap. In what way have i become so distant to him. Tell me girls, won;'t i feel bad when i see such scenes. I am totally frustrated in life. and just counting days for these devils to leave. Next tuesdays , the dogs will be out . But one thing i can say for sure. These many days, i never said that out of fear of god, but now i am compllled to say this. These 2 oldies can never get a peaceful death." Vo donom tadap tadap ke hi marengey. This is for sure. Write soon girls .i am waiting for ur reply. bye

hi abx,
i'm so sad to hear whats happening to you !! your mil is really a stupid lady. i hope that they never ever get the means or chance to come back to your place. doesn't the foolish lady know that you can't prserve milk beyong a certain date. even if you freeze it. anyway, i have never heard of 'freezing milk'!! actually abx, she is not fit for your house and you. all her sons are doing so well and why is she so much on saving saving like a kanjoos. like on food !! from what i feel , she is deliberately trying to creat trouble. instead of taking it in a nice way, that you are not allowing her to cook, so that she can rest....she used the situation the other way 'that you don't LET her cook'.

just let her use your non-sticks and after they are gone ask your hubby to buy new ones.i'm sure he will crib. at that time tell him and show him what happened. if yuor mil is not bothered and your hubby supports her, why are you trying to save your hubby's money. see, its not that your hubby is earning for you only. he gives away so much of his savings to his parents, so why try to save hubby's money when it doesn't come to you alone?

i feel so bad that you had to beg those idiots without any fault of yours. i can understand how insulting you must have felt. your hubby is really.....!! he is really blind to have not seen and realised the matter. if you were in india, you could have atleast ran and cried in your mom's lap. i can understand how you are feeling. just keep yourself together and wait for your india trip. these 10 days will fly. atleast we all can pray for the days to fly.
i hope yuor daughter isn't roubling you, on top of it. don't vent out on her, abx. i know many a times we do that when we have no tother person to boss over. but she is small and will feel hurt. for the time being live for her.
take care of your health. why are you suddenly complaing of chest pain? have you got yourself checked? take your migraine pills regularly, so atleast you can be headache free during such times.
i pray things to get better.

Hi Nicemom and tensed,
I don't know where to start and end, but they have started playing their tricks with me and already trying to create some problem or other, in spite of me being so polite and nice to them. After all in laws are dogs, nothing else. Girls i am fully shattered and feel like dying.

U know what happenned. One days, as usual my mil started saying, why do u cut veg and put it in the freezer, and instead u can put milk in the freezer. My son's money is going waste, and stupid things like that. My blood started boiling, she means as if i am wasting my husband's money. I couldn't talk back to her, but just told her, that there isn't much spac in my freezer for all the milk, and after that i started, getting, giddiness, and heart pain, because, my was digesting all this in my mind itself. I had to digest everything and couldn't talk back, Hence i landed up with headache a and chest pain due to stress. And hence i went in a lied down for a while, and my mil started making a natak and strted complaining to her son, that i am insulting them and they don't want to live anymore with us. u can imagine what all would hyave happenned after that. I was so helpless, all three of them strted shouting at me saying that i have ill treated them. I couldn't help it as there was no one to support me, not even my husband, As hubby change completely when his parents are around. They created a scene adn said we are packing up our bags tommorrow itself, and i had to beg them not to leve(my foor). U know ho wmuch i begged them. All this just for my hubby;s sake because he started telling me that i am driving them out of my house. gitls i am not able to write everything in detail. But just giving u a jist. AFter that my hubby is telling, u are a liar, u don't like my parents, and u have planned to drive them out. Hoiw could i made him understand. U know i had made arrangements for these idiots to have their urine and blood test etc. But they have no gratitude for all i have done, and just trying to seperate me from my hubby.
After i begged a lot my mil said okay this time i will just stay for the sake of it.,but hereafter i won't come to ur house and u can imagine what my foolish husband would have reacted to it. She is telling doing al medical check up is my duty and i am not doing any help for them, as if she deserves it. She is complaining to my husband that i am not allowing her to cook. Stupid lady, she dosen't even know how to use a non stick. She is stirring a non stick pain with my statinless steel spoon and has soilt all my non stick pans. How can i tolerate this waste of money. My hubby is not suporting me, and running like a dog behind his mom, enquiring her a 1000 times daily,"how are u , are u okay" and he is totally neglecting me,and even if he talks to me he is making up a very rough and tough face, and is shouting at me in front of them for all silly isues. I am just keeping quite to not exagerate this matter, so that they don't crate scenes again. Girls i feel like dying. I don't know why these people are always trying to bring about something or other between me and my husband. They don't want to see me happy at all. And even my idiotic husband is not supporting me at all. I am finishing here. WRtie soon please. I somehow tried to write this when all are away.,

hi abx,
i am so glad to hear that you are happy for once even when your in-laws are around. you are playing your role excellent. good that you have taken care of your in-laws and your hubby.

your mil , i can understand , may be very jealous seeing you happy with her son. don't react to anything even if she starts throwing sparks. do what you are doing now.

so how was the first day at work for your hubby? the new job !! was the day hectic for you? i mean getting up extra early and then the whole day in the kitchen.

all i can say at this point is, keep up the good efforts you are making to keep everyone happy. i hope you have many such good melas with your hubby and also your in-laws.
bye for now, keep posted

Hi tensed and nicemom,
glad to know that u saw my previous message. Things are not bad. But u know to be frank i must tell u one thing, i treat them really well, just like my other guests, just becuase i don't want to hurt my hubby and make him annoyed.
I talk well with them, and show good hospitality, and so i am able to prove to my husband that i am really concerned. So my hubby is very happy and hence hasn't changed our routine as such. Of course he keeps on running behind his mom, for silly reasons , but i know, nothing can change it, and if i take it serious, it will lead to a quarrel between both of us, and hence i don't react to anything. So my husband is supporting me well, for instance, he says, she only does all this work everyday and talks well about me. So i am happy that i have him at my side. But i am able to make out from my mil's face that she is jealous about the way he talks nice about me, because it is shown in her face. Similarly even when i compliment him, about this and that, i can see the jealous looks in her face, because she dosen't respond to anything. Similarly when i just say even a single word about my parents she dosen't react. Hence i avoid all these topics. I know very well that she is jealous that my hubby dosen't find any fault with me. To impress my hubby, i also took her with me to malls and walks, so that he understands that they are well taken care of.

Of course , i know they are getting bored. They keep watching tv go out for walks(because they know i can't accompany them as i am busy in the morning.), and when time permits i take my mil out. So she can't find any reasons to complaint about me.

And reg the kitchen issue, the very second itself , i told my mil in a very polite manner( in my hubby's presence itself), if she could do their tiffin for night, and so she had to say yes, as her son was their in front of her and she can't say no. But i cook for her in the mornings, and night tiffin part of it, she does it herself, (because me and my hubby don't eat tiffin at night, only chawal). First day, parents and their son sat together for dinner. The second day, i said my hubby politely, the dining table isn't enough for 4 of us, so let mama papa eat first, and u and me can eat on the sofa itself, and my hubby nodded his head. SO things are coo..l. Iam sweet to them, and hence they can't complaint. SO no probs so far. Hopefully should be the same till the end. Thanks girls for all the advices.
catch u up soon. bye

Hi abx,
So howzz your second day goin' on??? Hope everythings okay for now. Good to know their arrival didnt turn into a tension for you. It went quiet well. And its nice to know that your hubby answered about the tomato paste issue and this shows his support. You must be happy about this. Also its wonderful that your daughter is happy to see her grandparents. What do you do the whole day at home now?? Has your schedule changed because of their arrival?? What do they do the whole day? Is your mil helping you in the kitchen or no? Hope like last time they dont leave you alone while having meals.
I'm sure dekhthe hi dekhthe 13 days kaise nikal jayenge patha hi nahin chalega... It will pass quickly. Keep posting. Good Luck. Bye!!

Hi nicemom and tensed,
They reached yesterday at 7.00. And so far no problems created, as nicemom , u said in the other message board, it will take some time for their plays. But of course my mil made some comments like, why tomato paste, and not tomatoes and some bullshit like that. But i never replied and remained silent, and seeing it my hubby volunteered and said, well paste, is cheaper, and also tastier, and i like it as well, and hence she had to shut up. So after that no comments. First when my daughter saw them , she was a bit scared, but after that she was fine. Now she is laughing and playing with them well, and they must be happy about that. WEll girls, i will catch up soon. Well as i suspected, myn hubby is still the same, running behind them always, but i am just keeping cool without any reaction. And of course as u said nicemom, i somehow feel more confident now and learning to tackle various situation in a better and assertive manner. Tensed i will give u some small small tips later. I was very sweet to them in front of my husband . My hubby is all in smiles to see his parents. But anway still 14 more days, and much more to learn and tackle isn't it. But i must tell u one thing girls, after posting my message in this board, and after our friendship, i have certainly learnt a lot and feel confident. bye will cath u up soon.
Nicemom, this is the reply for the question u asked on the other board. I haven't so far taken her to any parties so far. Glad that ur daughte ris doing fine. bye and catch u up soon.

HI TENSED AND NICEMOM,

Tensed, saw ur reply and looks like ur hubby and mine should have been twin brothers in their previous "jenma"!! So many similarities, and even ur in laws are just like mine. So the villians of my house will be there this night around 8.00. Lets wait and see what happens!! I will keep mailing u both regularly. bye.
Nicemom, couldn't see u yesterday at all. Hope ur daughter is doing fine. write soon. bye